-- 𝗺𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗱𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗽𝗼𝘃 --
Lunch went by pretty quickly. The boys bickered for while over the restaurant, and they finally decided on Chipotle. I didn't care where we were eating in the slightest, I was hungry enough to eat pretty much anything at this point, so I didn't really contribute to the conversation much. After we sat down, Nick asked me about Lyla and I showed him some photos. He turned a little pink and managed to mumble something about how cute she was. I knew he was into her for real because he certainly didn't blush when he was 'flirting' with me.
The ride home is when the real problems started. I had been appointed aux cord duties, so I hit shuffle on my liked songs, imagining that we'd be talking over it anyway. As soon as The Kooks came on I knew I was fucked. 'Junk of the Heart' had been one of my favorite songs during the period of time that I was in love with Clay. Of course, he never had a clue that the song he and I had danced to at 3 a.m. on countless nights was one I had only ever been able to think about him during. I'd avoided this song like the plague for years at this point, and it was like it had come back to haunt me. At a red light, he turned to me and sang, something entirely innocent but it put me right back into that old headspace. I had to force myself to sing along, but I felt like I was going to throw up.
I guess it wasn't much of a surprise, I'd been thinking a lot about the state of our relationship lately. Even that little incident in the car just a day prior gave me a glimpse of those feelings all over again. It was bound to happen -- me falling in love with him again. I came to expect it at this point, but it wasn't making this any easier. I could barely even look at him as he sang because I was scared I'd start fucking crying or something in front of everyone. The pit in my stomach had officially returned.
I tried to pinpoint exactly when it happened but came to the realization that I'd probably been in love with him for far longer than I wanted to admit. I wished I wasn't having this realization in the car right now either. I thought about pretending to be sick or something but I knew it wouldn't work. I knew I just had to sit there in the car with my nauseating and absolutely terrifying realization that I was in love with my best friend. I also knew he didn't think about me in that way. I'd have to shake it off just like I did when I was 14. Apparently, I'd done a pretty decent job at shaking off those feelings if I managed to last this long without another "episode".
Even back then I thought he was way out of my league, and that was even more true now. He had literally millions of girls that would do anything to be with him, why would he want me? Why would he want the girl he'd known his whole life when he had seemingly endless options? I was about as far away from his previous girlfriends as possible -- both in terms of looks and personality. There was literally nothing to indicate that there was even the slightest possibility that he felt the same way I did back then or right now.
The first step to stopping this development in its tracks was keeping as much physical distance as I could without tipping him off. As soon as we got home we split up to take naps, and I made an effort not to let Clay cuddle with me. I kept to my side of the bed and gently shrugged him off when he tried to wrap an arm around me. It sucked having to do this, especially when I wanted it so badly, but that was precisely why I had to prevent it. I was just glad he was too knocked out to notice that I was actively avoiding coming into physical contact with him. I also knew I would not be able to keep this up. He'd notice if I was less touchy with him than usual, and I also didn't want to make him think he had done something wrong or something that made me uncomfortable -- especially after that conversation we had a few days before the guys arrived.
We woke up around 6:30 and ordered takeout. As we ate we joked around a little bit more about some of my Skype interactions with Nick when we were kids, and George enlightened me about all of the embarrassing stories Clay had told them about me. He even mentioned some 'anonymous' stories Clay had told on streams, and I was able to confirm that they were all about me. They also told me more about how their first streams together and how they became close. Clay had even told the story about how he'd gotten kicked off the basketball team during our senior year. He had gotten in trouble for fighting someone essentially on my behalf. I was amazed at how well he had managed to obscure details of the story and fully anonymize it.
We were supposed to go to an afterparty on prom night hosted by the guy in question, and Clay had been digging his heels in. That confused me because they had been good friends since middle school when they first played on a team together, and I hadn't really heard of anything going down between them. He finally told me after I pressed him for information and then somehow still agreed to go to the party with me. I couldn't stop thinking about that night and that entire year of our lives, really. So much had changed since then, for better and for worse, but we hadn't. We were still the same as we had always been, I was just fighting off a little bit of a crush.
It made me feel good though that I was important enough to him to talk about me with his online friends and on his streams. I knew I was his best friend, but I never knew how much he had broadcasted our friendship, even though he had never actually mentioned me by name until recently. It felt even better knowing that he thought I'd probably never even see it or hear about it. We all decided to dick around on stream for a few hours just to kill some time. We were all too tired to go do anything in the outside world but too awake to go back to bed. Clay and I sat at one monitor with a separate microphone and Nick and George sat in front of the camera. We'd stick our hands in to wave or make inappropriate gestures in the background until they scolded us.
