Chapter Three | New friends
Camilas' POV:
I'm walking with Lydia to the cafeteria; we had both of our first two classes together, so that's cool. She says that her group is only boys, but there's one girl that's occasionally hangs out with them; purely because she's dating one of the guys.
I had seen Carlos in the halls when I was walking to my second class; he was walking with a boy who seemed friendly enough. Right behind them, I saw a group of girls following him and looking at him like they were dogs and he was a bone. He nodded at me in that guy-ish way of saying hello, then continued walking with his new friend. I'm glad that he has people to hang out with. It doesn't surprise me though; he has always been quite the charmer.
Lydia leads me to a table where two guys are sitting. She sits down, patting the seat spot next to her for me to sit at. As I sit down, she starts to introduce me to the group.
"Guys, this is Camila Hernandez; she was in our history class. She's apart of our friend group, and is my new best friend. If you don't like that, then suck it up because I don't care and your opinion is irrelevant," Lydia says, looking between the two boys; yet there wasn't the guy or other girl she had mentioned previously. I give an awkward smile and wave, to which both of them do in return,—much less awkwardly though—.
"Camila, This is Daniel Miller; we just call him Danny. That's Charles, 'Charlie' Dawson. And the other two aren't here yet," She says, pointing at Daniel, he's got dark skin, neatly styled hair, a bright smile. Charlie has fluffy, dirty blonde hair and tan skin. He also has a picture perfect smile; why is her whole group filled with modals?
"Alright well now that you guys know each other, I'm gonna go get some food. Camila, do you want anything?" Lydia asks, getting up from her seat and pulling out a ten dollar bill. I shake my head, she nods and leaves. I don't usually eat much, and even though I've been to like a billion new schools, I still feel nervous.
Shortly after she leaves, a girl and boy walk over and sit down. Well, he sits down, she sits on his lap. And then they start making out. Like full on making out. Straight up eating each other, man. I look over at Charlie and Danny with a disgusted expression, they both share it. Charlie looks the couple up and down in a judgmental manner, then clears his throat. Which clearly catches the guys attention, because he draws his lips away from hers and looks back and forth between the boys and I. The girl gets off his lap and sits next to him, then immediately looks at me with a hateful look. She's going to be fun. It's now come to my attention that they were the two I was sitting in front of at the start of my first class.
"If you two are done mouth fucking, we have a new member of our group," Charlie says, looking at me and doing jazz hands.
I smile and look between the two, "Hi, I'm Camila," I try to say it with a friendly tone; I'm not really looking for drama on my first day, but I have a feeling this chick is going to start some anyway.
Neither one of them answer, they both just look at me. The girl looks at me and then rolls her eyes. She's pretty to be honest; honey brown, straight hair, blue eyes. She has flawless features. The boy just looks like he is studying me; like he's looking into my mind. I hate it. But yeah, of course he looks like a modal too; Fluffy, super dark brown hair, green eyes and perfect, not pale, but not tan skin.
How can all of these people be so good looking?
They're still staring, and its making me awfully uncomfortable. Insecure, almost.
Thankfully, the boy speaks up, "Lucas Jones, this is Blair Carpenter." Bro what. Even his voice is good looking, actually, all of their voices are good looking.
I nod and turn to see Lydia sitting back down. She's holding two juices and two muffins. "I got you juice and a muffin just incase you got hungry. Sorry if you have any allergies or are gluten free; I didn't think about until after I had bought the food," She says with a smile, making me smile and thank her, taking the food; I'm not really hungry, but I am thirsty. And thankfully I don't have any allergies, and I'm not gluten free.
Her smile quickly falters as she sees the sight of Ivy, "Hey Blair, how you holding up? You know, considering you suffer toxic bitch syndrome?" Lydia says, looking Blair up and down, and then smiling at Lucas. I can't help but laugh at what she said about her, nor can Danny and Charlie.
Lucas seems to sigh and roll his eyes, whilst Blair death stares Lydia, the boys, and I, then speaks. "Oh I'm just fine thank you. How are you holding up, you know, considering you suffer that fact that no one will date you. Like come on! You're bisexual and neither girls or boys want to get with you!" She laughs, but no one else does.
Lydia furrows her eyebrows and smiles, "Blair, sweetie, I just got out of a relationship, I'm not looking for anyone to date. And also, we both know your comebacks are shit, so please stop trying to insult me." She says in a calm voice, taking a sip of her juice. Blair just scoffs, and then stands up, grabbing Lucas' hand, who doesn't move.
"Uh, I'm going to stay here for now," He says, which causes her to mutter a 'whatever', she then gives him a kiss and walks off, flipping her hair in the process, which whacks Charlie in the face, causing him to gasp and flip off Blair.
"Well, that's the bitch I was telling you about," Lydia says to me, I nod, she's definitely a bitch.
