Hi y'all hope you enjoy reading :)
Peter Parker x Reader [Angst with happy ending]
Warnings: Swear words, rude friends, mentions of alcohol/being drunk, and crying
Word Count: 3.7k
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He felt sick to his stomach when he heard one of his friends mentioning that you were coming by with some guy who was tutoring you. He didn't need to hear anything about that because it would only lead to him thinking that you were completely fine and over him already. He gave out a laugh, shrugging to his friends, "I don't really care about that anymore. But I got to go to the bathroom – hold on, I'll be back." His voice was slurred from all the drinking, and he excused himself with a nod.
As Peter closes the bathroom door, he breaks down, supporting his body against it and letting everything out.
"FUCK," he yelled, hoping that his friends didn't listen to his muffled cries. He never wanted it to end but listening to his shitty friends that said he shouldn't be that whipped about you, led him to the deepest regret of his entire life.
His throat felt scratchy after yelling, and he was glad that there was music blasting outside the bathroom so no one could hear him. After getting up for a moment, he gazed into the mirror, not knowing what he could do after messing up so bad with you. His eyes were red, and his face was puffy, and he turned away from his reflection swallowing down a few cries. He tugged his phone out of his pocket, breathing in deeply as he ressed on his contact list, scrolling till he reached your name.
"Please, please pick up." he muttered to himself, begging to whatever god there was that you'd talk to him and not ignore him because you were busy with someone else. God, just the thought of you touching another guy the same way you touched Peter makes his blood boils with jealousy.
Unfortunately, it went to the voicemail, "Hi, this is Y/n and if I didn't answer to your call, it's because I'm busy, or maybe I just don't wanna talk to you."
He laughed, remembering the day you recorded that, you were both drunk and in need of a funny voicemail. God, he missed your voice so much. "Hey, um Idk how to ask this without sounding possessive, but are you seeing someone already? Don't get me wrong, you have every right, but I really wish you weren't." he mutters the last part to himself.
He sniffled hearing the beep again, and he hung up the phone before setting it down on the counter. He wiped his face, trying to get rid of the tears that continued to flow down, and he laughed to himself, "What the fuck am I doing?" He mumbled, shaking his head.
He knew it should have felt embarrassing and humiliating, calling an ex, but right now, he didn't care. All he felt was pain and he needed to hear your voice. He pressed call again, setting it on speaker this time as he waited for you to pick up this time.
He found himself losing hope each ring, and before he knew it the voicemail started to play again. He leaned back against the wall, staring at the phone, relishing in your voice over the message. Once it beeped, he started to talk again.
"Please, I need to know if you are. I want to know if you're already over what happened between us. I'm so fucking sorry; I just need to know now. I can't," He cut himself off, biting down on his sleeve to hold in a sob.
He tried to recompose himself by taking a deep breath. "Just, please, call me if you hear this, I miss you so much and everything, somehow, reminds me of you. It's like universe is having a blast seeing how miserable I am without you to tell me everything is going to be fine, without our stupid inside jokes that always brought joy to my heart, and I can't stop thinking about the last time we kissed, If I knew it then I'd have spent days just with my lips against yours." He stopped, once again, trying to hold on a sob, but not being able to this time.
"I'm so fucking stupid." He covers his face, too ashamed to look at his own reflection, and tries to wipe his tears. "Fuck, I love you so much, I never had the chance to say it out loud because I was scared of what reaction you'd have, but fuck it, what else do I have to lose huh?" He laughed at his self-deprecating joke.
The message ended but Peter found himself needing to tell you more. He already pressed the call button again before he could stop and think about it.
Again, you didn't answer, so Peter listened to the voicemail. Once it ended, he started to speak again, hovering over the phone now. "I still love you. Even after everything, and after hearing that you're seeing someone new now, it hurts. So please, you have to answer my calls or leave me a message. I don't know what to do anymore without you around." This time he ended the message early, pressing his hands against his face.
"I love you. I can't stop loving you even now." He whispered, staring down at the phone screen. Your contact picture was what he was focusing on, and he couldn't pull his eyes away.
