ALERT: I haven't edited this chapter, so I guarrantee typos and probably missing words. I just wanted to put the chapter out there before I forget. I'll clean it up in the next day or so.
14 // Pris
I haven't talked to Dani in a week. The more I spend time away from her, the more I realize that I might have overreacted. I know Cindy; she used to be in my high school, two years ahead of me. Even then, she had a reputation. Richie and Angie would always hang out with her, because she was legal before they were. If it were just the reputation, I could maybe bring myself to like her, but she's also selfish and just — mean. I've never met someone like her before. She was also on the cheerleading squad and got to pick the ones she thought were most qualified to lead the team. Thus, Arianna knew her really well. Overall, she left nothing but a bad impression.
But now, I'm pushing Dani away from me, by creating situations that don't need to be. I could probably avoid a lot of these arguments if I trusted her more. And to be honest, I don't know why I don't trust her more than I do. She hasn't truly betrayed me at any given time. Her friends are horrible — and it's really only Alex that bothers me, the others are fine — but that has nothing to do with the trust I have towards her.
Sometimes, I look at Dani, whether it's her physically next to me or through photos and I wonder how the hell did she end up liking me. She's such an amazing person and I just can't bring myself to believe that we match. Yet, she's never made me feel like I shouldn't be with her.
One thing feels certain: I'm overthinking and overreacting to everything.
The consequence is that now, I miss her. I miss staring at her smile and grinning at her text messages. She hasn't tried to reach out to me either during this week. I wonder what she's up to. I hope she hasn't moved on, because I sure haven't. It's true that we haven't interacted nor seen each other in a week, but I thought about her just as much as usual. I miss her hair. I liked twirling a few of her curls between my fingers as we kiss.
I glance at my phone, which is on my bedside table. I realize that I spent three quarters of my life in my room, on my bed, thinking. That's way too much time. I should be doing something more productive.
I don't know if I want to engage right this minute. Then again, she may not answer right away. I pick up my phone and type 'hey', as if we hadn't ignored each other all this time. My finger hesitates to send. I close my eyes and hit the button. When I open them back up, my message has been sent.
I rake my hair back, which is such a Dani move, and sit back against my head board. I also called my dad during the week. He said he'd pass by next week, because he's off. I can't wait for him to be here. I want to come out to him. I want him to know about Dani. I'm sure he doesn't care but I like rambling on about my life with him.
There's a buzz. I turn my head around and stare at my phone. I take it and swipe to see the message. It's indeed Dani, and she said 'hey' back to me, just as dryly as I did. I start texting her but in mid-sentence of my third line, I erase it all, and just call her. It's so much simpler like that.
It rings two times before she picks up.
"Yeah?" I hear her voice through the phone. I forgot how sexy it was.
"Yeah, Dani, it's me."
"I know."
I don't know what to tell her, "What are you up to?"
"More studying. You?" Dani answers me. She sounds like she's writing something as she's talking to me.
"Not much of anything." There's a long silence. "I miss you."
Dani stays quiet. She clears her throat and tells me, "I miss you too."
My heart thumps. I have no clue what to say next. Dani sounded really sad when she said that. I truly messed up this time and I can't blame her for it.
She speaks again, "Are you still mad at me?"
"No, I'm not," I reply, honestly. "I want to see you soon, if that's... possible."
"Is in ten minutes okay?"
I nod. Then I realize that she can't see me nod. So I answer her, "Yes, that's perfect."
Except, it wasn't perfect. Ten minutes was not enough to sigh before getting off of my bed, contemplating what to wear, hesitate between five outfits, narrowing it down to three, wondering why I bought a certain item in the first place, wondering why I've never bought an item that I could really use right now, finally pick the one, then make-up. I'll spare the details for the make-up, but it's basically the same dynamic. However, I wasn't about to be difficult at the moment.
I could tell Dani was smiling when she told me, "Good, be there in ten." I'm about to hang up when she adds, "More like fifteen or twenty minutes."
I chuckle, "No problem Dani."
We hang up. I hurry to choose my outfit as quickly as possible and to try to look decent facially. I manage to be ready when she rings the doorbell. But, I'm not downstairs when the doorbell rings. And my mom is home. Neil went out to a barbecue with his stupid friends that he's had since college, at his fraternity.
I hear the door open and feel my heart throbbing as I'm standing in my room, panicking. I can't find my hand purse. It's nerve racking to be honest. To add to injury, I'm completely stressed over my mother's reaction to Dani's arrival. My reasons are:
A) I didn't tell her a friend was coming over.
