Harry's POV
The faint sound of Brin snoring beside me echoed against the walls. I had gotten used to it after all these nights. Shockingly, I wasn't annoyed by it either.
Well maybe slightly, but I let it slide. It was nice to have her company—company of any kind was good sometimes. Necessary even.
I shifted my body to the side so I could face her. We were both laid down on the floor in our makeshift beds. Sleeping on hard ground was normal for me, but I knew it was something Brin hadn't completely adjusted to quite yet. I made sure to give her majority of the cushions I had to offer because of it. It was the best I could do with what we packed.
Her mouth was slightly agape as her head rested against one of my sweaters as a pillow. The blanket wrapped around her was tightly fisted underneath her chin. She looked like a proper cocoon, ready to blossom out into a butterfly by morning.
I chuckled lightly under my breath, moving my eyes back around the room. We were upstairs in my old bedroom. Each time I had come here there were new changes made by Mother Nature herself. Last time there weren't nearly as many cracks in the walls or leafy roots sticking out through the windows. The realization felt like a blow to the chest, reminding me of the inevitable passage of time and the destruction that followed with it.
My old rickety furniture still rested in its designated placement, abandoned and left to rot. Some of it was broken, some hadn't moved an inch—only to collect dust over the years. I was too scared to move anything. I didn't want any of it to change if I could help it. It was all I had left to store my memories. The only thing that gave me physical reminders of the life I once lived. With mom.
A sigh broke through my parted lips and I closed my eyes for a moment, focusing on Brin's sleeping breaths.
Everything felt peaceful again.
I knew we were going to have to leave tomorrow and a part of me felt sad about it. Whenever I would visit my old home, I would normally stay for awhile. I would stay until the memories became too much and I couldn't take it anymore. The longest I had been able to last was a week or two—I wasn't completely sure the exact amount.
There were so many memories built inside this home, even in the neighborhood—the whole town actually. In those days of solitude where I'd lock myself in this house, I would spend hours upon hours thinking back. On occasion I would walk through the memories—through the old trails, old school football fields, old everything.
As I got older, the more anger and sadness it consumed me with. It was probably why I stopped visiting so frequently. It hurt too much.
The fabric of the blanket brushed against my skin as I nestled in closer. I took one last look at the sleeping figure in front of me, as if to double check that she was still there. As if anything had changed within the last few seconds of listening to her snore.
Still sleeping soundly.
Still snoring.
Still safe.
My eyes fluttered back closed, exhaling one last long, deep breath before drifting off to sleep.
I lost track of how many times I woke up in the middle of the night. It happened anywhere I went and anywhere I slept. My body had gotten so used to sleep deprivation, it had become a survival mechanism at this point. Any small noise would jolt me back awake, ready to fire at anything in my way. Sometimes I preemptively jolted awake regardless—although typically nightmare induced.
Through the window I could see the beginning moments of the sun starting to rise. The sky had begun to fill with shades of orange mixing with the night's dark blue.
I threw the covers off of my body, springing myself out towards the window. A smile stretched across my face as I turned back over to Brin who was in a deep sleep by my feet.
I knelt down to her. I placed a hand onto her shoulder and gently shook her.
"Hey Brin," I whispered as I gave another subtle shake, "Brinnnn..."
Brin's eyebrows scrunched, causing wrinkles in her forehead to protrude. Her eyes squinted, a hand reaching up to rub the side of her face. The other shielded the new sunlight coming from the window.
"Harry?" Her sleepy voice was soft, but raspy.
"I wanna show you something, come with me." I pushed myself up onto my feet, extending a hand out towards her.
She grumbled like she normally did when I woke her up.
I felt a twinge of guilt for it being so early, but it was overshadowed by the desire to show her this. We would miss it if we waited much longer. It was now or never.
I wiggled my fingers at her and she scowled.
"Just give me a second, Harry. I'm still waking up." She swatted away at my hand and I chuckled to myself. I'd be lying if I said Brin in the morning wasn't slightly entertaining.
She propped herself up, now sitting cross-crossed on the floor. Her back remained slumped with her tossled hair clinging to her cheeks. She quickly wiped away at it before flinging the blanket off of her body. It exposed her bare legs; her underwear the only thing adorned over her lower body.
I darted my eyes away, pretending I wasn't just staring at her pink underwear. Or the fact that it had little red hearts all over it. Or the lack of coverage the material offered.
She didn't catch that, did she? Did she even know she didn't have pants on?
I kept my eyes glued to the ground, waiting for my cue that it was safe to look.
"Well are you gonna show me what you're talking about now?" Brin stood in the doorway with one of her hands placed on her hip.
"Just thought you were going to get dressed. I was trying to be polite."
