While me and Sansa handled running Winterfell and the preparations for the Long Night, Bran continued doing whatever it is that he was doing. Neither of us truly understood what it was that being the Three Eyed Raven meant, but as long as Bran was here, safe and healthy, we didn't mind.
The following weeks after Jaime's departure were hard, on me specifically. I no longer had my constant support by my side, and I couldn't dare imagine what it would be like if he never returned.
On the other hand, it's not like I had much time to be able to worry about it. I was constantly busy, coming up with ideas to make sure we last the Winter, making sure that the army was being well prepared and the fortress was fortified. And the Lords were starting to get suspicious.
Hiding a pregnancy for this long had taken a lot. I had loyal servants who would not utter a word, and I dressed well to hide it. But it was hard. Very hard. I appeared rarely outside, letting Sansa do all the public work. But there were meetings, and some things that I just could not let Sansa do. So I decided to make a public announcement.
I decided to do it during our daily meetings, where we discussed what else had to be done. All the Lords of the North and Riverrun were here now, with their men, ready to work together.
"Lord Umber, when shall your people arrive?", I asked, feeling the meeting draw to an end.
"We need more wagons and horses, if it pleases my Queen", he replied, stepping forward. I nodded, and send a look to Sansa to get on that.
"You'll have as many as we can spare", I replied and he bowed, thanking me and sat back down.
"If that is all for today, I would like to make another announcement", I said, standing up. The Lords all looked amongst each other to see if there was anything else to discuss but they all shook their heads and returned to watch me with curious eyes.
"As many of you know, Ser Jaime has stayed with us, and will continue staying with us when he returns from the South. But unlike you, who will return to your homes after the Long Night, he will stay here, as this is his now permanent home.", I began and the Lords whispered around me.
"My Queen!", exclaimed Lady Lyanna from her seat. "Why should the Kingslayer be allowed to live here? Is he not of the South? Is he not the wicked Queen's twin brother?", she asked, earning some agreeing mumbles from the Lords around her.
"We don't want him here!", exclaimed another, I was not sure who.
Brienne send me a warning look. She had a feeling that this would go wrong and some would try to attack me. But I had faith in my Lords and Lady that they wouldn't, and that they would hear me out.
"Because he is my husband and the father of my unborn child", I replied, and the uproar in the room after a moment of silence was almost too much to bear.
I lied to say that we were already married, that way they would not think that the child I was carrying was a bastard. I did not need them knowing it was a Bolton, the poor babe would be hated for the rest of it's life before it even started. It would be easier if they thought it was a Lannister.
The Lords were yelling, arguing, while some were just staring at me. They could not believe that their Queen is married to a... Lannister, of all people.
"My Queen, with all due respect, I cannot agree with that decision", spoke up Lord Glover from his seat. I crossed my hands on the table in front of me.
"Well good that it's not your decision to make", I replied, and levelled everyone with a cold gaze.
"My Lords. I have not come here to argue, or debate, or yell. I have told you this piece of news so you can be happy for me and my family. Unless that's too much to ask", I continued and some of the Lords retreated, deciding not to fight.
"My Queen", began Lord Hornwood and I turned my attention to him. "You must agree that we are a bit confused. Lord Jaime is a Lannister, your Grace. The Lannisters are common foe of the North. Must we remind everyone who started the War that cost Ned Stark's, Robb Stark's, Catelyn Stark's, and Rickon Stark's heads, not to mention the countless Fathers and Mothers we all lost in the process?".
"Of course, and I realize that. Which is why we are going to fight Cersei. She is the one who orchestrated the entire thing. She whispered lies into her bastard son's ear to get him to cut my father's head off. Tywin Lannister ordered the attack on my brother and mother. And Ramsay Bolton killed my younger brother.", I replied, looking at everyone.
"But neither Tyrion nor Jaime had anything to do with any of it. I actually remember Lord Tyrion being against it all when I was back in King's Landing. And Ser Jaime has saved my life, and fought for our home.", I said, and some more Lords nodded in agreement. They had to have realized by now that Jaime was on our side.
