// You brought me to the morning through my darkest nights,
Yeah, the world hurts less when I'm by your side. //
"Collide" -Ed Sheeran
--------
Harry's gentle lips stir me awake, the tips of his curls tickling the underside of my jaw. Subconsciously, I tilt my chin to give him more room and he grins against the skin of my neck.
"Good mornin', pretty Bee." His voice is raspy and warm, sending a path of goosebumps down my bicep.
We'd fallen asleep in the middle of Safe Haven last night, his head propped against my shoulder while two pillows were shoved less-than-gracefully underneath the boot around my ankle. Boxes of Chinese takeout littered the coffee table. Even though we both agreed that nothing would hold a candle to Meili's cooking, we couldn't resist once we saw the dilapidated welcome sign from the road. The moment that we finished eating, Harry proposed a chopstick joust that only resulted in the sticks of wood flying across the cabin as we threw them at each other, laughing so loud I was convinced people in the next cabin over could have heard us.
It felt light. I felt light.
I felt like me.
Harry tugs on the neck of his shirt around my body, pulling it down so that he can leave a trail of wet kisses across my collarbone.
"Mornin'." I murmur, stretching and wrapping my arms around his shoulders. "How'd you sleep?"
"Good." He doesn't stop, just speaks out against my skin as he draws back up my neck. I jump a little at the sudden feeling of his warm hand gripping against my side underneath his shirt before melting into his touch. "Did you?"
I hum in response, tangling my fingers into his curls. His hand snakes upward until his thumb brushes the side of my breast. I can't stop the gasp that leaves my lips as he sucks just below my ear, trapping the skin lightly between his teeth. He's taking advantage of the fact that I can't perform - leaving nearly hidden marks to silently assert his innocent claim on me.
"Can I tell you 'bout a dream I had?" Harry asks, finally emerging from my neck to meet my eyes. His hair's disheveled but somehow still perfect and he bends down to trap my lips in a kiss before I have a chance to respond.
It's a heated kiss, sending sparks of fire into my throat that bleed into licking flames when Harry pinches at my nipple. He ruts his hips against the side of my thigh in response to the gentle moan that breaks free from my chest and pours into his open mouth. His hardness spreads an expanse of butterflies tornadoing through my belly.
"What was your dream about, sweet boy?" I pull back, dancing my eyes across his glorious features. He's so raw in the mornings - sleepy eyes and soft, sloping paths that haven't yet hardened into sharp lines. Smooth, graceful fingers taking in any touches they can; tousled curls springing on top of his head, usually flattened on one side from his pillow. He's beautiful always, but I love the moments that I can really take him in - soak him up. Remind myself that he's mine.
I watch a smirk pass through his eyes before it spreads on his lips. Harry throws a leg over me, centering his weight against my hips. His other hand meets warm skin, tracing across my stomach and moving up so that he's cupping both of my breasts in his palms, thumbs flicking at my nipples. He lowers onto his elbows, eyes boring into my own.
"You." Kiss. "And me." Another kiss - slower - followed by a trail along my jaw. "In this fucking bed." A nibble on my earlobe; a whine deep in his throat. "You were so bein' so good for me. All soft in my hands - lettin' me take you any way I wanted."
Harry pulls back, holding himself up on one hand while the other fiddles with the hem of the shirt. He guides it off hastily, eyes darting over each stretch of skin that comes into view as he helps me out of it.
"We were grinding, like horny fucking teenagers. You looked so damn stunning using my cock to make yourself feel good. 'Rode my fuckin' face until you came on my tongue. Let me lick that pretty little clit while I filled you up with my fingers. Came again." With the newly exposed skin, Harry's mouth starts its journey. He explores every last inch of my body as he speaks, puffs of hot air in between kisses, sucks, licks. I can feel the wetness pooling in my underwear, and it only gets worse each time I feel his length straining behind his underwear.
"'Were so needy for me, with those pretty, desperate teary eyes. You let me take you nice and deep; screaming out my name while I made you feel so damn good." He growls, nipping at my skin. "Because you're fucking mine."