She laughed, but it sounded more like a scoff. "Yeah, okay."
"Yeah, okay," I mocked back at her. She concealed her smile by turning back around, shuffling through one of her bags. The jogger shorts quickly slid over her legs and she turned back at me with a look.
"Scared you'd just stare at my ass the whole time anyway," she joked.
"And what's wrong with that?" A sarcastic tone mixed in my voice as I spoke.
"Everything."
"Mm." I didn't believe her. I knew it was just an act. It was her way of keeping her wall up and I understood. I really did. I also saw right through it, too.
"Will you just get on with it?" She ushered her hands toward the door, gesturing me to lead the way.
Oh, shit. I had completely forgotten why I had woken her up in the first place. I was so taken aback by her half-dressed body that it slipped my mind.
"Yeah yeah—follow me."
My pace quickened towards the room opposite of mine. The door creaked open, exposing the old guest bedroom. I made my way toward the window straight ahead. The blinds left a cloud of dust as I pulled them up. A couple coughs scratched out from the back of my throat as I swatted away the fragments still spinning around in the air.
"What the hell—," Brin questioned behind me.
Ignoring her confusion, I flicked the window locks open. These hadn't been opened in awhile, so it took a few tries before it slid open, exposing the cool morning air.
The window led directly to the roof and I silently prayed that it was as sturdy as it was the last time I was here. I stretched one of my legs out, contorting my body into uncomfortable positions in order to get through the window's tight squeeze.
Once completely out I saw Brin still stood there, confused as ever. Her arms were crossed against her chest. I swear she had a slight look of annoyance, too. The moment I caught her eye, a small curl of her lips spread and she nonchalantly wiped it away.
The annoyed look was gone though. That look of her's never seemed to last very long.
I waved my hand for her to follow me. She only took a few steps forward, stopping right at the window. I watched her as she peered her head out, surveying the roof's tiles.
The sunrise lit up the features of her face, her dark brown hair shined against the morning sun. Pools of honey swam around her iris, reflecting back the yellows coming from the sky.
She caught me staring at her and raised an eyebrow.
"Any day now," I said in attempt to save myself. It must have worked because she looked apologetic.
Thank God.
"I'm coming, I'm coming." She stretched her body out, coming out a lot smoother than I had to.
It was a little embarrassing how easy she made that look compared to my attempt.
My body dropped down to face away from the house. The wind had a chill to it and I tucked my knees into my chest due to the temperature. My attention adjusted ahead of me, watching the morning colors above mix together.
My insides jumped a little as I felt Brin's body shuffle beside me. She was close enough that her knee brushed against my leg and I gently smiled at her.
She looked tired, a slight dark hue peeked out from underneath her eyes. Her freckles were concentrated on her nose, but I always seemed to find new ones every time she got close to me.
After getting comfortable, she let out a deep breath and gazed back over to me.
"It's pretty," she said and nodded her head in the direction of the sunrise.
"Yeah," I paused to study the view again, "I used to do this a lot."
Out of the corner of my eye I noticed her nod her head with a small smile.
"I don't blame you," her voice faded to a more solemn tone.
My eyebrows scrunched, peering over to her. Her nails were being heavily inspected as she picked at a particular hang nail.
Did I say something wrong?
Every time her attention directed toward her nails, everything about her would change too. Her voice would sound unsteady, if she even spoke at all. Sometimes her whole mood and demeanor would change. Maybe she was just in her head about her family again. I hoped I didn't accidentally remind her of something upsetting.
"What's up?" I kept my vision away from her. Eye contact seemed to only increase her pre-existing anxiety I had realized.
A faint huff came from her, indicating there was actually something on her mind. I sat patiently even though I wanted her to just spit it out.
"I just..." she stammered.
"Hm?" I peeked at her through the corner of my eye again.
"What is all this? Why'd you take me here? You never tell me anything." Her hands gestured toward the scenery and clapped down onto her lap, her shoulders slumping.
The inside of my cheek sucked between my teeth as I lightly gnawed on it. I really wished I hadn't run out of cigarettes. My skin was practically itching for it currently. I didn't crave them unless I was in potentially high-stress situations, but they were hard to come by. So sometimes I would just have to sit there and take it—like now.
My eyes dragged over by the lot of abandoned 18-wheelers. They were lined up into uneven rows. Messages were traced out of the grime that had caked onto the trucks over the years. The spray paint had even started to chip and flake off.
"You see that?" I pointed out towards the trucks I was ogling at.
"The trucks? Yeah, what about them?" She squinted her eyes as if to find something she didn't see before. "You brought me out here to look at abandoned storage truck containers?"
I breathed out a short laugh. "No, not exactly."
I heard her lips part, ready to say something but she stopped herself.
