And that was how we ended up at the gym. I sit on the side-line, back against the cinderblock warehouse wall and watch Blaze as his fists pummel into the worn leather punching bag that hangs down on a chain that looks seconds away from snapping. His biceps flex, veins bulge underneath his skin. A sheen of sweat covers his tanned flesh. His stubbled jaw clenched so tight his molars must be dust on his gums. Knuckles red and bloody as they smear across the red fabric of the bag, hair plastered to the top of his forehead. He moves skillfully, swift and aquiline. Watching with such narrowed concentration then striking the anger and pain into the bag.
I watch silently, admiring his angry form jab into the bag, sweat drips onto his long eyelashes but he doesn't so much as blink. I managed to drive us here without crashing and when we pulled up outside the gym Blaze practically jumped from the car whilst it was still moving and dashed in. I'd text Jack in advance who'd left the place open as long as we lock up when we leave... and not, majorly, break anything. Blaze had been silent since we left the parking lot glaring out of the window, fists clenched, leg bouncing. He didn't even quip when I drove way too slow... probably slow enough to get some sort of ticket or fine. His knuckles look painfully redraw and he's not slowing down, my heart hurts every time his beaten flesh hits the bag. I've lost track of time but I know he's been doing this for well over an hour, he's punishing himself again for something that's in no way his fault.
I can't watch this anymore.
Pushing myself off the rather gritty floor I tentatively walk over to his brooding figure, teeming with so much anger I can practically taste it in the air around him. His eyes stay trained on the bag smeared with lines of blood, distant and chilling.
"Blaze." My heartbeat drums in my ears, "Blaze stop. Please." Nothing. Not even the slight twitch in his face that he's even heard me. "Blaze." I step closer into his peripheral vision. Still, nothing, transfixed in this self-loathing state, the pain residing behind the anger pushing to breakthrough. I reach out carefully and place my hand on his damp shoulder, squeezing slightly.
He whips around, nostrils flaring as the bag swings behind him, his chest moves up and down violently as I take a step closer putting my palm on it. "Blaze." I sigh looking down at his knuckles.
"What Atlas. What!" He shouts, stepping back from me into the still swinging bag, the smack of his sweaty flesh against the leather rings through the gym.
"Talk to me... please." I combat the space between us with another step towards him.
"There's nothing to talk about." He mumbles turning back to the bag, hands moving to strike again. Snaking between him and the leather I reach out to grab his fists, careful not to worsen the sores and wounds littering them. His harsh breathing streams from his nose, eyes glaring down at me.
"There is and you know there is. Stop torturing yourself, what happened was not your fault. Please... just stop hurting yourself." Water crests my lashline as I struggle past the lump in my throat. His silence stretches between us as he searches my eyes, blinking a few times before softening. Sorrow and hurt hurtling into his features, his shoulders dropping, head curving inwards. His hands shake as he runs them down my arms, strands of his wet hair falling into his eyes.
"It... it was... it was my fault." His voice cracks the words small and broken flow out like a whirlpool of restrained emotion. The words echoed in the hollowness that settles inside me. A single tear sears down his cheek, head dropping further to hide it. I brush it away with my thumb, struggling to pull back my own. "Atlas it's all my fault and I- I... I don't think I'm strong enough to do this anymore." His red-rimmed watery eyes lift to mine before his body shakes with sobs, crumbling before me. I try and catch his weight as the trembling body sinks to the mats but end up falling with him, pulling him closer into me and letting him cry. His hands are still balled tight in my chest, his wet eyes leaking onto my shirt. There's nothing I can say right now to make him feel better, not when he's like this, so I just let him cry.
The gym is silent, the echo of the bag long forgotten as Blaze's sobs breakthrough, muffled slightly by my arms. I've seen Blaze angry, I've seen him upset but I've never seen him this distraught. His resolve is breaking, cracking into pieces after holding it up for so long.
"You are strong enough, look how far you've come on your own. Sometimes you just need a good cry and that's okay Blaze." I murmur into his ear as his breathing begins to slow slightly.
"I don't think anyone understands Atlas. They just see the anger, they think just because I'm angry I don't hurt. Well, I fucking hurt. I really fucking hurt and I'm fed up of pretending it don't." He slumps further into me so I hold on tighter, or as tight as my small arms can muster.
"It's okay, I know you hurt. You'd be a sociopath if you didn't."
"I feel like you're the only good stable thing in my life and... and I'm scared I'm going to drive you away with all this shit. You've been living a nightmare and I'm dragging you back into one." He finally sits up, putting a concerning distance between us.
"Blaze, you're the only one who believes that. I'm not going anywhere. We do this together, you don't feel strong enough... well here, have the minuscule amount of strength I have." I lift up my arm, flexing the little bicep I have. Blaze chuckles lightly, that boyish grin adding some life back to his tear-streaked face.
"You have way more than just a minuscule amount of strength butterfly. More than you could ever know." He pokes my bicep before dragging me into his lap. His hands rest on my wrists, "I'm sorry." He mumbles, head dipping to stare at the mat, another tear leaking from his lashes. I place my thumb on his cheek to catch the droplet and tilt his face so I can look at him.
"Sorry for what."
"Everything. Crying like a girl. Being an asshole. Having a shitty father. All of it."