I reach for his cock, desperate to feel it heavy and warm in my palm. Harry gathers my wrists in his hand as I make contact with the hairs above the waistband and gently holds them above my head. With a smirk, he bends down to leave a kiss directly in between my breasts. "Good try. Lemme worship you first. Gotta finish telling you about my dream."
"Hurry up. Talk faster." I speak through my teeth, fighting against his grip even though I know it's futile.
He gives me a pointed look to be patient, to which I respond with an eye roll. Harry nips at my side, leaving sloppy kisses afterwards to soothe the slight sting. "You were on top. I had you on your knees with your perfect fuckin' ass perched up for me. Your ankles on my shoulders. On your belly. Holdin' you up against the wall. 'Making you cum over and over and over again for me."
Harry grinds hard against my clothed heat, unleashing a choked moan from my throat. He smirks at the sound, cocky and stunning. "And, then, when we were both so tired we could barely speak coherent sentences, I fucked into you all cuddled up. Slow, until you squeezed so tight around me I swear I saw God. Stayed buried inside of you until the moment I woke up." He finishes his recollection with a series of kisses, folding our lips together and tangling his tongue with mine.
"Sounds like a good dream." I muse, trying to buck up my hips against his hold as he lightly trails his fingers across my clothed core. "Harry-"
"Say my name like that again and I'll cum." He groans against my lips, tracing the hem of my underwear.
"Then do something." I all but demand, pulling his bottom lip into my mouth and biting down on it. Harry groans and tears my underwear off, blindly yanking them past the boot, followed shortly by his own. Without a second of hesitation, he shimmies down my body, pausing to suck on my nipples.
I am on fire for him. Alight and burning. My fingers become extensions of the flame as I twist his curls in my grip, holding tightly while he nibbles up my inner thigh.
I know I won't last the moment his mouth connects to my core. I'm a goner and he's barely even touched me. Between the accident and staying at Harry's parents, we haven't fooled around in weeks. Actually, we haven't fooled around since the night before I fell. So...I know I'm going to unravel in his palms embarrassingly fast. But the thought to care doesn't cross my mind because the need for Harry is just so painfully strong.
His tongue darts out to flick once against my clit, his palms meeting my thighs to hold my legs open for him. Spread open and desperate for his attention. Just how he likes.
"Mmm, look at you." Harry blows a stream of air against my heated center, grinning as I buck my hips with a pathetic whimper. "s'My pretty little pussy. I wanna fill you up so damn bad; cum inside of ya 'til you're fuckin' dripping of me." He trails a finger through my folds, pulling a low groan from my chest. "Fuck, don't make those noises. Can I have a taste, pretty baby? Just a little taste to hold me over?"
I nod, gripping at his curls and guiding him towards where I need him the most. Harry doesn't waste time diving in, wrapping his lips around my clit and sucking harshly. He groans into my cunt in response to my loud moan.
I can already feel my high starting to build deep in the pit of my belly as Harry works me like only he knows how. His tongue snakes between my folds, licking and sucking and cherishing. As if he's enamored with my every aspect - like he can't possibly get enough.
"Already gettin' shaky for me. I know, it feels so good, huh? Gonna cum, Bee?" He asks, punctuating each question with an open-mouthed kiss to my heat.
"Mhm. Please, Harry." I whine against the feeling of his worship. "Gonna cum for you. Just for you."
He nudges his nose against my clit while dipping his tongue inside of me, using his grip on my thighs to push himself closer into my heat. I have half a heart to pull him away to make sure he can breathe, but Harry laps at the mess he's creating and sucks on my clit harshly, threatening my high, and it's all I can think about. Perched on the edge of euphoria. Handfuls of his soft hair, his mouth hot against me, the comfort of Harry peeling my skin back to expose myself fully to him.
With a quiet, "Give it to me," and one last harsh suck, I lose all resolve, melting into the pleasure; into Harry. His palms rub patterns up and down my thighs soothingly while he works me through the high, murmuring incoherent praises. My ears are ringing, every sense tuned into the floating.
"So fuckin' good." Harry's words break into my high and I feel him climb over top of me, his length nudging at my thigh when he leans down to kiss me. I try my hardest to keep up with his lips, but the daze clouds heavy in my mind, slowing my movements.