"The spray paint—," I motioned towards the lot again. "My friends and I did that when we were younger. After school."
"Oh. Bunch of teenage vandals, hm?" Her hand rested in her palm, her eyes boring holes into my head. I shifted my attention to her; she was smiling.
"Ha. Yeah, something like that I guess." My fingers tapped against my knees as I continued to chew on the inside of my cheek.
A flock of birds flew over our head, bellowing out their calls as they passed. The scene felt like it was out of a movie; the sunrise, the birds passing, sitting on a rooftop. It sparked a feeling of contentment and nostalgia inside of me.
"It's all been abandoned for a long time, even before the Crawlers. We'd cut through the woods and get inside. We smoked a lot of weed in there, too." I laughed as I looked back on the memories. My expression tightened with a slight jaw twitch as I remembered all the other memories, too.
My cheeks expanded as I blew out a harsh breath. The palm of my hand raised up to rub my face and stayed there, using it as leverage. I peeked over at her, she had that smile on her face still. She hadn't looked over at me until my eyes landed on her, causing me to refocus my gaze elsewhere.
"It didn't last long after everything happened. Peace, I mean. Not here anyway." I was aware my words were muffled against my palm, but saying it all clearly out in the open seemed too difficult. This was the best I could do.
I continued, "Military came almost immediately and it wasn't so bad at first. People in the neighborhood seemed grateful. I mean, that'd be your first impression, right?" My head shook to the ground, a brief laugh of disbelief came out. "They didn't give a shit about us. Never did."
She was so quiet. For a moment I had forgotten I was speaking to anyone. It felt like I was just venting out loud to myself. It helped the words come out easier that way. I didn't know why I wanted to tell her about it anyway. It wasn't like she could say anything that would make the situation better. Maybe I just wanted to be heard. I guess. I didn't really know.
"We got kicked out of our house we grew up in too." Her head turned to me as she went on, "Shit really sucked. For awhile." She turned back away, resting her chin on her knees and spoke softly, "Y'know, I don't think it ever really stopped sucking. It just became a norm so we got used to it."
I let out a breathy chuckle. "Yeah."
Her hands fiddled with the fabric of her socks. One was dark blue while the other was striped with white and pink. A hole had begun to form in the blue one.
She cleared her throat, making my awareness jump back to her face. Opening her mouth, she continued her whispered tone, "How'd it happen to you?"
Her question caused her to pick more at the strands of fabric. She knew I didn't like too many questions—I mean I made that pretty clear from the start. It never seemed to stop her too much though.
I didn't say anything for a minute. I had to consider my options, the main one being: was reopening these box of memories worth it?
Fuck it.
I licked over my bottom lip as a nervous instinct. "Well, they—it just..." I silently cursed myself for sounding like an anxious little kid.
"You don't have to tell me, it's okay. I get it," she reassured.
"No, it's fine. It's just been a long time. I hadn't thought about it in awhile," I lied. I thought about it all the time, and when I didn't it would invade my dreams anyway. There was no possible way for me to forget.
She shuffled her feet against the roof's shingles and nodded her head.
"They actually stayed camped out in the factory for awhile. It was a bit intimidating at first seeing all the army vehicles patrol around in and out. I'd never seen all that in person." I winced lightly before I continued, "But like I said, it didn't last very long. The people who lived here soon began to run out of food. Everyone's first instinct seemed to be to try and get help at their base set up. Safe to say it didn't work."
"Did anyone get hurt?" She asked softly.
"Yeah." I sucked in a sharp breath. "Watched some of them die from up here actually."
She whipped her head to my direction, a look of shock on her face.
"Seriously?"
I turned to face her for a moment before it focused away again. I shrugged. "Yeah. It started getting worse quickly. They started breaking into our homes, sleeping in our beds. It was once they started running out of food too was when shit went real south. I could hear glass breaking as they'd storm into people's homes followed by the screams."
I shifted on my feet, staring ahead. I watched the factory in front of me, my mind creating the figures as if it was happening all over again. I closed my eyes for it to stop.
"Harry, we have to go," my mom's voice jerked me awake.
Her face looked struck with fear. Immediately it sent a wave of nausea boiling in my stomach. A distant scream came from outside my bedroom window. My attention broke from my mom toward the noise. I wanted to cry.
It was nighttime. We weren't supposed to go out at night.
"What's happening?" My voice cracked as my body trembled.
She didn't say anything. She just grabbed ahold of my arm, quickly rising me to my feet.
"Put your shoes on and grab your bag, let's go."
I couldn't get over her voice. I hadn't heard it sound like that before. I could hardly focus on what she was telling me to do because of it. I had to shake my head to wake me up from this trance.
"Okay," I replied.
