REYNA
I ended my playing with a sigh. The violin was the perfect release for all my pent up frustrations. As I looked at the instrument, grateful for the gift, guilt settled in. I knew how he reacted every time I mentioned Giovanni's name, yet when he gifted me something so precious and meaningful, I threw it in his face. Even though my intentions were pure, I could see the ugliness of my behavior.
After carefully placing the violin and bow back into the case, I stood up. Something in my gut told me to go to him. I needed to apologize. I needed to make sure he knew just how appreciative I was. Even if he wouldn't do the same for me, my heart would never allow me to sleep okay knowing that I could have possibly hurt someone's feelings.
I walked out of my room and into the empty hallway. My footsteps were almost soundless thanks to my slippers.
As I made my way to his room, I could almost feel sadness reaching out and grabbing onto me.
Pushing open the door, I walked in and took in the sight of a disheveled saint. His shirt was off, his pants were undone, his hair was a mess, and he was holding onto a bottle. I hadn't seen him drink in a week. And unlike any other bottle I had ever seen in his hands, this bottle was full.
Reluctantly, I took small steps toward him until I was directly in front of him. I cautiously reached for the bottle before grasping it and taking it away from him. He didn't protest as I sat the bottle over on the desk and just watched him.
A tear fell from his eye.
I never thought I would be there to witness Santino Venturi at his strongest point-open and see-through like a glass door. Now, I truly believed it. He trusted me.
Scaring me, he grabbed ahold of my wrist. I stared down at his hold on me before looking into his broken eyes. Some invisible force pushed me to him. It pushed me to curl my arms around his neck and hold him. He quickly let go of my wrist to wrap around my waist as he pulled me closer.
"It's okay," I whispered, running my fingers through his hair. It's okay to feel, Saint.
I was hoping he could feel every bit of comfort and security that I could feel in his arms. I wanted him to know that I would be there for him as long as he treated me right.
The night sky was shining through the bedroom window. I could hear the chips of crickets just outside. The room was dark, and the only reason I could see Saint was because of the moonlight that danced on his skin.
"I didn't kill them," he whispered.
I froze. "What?"
"My father and Adriano's father were both great friends. It was how I met Adriano. They were drinking buddies, gambling buddies, and even worked for a man by the name of Viktor," he began.
His father worked for Viktor? Saint's connection to Viktor finally made sense. However, it still didn't explain why he wanted me to find out who Viktor was. I could see the hatred he had for the man. I understood that he wanted his vengeance, but why?
"My father wasn't the best man. He was an alcoholic, and he was abusive. It began with my mother before it led to me. I used to take whatever he beating he gave me because at least I was protecting the woman that loved me most," he said.
Saint held me impossibly tighter, his grip on me growing stronger and stronger.
"I'm here," I whispered, never ending the manipulations on his scalp. I only continued to run my fingers through his hair and softly press his head closer to my chest.
"Until she left me. She took my little sister, Francesca, and she left. I never experienced rage and anger until that very moment. I wanted to kill them... I really did. I wanted to kill my father. I wanted to kill my mother. I wanted to kill my sister. I wanted every person that had ever hurt me to die by my own hands," he confessed.
My eyes widened, but I didn't let him go.
"How old were you?" I asked.
"Thirteen," he answered.
He was thirteen and thoughts like that had already consumed him. Even though it was sad and disheartening, I could only imagine the amount of trauma he had to learn to cope with at such a young age. There was abuse, and there was abandonment-things that no child should ever have to go through.
"The day mama left, my father came in my room so drunk that he couldn't even stand properly. Instead of hitting me, he fell down on the floor, laid there, and just sobbed like a baby. He kept crying and crying. At first, I believed it was because he felt like he couldn't operate without my mother by his side, but I later found out it was so much more..." he explained.
"The next day, he came into my room and beat me, blaming me for losing his lover. Then the next day, he came into my room and beat me, blaming me for losing his child. Then the next day, he came into my room and beat me, blaming me for losing the little boy who was such a Saint. Every day it was the same fucking thing until he stumbled into my room, too drunk to do anything again. He told me he did something bad. He didn't have any money because he gambled it all away. He and Adriano's father didn't have the money to pay Viktor back," Saint stated.
My heart dropped.
"You see, Viktor was a loan shark before he ventured off into trafficking and owning brothels. He gave out money, and when someone didn't return it, he'd hurt them-badly. Not even a day later, my father rushed me into the car and he drove as fast as he could to wherever my mother was staying. It ended up being some beat up hotel. He knocked on her door and demanded that she let him in because he needed to protect her. The only reason why she opened the door was because she saw me standing out there in the cold-silent and observing," he muttered.