He all but falls apart above me when I reach down to wrap my hand around his cock, stroking slowly to match the pace of our kiss. I suck on his bottom lip before pulling back, coaxing him up towards me. Harry gets the hint, raising his eyebrows as if to ask, "are you sure?"
I nod in response, smiling and feeling tingles run rampant through my body as he shuffles forward until he's straddling my ribs. With the way Harry's positioned, I press his cock down onto my chest, using my arm and other hand to push my breasts up.
He chokes on air and drops his chin to his chest, muttering out a quiet, "fuck." He reaches to hold himself down to free my hand, rocking slowly and letting a dribble of spit drop between his fingers. Harry's eyes are fixed on the way his cock glides between my tits, blown out nearly black. His breath catches when I flatten my tongue out, lapping at him each time he pushes forward.
"Holy fuck, Phoebe." He chokes out, somewhat distracted, like he's in awe of the sight before his eyes. "Perfect fuckin' tits."
"Feel good?" I ask with a wink, after taking advantage of the forward roll of his hips to suck lightly on his tip.
Harry's hand cups my jaw, thumb tracing patterns against my cheek. "So good. You're heaven. You're actually heaven."
I feel my cheeks blush at his words - at the conviction in his blissed out voice. "Can I make you feel even better?" Batting my eyelashes up at him, I watch as pure pleasure washes across his face. "C'mere so I can suck you off. Don't you want that, baby? Your cock down my throat while you fuck my face?"
"Heaven." He reiterates, curling in on himself just to give me a messy kiss. Harry quickly situates himself above me and my palms find his thighs to grip onto. Within seconds, he wraps his hand around himself with a quiet groan, running his tip along my bottom lip. "Gonna let me into that gorgeous, dirty mouth?" He smirks, carving his dimple into his cheek. "Open that pretty little mouth for my fuckin' cock."
I oblige, guiding him in with my tongue. He mutters out praises when I suck more of him in, tensing his jaw when I glance up to meet his eyes. He looks so fucking ethereal with the sunlight pouring onto his back. Like he's a product of the heavens, himself. Angelic; made just for me.
Reflexively, Harry bucks his hips, pushing himself deeper down my throat. I take a breath through my nose, humming contentedly at the feeling of him heavy and full in my mouth. He grits his teeth together in attempt to stop the noises that keep trying to escape him, but it doesn't work.
Harry fucks into my mouth, settling back every few thrusts to give me a second to breathe and wiping the tears that have gathered underneath my eyes. He buries himself deep in my throat and holds his hips there until I gag. When he pulls back, a single string of saliva still connecting us, I can't help but grin, pinching my lip between my teeth.
"How can something that looks so damn innocent be so fucking dirty? Shit, Bee." He laughs breathily and thrusts forward into my mouth one more time, groaning as I swallow around him, before he's pulling back entirely and working his way back down my body.
Harry grabs my hip and rolls me harshly onto my belly, cracking a palm against my ass. The sound echoes in my ears as my back arches, my neck craning back to meet his eye. The darkness swirling in his eyes glints against the sunlight filtering through the window. Even with a gaze full of lust, he's warm - safe. Home.
Harry shoves a pillow below my hips and wraps a hand around his cock, nudging it against my clit before sinking his tip inside, slapping my ass as he hisses out at the feeling. His other hand traces gently across my cheek. "Mmm, that's my beautiful, dirty girl. So pretty for me. My sweet, gentle thing likes it a little rough, huh? She likes hearing all the indecent shit I want to do to her. You get off on my words, dontcha, Bee?"
I break from his hold on my jaw, forehead falling against the pillow below while he pulses himself teasingly. "Harry, fuck me. Please fuck me."
Another slap, hard, followed by his palm soothing the burning flesh. "Answer my question first. Be good."
With a groan, mostly of desperation, twinged with a little bit of annoyance, I try to push back onto his length. "Yes, Harry. Please."
"Yes what?"
"Stop fucking teasing." I snap, words morphing into a loud moan when Harry suddenly thrusts deep into me, hips colliding with mine. He hisses through his teeth, clawing at my ass to use for momentum as he pulls back before pinning his hips tight to mine again.