"How many of you can say the same?", I asked, looking at Lord Glover, and the other Lords that did not participate in the Battle of the Bastards.
"But we are not here to fight, or to argue about whether Ser Jaime is going to be staying here, because he is. I made the decision and it is mine to make. We need all the men we can get, and he is loyal to our cause. He wants for Cersei to fall just as much as we do, if not more.", I continued, and realized that I was in fact arguing, for Jaime.
"I realize that many of you had bad encounters with the Lannisters. Many lost their fathers, their mothers, brothers, sisters, children because of them. But it wasn't Ser Jaime or Lord Tyrion who cut them down. So direct your hate towards the person who is truly to blame for it", I concluded. The room was now silent, and some of the Lords looked like they agreed with me, while others just had a blank face.
The Blackfish was seated the closest to me, and he had a small smile on his face. I knew he agreed with me, and that he had accepted Jaime into the family a while ago, thankfully. Sansa sat next to me, with a stern look on her face. She didn't particularly love having Jaime around, but she didn't hate him. At times, she even liked him. Bran, however, just looked as calm and blank as always, but I didn't worry about him, I knew he would be alright.
"My Queen", spoke up some Lord that I did not bother knowing. He was most likely a brother, or a son of an already present Lord since I didn't know him.
"But wouldn't it be dishonorable for you to marry an Oathbreaker?", he asked, masking his ill will with innocent curiosity. I decided in that moment, that I didn't like him.
"Well since I am married to a dishonorable man, that makes me dishonorable, is that what you are implying, my Lord?", I asked, silently testing him. He was taken aback and began stuttering something right away while some Lords turned to look at him with anger.
"N-no, my Queen-", he began but I cut him off.
"Well since you believe I am dishonorable, that must be true. But that still makes me your Queen. And what do dishonorable Queens do? Nothing you'll like I'm sure", I seethed back, standing up, which prompted everyone else in the room to stand up.
"The meeting is over, you may leave", I ordered and left the room without waiting for a reply.
He could just get under your skin. But I didn't care, truly. I was not honorable, I knew that. No one truly was. Not Father even. He had fathered a son out of wedlock, betraying my mother. If he could get away with that, I can get away with marrying a Lannister, legally and formally.
Truly we were doing nothing wrong. And some day, I was sure, others would realize as well.
"My Queen, news of Ser Jaime", said the Maester as he walked quickly towards me, his Valyrian Steel chain clanging with every step. I turned to him and grabbed the letter out of his outreached hand to read it.
My Queen,
we were captured by Lord Randyll Tarly and the Lannister army on orders of Queen Cersei when we tried to speak to Lady Tyrell. They killed the Tyrell army, took the castle, stole the supplies and were taking us back to the capital. However, we were intercepted by the Dothraki, and a dragon! The Targaryen burned the army down to a crisp, with the supplies. Many men died, others were forced to bow or be burned as well.
I was able to escape with another man, and go to the nearest pub to send this letter with the fastest pigeon there.
Neither of us were able to locate Ser Jaime Lannister or Ser Bronn of the Blackwater. But since we did not see them amongst the men that bend the knee, we believe he is amongst the fallen. There is no way that one could have survived the battle that took place, not without considerable damage.
I am sorry my Queen that we failed.
Regards,
Ser Jurard Sussel
I crumpled the letter in my hand as I finished reading it. This couldn't be, not my Jaime.
I knew that this couldn't have gone well. Not with him going South. I told him, over and over again, but he didn't listen. The insufferable, stubborn ass. And now he was dead.
After everything, after all the pain and suffering, he died in a way most painful to him. Being burned alive, just as he watched many people be burned alive next to the Mad King. History seems to repeat itself as of late.
"My Queen, are you... alright?", the Maester asked softly, offering his hands for my arm when I began to lean against the wall.
I felt immense pain, and at first I thought it was because of the thought of Jaime, dead, his beautiful silver golden hair burned off, and his skin melted off. But no, it was real, physical pain coming from just below my stomach.
"My Queen?", asked the Maester once again, with a worrisome expression.
