❛ 'Cause there's a hunger, a longing to escape from the life I live when I'm awake. ❜
SEASON 2, EPISODE 11 & 12
judge, jury, executioner & better angels
━━━━━━ day 81.
RICK RETURNED TO the farm with Hershel and Glenn the morning after they left. In the backseat of their car was a kid named Randall, who had been left behind by his crew after the shoot out turned to be more than they could handle. Randall had tried to jump from the roof of a building and ended up with a pole shot straight through his leg.
⠀⠀⠀Rick decided to risk the lives of Glenn and Hershel in an attempt to save him. They got his leg off the pole and dumped him in the barn, where Hershel worked on his legs for hours on end. Once Randall was fixed up, Rick and Shane took him eighteen miles out to dump him. So, rather than move on, they decided to save his life, only to leave him for dead again.
⠀⠀⠀Bianca sat with the others, numb to everything happening. It didn't hardly cross her radar as she was still pinned to the day before with Sophia. Her limbs felt like the static on a TV, and her eyes were glossy as all she could do was worry that Cal was dead out there like Sophia.
⠀⠀⠀Daryl's return from the barn caught Bianca's attention. His knuckles were bloody, and his crossbow was strung over his shoulder as he stopped at the head of the group.
⠀⠀⠀"Boy there's got a gang, thirty men. They have heavy artillery, and they ain't lookin' to make friends. They roll through here, our boys are dead and our women, they're gonna wish they were."
⠀⠀⠀Carol gave him a pitiful gaze, frowning, as she asked, "What did you do?"
⠀⠀⠀"Had a little chat," Daryl answered her, moving away from the spotlight.
⠀⠀⠀"No one goes near this guy," Rick called to the rest of them sternly.
⠀⠀⠀"Rick," Lori called softly, stepping in front of her husband. "What are you gonna do?"
⠀⠀⠀"We have no choice. He's a threat," Rick said, then turned to the rest of them. "We have to eliminate the threat."
⠀⠀⠀"You're just gonna kill him?" Dale asked, shocked by the sudden turn.
⠀⠀⠀"It's settled," Rick told them. "I'll do it today."
AFTER A DAY of mulling over Rick's statement, they had settled to vote. Dale had made his rounds, begging for the others to take his side. He had come to her and Daryl, but she was still near catatonic. Hardly listening as she lay in the grass staring at the clear sky. Dale had quickly taken her silence as her not agreeing with him and tried for Daryl, who was much more talkative.
⠀⠀⠀As the day rolled by, they were set up in the living room of Hershel's home to say yay or nay on Randall's life. The group argued hard on the topic for an hour, but it was clear that the vote heavily weighed on Rick's side.
⠀⠀⠀Bianca had barely listened, her eyes focused on the knots in the wood flooring. She couldn't process what they were saying even when Dale tried to speak directly to her. He saw it as chickening out, but Bianca could hardly talk without breaking down. Her lips felt like a dam about to release a reservoir of pent-up emotions she had yet to allow herself to feel since the beginning.
⠀⠀⠀"This is a young man's life, and it is worth more than a five-minute conversation!" Dale exclaimed, finally catching Bianca's attention. She raised her head, staring at the old man as he ranted on the group's inability to allow the possibility of his opinion. "Is this what it's come to? We kill someone because we can't decide what else to do with him? You saved him, and now look at us. He's been tortured. He's gonna be executed. How are we any better than those people that we're so afraid of?"
⠀⠀⠀A heavy silence filled the room as they finally listened. Suddenly, Dale was making sense to them.
⠀⠀⠀"We all know what needs to be done," Shane stated, the only one to not seem to consider Dale.
⠀⠀⠀"No, Dale is right," Rick spoke up, turning with a steely gaze toward Shane. "We can't leave any stone unturned here. We have a responsibility—"
⠀⠀⠀"So, what's the other solution?" Andrea asked, raising her hand.
⠀⠀⠀"Let Rick finish," Lori said.
⠀⠀⠀"We haven't come up with a single viable option yet," Andrea continued with a scowl, looking from Lori to Rick. "I wish we could—"
⠀⠀⠀"So, let's work on it!" Dale shouted in frustration. They just kept dancing around the issue without finding a better solution.
⠀⠀⠀"We are!" Rick snapped at him.