"Answer my question." He growls, leaning to whisper in my ear. "Tell me you want me rough, you fuckin' brat. That you love when I'm dirty with you. Mmm, yeah, that's right, I feel you squeezing the shit out of me. C'mon. Tell me, Bee; your beautiful fuckin' body's already showing me."
"Fuck, Harry." I shoot daggers behind me, smirking evilly when Harry grabs at my cheeks. "I want you to fuck me."
"Oh, I know you do, baby." He sloppily attaches our lips. I roll my eyes as Harry pulls back, earning me a harsh thrust followed by two consecutive slaps to the same spot on my ass that I am confident will be sporting a bright red handprint. "But you've gotta be good first. Bad girls don't get what they want. Wanna hear you say it; tell me you're my dirty girl."
Blindly, he pinches my clit between his fingers, tugging lightly to entice the words out. "Fuck. I am. I'm your dirty girl. Plea-"
Before I can finish my beg, Harry gives me a devilish grin, releasing my face and roughly rocking his hips into me. Senseless groans leave his lips, the teasing obviously working him up just as bad as it had me. The only sounds floating through the room are our noises of pleasure and the methodical sound of his mindless fucking. In stark contrast are his lips, peppering soft trails of kisses across the expanse of my bare shoulders.
I can feel his cock deep with every single thrust. If I didn't know any better I'd swear he was completely rearranging my insides. Harry nips at the skin near the base of my neck and it sends a shiver down my spine, causing me to clench around him.
He bites harder at my shoulder to muffle his moan. "Jesus. That's it, Phoebe, you feel so good."
I nod, digging my forehead into my pillow. "So good. You're so deep."
"Fuck yeah I am. Stretchin' you out real nice. Bet you can feel me in your belly, huh?" He rambles, hand gripping tightly to my waist.
"Mhm, you fuck me so good, Harry." I whine, pushing my ass up to meet his thrusts. He's starting to get sloppy and I know my walls are starting to flutter around his cock as he pushes me closer to my second high.
"God, my perfect girl. So good for me. So fucking good. All the way up in your tummy. So deep. Christ, you feel so damn good." Harry buries his face in the crook of my neck as he fucks into me so hard and fast I can barely keep up. He shudders when I clench around him, my incessant moans signaling the orgasm threatening to take over. "Shit, Bee, I'm close. Have my fucking babies, shit. I'm gonna cum inside your tight little cunt; fill you up 'n give you a baby. Goddamn."
I go rigid at his words as they spark something in my chest, euphoria flooding through my veins while I try desperately to hold back my high. "Harry, I'm gonna cum. I need to cum."
"I know, baby, I know, I feel it. Hold on for me; just one" Thrust. "more" Thrust. "second."
"Cum with me, Har. Please cum with me. I can't hold it anymore." I whine, craning my neck to meet his gaze.
The moment our eyes lock, Harry grips tight at my waist, "Fuck, Bee, let go. I'm cumming. Fuck, I'm-"
His words are cut off by a loud groan. I barely register the feeling of Harry spilling into me as the pleasure ricochets through my body. It takes over completely, buzzing loud in my ears and turning my limbs to liquid. He kisses at my shoulder while his body shakes overtop of mine. I don't know how long I lay there, sandwiched between the bed and the weight of Harry grounding me, but his light, gentle lips and soft, wandering fingertips are nearly enough to lull me right back to sleep.
Harry pulls out quickly after a while, gripping my waist to roll me onto my side, hiking my bad leg up onto his hip, and gently sinking back inside of me. His eyes are bright and blazing warmth, grassy fields with noon sun shining down.
"Achilles okay?" He asks in a whisper, kissing the tip of my nose, before brushing his own against it.
I nod, biting on my lip to hide the smile that wants to spread.
"Don't do that, lemme see it." Harry murmurs, reaching up and tugging on my bottom lip to set it free from the prison of my teeth. His face lights up once he sees my own smile and it has me wondering briefly why I've been trying to suppress them.
We lay in the afterglow, silence drifting between us for what feels like forever. We speak through slight upturns of lips and soft blinks and gentle caresses. It isn't until Harry clears his throat that either of us make a sound.
"I'm, uh, sorry for...whatever that was." He looks sheepish - he sounds sheepish. Completely and utterly embarrassed.
