Chapter Six
One-sided Love.
It's now the day of the monthly evaluation. We are actually on the last test. Since morning, everyone in the room was working their nerve out studying.
We could only hear the sound of book pages being flipped and the buzz of asking one another. We didn't even have the chance to play around and relax as we were all tired of taking the test and making our minds work all day long.
It's also now getting dark outside. This is one of the best explanations for why most of us are fighting our eyes and senses not to drift apart from us.
Like everyone else, I focused on reviewing the same with Jungwon beside me, who is studying the next subject. He's too focused. He's been ignoring me for a while now.
After a few more minutes, the professor arrived. After greetings and some reminders, she gave us the exam and questionnaire paper sheet, so we could start.
It was a literature test. It was a lot easier than I expected, or it was just that I was able to review and read everything on our paper. I was the first to finish and instructed by the professor to wait outside, so I did.
That was normal not to disturb others who were still taking the exam. I lazily walked towards the corridor, and the cold night breeze welcome me. I silently leaned on the wall fighting my eyes to remain open.
I looked around and realized I was the only one here. The corridor seems haunted with the all-white walls and lights open while empty.
I started to regret my decision about handing in my papers early. I shouldn't have passed my paper and waited for someone to finish. Why do I only think of that now?
I decided to get a coffee from the vending machine on our floor, hoping that would make it easier to keep me awake. It was in the middle near the staircase, so I dragged myself there.
I chose the can of cold coffee and put coins. I watched it drop and decided to get another for Jungwon before crouching down to pick it up.
"Can I borrow some coins?" A familiar voice asked me. My heart automatically pumps hard as it recognizes who it is. I haven't seen him for a week now. Well, it's not that we always do, but we always crossed paths for these past few weeks.
I glanced at him trying to be my usual self and not be too obvious about liking him. I saw his pair of cold eyes staring at me in just a meter distance. I could feel my own eyes quiver. His presence awakened me that I didn't even need this coffee at this point.
Still stunned, "Uhm." I nervously replied as I searched my coat pocket, "How much do you need?" I asked, taking my time for my voice not to crack.
"3000 won," he said. I just nodded and handed him six, five hundred won coins carefully not to touch his hand. "Thanks." he only said, and I nodded.
When I was about to go, "How I'm going to pay you?" he asked. I watched him get his can of coffee and open it in front of me. Maybe it's because I like him, or he really looks cool doing that. I mean, what's cool about that.
"You don't have to," I told him with a small smile. He just stared at me, so I tried my best to withstand the intensity of his eyes. I started to think that my eyes really played me that time.
"I don't like free stuff." He replied as his brows furrowed, Still looking at me with those cold eyes of his, I glanced down, afraid he could read my soul if I continued to stare at him.
"You help me twice. Just think of it as payment then." I told him, looking at the ground, pretending to be thinking. It's true though, at the bus and at the library.
He didn't say anything so, I glanced at him with a small smile, "This won't be enough then." he suddenly said that made my eyebrows furrow this time in confusion.
I was about to ask him how he wanted me to repay him when he asked me a question, "How was your exam?" he spoke, which got me quite surprised. I didn't saw that coming so, I wasn't able to say anything for a few seconds,
He was insisting on a conversation between us, and never in my wildest dream, we will have this one. I mean a conversation, not called by the situation, I guess,
"I did pretty well, I think." I answered him with a bit of smile and nervously, "I'm not going to ask you. I know you did well." I added, He always charts and is part of the student council. It's impossible not to.
He just nodded, "You don't normally talk to a stranger, right?" He asked me,
I laughed at that as I looked at him. His eyes were already on me this time, and they were a lot gentler. "I don't," I replied, "You're no stranger to me after all," I told him before I could even think off. I was too stunned myself for saying that but I realized there was no use taking it back.
I saw his eyes widened for a seconds seems surprised, but I just laughed softly,
"How about you? You don't casually borrow from strangers, right?" I joked at him didn't know where the courage came from
The expression on his face didn't change so I knew I needed to explain to him, about how he isn't stranger to me.
He might see me one, But I don't, "We were in the same club during ninth grade," I told him, "You might not remember, though." I added.
It was brief, yet that's how I liked him. It was my first time seeing him at the club orientation back then. We were seated beside one another and shared a little conversation just like now.
He was the reason I joined that club, thinking he would too, and I'm right, Only he transferred after a month on the dance club. After that, we never talked again and just passed by each other till recently.
That time, he was just like this serious. Still, his eyes turned colder. He was a lot soft-spoken in the past, as his features and there's less intimidating aura around him. A lot sure change, but those changes favor him.