The stream was more low-key this time, and we weren't even really playing any games except for a few rounds of JackBox here and there. Some random people came in to play those and I tried to keep them all straight but it was difficult. I figured I should probably start to pay more attention when Clay streams because I was slowly becoming more and more immersed in his online life. I was also right about having a very hard time keeping my hands to myself. I had never realized how often we were touching each other before all of this, but now it was all I could think about. As much as I wanted to try to stop it, I knew that it was much easier said than done. It was a habit that would be hard to kick, especially because I didn't really want to kick it.
-- 𝗰𝗹𝗮𝘆 𝗽𝗼𝘃 --
"Meredith isn't here, but she'll answer when she gets back from the bathroom," George said, looking at the chat that was moving a million miles an hour.
"Wait, what's the question?" I asked, trying to scroll back through the chat. I was confident I could answer almost any question that was asked.
"What's her favorite song?" I was glad George had remembered the question because I still hadn't found it. "Wanna take a stab at it?"
"That's an easy-ass question," I laughed. "'I Hope You Die' by Molly Nilsson. Final answer."
"Will she say that when she gets back?" Nick laughed.
"If she doesn't, I'll give you and George twenty thousand dollars each, right now," I knew I was right. If I knew anything about Meredith, it was that she loves that damn song. "That's how absolutely sure I am."
"Get to writing that check, baby," Nick yelled, convinced that Meredith would pick a different song. "I want one of those big ones too."
"It's been her favorite song since we were in like eighth grade or something. She found it on Tumblr and we listen to it probably twice a day, honestly," I laughed. "She fucking loves that song dude, I swear on everything and anything that it will be her answer when she gets back. The wildcard would probably be 'Nevada' by YoungBoy NBA, but that's her favorite song right now, not her all-time favorite."
"'Nevada'? Damn, Mer is way cooler than I thought," Nick chuckled. "That was probably the last song I expected to hear come out of your mouth."
"The chat is saying 'omg I love that song', 'queen Meredith' and 'I bet she dedicates it to Dream'," George said. "What say you in your defense to the last allegations?"
"They're probably fair," I nodded. "It's just one of our mutual favorite songs. That shit bangs, honestly, everyone should go listen to it after this."
I almost wished I hadn't confirmed that the song was basically 'our song', as stupid as that sounded. She would laugh so hard if I ever referred to any song as 'our song', which made me smile for a split second. The song was definitely intended to be a romantic song. I knew people would take that and run with it. For us, it wasn't romantic though -- or at least it hadn't been until right this moment. I wondered if she'd ever listened to the song and thought about me in a way that was more than just how friends think about friends. I felt stupid for letting my mind wander there.
I doubted that she'd ever had feelings for me beyond friendship, let alone that she had feelings for me currently like Nick and George seemed to think. I'd always felt like she was out of my league in more ways than one. I couldn't imagine a world in which she ever wanted me as much as I wanted her.
We heard some shuffling and Meredith suddenly reappeared in the room. I was grateful for the distraction from my thoughts, but the fact that the distraction was her wasn't exactly ideal.
"Hey, Mer, what's your favorite song?" Nick asked, smirking at me.
"Definitely 'I Hope You Die' by Molly Nilsson," she said. She didn't even have to think about it. "I don't even have to think about it." I cringed internally when I realized we literally were the same person with the same exact train of thought. I really needed to get her out of my head as soon as possible.
"See," I laughed, reaching over to slap Nick's arm. "I know everything."
"Oh, if he got that wrong I'd beat his ass," Meredith chuckled. "Did he try to pretend he doesn't like it? If so, that's a big fat lie. He loves that song, he literally begs me to turn it on."
"He almost owed George and me twenty thousand bucks each, I wish you'd said literally anything else," Nick groaned. "Can you guess what he said for his second guess if he was wrong on the first one? Maybe he can owe us ten thousand if he gets that wrong."
"'Nevada'?" She looked at me with a smirk plastered across her face. I knew it had to be that, and I was proud of myself for being right. Nick just groaned in frustration.
"They're asking if you dedicate the song to Dream? Dream confirmed but we'd like to hear it from you," George said.