"Firstly Blazey, that was extremely sexist." I shoot him a glare, "Crying is okay, boys and girls alike, in fact, it's good you're finally letting all this out. Sometimes it's just needed and unavoidable. Cry all you want, I'll never judge you for that, ever. Secondly, none of what you mentioned is your fault.... Well except the asshole bit but you're never an asshole to me... so we can still rule that out." He chuckles lightly, clutching my hand and playing with the tips of my fingers. "You need to stop blaming yourself for things that aren't in your control and things that happened in the past. Stop putting everyone else's burden on yourself. He won't get away with this Blaze, the law is already onto him and we'll sort this." I cup his cheek as he nods very slightly. Unsure of the outcome of my next statement I take hold of his hand, "I need you to hear me out on this and be open-minded okay?" He looks sceptical but nods. "I think it'd be really good if you spoke to someone."
"But I'm speaking to you, you help me with these things." He says panicked.
"I know and I'm so grateful you open up to me and trust me enough to talk to but I think it might help you to talk to someone professional about this, someone who might understand better. I know you said before you hated it and it didn't help but maybe that's because you were forced to go and you weren't in the right mindset. I'm asking you if you'd consider going. I won't force you and if you still hate it you can stop but will you at least consider it."
He groans tilting his head to the ceiling, Adam's apple more poignantly bobbing in his throat. His eyelids flutter before he says, "Fine, for you I will."
"No. For you. This needs to be for you."
He lets out a breathy huff before lowing his eyes to meet mine again. His hands trail up from my arms to cup my cheeks, "I love you." He murmurs moving his lips to hover above mine.
"I love you," I whisper as his lips crash onto mine, his tongue snaking between to deepen and savour the moment. My core tingles, teeth grazing my lip drawing back slightly to attack my jaw and neck. Nipping at the soft skin, replacing his teeth with his tongue. A sound escapes my lips causing Blaze to chuckle deeply against my skin. His hands move to the hem of my shirt carefully pulling it up over my head, throwing it over the mats and landing with a skittering sound. He makes light work of my bra, moving his mouth to cover my overly sensitive nipple. I yelp in pleasure as he tugs one between his teeth and the other needed with his calloused lined hand. His tongue trails between the valley of my breasts leaving a trail cooled by the stuffy air. His lips work up the line and across my throat.
"Wait... wait..." I am breathing huskily. Blaze stops and sits back on his heels, eyeing me cautiously. "Are you sure? I mean... I don't want to... if you need time that's okay." He lets out a laugh, running his hands back through his hair.
"One hundred per cent sure, the only thing I need right now is to be between those sweet thi-"
"Okay... okay." I blush as he pulls me back into his naked chest, my fingers dancing on his shoulders, "But... you first." I whisper into his ear as I get off his lap, I pull him off the ground and push him onto the weight bench near the back. The weights groan as Blaze slumps back a lazy grin on his face.
I straddle his waist, placing kisses down his throat and onto his chest, salty with sweat. My fingers walk around the waistband to his shorts, his hardness growing against my ass. I hop off his lap and drop to my knees, trailing my tongue down his navel, stopping at his waistband as my fingers slowly peel them down. Blaze lifts his hips breathing heavily through his nostrils. His shorts and boxers come down in a final sweep as his length springs up.
I don't think I'll ever get used to seeing.... it... the size of it... Blaze's hands swirl around my neck upon seeing the nerves cloud my face. I've given him... handjobs before but I've never given him anything more, he never used to let me. Was... uh... more focused on what he was doing to me.
"It's okay Blondie." His hand moves to my cheek. "Just take it at your pace, you don't have to if you're not comfortable."
"No, I want to... I'm just... contemplating."
"Dangerous." He snickers so I hit him in the thigh, which only makes him laugh more. He only stops when I curl my hand around the base of his shaft, to which the laughter embers into shallow breaths. "Just keep doing that and... and start slowly, do what you think is right for... you..." His head falls back as I pump slowly, a pearly bead gathering at his tip. Usually, I lower my lips over his tip and close them around his firmness, licking the bead with my tongue.
His throaty moan resonates through his flesh and his hands move to my head, gathering my hair in one hand. He doesn't move my head just hold's on gently, reassuringly as I move my head up and down using my hand to work the base of his length as there's no way in hell I'd fit him all in my mouth. I move up and down falling into a rhythm, working my tongue around him. His thighs are tense under my forearms, sweat trickling down his abdomen as he hisses, jaw clenched.
"You're so fucking beautiful." He manages between puffs of breath. "Faster." His eyes drill into mine and I feel myself grow even wetter, clenching as he tugs my hair slightly. His hand guides my movement on the back of my head, the other wipes the corner of my lips, his thumb brushing across my cheek. "Fuck." He curses and my head moves ever faster, squeezing with my hand. "Mother fucking shit Blondie." I pause slightly, looking up- "Don't fucking stop." He breaths urging my head back into action with the hand-tied in my hair. "Don't ever fucking stop." His breathing becomes even more laboured with his grunts before he warns, "Shit Blondie, I'm going to fucking come." He releases the grip on my head giving me the option but with my hand, I grab it and place it back in my hair. He cries out, tugging on my hair as I pump harder. A final 'fuck' falls from his lips before he reaches his release and I swallow the contents of my mouth, sitting back on my heels.
Blaze reaches down as he draws out of my mouth and cups my chin between his thumb and forefinger. Casually wiped at my lashline with one thumb, swiping the remnants off my chin with the other.
"I fucking love you." He whispers before kissing me deeply, tasting himself on my tongue.
Hey hey guys!! I'm so sorry about how delayed my updates are, I'm swamped with uni work and assessments! I hope you all had a brilliant Christmas and happy new year! ❤️
It's crazy how many reads Balance has now got, thank you all so much! If you liked the chapter please hit the ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️