⠀⠀⠀"Stop it! Just stop it!" Carol yelled over them. She stood by the door, appearing small under their gaze as she skittishly looked over them. "I'm sick of everybody arguing and fighting. I didn't ask for this. You can't ask us to decide something like this. Please decide—either of you, both of you—but leave me out," she begged of them, her words breathy from exhaustion.
⠀⠀⠀Dale smiled at her, but it was in a disappointed manner. Tears began to prick at the corners of his eyes as he raised a finger and pointed shakily at her.
⠀⠀⠀"Not speaking out or killing him yourself. There's no difference," Dale claimed harshly, but he was right. Now, with everything happening, there wasn't much time to mourn.
⠀⠀⠀Bianca had to realize that. Carol might've lost everything today, but if she wanted to live, to survive, then these were the kinds of things she needed to be apart. Same for Bianca, same for them all.
⠀⠀⠀"Alright, that's enough," Rick barked, holding his hand out toward Dale to signal for him to back off. Then, he turned to the rest of them and said, "Anybody who wants the floor before we make a final decision has the chance."
⠀⠀⠀There was a moment of silence. Then, Bianca spoke.
⠀⠀⠀"What if..." Bianca began. Her voice was small as everyone's eyes turned to her in an instant. How Carol looked a second ago was how Bianca felt now. She stared down at her fingers in her laps and played with them to release the anxiety building. "What if he has people out there... That are worried about him, th-that think, that hope he's alive. That all they've got going for them is praying and hoping and wishing that he is, but then we kill him! And all that hope and all those prayers aren't enough anymore."
⠀⠀⠀Bianca let out a shaky breath and turned to Rick. Her dark eyes pierced into his, looking beyond and into his soul. She could see him shutter, but he kept her gaze, not backing down.
⠀⠀⠀"What if that was one of us?" Bianca asked him, her lip quivering. "What if it was one of us out there, left behind by accident and picked up by some group and going to be executed? You want this for us?"
⠀⠀⠀Rick's jaw clenched again. Bianca could see the muscles work, and his gaze narrow. He could hardly say a word, neither could the others. Finally, a few picked up what she meant, not that she cared for Randall but that most of this stemmed from her worry for her boyfriend.
⠀⠀⠀However, no one seemed to agree, even if her sentiment was honest except for Dale. He stepped forward, resting his hand on Bianca's shoulder, and nodded.
⠀⠀⠀"You once said that we don't kill the living," Dale said to Rick.
⠀⠀⠀"Well, that was before the living tried to kill us," Rick retorted.
⠀⠀⠀"But don't you see?" Dale asked, stressing his question further. "If we do this, the people that we were—the world that we knew is dead. And this new world is ugly. It's... harsh. It's—It's survival of the fittest, and that's a world I don't wanna live in. And I don't believe that any of you do. I can't. Please. Let's just do what's right. Bianca's with me. Isn't there anyone else who's gonna stand with me?"
⠀⠀⠀"He's right," Andrea agreed reluctantly. "We should try to find another way."
⠀⠀⠀"Anybody else?" Rick asked.
⠀⠀⠀No one stepped forward.
⠀⠀⠀"Are y'all gonna watch, too?" Dale asked, sniffling. "No, you'll go hide your heads in your tents and try to forget that we're slaughtering a human being. I won't be party to it."
⠀⠀⠀Dale shook his head, stepped away from Bianca, and started to leave the house. He paused on his way beside Daryl, resting his hand on Daryl's chest, and looked at him.
⠀⠀⠀"This group is broken."
BIANCA SAT BACK at camp. The rest of the group dispersed not long after Dale had left. It didn't matter what their tiny voices said. The majority ruled. Rick, Shane, and Daryl were preparing to execute Randall, and all Bianca felt like she could do was sit and wait until it was done.
⠀⠀⠀"I really appreciate what you did for me in there," Dale said, his words rousing Bianca from her stupor.
⠀⠀⠀Bianca turned slowly to look at Dale as he sat beside her with a kind smile laced with the sadness and disappointment from their group. Bianca frowned and let out a small sigh, looking ahead of herself again.
⠀⠀⠀"I didn't do it for you," she muttered softly.
⠀⠀⠀"Either way," Dale sighed, appreciative of her standing up for what she believed in. "Not many would speak up... or did."