"I believe that I am in labour", I said quietly, and the Maester jumped into action, calling for help, and telling me that all will be well.
I didn't listen, I just leaned against the wall in shock, at the reality of it all. I was alone, completely, and utterly alone.
Everything seemed to suddenly dark, and muted. All the colors around me no longer gave me a sense of comfort, or peace. Now they just felt suffocating. The many people around me, made me feel like an animal in a circus. They were asking me, doing something and I couldn't say or do anything in return.
So I just allowed them to take me and I did whatever they told me to do, with my mind far away, thinking but not really.
There was blood everywhere. On the sheets, on the fur, on the floor. The Maester was desperately trying to stop it. But I could feel my limbs starting to get cold, and I was losing feeling. Suddenly, I felt alone, so alone.
I didn't have Jaime, the one person who truly mattered to me. The only person that mattered. Father was dead, Mother was dead, Robb was dead, Rickon was dead, Arya most likely dead. I didn't know if Jon would return.
Why did everything have to go so wrong?
"My Queen! Stay with us!", I heard a muffled yell, but I couldn't respond. My mind was so foggy, calling for sleep. I was trying to stay awake but my fight was starting to drain out of me. I felt like just I did on my way to the Vale, when I thought to just end it all.
I heard the heavy door to my chambers open, and someone approach. At first I thought it was a servant or a guard. But they approached my face, and tried to shake me to stay awake.
"Audelia!", they screamed, and while my vision was getting better, I knew immediately that I had to be dead.
"Arya? Is that you? Is that really you?", I asked, delirious, and my words slurring just a little.
My hand was grabbed between hers and she pulled it closer to herself. "Yes, it's me, Arya. Lia stay here, don't fall asleep," she ordered in that bossy voice she had ever since we were little.
"You're not a dream?", I asked, unsure, still believing that I was dead, or at least imagining this.
Arya was dead, or at least missing. She couldn't be here. Could she?
"No, I'm not a dream", she replied, still very close to me. "I'm here. Right here. And so are you, stay".
"I've missed you, Tiny", I replied, using that old nickname. She smiled wider, and I swear I saw tears in her eyes. But I didn't want her to cry, not for me. Not for this.
"I missed you too, Lia", she replied, brushing her fingers over my hand, but she did not move her eyes away from mine.
The maester continued working on me, but he was just in the background now, I didn't pay attention to him. All I focused on was my sister, and the distant cries of my baby.
My son.
"I want to be brave", I mumbled out and tried to move to get my baby but I didn't manage any more than an inch.
"You are", assured Arya, brushing hair out of my face.
"No I'm not. You're the brave one, always were", I argued, choking on a sob. "I don't want to die".
"You're not going to die", she argued back, her voice stoic. Yes, this was Arya indeed.
Arya watched me for another moment before turning to a servant. "Get her some water!", she yelled at her and the servant left to fulfill the order.
"No, no water just-", I tried to argue but she interrupted me, not listening at all.
"Can you work faster? She is bleeding out!", she yelled at the Maester who I knew was doing everything in his power to save me. I just wasn't sure that was enough.
"Listen to me, Arya", I said, mustering up whatever strength I had left. I needed her here, I needed to tell her.
"His name is Eddard Stark. I need you to protect him. If Cersei or Daenerys finds out, they'll kill him, you know they will. You have to protect him", I said, my voice growing quieter with every word. But she just leaned in closer to my mouth with her ear.
"Promise me Arya. Promise me", I urged her, and squeezed my hand which was in hers as hard as I could.
"I promise", she vowed after a moment of silence, and pulled away from me.
I felt relief and despair swarm me as I watched her go, and grab Ned from the wet nurse's arms. He would be safe, he would be alright.
People would tell him the story of his parents. His honorable Father, the Great Lion of the South, Jaime Lannister. And his kind Mother, the Black Wolf and the Queen of the North. Two people who are complete opposites, that somehow fell in love.
Ned will know our story, he will know the sacrifices and the deaths. And perhaps one day, he will be able to forgive us that we had both left him so young.
I cannot wait to reunite with my one true love.
Jaime