He found himself remembering the sweet memories you two created together, and then he started to remember when everything started to go wrong. He sucked in a heavy breath, now looking away from his phone, towards the door instead.
Suddenly, Peter heard a soft knock on the door, it was one of his friends.
"Hey man, everything ok in there?" His friend called out.
Oh shit.
"Yea, just feeling kind of sick." Peter quickly responded; well, that wasn't a total lie. "It's better if I stay here." He explained and apparently, his friend bought it.
"Alright, let me know if you need help." Peter waited for him to leave, so he could start another voicemail.
"So... you're not going to pick up, ok I get that. I just feel so lost without you around, I liked me better when you were telling me all about your favorite artists, books, anything, I was genuinely interested because of the way you had that little sparkle in your eyes when you got all excited about something. Just please don't forget us so soon." His voice was raw from all of the emotions mixing in his head.
"I remember how you said that when we move in together, you'd be so pissed off with all my socks on the floor, and I'd like that more than anything right now, any type of attention I get from you now would be the greatest thing ever. But I get it, I screwed up too bad." He went back to his crying after remembering how broken you looked when he said it was over.
"And now I want to know what it's like to move in with you; to take a bigger step. I shouldn't have backed out like that. I was nervous and scared. I thought if I let myself fall even more in love with you, then somehow, we both would end up hurt. I thought it was best if I broke up with you then because I was scared where we would end up if we continued," He paused, a little forced chuckle came out. His appearance was horrible now, and he glanced away, moving a hand through his hair.
"But I know now it was a mistake. It was a fucking horrible mistake because I lost the best part of my life, which was you. I keep having these dreams – where we're together again, and that we moved into that crappy apartment you said you liked, cause of that garden. And that we were putting up all our pictures, and you said something to me." Again, he stopped, coughing a bit this time from the crying.
"The thing you told me was that you were happy we were together, and that you loved me. I know it was just a dream, but I want it to be real. Please, pick up. I just need to talk to you, I'm sorry." Peter finished, now not caring how many tears fell down his face as he stared at the phone.
"Everyone thinks I'm so over you, but you have me in the palm of your hands, I'm whipped as fuck, and how could I not be? You're the sweetest, kindest, and you are nice to me even on your worst days, I know that's the basic, but you are everything I have ever dreamed of since I was a 15-year-old boy daydreaming about his dream girl. Fuck, I can't believe I treated you so bad, you deserve all the love in this world. Is it selfish of me to think that I should be the one giving you that? Yeah, it is, but it's true. We deserved more than this shit, I wish I hadn't lost contact with my high school friends, they would have loved you and not made me treat you like shit, I'm responsible for that, but the guilt is eating me alive and if I could go back to that night, I would. I would take it all back. I told you I didn't feel the same way anymore, God, how the fuck could I be such an asshole, I ruined the best thing that happened to me because of a bunch of fucked up guys. I miss you so, so much, you mean everything to me." After that, Peter put his phone down, until he heard your personal ringtone.
Fuck, no way that was real. He answered the call as soon as possible and almost felt like he would pass out with how much happiness he felt when he heard your sweet voice, "Hey, you said you wanted to talk."
He slowly put his phone to his ear, pressing it tightly against his ear, wanting to hear your voice as much as he could. "Hey, oh fuck. You actually – you answered!" He breathed out a sigh of surprise. He rubbed his eyes, tears slowly drying up. He started to get sober too, and he wanted to punch himself for drinking so much.
"I did but what's going on? Are you alright?" You spoke back softly, and Peter nodded, even though you couldn't see him. Since you called him back, he felt like everything was good again, but he knew it wasn't. He knew he had to tell you the whole truth now.
"I screwed up, babe. Really bad." His voice cracked slightly, and he held in his breath to see what you would say back.
"Peter... where are you? I just got to the party. Let's talk in person." You responded, worry pouring into your voice.
Peter gets up as fast as he can, considering his current state, but deeply regrets it when he feels the whole room spinning. "I'm in the bathroom right next to the kitchen."