"Right! I remember." He said that surprised me. I looked at him couldn't help but feel the joy and warmth inside me. Knowing I'm not the only one who remembers how we first met caressed my heart so softly. It might be nothing to him, but it means a lot to me as that only means he never forgotten about me.
It showed on my expression, "By the way, I don't borrow from strangers," He added, which made me smile more.
"Do you need to go now?" He asked me in a soft tone, even his voice was deep, "If not, let's talk for a while." He added as he walked to the railings.
A smile I couldn't suppress formed on my lips. I'm more than willing to talk to him no matter how long, He just needs to tell me, and I'll make time for him if I need to.
I watched him lean on the metal railings of the corridor balcony, also the only open corridor part of every floor in front of every stair. From here, we could see the school ground wherein few students were walking, and once we glanced up the starry skies and full moon that looks majestic as ever.
This is the first time I'm seeing it together with him. It amazes me how some parts of my dream are turning real. I can feel my cheeks heated because of that thoughts.
"Not really," I said. I could see our classroom from here, and there were still no classmates outside even though there was already in other class. "No one in my classmates is done yet," I told him and sat on the bleacher, looking at his back.
"You didn't change." He said that got me. My eyes stayed with him, and I saw him smile. This is the first time I'm seeing him smiling so freely. I want to take a picture of it and frame it, but I'm not gonna do that.
"So you really remember me?" I asked him and laughed a little.
"You still have the prettiest smile." He added, ignoring what I said. I could feel my heart beating wildly because of that. If it could jump out of my chest, It did already from so many emotions. Butterflies on my stomach are one of them.
Our eyes met, and he didn't bother to look away. The way he looked at me was so gentle, soft, and serene. I couldn't help but be carried and lost in the depth of his eyes and the warmth I was able to find to it that felt unfamiliar yet so familiar.
The more it lasted, the more I got drawn to it, and electrifying butterflies roamed my system.
In the end, I was the one who first looked away, not knowing how I was able to do that.
"Back then, you could light up and make someone's day by just smiling at them," he said, now looking at the skies as the night breeze embraced and blew our hair softly. "Right now, You still do..." he added with a subtle smile.
His words sent so much fluttery to me. It's like validation that I have the prettiest smile even if I don't need it. It's something I always hear, but the way he put it into words caressed my heart so softly and warmly.
"Are you also one of those someone?" I asked him didn't know where the courage came from, It could be being carried away by the conversation, but it could also be because I really wanted to know.
He met my glances with tamed and much meeker expression, but before he could answer me, a friend of his called him,
"Riki! I've been waiting for you," A beautiful girl said as she clung to his arms. It was Minju. Our school's popular senior high muse and the perfect girl that always paired with him. The girl looked at me and smiled, so I did the same even there were twirling pangs inside me as something fell apart. "Let's go home," she added.
I always saw them from afar, and they also looked good, but now I'm seeing them together this close, I realized they were a match in heaven. They'll make a good couple and suit each other well. Like everyone said, those thoughts were like poison in my system.
All the fluttery, butterflies, and the likes vanished after reality sent its instrument to wake me up from living my dream.
I glanced at Riki with the same soft smiles hiding evident pain behind my lip and appearance. This is how cruel one-sided Love is.
I nodded at him and turned my back, not knowing if this could happen again. I could only smile bitter-sweet as I walked away from them, feeling my eyes being closed to tears.
I saw Jungwon coming out of our classroom. Seems like he had just finished his exam too. I faked a smile as I went to him and handed him the cold canned coffee,
"You really love me." He said with an ear-to-ear smile as he hugged me, acting touch. I chuckled and rolled my eyes at him like the usual pretending until he stopped to scan me, and his smiles slowly vanished.
"Yah! What's with your eyes?" He asked me. I actually didn't know what was with it too. All I knew was water forming on it, "It's windy." I replied as I brushed my eyes softly.
"Yeah, quite," he replied with a soft smile after scanning me more. I know he caught on already. He pulled me into his warm embrace to comfort me. He didn't say anything. He didn't ask nor pry on me. He just stood beside me, letting me know in his own way that he's always by my side.
It hurts...
It's hard...
It hurts, and I couldn't help but just deal with it like just I did in the past four years.
It's hard, feeling something I shouldn't for someone I will never have, and it's making me feel delusional.
It hurts and hard, yet I couldn't do anything about it,
It's not that I want to feel this way, It's not that I wanted to cry, be hurt, and had it hard,
But this is just how One-sided Love works, and it's making me helpless.
This one-sided Love does.