Ask for me tomorrow, and you shall find me a grave man. I am peppered, I warrant, for this world.
Romeo and Juliet, Act III, Scene I
PREFACE
Everything was falling apart all around me, like in one of my terrifying nightmares.
Harry was gone, Bells was gone, Renee was gone – all that was left behind was this cold, creaking house, and the ghoul who dwelled therein; me.
I'd managed to find strength in my weaknesses in the past, always somehow finding a way to pull myself up off of the floor, to bring myself back to some sense of life after calamity, after the devastating destruction that had littered my world with broken hopes and stolen futures.
But I didn't know if I could, this time. I didn't know what remnants of life there even was left for me to salvage.
The clock tolled. I thought this might truly be the end.
Chapter 12 (New Moon 1)
Today was an important day. I woke up early, keeping extra quiet to make sure that Bells didn't hear me; I wanted to surprise her, to be the first thing she woke up to. This was the first birthday I'd gotten to spend with my daughter since she turned one all those years ago, and I wanted to make sure it was as special for her as it was for me.
18 years old. Where the hell had all that time gone?
I carefully wrapped her small stack of presents at the kitchen table. Bella had insisted that she didn't want anything, but I wasn't about to let that dissuade me from getting her something. Her present had been a few months in the making, in fact. I'd called Renee over the summer to see if she wanted to coordinate – something that she'd had the decency to do for me in the years past when Bells had been living in Arizona, so I figured it was only right that I'd extend the same courtesy.
"Honestly Charlie, I don't really know what she'd want – she's not exactly the most communicative about these things," Ren had told me over the phone. Bells was over at the Cullen's, where she'd spent the majority of her days that summer, so I could speak freely about birthday plans without worry of her hearing.
"I know Ren, I know. But listen, I had an idea that I think might work," I explained. "As you well know, she hasn't been spending all that much time with friends over the past few months, and I was thinking, I don't know, maybe if she had a bit more of a reason to make some memories she'd be more inclined to call up someone who isn't Edward to hang out."
"We've been over this, Charlie. I know that you don't like the guy, but from what I saw of him he seemed like a really nice kid! Very polite. I don't want to get into it with you again." It wasn't the first time I'd heard that line from Ren, and I was sure it wouldn't be the last.
"Okay, okay, I wasn't meaning to 'get into it,' I was just thinking that if we got, say, one of those new digital cameras for her, and maybe a photo book to fill up or something, she might realize that all her photos are of the same person, and start hanging around with her other friends a bit more."
"Look if you think that she'd like it, it's fine by me. I'll transfer you some money, just let me know how much. I gotta go though, Charlie. Give Bella my love!"
"I will," I said, speaking to the dismal tone of an already hung-up line. "I Will."
—
"Happy Birthday!" I said, walking into Bell's room after the obligatory knock. I carried the handful of presents into her room as my daughter – my somehow 18-year-old daughter – rubbed the sleep from her eyes.
"I thought we agreed; no presents?" She asked. It was always so hard to read her face, and I couldn't tell whether there was a hint of excitement or annoyance (or both) in her eyes. I hoped for the former.
"Well, the one from me's not wrapped, so it doesn't count," I said, offering her the camera. She took it with a smile that I was longing to see.
"That's actually great. Thanks, Dad." I tried not to let her disbelief sink too deeply into my skin. I hadn't been around for her past 17 birthdays, after all, so she had plenty of reason to have low expectations of her ol' dad.
"It goes with this one, from your mom. We coordinated. Well, she coordinated me," I lied, as I handed her the empty photo book. I figured it was only fair – I got to be with my daughter on her birthday, and I knew just how tough today would be for Renee, being away from her daughter. The least I could do was give her the credit for the gifts. I hoped that she may have done the same for me on past birthdays.
"It's to put your pictures in from senior year." The realization hit me harder than I'd expected. Hell, I was only a few years older than Bells was now when I met Renee, had Bells, bought this house and started the beautiful-yet-devastatingly-brief life we'd lived together.
"Senior year..." I repeated, more to myself than to Bells, "how'd you get so old so fast?"
"I didn't. It's not that old," she said defensively.
"I don't know, is that a grey hair?" I asked jokingly, pretending to pluck a hair from her fully brunette head.
She recoiled away from my touch. "No, no way." She got up and checked her mirror, obviously finding no grays to speak of.
"That's really funny," she said with a smile.
"Happy birthday," I said, retreating out of her room to give her the space I knew she always needed. Her recoiling away stunned me. I'd been hoping to go in for a birthday hug, but that clearly wasn't Bell's speed. Even on her birthday. Boundaries, Charlie. Boundaries.
On the other side of her door I couldn't help but worry if I'd taken the joke a little too far. I could tell that Bells was feeling a little self-conscious about turning 18. It made sense, after all; she'd started school a year later than all the other kids born in her year, which left her to turn 18 in September, during the first semester of her senior year. All the friends she had in her grade would still be 17, or hell, even 16, if they had a late birthday. It wasn't something we ever outright talked about, but it made sense for her to feel a little strange about being a bit other than her peers.
What's a single year older, anyhow?
Bells took off for school, and I took off for work, and I wished for nothing but the best for her on her special day. I just wished there was more I could do to make it a memorable one. But, of course, I figured she was planning to head over to the Cullen's right after school for a birthday dinner, and I, as always, hadn't gotten an invite.
Well, so long as Bells was happy, I was happy.
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