⠀⠀⠀Bianca let a smile slip, nodding her head in understanding. Then, they proceeded in silence as they watched the farmhouse littered with people talking and watching and pacing all around it. No one got close to them, though, guilt residing within them for not having the courage to say what they might want to.
⠀⠀⠀Dale rustled around in his seat, then rested his wrist over his knee and fiddled with his watch. He removed it from his arm, holding it by the face, and peered curiously down at the hands.
⠀⠀⠀"I know that my ideas tend to rub people the wrong way, but I'm just trying to keep us from losing ourselves. We've already lost so much. Our humanity should be the thing we try to preserve," Dale said, pinching his lips together as he shook his head. "You've always seemed to see that except when it came to telling Daryl about Merle."
⠀⠀⠀Bianca scoffed, rolling her eyes as she was taken back to that night around the fire.
⠀⠀⠀"I didn't want to get yelled at," Bianca explained.
⠀⠀⠀"Yeah, most likely," Dale chuckled, nodding his head. "I understand why you didn't want to. Maybe not then, but it wasn't something like this. This... is something else entirely."
⠀⠀⠀"I know what you mean," Bianca sighed, taken back to her depressive state, glancing down at her hands.
⠀⠀⠀"You spoke..." Dale began to muse, furrowing his brows. "Not like you knew the boy, but—"
⠀⠀⠀"But like I knew someone in a similar situation," Bianca finished, her eyes watering.
⠀⠀⠀"Can I ask who?" Dale asked kindly.
⠀⠀⠀Bianca let out a small, amused breath. It seemed she had this conversational dance with everyone in the group. It was just a matter of time before they all knew everything about Cal except where he was.
⠀⠀⠀"My boyfriend," Bianca answered him. "He was supposed to meet me at my house when things turned for the worst, but he never showed up. I don't know if he's dead or alive. I thought I did. I thought I was sure, but after Sophia... and now Randall. What if he's out there in a similar situation. I would hope that me showing Randall some kindness might allow Cal the same."
⠀⠀⠀"My wife had this book that she loved," Dale began, and Bianca could recognize one of his long-winded tales a mile off. "The Time Traveler's wife. The movie had just come out after she'd passed, and I watched it in the theaters, saving her a seat beside me. It was the last one I ever saw, and I'm glad it was.
⠀⠀⠀"But, before that, I read the book, and there's a quote not in the movie that I think can apply to everyone. Especially now. No matter if we lose them in death or in life. It-it goes, 'Long ago, men went to sea, and women waited for them, standing on the edge of the water, scanning the horizon for the tiny ship. Now, I wait for Henry. He vanishes willingly without warning. I wait for him. Each moment that I wait feels like a year, an eternity. Each moment is as slow and transparent as glass. Through each moment, I can see infinite moments lined up, waiting. Why had he gone where I cannot follow?'"
⠀⠀⠀Bianca held a firm frown, unsure what he meant by the quote. None of it seemed hopeful. All it felt like was how she did now.
⠀⠀⠀"It's not the most comforting, I know, but I hope it shows that your feelings are not foreign or new," Dale explained, giving her a thin smile. "They have been felt by a million people."
⠀⠀⠀Bianca didn't know that she needed that. To know that she wasn't alone, but as he said that to her, tears streamed down her face from a comfort she had not asked for.
⠀⠀⠀"Now, I won't live forever," Dale began, and Bianca quickly slapped her hand into his chest.
⠀⠀⠀"Shut up."
⠀⠀⠀"Not yet, not yet," Dale laughed, looking down at the watch resting in his hand and holding it out to her. "But I want you to have this. It may feel like an eternity, but I know that you see time just as important as I do. Keep this with you, track the days, and see how long it takes for you to be happy again. I'll show you how to wind this in the morning."
⠀⠀⠀Bianca stared at Dale's face with wide eyes, then slowly plucked the watch from the grip. She clasped the watch to her wrist, and it was a little too big for her to wear, but she didn't mind.
⠀⠀⠀"Thank you," Bianca smiled.
⠀⠀⠀Dale smiled back, nodding.
BIANCA SAT ON the porch of the house, curled up in the rocking chair as she tried to read her book. Her mind was a mess between Randall and Cal. She ended up reading the same paragraph repeatedly until her mind stalled, and she was just staring blankly at the words.
