The sunlight shown over Ringneck creek, the late Indian summer heat was warm in LeMoyne and the grass swayed under the light breeze. I put my arm over Jessamine's shoulder as we stood back from the small grave in front of us. Aurora would love this. She turned and buried her face into my chest and began to sob.
"Shh... It's okay Jessa, she's okay."
"She was too damn young Edward. Eighteen, she was fucking eighteen." She cried, I patted her hair and held her close.
"Aurora wouldn't want us to cry for her, love." I said in a shaky voice, trying to hold it together for her. We'd lost so many people in the last year and it was starting to take its toll.
After a while we both sat up in our saddles and rode across Scarlett Meadows. We'd been out here for a couple of days burying Aurora and visiting Sean MacGuire's grave. Thanks to a letter and a sketch Jessamine received from Arthur Morgan, we knew where Sean was laid to rest near Clemons Point. A pretty little place by the lake, where the sun shines just right making all around him look gold. As we rode away, the evening sunset gave way to rain and dark skies...
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I feel so confused, I don't know who or what I am anymore. Am I going crazy? It's all my fault. This is all my damn fault. Foolish boy. Idiot.
My tears began to dry up and my chest felt like it would cave in. I rubbed my face and laid still in the hotel room bed in Valentine trying to shake the nightmare from my thoughts. Jessamine and I got here late last night, much to her upset. I hated to have to keep returning to this awful town with her. Morning light was just barely peeking through the windows from behind the mountains. Jessamine rolled over in her sleep and laid her head on my chest, her arm lazily draped over my stomach. I sighed and just looked at her, memorizing her face. Her black hair was messy and unkempt around her face, framing her freckled cheeks and small nose. Her slender, scarred body was pressed tight against me, and I couldn't help but stare at the ring on her hand. My future bride...
She stirred a little and I kissed her forehead, lightly stroking her back until she began to stir.
"Good morning Jessamine."
"Hm? Good morning Edward." She mumbled and curled closer to me like a cat.
"Flower if you move any closer I'm going to fall off this bed." I chuckled. She smiled in her half awake state.
The pair of us lazily got up and dressed for the day. We had another long day of traveling to make it back to Blackwater and didn't have time to wait around. I watched as she threw her hair messy plait that draped over her shoulder and flashed me a smile. The pair of us walked down the stairs of the hotel and out the front door to get our horses from the stables. Torrun and Mani whinnied at us from their stalls.
"Alright girls we're coming!" I called to them. Jessamine grabbed her saddle from a hook and climbed into the stall where Mani was.
"Hi pretty girl!" She said, patting her mare's mane. It didn't take us long to get out on the road west especially with a quick pace.
We reached the Dakota river and stopped near Bard's Crossing at around nine that morning and stopped off for a quick breakfast. I tossed Jess an apple from my bag and brewed some coffee over a small fire. The air was warm still in this Indian summer. It wouldn't be long until the days were back to cold winter weather. While we drank our coffee Jessamine lamented over the fact that with all the struggles we'd missed my birthday.
"Darlin' it don't matter to me much. Just another day." I smiled.
"I know. I just wish that things could have been better." She rolled her eyes at me and sighed.
"Bah, no worries. I'm only thirty-two, still got a lot of life left to live. 'Sides, your birthday is coming up in a few months and I'd rather celebrate that."
Once more we were on the move though, eager to be back home. Jessamine talked my ear off about this Arthur Morgan fella, I figured he couldn't be too bad of a man if he were friends with my girl. Even for one of Dutch's boys. We kept on the trail across Big Valley, aiming to hit Blackwater by the time evening fell.
"So, this Arthur Morgan, he's a good man?"
"Yes, well. Mostly. I suppose being an outlaw like him there ain't much to redeem what he's done. Poor fella though is sick. Real sick." She said, pushing hair out of her face.
"Sick how?" I asked.
"He was collecting some debt from a guy in Valentine, Downes was the name. Kind of a weakling he was. Well he had tuberculosis and poor Arthur caught it from him. Death sentence if you ask me."
"Yeah, it is. Shame." I nodded.
The day dragged on with little happening, it was quite boring not having to watch our backs or be on the run constantly. There weren't any lawmen watching the borders of Great Plains, no Pinkerton Agents strewn all about, all of them by now were too busy with the Van Der Linde gang to care about us. With little to do we stopped along the Montana river to do some fishing.
"Hey Edward can you help me with this?" Jessamine called out.
"Did you get caught on a tree again?" I asked.
"...No."
"You hesitated Jessamine."
"...Yes."
"Okay, I'm on my way." I laughed as I set my pole down to go and help her. The sunshine was glistening off her raven hair as she turned to me and pointed at the cane fishing pole hanging in the tree above her head.
"How in the hell did you manage that?" I asked, tugging on the pole.
"No idea. Would it help if I climbed the tree?"
"Doubt it." I answered probably too late. Jessamine was already climbing into the branches overhead to untangle it. She shook the branch as I continued to tug on the pole. We got it loose within a few minutes.
"Okay girl, come out of that tree now."
"I um..." She mumbled. "I think I'm stuck now."
"Oh lord." I shook my head my hand on my forehead. I looked up to see her clinging to the branch.
"Jessamine it's not that high up, just jump."
"Well. Okay." She said, then she closed her eyes and jumped from the tree, I pulled Torrun aside and Jessamine landed on her with a loud thump.
"Fuck! I'm so sorry, are you okay?" I panicked. She slid off the saddle holding her abdomen.
"Yeah, I'm alright. Wasn't expecting that."
"I thought I was helping. Damn it." I sighed and knelt down. She came over and sat beside me.