I cock my head to the side, furrowing my eyebrows together. "What do you mean?"
"Y'know...the baby shit." I feel myself go rigid again. "I don't know where that came from. And I felt you tense up like this when I said it. And, yeah, I'm just sorry I didn't run that by you before."
I try to relax my body while my mind starts to break down the thoughts rebounding through. I've thought about it...a lot...since the accident. Especially the longer I've stayed with Harry. Waking up each morning to Nate's giggles, seeing Harry's smile when he walks into the living room while I'm cuddled up with the boy, the two of us singing the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse song while laying in bed at night because it's a goddamn earworm that we can't escape. I've thought about it...a lot.
"First of all, don't apologize. Clearly it got me off." I feel the air from his gentle laugh brush across my forehead. I gnaw on my lip for a moment, avoiding his gaze. "Did you...did you say it because...you want that?"
"I- well, I, uh, I-" Harry stammers, tripping over words that haven't even formed in his throat.
"It's okay, I just want to know." I urge, tracing my fingers against the soft skin below his eyes.
He laughs again - a brush of air between our bodies. "I can't believe we're having this conversation while my fucking cock is in inside you." I return the laughter. "I've always wanted a family. Always. I think big man's only made that worse."
I smile at the admission. It makes sense - Harry as a dad. He's so kind; warm and gentle and forgiving. His heart is golden and radiant and he knows how to love. He makes everything feel loved - me, his family, friends, the animals that come into the office. Probably even the fucking cement of the parking lot at work, or the cobblestone path to his front door. Harry is the epitome of love; the human embodiment of love. He makes me feel like every particle of the earth was created in the palm of his hands specifically for me.
"What about you, Bee?" He asks gently, a little unsure.
I adjust on his softened cock, nuzzling closer to his warmth. I'm going to need the comfort if I'm going to open up about this. "As a dancer, your body is your work; it's the battery and the machine and the product all at the same time." He nods; I can feel his chin against the top of my head. "So my opinion didn't matter. Because there was no time to waste with a body that couldn't dance. But...I kind of have a body that can't dance anymore anyways." I unearth myself from Harry's neck to meet his sad, empathetic eyes. Only briefly, before I dive back in.
"I always forced myself to think that I didn't want it, but I remember playing with my little dolls when I was a kid and I'd insist that each of them were my babies. They all had names and nicknames and nap times and bedtimes. Lemme just say...I run a strict household." Harry's body shakes in my grip as he laughs. I smile against his skin, pecking lightly where my lips lay.
"I would never have allowed myself to get pregnant; I would have never allowed myself to ruin my body before." I don't say what I want to say, but the way Harry tightens his grip around my back tells me he knows the words that refuse to leave my mouth. Before I ruined my body even worse. "But...can I be honest?"
"Always. I always want you honest." He shuffles backwards to cup my cheeks in his warm hands.
"The more I think about it - and I've thought about it a lot lately - the more and more I can picture it. A little family. When the time is right, of course."
A whisper leaves his lips that I'd miss completely if I wasn't so close to him, "...with me?"
I kiss the tip of his nose, chewing on the inside of my cheek. "With you."
The smile that takes over Harry's face is pure sunlight. Boundless solar energy bursting forward from his beautiful face. "That was a dangerous thing to tell me, Phoebe Mitchell." He smirks, pretending to nip at my cheek.
I can't help but laugh. "Why?"
"Because the minute you say the time is right, I'm going to fuck you senseless until there's a baby in this perfect fuckin' belly." His fingers tickle across my sides and I try to push him away through my laughter. He speaks over the sound, "My cock's gonna be deep inside your heavenly cunt all fucking hours of the day."
"Apparently it will be now, too, you greedy fucker!" I nudge his shoulders, swatting at his hands as he continues his attack. Harry laughs a deep belly laugh that sends chills through my veins.
We lay in bed, tickling and laughing and yelling until we're both out of breath, gripping onto our sides with aching jaws. Harry finally pulls out and I hate to admit that I feel empty without him filling me up. Like a piece of myself was lost the moment he was no longer buried inside. While he cleans up the mess we made and rubs lotion onto my ass, he suggests a picnic in the park; and when he helps me with my exercises and massages my ankle, he looks up nearby restaurants that we can pick up food from.