I turned towards the side of my bed, my backpack sitting upright against the frame. It had been packed for about a couple months now. Mom called it the emergency backpack—she packed it almost immediately after the military showed up. She always seemed apprehensive, even when people were breathing a sigh of relief. I understood why now.
I slung it over my shoulder and put my sneakers on. Mom had a jacket in her hands and quickly slipped my arms through it. Afterwards she wrapped her hand around my forearm again and pulled me down the stairs.
We rushed right past a dead body. It was one of the soldiers, a stab-hole freshly bleeding from his chest. My eyes gravitated toward the dripping knife in my mom's other hand.
"Harry?" Brin's hand lightly nudged my arm, my gaze shooting up to her. Her eyebrows were raised as she leaned forward in my direction. Her face was contorted with genuine concern. My arm twitched from her touch, causing her to retract.
"Are you okay?" She asked.
"I'm fine," I snapped. The sharpness in my words made me even flinch. I didn't react to it though.
The flashback made my body feel tight, like I had just been fighting underwater to reach the surface. Only now did it feel like I was experiencing oxygen again.
"Sorry," I lowly muttered.
"It's okay. I get it," she said remorsefully. I hoped she didn't blame herself for bringing up the topic. She didn't know this was normal for me.
"Can we just sit here for a bit?" I asked in a hushed tone. I didn't want to feel like I had to hold a conversation or open up about anything anymore. I just wanted to sit—not say anything or do anything.
"Sure." I heard her move around beside me. Next thing I saw was her back laid down as she looked at the sky above. Her arms tucked behind her head. I watched her eyelashes flutter with each blink.
I twisted my head away and did the same. The shingles scratched against my palms as I adjusted myself.
The clouds above moved so slowly, but somehow so quickly at the same time. I would make out a shape only for it to form into a new figure moments later.
"Mom, I really have to go to the bathroom," I whined.
She rolled her eyes with a half-smile.
"Okay, okay. Just be quick and don't go too far. Do you hear me?" She spoke sternly.
I nodded my head and raced off from the road into the woods to our left. It had been hours and hours of walking. I had no idea where we even were. Mom said she knew, but I wasn't all that sure.
We hadn't spoken about what happened last night. I wouldn't dare bring it up unless she did first. Ever since then she'd been on edge, ready to jump at the slightest of noises.
It was a shock we made it out past the night. The screams from our neighborhood seemed to keep the creatures away from us. We ended up camping out further into the woods where I used to hide out at when I was younger. It resembled a hut; it wasn't much protection, but it was better than nothing.
The leaves crunched underneath my steps. I could see the faint figure of my mom who sat on the side of the road, facing toward me. She looked annoyed by how far I ended up going, but she knew I liked my privacy. It was nice to just lean on a tree for a second, too.
Even after peeing, I continued to lean there for a moment. It was a bit intimidating to see the long expansion of trees that towered over me for miles. Any one of them could fall and crush me without a second thought.
"Harry, c'mon," she rushed. I heard movement from her direction. I assumed it was her growing more and more impatient with me.
"One second!" I whisper-shouted, zipping up my pants.
I looked down to see what seemed to once be a woman's shoe. I picked it up to examine it closer. It had scratches along the sides and a darkened red-brown substance, presumably blood, stained onto the fabric. The hairs on my body rose.
A scream.
But not mine. Behind me.
My attention shot behind me, peering behind the tree I was leaned against. My eyes widened as I saw what was happening.
It was my mom and two men holding her down.
My heart pounded against my chest hard. My brain fought on what I should do. She had my backpack which meant she had my gun.
I didn't care, I threw myself off the log and started running towards her.
"No! Harry, go!" She yelled in desperation. She choked back a sob as she screamed.
I stopped, almost falling down when I saw one of the men pull out a gun. It aimed directly at her head and the man looked back at me with a twisted smile. It was one of the soldiers from home.
"Go—." Her scream got cut short from the bang.
The sound of her body hitting the asphalt echoed in my head. Ringing in my ears soon followed. My vision became blurred and I stumbled on my feet.
I fell to the ground, my fingers curled against the leaves as dirt caked underneath my nails. My head shot up to the sound of feet shuffling ahead of me. They were running towards me now.
I threw my body off the ground, still stumbling slightly before launching myself further into the woods.
I ran.
And ran.
And ran.
a.n.
hi everyone! i think it's fun to add songs to chapters so i'm gonna be messing around with it from now on. i'm working on previous chapter's songs now and will update the chapters once i find what i'm looking for! eventually i'll compound an actual playlist to have them all in one place.
i'm also currently updating all previous chapters in past tense rather than present, so if you're confused by my sudden switch—that's why!
thank you all again for reading <3