"When we walked into the hotel, I saw my little sister crawling on the bed. She had her fist in her mouth with a smile on her face. Just like that, every bit of hatred and jealousy I felt toward her had gone away. I walked over to Francesca and just held her close to me as my mother and father began to yell at each other. My mother talked about how stupid he was for taking money from Viktor. My father talked about how cruel she was for leaving him with a bunch of bills and no other choice. He demanded her to get in her car, and she said no. Finally, my dad had enough and he grabbed me and dragged me back to his car..." Saint sighed.
I continued to run my hands through his hair.
"As he started up the car, a big black vehicle pulled up in front of my mother's hotel. I watched two men walk out with guns strapped to them, and a ski mask covering their face. My eyes widened as they began to walk straight up to mama's door where they pushed it open. 'Papa!' I shouted. He began to back out of the parking spot, wiping away his tears. He then yelled back, 'I told her to come with me, Saint! She said no! She chose to stay! Fuck her!' I kept watching, taking in the sounds of screams and my baby sister crying. However, once he drove off, I could no longer hear a thing. It didn't take long for the hotel to disappear from my sight. He drove all the way home, ignoring my cries and pleading until silence overcame me. As he turned off his car and got out, I knew what I was going to do. He walked up the front door, leaving it open so I could enter. Thankfully, Rosalinda was out of town for the month. I followed behind him until I got to the kitchen where I grabbed a big knife and when his back was turned, I stabbed him. I stabbed him again and again and again and again. I'm not sure how many times I did it, but I knew it was not enough, so I kept going and going," he explained.
A tear fell from my eye. I tried not to make a sound, but as each word fell from his lips, it grew harder and harder.
"The television was on. I had to hear about the death of a woman and her baby in the exact same hotel we left my mother and little sister at. The news asked that if anyone had any information to contact them, but I didn't want to. My mother and sister died because of my father and Viktor. I wanted to find Viktor myself, and kill him just like I did my father. So, I walked out my house as rain began to greet me. I walked until I was at the end of my street where I sat down and tried to feel the loss of my family, but I couldn't. For the longest time, I blamed my father until I began to blame myself," he said.
"It's not your fault. It isn't. You did everything you could, and I'm sure if your mom was here right now, she'd tell you just how thankful she was to have you, Santino," I declared.
Saint pulled me down to sit in his lap so I was face-to-face with him. I could finally see the tear that had fallen down his cheek. I softly wiped it away.
"Viktor's men were terrible when it came to carrying out jobs. He was just getting himself off the ground, so he didn't have much experience. We were lucky though. It was the only reason why me and Adriano lived," he said. "That night, Adriano came to me. He was very emotional and I knew if Viktor tried to eliminate my family, they were only did the same to his. He lived with his little brother and his father. When Adriano began to say that he would always be there for me, it became clear as day. He lost his little brother and hoping to fill that void, he tried to replace him with me. It's why he always swore to never let me down, and why he always comes back even when I treat him horribly."
I took in a harsh intake of air. They both had to go through something terrible. Everything was finally beginning to make sense.
"Adriano later told me what happened that night. He was eating dinner with his dad and brother when the door opened and guns started going off. His father died immediately but Adriano and his brother were able to run away. However, the brother didn't make it far, seeing as a bullet penetrated his back. He fell to the floor and died in seconds, leaving Adriano all on his own. He ran and ran until he could no longer hear gunshots. When he was a safe distance away, he watched the car drive away and didn't move until he saw me on the street... alone in the rain," Saint explained.
I rested my head into the crook of Saint's neck so he couldn't see me crying.
"Tino then came and said he was a friend of my father's. We had no other choice but go with him. He took us to his house where we met Dante, and together, we all grew up. Tino even offered Rosalinda a job once she came back in town to be our nanny. She raised us all to become the men we are today. Maybe that day was the day she switched sides, or maybe she always worked for Viktor and I had never known. However, I decided to be on my own when I was sixteen and I built my own empire away from Tino's trafficking and focused on weapons that I even sell to the U.S. government. Now, I'm bigger than those low life's-Tino and even fucking Viktor," he finished.
"I'm sorry you had to go through all of that," I whispered, trying my best to hide the crack in my voice.
"Don't be," he demanded.
I lifted my head out of the crook of his neck and stared into his eyes. "You are strong," I said.
"So are you," he responded.
I went back to hugging him, enjoying every bit of his warmth. I wasn't sure how long we sat like that, but all I knew was that minutes turned into hours. Suddenly, I was drifting off to sleep, curled around Santino Venturi.
-
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Gross school is tomorrow. That means my updates may not be as consistent anymore because I have to focus on assignments and shit. Hate it here.
Also, can y'all please stop saying they're siblings. It's really creeping me out. NO! NOOOOOOOO! NOT HAPPENING!!!
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