The two of us find a quiet picnic spot in the Sequoias, birds and wind jostling the leaves way overhead. These trees are fucking massive. The longer Harry and I sit, surrounded, the more the shock spreads. I understand why he loved them so much; why he loved this place. It's beautiful. And humbling.
At least the trees keep growing.
"Bee, can I ask you a question?" Harry asks around a mouthful of chicken nugget.
I watch as he dips his french fry into ranch dressing before shoving it into his mouth, swallowing quickly. "Of course."
"Would you move in with me?"
I choke on my own fry, widening my eyes in surprise at how calmly he posed the question. "W-what?"
He repeats himself, eyebrows furrowed together in genuine contemplation.
"No, I got that, babe." I let out an airy laugh. "Don't you think we should talk to your parents?"
Harry shakes his head. "That's not what I mean." He takes another bite of nugget, even though he looks like he has more to say.
"Care to elaborate, mister blueberry?" I rest my chin in my palm with a laugh, tilting my head at him curiously.
"Silly thing. I...I want to move out. I think? I feel guilty about it, but I think it's what I want to do." Even though his words say differently, his voice sounds sure; confident. He knows what he wants. He just doesn't want to disappoint anyone else.
"Yeah?" I encourage, shuffling my fries in the package.
"Yeah. It'll be weird; I know it will. And I'm sure big man won't handle it well. But...I can't live for him, y'know?" I nod lightly. "I've made every decision in my life for that kid, and I love him so damn much, but I think I have to let myself let go, you know what I mean? I've been telling you the same shit for weeks - let go of the guilt. That's why I still live at home, isn't it? Because I'll feel guilty if I go?" Harry keeps asking questions, but none of them are actually looking for an answer. He's talking to himself under the guise of talking to me; working through the thoughts in his brain as they come.
He reaches for the last chicken nugget between us, ripping it in half and handing a piece to me. "But clearly I have to go eventually. That last seizure brought back all those feelings from the very first time." Harry takes a bite of his half and holds out the rest across the table after dipping it into my honey mustard to gently feed it to me. His voice gets quiet; glass bubble. "Mom, I think, is always somewhat aware of Nate, but it doesn't haunt her like it haunts me. I notice he's off even just a little bit and I obsess over it. I'm trying to protect him from something that I can't protect him from. And it's...exhausting."
My heart cracks at the words. I know it's the first time they've met open air. "I'm sure it is." I reach across the table to rub his cheek. "I'm so proud of you for loving him so much. For caring so much. It's the most beautiful thing about you, you know."
Harry nods, a sideways smile on his face. "That's what Tate says, too. And that's why it's so hard, because I love the kid. I don't want to upset him."
I interject softly - quiet enough that he could have kept talking right over me. But of course he doesn't. Because he's Harry. "But are you going to stay at home for the rest of your life?"
"Exactly. It's going to happen eventually. Which is why...I don't know. I thought I'd ask you. I don't like the idea of you going back to that shitty apartment. Not like this."
I nod in understanding. "There's just no way I can pay for somewhere else-"
"Bee. I can handle rent no problem. And before you try to fight me, we can figure out something so you don't feel guilty. But I'm serious - I don't want you in that neighborhood, hell, on that side of town in general."
"Harry, I can-"
"I know you can take care of yourself. I know, sweet honeybee. You're tough and feisty and I know you can take care of yourself, I promise. But I need to keep you safe and healthy." He grabs my hands in desperation; to try to get me to understand. And I think I do. I think I'm just reacting how I've always reacted - by putting up a wall. "You don't have to-"
"No, Harry. I want to move in with you." I take a breath and throw a fist into the wall. Fuck walls. Fuck not telling him exactly how I feel. It's Harry. He's safe. He's...home. "I don't think I've ever been happier than when I wake up and see you next to me. I want to live with you so bad. So damn bad. Dancing in the kitchen and taking baths together and stepping on your back in the mornings when you can't get it to crack. I love you - of course I want to live with you. I'm just scared."
He looks shocked that I laid it out; he looks relieved that I laid it out. Thankful and at peace and happy. Radiant. His smile makes me feel warm. Proud.