"I mean, I don't really dedicate songs to people," she laughed a little. "But if you mean like, 'do I think about him when I listen to it?', then the answer to that is yes. Obviously."
"You hope he dies?" Nick gasped, looking genuinely a little shocked.
"Oh my God, no," she wheezed, placing a hand over her heart. "Listen to the song later."
"They're saying it's romantic," George said, raising an eyebrow. "That's very interesting to me."
"It can be a romantic song but for me and Dream it's our bestie anthem," she said, throwing an arm around me and hugging me tightly. She was standing and I was in my chair, so I caught a face full of boobs and I couldn't deny that I liked it. I really needed to stop fucking thinking about her like this. "If one of us dies the other one will instantly self-implode so we can party in Hell together."
"God, Mer, don't put those vibes out into the universe," I wriggled out of her hold. I didn't like when she said stuff like that, but she always had. She talked about death so casually and it made me nervous. I also couldn't lie that it hurt when she referred to the song as our 'bestie anthem'. That was about as big of a sign as any that there was absolutely no escaping the friend zone.
"You sound like me, it's weird," she laughed. "Since when do you say 'vibes' if it's not to make fun of me?"
I gently poked at her ribcage and she pushed my hand away. "Mommy and daddy are hitting each other again, guys. Please don't beat each other up on this stream," Nick whined. "We'll get banned."
"They're asking if you two really do fight," George said. "I can confirm that. Dream doesn't hit her anymore because 'she's a girl' or whatever, but I personally think that Meredith could take it. I think if we put them in a ring Meredith would win."
"Yeah, Mer's kind of a badass," Nick laughed. "I wouldn't want to get into it with her. Horse girls always know how to throw hands and they have literally no fear."
"We used to really duke it out, but now we just push each other and kick each other under tables," she laughed. "We're all grown up. I would be down to fight him though but only because I know I would win."
She reached out to ruffle my hair and I hoped she didn't notice that I pressed my head into her hand more than I needed to. "Mer, I would deadass put you in the hospital if we fought. I've got like over half a foot and at least sixty pounds on you."
"Okay, Conor McGregor," she laughed, plopping down in the kitchen chair we had dragged upstairs. "I'm tapping out, don't worry."
"I wish I could show you guys this video I have of Dream and Meredith trying to fucking drown each other in the pool," George said. "They're actually scary sometimes."
"Wait, you filmed that? Are you in love with us or something?" she asked, which made me laugh a little. "And we weren't trying to drown each other, it's like a game. We have hand signals so it's very safe. Very minimal chance of drowning, when you really think about it. Plus, we're like professionals at this point -- very highly trained."
"Yeah, we're safe when we do that. Plus we both know CPR and stuff, so it'd probably be fine. And we're not scary," I scoffed. "Ninety percent of the time we get along perfectly fine, we just never really grew out of the mildly violent phase of our friendship. We're never actually fighting when we push each other around either, we're not seven anymore. It's just for fun now."
"I think you're fighting a little bit," Nick said. "But okay, whatever you say."
"We're not, I swear. You're making us sound like we abuse each other, damn. And we've never actually like, injured each other or anything," Meredith said into the mic. "I feel like that needs to be clarified. Except for that time he sat on me and accidentally broke my rib, but that was years ago and I'm pretty sure it was already a little broken before that. And the time I broke his foot when I landed on it on the trampoline, but that was also an accident."
"Now they're going to say I have a big ass, Mer," I laughed. "Thanks a lot. Maybe I'll tell them about pool gator."
"Oh my God, Meredith..." Nick gasped, looking absolutely terrified.
She froze in her seat, eyes wide. "What?" Before Nick could even start responding, she was already halfway out of her chair, ready to run away from something.
"POOL GATOR IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU!" he screamed, with George joining in. She ran around to the other side of the room, nearly ending up in front of the camera. Thankfully Nick and George managed to stop her, and I got up to pull her back into her seat.
"Guys, she's fucking scared of a nonexistent alligator in the pool," George wheezed, "what a loser. Apparently, she even thinks he's inside the house too."
"Dream used to tell her that there was an alligator in the pool when they swam at night when they were kids and she believed it literally every time," Nick laughed. "Even the other day in broad ass daylight she got scared!"