"Hey, at least I didn't get seriously hurt." Jessamine laughed and put her arm around my waist. I pulled her close to me and agreed. I kissed her forehead and we watched the river go by us quietly. The afternoon sun was fading into an orange and red evening sky by the time we decided to leave. The plains were washed over in a golden hue and the air was heavy and warm. When the sun fell below the horizon we were at Marcie's gate. We hitched up Torrun and Mani laughing gayily together about something we'd seen near Beecher's Hope.
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October 2nd, 1899
Wilder and I returned from the post office with a stack of letters and packages late that afternoon. Jessamine and Claire were out taking clothes off the line talking amongst themselves, Wilder calls them cardinal and bluebird because the pair of them are always opposite wearing red and blue. Marcie was no where to be seen, probably inside the house doing some chores.
"Hey ladies!" Wilder called out. Claire waved without looking up from the clothing in the basket. Jessamine turned and waved at us with a smile.
"Hey boys! Anything good happen in town today?"
"Not really." I answered absentmindedly. I slid out of the saddle and flipped through some of the letters. Majority of them were for the girls and Wilder. I handed them off and sat down on the porch to smoke a cigarette. I looked through the two letters I had for myself, one from Davies and one from Madam Nazar, the only two people outside our gang that knew I was still alive. Davies was mostly checking in, seeing how we were doing and telling me about some land up in Grizzlies West that he thought I'd be interested in. Marcie called for Claire who ran inside to assist her. I heard Wilder teasing Jessamine in the front yard while I read the Blackwater Ledger.
"Jessamine Eliza wearing skirts again I never thought I'd see that."
"Hey, I could still kick your ass in a skirt Wilder. Don't test me." She laughed nudging him in the arm.
She carried the basket of dry laundry up to the house and brought it inside before coming back out to sit with me and read her letters. She gave me a kiss on the cheek while I scanned over the various articles in the paper. One of which brought up the Van Der Linde gang. I motioned for Wilder and read it out loud.
"Authorities and the say they are very close to having and his gang in custody and they should be lodged in jail by the end of the month. The gang was responsible for the in and have left a trail of death and destruction wherever they pass. They have held up trains, stolen wagons and livestock, and even attempted to rob a bank. The gang of thieves is believed to be thinning in numbers as internal squabbles and gun fights with the law have taken out several members." Jessamine looked over my shoulder from one of her letters with a concerned look.
"Edward, was there any mention of any members that have been killed?"
"No, why?"
"Well, I have a letter here from Arthur. He said things aren't going so well, they're out in Roanoke Ridge hiding from the law. I guess it's gettin' real bad." Her hazel eyes seemed to shift colors and looked more gray than normal. Wilder gave her a stern look.
"Sis you ain't going out there. I know he's your friend but those Van Der Linde's are bad news. Going out there will only stir up more trouble that we don't need."
"Wilder what if he needs help? He's been real sick and I don't know how much longer he's got."
"No Jessamine my word is final."
I tried to back up now that the two were in each other's faces. I didn't dare get in between when the two of them argued.
"Wilder you ain't Pa, you don't gotta baby me or protect me. I can take care of myself!" She shouted. I wanted to open my mouth but he yelled right back.
"I don't care Jess! Pa ain't here and I know you can take care of yaself but that ain't the point! You're the only family I got left." He grabbed hold of her shoulders and leaned down to look at her.
"Jess I don't wanna lose you too." He sighed. She hung her head and sighed as well.
"Fine... I won't go." She picked up her letters and went inside the house grumbling. Wilder sat down in the chair next to me and lit a cigar.
"You sure you wanna marry that girl Ed? She's stubborn as a mule." He grunted. I laughed out loud and told him he was as well. The two of us sat out for a while in silence until Marcie called us for supper. We all sat down at the table and mentally I made note of the empty spots where Lilibeth and Aurora sat only a year ago. We knew Lilibeth was doing well in New York although we wished she would come back to us. Aurora was still a tough subject. I blamed myself for her death though I wouldn't say that to anyone. When we buried her, I had disclosed to Jessamine that I was in fact the one who had found her outside of Armadillo with the gunshot wound and had given her care and found her shelter. I didn't know then what her name was or that she was an outlaw. I only knew that she needed help.
We all ate our meals in silence, not wanting to disrupt the moments of calm that we finally had in a year. Once we were finished Claire and Marcie got started on the evening chores and Jessamine went to our bedroom to finish reading her letters. Wilder and I sat out on the porch as the sun went down smoking our cigars.
"So, what's the plan now Ed?" He asked.
"Hm? What plan?"
"What are you two going to do now that the whole country thinks you two are dead?"
"Probably head up north again. Settle down in the Grizzlies, away from all this." I said as I looked off into the horizon. We sat quietly for a moment before I spoke again.
"Heard from Lilibeth lately?"
"I have, she's doing well in New York, but says she misses the rough and tumble of the west. I'm tryna to convince her to come back... Maybe she will, I dunno..." His voice began to waiver. Wilder never cried in front of me before, but the shaking in his voice told me her weren't too far off from it. I put my hand on his shoulder and he broke.
"I.. I-" He began "nnh... don't know why I'm cryin'." He whimpered. I just kept tryin' to reassure my friend.
"Wilder it's okay, I know it's been tough."
"I ain't we-weak." He gasped wetly.
"Cryin' ain't weakness, don't you think otherwise."
His breath was tumultuous, mouth agape as the tears kept streaming down his face.
"Don't you worry about it, just take your time man. Nobody's gon' judge you." I patted him on the back and let my friend just weep. He's been tough for so long about everything, we all have.
"Wilder, we're all just tryna learn how to move on. It's alright bud."
He took a deep breath in and looked at me. His eyes were all blood shot and his face was red, stained with dirt and tears.
"Thank you, brother..."