"Scared of what?" He murmurs, the grin still shining on his face.
"Everything." I groan out. I wish it was as easy for me as it seems to be for him.
"Two things. First, what is everything?"
"I don't know, just...everything. Money. Food." he interjects quietly with a comment about how that's also money. "Making sure we have heat and water." A similar comment. "I- I don't know. Everything... I...I can't think of anything else."
"Don't let this beautiful brain," he pokes at my forehead, "get in the way of this. You were only able to tell me you're worried about not having money. And guess what? I have money."
I nod a little reluctantly, taking a breath and staring into his eyes as I do so. I have butterflies spinning laps around my stomach, and I'm trying to deny the fact that they're excited butterflies. Really excited butterflies.
1, 2, 3, 4...5, 6, 7, 8.
"Second, you don't think I'm fucking terrified? So what? Let's just be scared together."
He's contagious - everything about him. His enthusiasm, his optimism, his heart and soul and beauty. And, so, that goddamn smile wins the war.
"What do you say, Bee? Move in with me. We'll figure out the details later. Let's just be reckless and stupid and do it." His eyes reflect the green in the trees; the green all around. But I'm starting to think that maybe the leaves are reflecting his eyes. Maybe all of the green in the world was created through jealousy that such a color exists behind his lashes.
In order to hide my smile, I lean across the table where Harry meets me halfway for a kiss. I whisper across his lips, "Let's fucking do it."
He jolts backwards, nearly falling off of the bench, "Yeah? You mean it?"
I nod. "Let's move in together. Why the hell not?"
Harry grabs onto my hand, planting an excessive amount of kisses into the skin. He's...ecstatic. Like a puppy dog that can't control their wagging tail. "Wait. Bee, can we get a cat?"
I can't help but laugh loud through the park. "What kind of a question is that?!"
"Dad doesn't like cats; we've never had one. I want a damn cat so bad."
"Of course we can get a fucking cat!" Harry's giddiness slowly bleeds underneath my skin and I'm sure we look ridiculous to anyone passing by - two grown adults giggling and leaning across a chipping picnic table as if we're telling schoolgirl secrets.
"And we'll get you your Stitch, too." He squeezes my fingers so tight in his grip.
"You remember that?" I don't even remember telling him that - that I want to rescue a racing greyhound and name him Stitch.
An incredulous look flits across Harry's eyes, "Of course I remember that, silly girl."
"I love you so much." I blurt out.
He only smiles wider, dimples indenting deeper, eyes crinkling more. "I love you too, Bee. Thank you for being reckless with me."
I duck my head down as my cheeks catch fire and lower my voice. "Thank you for making me feel safe enough to be reckless. Y'know..." I take a deep breath, fiddling with his fingers because I can't bring myself to look in his eyes. "Home has always been in the mountains back in Tacoma, or on stage. They're the only places I thought I'd ever feel...safe, and accepted, and alive. But I think home might be you? Because I've never felt this whole, and loved - cared for, appreciated, important. I've never felt that way until you. I've always just felt like an outsider. A nomad. Maybe the reason I've been wandering lost my whole life is because I needed to come home to you."
When I finally glance up, Harry looks like I just gave him the best present in the entire world. Wrapped up with ribbons and bows in the palms of his hands. He doesn't say anything - he doesn't have to. Instead, he shapes his hand into the sign and kisses the back of my hand twice.
We sit in the park all day, in conversation, in silence, in each other's company. Healing. Mending and repairing our souls. Covering the wounds with bandages and gentle kisses. Soothing the burns with ice. Building each other up and rooting into one another for steadiness; for structure. Maybe Harry really is home - a safe place to come back to. A body, a collection of cells, that hold nothing but support. And, of course, love. Always love.
"For what it's worth, Bee, I think you're my home, too."
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I love them so much it hurts. We've got a few loose ends to tie up and then she'll be done. I really, truly cannot believe it, but I'll save my sap (and existential crisis) for the very end.
Thank you for all that you do, and especially for being here. And for 10k?!?!?!??! That absolutely blows my mind and I could not be more thankful. All of my love, always. Stay Gold. ♡
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.