"First off, I got up before you even said what it was because you guys were scaring me anyway, so no, I do not think the pool gator is in the house," she still looked a little frazzled and while I agreed that she had gotten up beforehand, it was still funny to pretend that she was actually scared that the pool gator was inside. "And second off, pool gators are a very fucking valid fear in Florida. I used to be ashamed of my fear of pool gator, but he will be real one day and I'll be the only one who was prepared to out-swim him. Good luck, bitches. The day of reckoning will come soon and I will be the only one spared. He will respect my endurance and invite me to join his kingdom. We will become friends and I will be his closest advisor."
"Jesus Christ, Mer," Nick laughed, his brows raised. "You're a little crazy, honestly."
"That's why she can put up with Dream, it's all making sense now," George responded, earning a laugh from all of us. "I wonder if only one of them was crazy and they turned the other one crazy too, or if they're both crazy and they just feed off of each other."
"I think it's the latter of those options," Nick snickered. "They rile each other up so much, it's like their only hobby is pissing each other off."
"Chat is actually on Meredith's side," I announced, holding back laughter. "I'm sorry Mer, maybe it's time to retire pool gator. He had a good run though."
"It was time to retire pool gator before he even started working," she huffed, crossing her arms and sitting back in the chair. "Give that man his 401k and turn him loose."
"Can I make pool gator merch? I'll cut you in a little," I asked, and the boys giggled again.
"I'd need to get a majority cut for my emotional distress," she laughed, elbowing me. "But sure. I just gave you some good pool gator lore too, so I'd need a cut for that as well."
"You guys could also make tarantula merch to make it even," George chimed in, smiling innocently at me.
"Oh fuck you, George," I barely finished the sentence before I totally lost control of my laughter. We all had tears streaming down our faces and basically sounded like we were choking as we all thought of the picture. The chat finally ended up convincing me to let the others pull up the picture. We lowered the image quality a little so that you could still make out my expression but my face wasn't perfectly clear, just to be safe. It was going to be in the video anyway, but we had originally planned on blurring it out completely.
"I am going to get this printed out and carry it with me everywhere," Nick said after finally catching his breath.
"I have a higher resolution one somewhere on my computer, I'll look for it tonight," Meredith was still a little teary-eyed and she looked so cute I wanted to squeeze her.
"Chat wants to know if Meredith held the tarantula and if she also cried," I needed a way to bring me out of those thoughts, and reading the chat seemed like it might help. "She definitely held it and I'm pretty sure she enjoyed it because she's a sick individual who likes bugs enough to study them. If she cried I'd definitely have photographic evidence, and I don't. I'll ask my mom to check though."
"Spiders are not bugs, Dream, and you should know that by now. I did cry when we had to hold the scorpion though, which is also not a bug," she laughed. "Until I realized it wasn't going to do anything, but I was definitely still not very happy about it."
"Okay, then what are they? Insects?" I asked. I knew she'd get mad for this, but I loved to tease her about it. I listened to her more than she thought I did, and I knew they weren't insects.
"Fucking hell. No, they are not insects," she groaned. "Scorpions and spiders are arachnids. And I don't even study bugs or arachnids, I study insects. They're very different."
"How are scorpions and spiders in the same category?" I asked. "Is it based on creepiness? Or like the number of horror movies they've been in?"
"No," she laughed. "That probably should be a part of the criteria though. Arachnids usually have eight jointed legs, no wings, and no antennae. Ticks are also arachnids, which is a fun little fact. I'm still a little scared of scorpions, but I respect them now. They're kinda cute when you think about it. I just pretend their pinchers are little hands and they're just trying to hold things but they accidentally do it too hard."
"I want a pet scorpion," Nick said, his eyes lighting up. "One of those big ass ones too. Will you help me pick one out, Mer?"
"Not in this fucking house," I kicked him under the table. "Hell no."
"Nice going, Dream," Nick groaned. "You just told everyone I'm moving in."
"Oops," I chuckled, tapping my foot anxiously.
"We should probably go because you guys are about to get into a domestic," Meredith joked, putting her hand on my arm. I was glad I was wearing a hoodie because I got goosebumps after she touched me.
"Actually, it is really late," George held up his phone for us to see the time. "You guys can keep going but I need to go to bed."
"Alright, let's go then," I said, sitting up in the chair. "Bye guys, we'll probably be back tomorrow or something. We each have a new video coming out in like two days or something too that Meredith is in."
"Bye guys," Meredith waved her hand in front of the camera. "Thanks for being nice to me."
"Bye everyone," Nick said, moving his mouse a little to end the stream.
"Bye, we love you!" George chimed in.