B) Dani clearly looks... gay.
She's gay in an undeniable way. Not stereotypical, but when the girl in front of you is as masculine as your husband, you start asking yourself questions. Yet, I find her so mind-blowingly sexy, which kind of reminds me how it felt to be against her body that night.
Anyway.
I glance on my right and see my purse lying on my desk. I rush down the staircase to see Dani politely conversing with my mom. Dani's hands are shoved in her black chinos while wearing a dark blue V-neck under her usual leather jacket. She's also faithfully wearing her Converse.
They both look over at me, as if I'm interrupting them. Dani doesn't smile at me, though her eyes are just as intense as before this fight. My mom shoots me an awkward smile.
"Pris, I met your friend." My mom says. Dani slightly waves. "You didn't tell me you had a friend coming over."
"It was a last minute thing," I reply.
My mom turns back to my 'friend', "Are you staying for dinner?"
Dani shakes her head, "No, I couldn't do that on such short notice, Ms. Lockhart."
My mom smiles and touches Dani's shoulder. Geez, it looks like she's flirting with her. I think my mom is just feeling awkward. I've never talked to her much, and even less about my friends, apart from Arianna. This must be quite the discovery.
I stare at Dani. I feel so bad, because it is to a large extent my fault. I take that from my mom. I always blame before I get blamed. If I just agreed to converse sometimes, I'd probably solve most of my problems instead of simply yelling at the other person to figure things out.
"Are you sure you don't want any dinner?"
"Well only if you insist."
"I do."
My mom smiles and marches off towards the kitchen. Great, I got all dressed for practically nothing. We may not even go out.
I casually walk down towards Dani. She turns her head to me, after observing my house. From her look, I think she enjoys what she sees.
"Hey," I whisper to her.
"Hey," she mirrors me.
"So you're staying for dinner," I tell her.
"Apparently."
"Well, that was my mom."
"I could tell," Dani scoffs. "You look just like her."
I crack a smile and turn my head away from her. As I hear pots and pans clanking together, I reach for Dani's hand and pull her up to my room, so my mom won't bother us as easily. Dani doesn't seem reluctant; she simply follows me upstairs. I close the door behind her and spin around. She's already studying my bedroom, which can be summed up in one word: books.
My body tenses up. I want to tell her so many things, but I feel surprisingly uncomfortable in her presence. I thought I wouldn't be so intimidated, even though it has been a while.
"Dani?" I call her name out.
She had a book in her hand and was looking through it but put it down when she heard my name, "Yeah?"
"I'm... sorry." I say. Her mouth is about to move but I don't stop talking, "For everything. I shouldn't have handled the situation like that. I keep blaming you for everything but in reality, I've never made any real efforts for you and I'm sorry. Please Dani, I don't want to throw this all away. You make me feel so special. Sometimes, too special. I'm sorry I don't appreciate all you do."
Dani pulls the strangest face on me. She approaches me and hugs me. I wrap my arms around her neck and keep her close. She holds me so tight. I wonder if something is really wrong.
"Pris," she finally speaks, pulling out of the embrace. She's still so close to my face. My eyes get lost in hers. She plays with a curly strand of my hair. "This week has been really difficult for me, because I do love you. I just don't want 'us' to be so complicated. I just want to be with you. I don't want more."
"I want the same thing Dani."
"Then show it."
"I opened my legs for you, or did you forget about that?"
I keep a straight face but it makes Dani break out in one of her irresistible smiles. I can see her eyes fixated on my breasts. I want her so much. I want her to touch me.
"I didn't forget," she breaks the silence. "I missed your body."
"Not just that, right?"
"Pris, I missed all of you. That includes your body."
Needless to say that I'm blushing right now. Needless to say that Dani is getting a real kick out of teasing me to the point of blushing.
"We start again, properly?" I ask her.
Dani nods, "Yes."
"We talk about things and work together?"
She nods again and repeats, "Yes."
She's still focused on my chest. I'll admit that I'm purposely keeping my arms around her neck so my rack can be pressed up against her. That's about as bad girl as I've ever gone.
"You want to kiss me right?" I ask her, biting my lip.
"I want more than that," she stares at my mouth.
I blush more, "Then answer my question honestly."
She nods. I go on, "What happened with Cindy after we had that argument?"
Dani looks up at me, "I didn't go over. But I did see her the next day and we had a drink or two with the others. But that's it."
"You promise?"
"Promise."
I move in and I kiss her. I had missed that for so long. I had missed her for so long.
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Take care x