"Lyds, I thought we agreed that you wouldn't treat Blair bad," Lucas sighs, glaring at her.
She shrugs and mutters, "No, you agreed, and besides, I had my fingers crossed." Lucas looks at her and nods his head as if he's saying 'Really?'. "But anyways, screw her, we finally have another girl in the group, my new best friend! Cami!"
"Tell us about yourself Camila. I mean yeah we heard your introduction in class, but like do you have any siblings? Did you want to move to Seattle?" Danny asks me, I shrug and sigh.
"I have two younger siblings, Carlos is a freshman, and Maria is in the third grade. And I don't really care that we moved; I had no choice, and even if I did get to pick, I'd rather move here than stay at the place I used to live," Danny nods.
"What about you guys? Have you always lived in Seattle? Do you have any siblings?" I ask, I feel like I'm a pretty boring person, so I should probably be more engaging and ask some questions about themselves.
"I moved from Ireland to here when I was four, and I have a younger sister; she's a freshman too." Lydia speaks up.
They continue to tell me about their home life, and siblings. Except for Lucas; he's quiet most of the time. Actually he didn't say anything; just that he's an only child and has lived in Seattle his whole life. They also talk about how they have all have been friends since kindergarten, and how both Charlie and Lydia came out together when they were fourteen; Charlie's gay and Lydia's bisexual.
***
The day went pretty quickly, so did the evening actually. Carlos and Maria both said that they had great days, which made me glad. When Jess was making dinner, a rare outburst of confidence came over me; I was going to ask if she wanted help, because I felt like we should bond, but then I chickened out.
It's now seven PM, and I'm just laying on my bed. Staring at the ceiling. Blasting music in my earbuds; I'm listening to a playlist filled with songs including bands like The Neighbourhood, and my personal favorite, Cigarettes After Sex. I'm drowning out the world. I don't even know why; I had a good day. But that's the thing, good days end. It's like a wave of numbness overcomes me. Maybe its sadness? Maybe I'm still experiencing post traumatic stress, maybe I'm still grieving the death of my mother all those years ago. Whatever it is, I don't cry. Carlos will cry, Maria often cries. But me? Nope. I used to cry a lot. It's like I've cried so much that my tears are gone. However, somedays, if I get lucky, I'm not able to stop crying.
I do have other ways of letting out my emotions, of feeling something.
I'm pulled out of my thoughts when I hear the buzz of my phone. Its Lydia, we had all exchanged numbers at lunch, but I'm surprised she's texted me so soon.
Lydia: Hey, u wanna hang out? My curfew's one AM so we can go into the city or something and chill with the guys if you want?
Me: Yeah sure.
I give her my address and she says she'll be here in ten minutes. I roll out of bed and walk over to my mirror. I'm currently wearing baggy grey sweatpants and an oversized black hoodie. Sometimes I really hate looking at my self in the mirror; it's a constant reminder of all the pain and suffering I've had to go through. Like for instance, I have a scar right by my eye, it's small, but it is still something I've had to bring with me wherever I go. I have a few other permanent reminders as well, but I'm not really in the mood to reminisce about my abusive homes.
I don't really feel like changing into anything else, so I grab my phone, put some shoes on, and walk down stairs. Lydia should be here in like five minutes anyways.
I figure I should probably ask Jess and Mark if I'm allowed to go out. Jess is currently in the kitchen, making what I'm guessing is tea, whilst Mark is sitting on the couch, listening to my little sister rant on about something; probably a new boy that gave her a coloring pencil. That girl falls in love with everybody in the playground I swear. Walking towards the kitchen, Jess has now finished making her tea and has started to walk to the couch, almost running into me during the process.
She looks at me confused, —I would be too; I never really come and talk to them unless I have to—."Hey, uh, I made a friend today and I was just gonna check with you that it's cool if I hang out with her?" I ask, holding my breath in anticipation of her answer, to which she nods and smiles.
"Yes of course you can, just make sure you get home at a reasonable time and don't get into any trouble please." Jess says, setting her tea down on the table and smiling at me. I sigh in relief and smile gratefully at her.
The door bell rings, so it must be Lydia. I give Jess a quick, awkward hug, which surprises her an awful lot, wave goodbye to Mark and Maria then walk over to the door.
Opening it, as I expected, Lydia is standing there with a bright smile on her face. I smile back and exit the house, closing the door behind me.
"Hi!" She exclaims, pulling me into a hug.
I mumble a "hey", though it was barley audible seeing as though she was practically suffocating me. She finally lets go of me and pulls me away from the house.
"You didn't tell me you were related to Mr. and Mrs. Cooper!" Lydia says intrigued. How does she even know who they are ?
"Oh, well, I didn't really feel like I needed to mention it I guess. How do you know them?" I answer, trying to avoid the whole 'I'm a foster kid and they are my knew foster family who I'll probably only be with for a couple months until they get bored of me' talk.