Fuck, he really wished you wouldn't see him in this kind of state. What's he going to do about his puffy eyes? Quickly, thinking that it would look better if he tried to wash his face, he turns on the faucet and threw water onto his face.
Right after he did, he heard a knock on the door, and when he opened, it he felt like he couldn't have been happier. There you were, with a worried look on your face - oh shit the voicemails.
Before he could start to explain himself, you were already talking, "Were you swimming in there?" He chuckled, God, how much he missed your sense of humor.
"Something like that." He mumbled back, trying to wipe off the water on his face. You gave him a kind smile, one that he missed.
You stayed quiet as you handed him a towel that was on the counter. He thanked you softly as he tried to think about what to say to you, but words already started to pour out of his mouth.
"I'm so sorry. The voicemails – you don't have to listen to them. It's probably best that you delete them actually! Yeah, it's just a waste of time, um, I can explain what I said." He stopped for a moment, glancing at your face to try to guess what you were thinking.
As your smile turned more into a frown, he froze. "I already listened to the on the way here. We should talk about it." You responded, nodding to him as he hid his face into the towel.
It was embarrassing, he didn't know what to say except for, "I'm so sorry." And you just shrugged, not wanting to push either of your boundaries.
"Can you tell me why you thought it would be bad if we moved in together? I don't even know what I should be thinking; you broke up with me and now you said you loved me over those voicemails." Your voice almost felt distanced from him, even though you were so close.
He pulled the towel away from his face, shaking his head. "I was so stupid. I still am stupid; I should have realized that was wrong of me to do. I was just scared."
"So why did you do it? I was also scared as fuck, but I didn't care about what others would say or think of me, because I had you. That was all that mattered. Just for me, apparently." You muttered the last part; it was all too much to deal with at the moment.
Peter felt like his heart was stuck on a loop of getting shattered over, and over, and again. He knew that you were hurt, but he had no idea you were scared as well. He always thought you seemed so well put together. "I'm sorry babe, please forgive me. I was so selfish and careless, I should have done better, and I promise you, I will, not just for you, but because I don't like the person I am when I'm hanging out with them as well. Even if you already moved on, I promise to be a better person." His heart ached with the thought of you being with someone else, but you did deserved being happy, even if it wasn't with him.
You furrowed your brows as your stare locked on him even more. You didn't know how to feel to what he said, except for anger. You felt your mind cloud up with thoughts of why he did that. "You know what? I want to know why you let others make that decision for you. Was it really just because you were scared? Or was it something else? I'm not going to let your friends talk you out of this one. I want to hear what you really think now. Just you. I don't want to hear you mention those stupid assholes again." Your voice remained calm, but your heart started beating faster.
Peter felt his stomach drop, "I don't know why I let them encourage me," You cut him off with a loud scoff, and you shook your head.
"I was scared too. I told my friends, and you know what they said? It was probably the same thing your friends told you. But I didn't let that bother me because I love – no wait, I loved you. I don't know if I can love someone who bases their decisions off of others that don't even care for their wellbeing." You interrupted him.
Peter felt sick to his stomach. How ironic, you said the words he had been dying to hear but corrected it to the past tense. "Please don't say loved. I didn't fully base my decisions on them, but it wasn't great hearing them telling me how it would be over soon." He let out a fake laugh.
"Fuck, I got so scared of us falling out of love that I decided it would be better if I ended it." He ran his fingers through his hair, wishing they were yours instead. "I'm sorry, I really am. Just talk to me, please." He got closer to you, but he stopped, worried that he would invade your personal space and make you uncomfortable.
You eyed him warily, but soon dropped your coldness. "What am I supposed to say?" You mumbled to him as he got closer.
Now as he came closer to you, you noticed the bags under his eyes, how his cheeks seemed hollowed out. You wanted to reach out to him, but you kept your arms to your sides.
"Anything, please." He replied, closing his eyes for a moment. He wanted to relish being so close to you again, but it was different this time. The connection between the two of you was faint, barely there, and Peter still felt that nagging fear in the back of his mind.
"I don't want to lose you." He whispered, mostly to himself now.
"You already did, Peter. That's the thing..." Your voice wavered, drifting of as you watched as a tear drifted down his face. You couldn't stop yourself as you reached out and brushed your thumb against it.
"The thing? No, no, wait. It can't be. Come on, please. We can start over again – this time we can tell each other everything." Peter stumbled out, shaking his head. He wanted to deny what you just said that he lost you. But he knew it was true.
"Peter, you know it's not that easy." You hesitantly touched his face, before continuing, "I know, but we are both dedicated on whatever we do, we can try. It's cool if you wanna be just friends..."
No, it wasn't, he wanted to tell you how much pain he was in.
"Please, don't shut me out." He held your hand close to his heart, showing how every beat was just for you.
"We could never be friends, you know that." He whispered. You let out a chuckle, shaking your head at him, remembering how quick you two went from being strangers to lovers. Maybe that's where it all went wrong.
"Yeah, I agree. But babe, we deserve another try, our love deserves it. You're everything. Those last few weeks had been hell, I don't wanna be apart from you ever again. Please, give us another try." He pleaded you, hoping you'd stay.
You stayed quiet for a while, but the longer you thought about it, the longer you started to feel like you should try once more with him. "Only if we go slow, like super slow, starting completely over." You spoke up, your hand now not leaving his face.
Peter smiled instantly, he broke off into happy laughter, making you smile. "Like completely over? We just met type thing?" He responded, his tone was bright and hopeful.
You nodded back to him, "Yeah, just like that." And he slowly stepped away from you with a cheesy smile.
He looked into the mirror, and then turned the faucet on. Then he glanced in the mirror, over to you.
"Oh! Hello, didn't know someone was using this bathroom." His voice was a bit raw from crying earlier, but now he tried his best to show how happy he was.
He couldn't even stop himself from smiling like crazy. You let out a few laughs, shaking your head at him in disbelief, but you played along.
"Hey, yeah. I was just about to step out." You responded, a playful grin on your face.
Peter laughed again; his cheeks full of color as he spun around to face you. "Before you go, what's your name? You're so beautiful, so you must have a beautiful name to go along with it." His compliment was completely tacky, but you loved it.
"My name's Y/n, what's yours?" You mumbled, as Peter walked a little closer to you once again. He stuck his hand out, not caring that he didn't dry it off.
"I'm Peter. It's nice to meet you." He responded, and you took his hand in yours and squeezed tightly.
Peter didn't let go of your hand as the two of you exited the bathroom. He couldn't take his eyes off you as he felt like the luckiest guy in the world. He was going to do his best and tell you everything he felt now instead of keeping it bottled up and becoming scared.
He didn't even see his friends standing outside the bathroom door, as if they were waiting for them. You squeezed his hand harder and then he noticed their laughter.
"So what? You guys are back together again? I thought you said you didn't care about her." One of his friends teased him, laughing hard as Peter glanced over to you, worried. But it seemed that you knew that it was a lie, since you smiled back to him.
"Was your name Devin? Or Calvin or something?" You asked, raising your eyebrows up to the guy. He shook his head back to you.
"No, it's Timothy," You cut him off from continuing, with a loud laugh, "Well fuck you. And fuck you, and you over there, definitely fuck you." You cursed at them, with a big smile on your face.
Peter chuckled as you continued to swear at everyone. "And you, I have something special to tell you." You laughed even more, continuing with, "I hope you know you're a fucking asshole."
The two of you left as Peter's friends groaned, not bothering to say anything back to you. Peter was glad that you both were able to leave without there being too much of a problem. But he knew he had to get rid of those friends, and maybe find new ones or try to get in touch with his friends from high school again.
And more importantly, talk to you more about his feelings.
"You know what?" He asked you as he started to swing your hand back and forth in his. You glanced over to him to continue.
"Let's go get ice cream, near that bus stop." He expressed in a calm voice, and you instantly stopped walking, causing him to trip a little.
"You remember that?" You spoke in a small voice, almost in disbelief. The way you were staring at him now made his stomach erupt with butterflies as he chuckled quietly.
"Of course, I do. It was our first unofficial date. I even kept the receipt from it." He laughed, watching as your mouth opened in shock.