Lydia starts walking down the path, pulling me on long with her. "Everyone knows them! Jess owns the best restaurant ever! And I work there! And as for Mark, he's the football coach! Plus, Lucas lives next door to them so I'm around here a lot." She explains.
Wow. What are the chances that my new friend works for my new foster mother, and my new foster father is the football coach for my new high school. And why didn't I know that he was the coach? Gosh this universe can do crazy things.
Wait.
Lucas. Mr. staring into my soul Lucas, is my next door neighbor?
Oh no.
He can't be.
Is he the one who's window faces mine?
That makes sense. We are currently walking into the direction of that house.
Well then. I'm going to have to close my blinds a lot more now, won't I?
I'm snapped out of my thoughts when I realize we have arrived at the doorstep of Lucas's home and the door is already opening.
Lucas's eyes dart back and forth between Lydia and I.
"Hello?" He says, his eyebrows furrowing as he glances at me, but going back to normal as he looks over at Lydia.
"Hey Luke! You wanna hang out with the guys, Cami and I?" She asks, causing him to look back over at me, then back at her and nod.
"Yeah, sure. Blair is hanging out with a bunch of the cheerleaders so I have nothing better to do, besides, I haven't hung out with you guys outside of school in like four days." He says, stepping out of his house and walking behind Lydia, who has already nodded and started walking down the path towards her car. I quickly follow behind her, I don't really want to walk right beside Lucas; he's kind of intimidating.
We all get into Lydia's car; I end up getting sat in the passenger seat, and Lucas in the middle backseat. The drive is silent for about three minutes; which I find very awkward. I don't even know why, but often sitting in complete silence in the car, I always find to be unenjoyable and uncomfortable, so thankfully, Lydia speaks up.
"Lucas, did you know Camila is your next door neighbor? She's related to the Coopers! How cool is that?" She exclaims, glancing back at Lucas before putting her eyes back on the road. Her use of the word 'related' caused me to flinch ever to slightly. I look up at the rear view mirror to see him furrow his eye brows and look at me with a face as though he's putting a puzzle together. His face looks almost as though the gears in his brain are moving and working to figure out something.
Maybe he knows that I'm a foster kid? I mean, don't get me wrong, it's not like it's embarrassing to be a foster kid, but it is very annoying when I get looked at differently because I don't come from a home of two perfect wealthy parents and a perfect past.
Wait.
What if Lucas knew before Lydia met me? What if he told Lydia to be my friend? What if they all pity me and that is why I got invited to hang out with them and their group? What if they all laugh behind my back when I go to the bathroom or simply just look away? What if I'm actually a big joke to them? What if they want to hurt me? What if they want to hurt my siblings?
Fuck.
I hate this.
I hate the constant overthinking and what ifs. It's so draining.
Please stop, I beg my mind. These people want to be my friends, your overthinking is ruining my happiness. Ruining me.
I'm trying. I try constantly to get better. I try to be happy, because I deserve it. I try not to overthink, because I know all I'm getting out of that is pain and sadness. But it doesn't help.
I haven't been a kid since my mother got sick, so maybe the overthinking is good for me. I have to be an adult. Safe home or not, I always have to be there for my siblings. I can't be there for my siblings if I'm a kid.
I have had to fend for myself all these years. Some people my age just want to live life, but for me, life hasn't been about living since the second my mother got sick; it has been about surviving. It will always be that way. So I will hang out with these people today, and I will be visible. But after that, I have to shut myself off from them. I have to focus on my siblings. After all, they are the only reasons why I want to live, and I am the only reason why they are living.
So it is settled; after today, I shut them off from my life. They can not become one of the reasons I want to live. I can not fall in love with the idea of friendship.
I can not fall in love with their friendship.
Just like every other kid, I dreamt of having the most amazing friends, and getting swept off my feet by prince charming, but those dreams I left behind almost a decade ago.
---
A/N:
Okay well first of all, I'm very sorry about how long this chapter took to publish, I was very busy and had no time to write, let alone to set aside for myself. Also, school is starting for me in about two weeks, so I won't be able to publish chapters a whole lot, but I'll aim for one-two chapters a month.
Second of all, I feel as though this chapter deals with a lot of mental illness's, such as anxiety, overthinking, self degrading and what not. I have a feeling that a lot of you guys deal with these things, because I do too. I just would like you all to know that you are amazing no matter what, and if you ever need to talk, about literally anything, my dms are always open. In fact, I love when you guys dm me, so don't be afraid to.
Also thank you so so so so much for all of the reads, votes, and comments, I'm honestly so shocked and grateful for them. I never thought my book would have this many amazing readers!
And, I posted on tiktok, so go check it out if you haven't already seen it!
I love you all
-Juniper <3