⠀⠀⠀When screaming invaded the air like the night they were attacked at their Atlanta camp, all of Bianca's senses turned to dread. Bianca stood from her chair, doors slammed open, and people rushed out of the woodwork. They ran toward the scream as fast as they could, grabbing any weapon within sight before stumbling along.
⠀⠀⠀When they got to the open field, they found Dale had been the one screaming. Dale was speechless now, his lips moving to try and talk, but his insides were turned inside out. A walker lay dead next to him, but it seemed like it was too late.
⠀⠀⠀Bianca let out a sob, her hand pressing firmly to her mouth to try and hold it back. The rest hurried around her, trying to act as quickly as possible, but they were blind. Someone had gotten Hershel and opened their eyes that Dale was as good as gone.
⠀⠀⠀They were only left with the fact that Dale was dead, their choices to let him suffer or kill him themselves. Rick tried to mercy-kill him as he did to Sophia—in a sense. But Dale wasn't dead. He was alive and conscious but in pain. He couldn't do it. Daryl took his gun, pushed Rick aside, and raised his barrel to Dale's head. Without speaking, Dale pushed himself up, resting his head against the end to show Daryl it was what he wanted.
⠀⠀⠀"Sorry, brother."
⠀⠀⠀The shot echoed through the trees, ringing in their ears, and Dale was dead.
━━━━━━ day 82.
THE NEXT DAY, Bianca stood with the others at Dale's grave. He laid to rest with Sophia and Otis now. All kind souls taken too early from the world.
⠀⠀⠀Bianca stood with Glenn and Maggie, trying to keep herself from breaking down completely. She had taken Dale's watch off and held it tightly into her fist as a tether. She couldn't understand how Dale could just be gone. Sophia had been missing for a week. Her demise had always been a possibility. But Dale had been taken right from under them.
⠀⠀⠀"Dale could get under your skin," Rick said, leading the memorial with final words left to Dale's memory. "He sure got under mine because he wasn't afraid to say exactly what he thought, how he felt. That kind of honesty is rare and brave. Whenever I'd make a decision, I'd look at Dale. He'd be looking back at me with the look he had. We've all seen it one time or another. I couldn't always read him, but he could read us. He saw people for who they were. He knew things about us—The truth... who we really are.
⠀⠀⠀"In the end, he was talking about losing our humanity. He said this group was broken. The best way to honor him is to unbreak it. Set aside our differences and pull together, stop feeling sorry for ourselves and take control of our lives, our safety, our future. We're not broken. We're gonna prove him wrong. From now on, we're gonna do it his way. That is how we honor Dale."
RANDALL HAD ESCAPED during the memorial. Bianca waited back at the farmhouse with everyone else, waiting for Rick, Shane, Daryl, and Glenn to return. Bianca stayed on the porch while the rest sat inside, consoling one another. Bianca did not want to be suffocated by the sentiment at the moment.
⠀⠀⠀As Bianca watched the night, a shadow passed in her peripheral vision. A boy with a Sheriff's hat snuck out the back of the farmhouse. No one inside stirred, continuing their quiet conversation or the deafening silence. Other than that, only she seemed to notice the kid sneaking out.
⠀⠀⠀Bianca grabbed her sledgehammer resting at her side and walked down the porch steps on her toes to keep her movement quiet. She didn't want to scare him off immediately or alert the others. When she was far enough away, she ran toward him.
⠀⠀⠀"Carl!" Bianca hissed behind him.
⠀⠀⠀Carl jumped, turning around with wide eyes and nowhere to hide. He had raised his gun but lowered it the second he recognized her.
⠀⠀⠀"I'm not going back," Carl whispered, walking away from her, and Bianca quickly kept the pace. "I need to find my dad."
⠀⠀⠀"Carl, it's not safe out here," Bianca told him worriedly, furrowing her brows.
⠀⠀⠀"You're right," Carl agreed, nodding his head. "That's why we gotta find my dad. I'm not a kid anymore."
⠀⠀⠀Bianca's face fell with his claim, but the notion was unavoidable. Everything that's happened within the past few months had avalanched into Carl. Now, he realized that being the vulnerable child wouldn't keep him safe. Sophia was dead because she was, and no one, not even Carl, wanted to turn out the same way.
⠀⠀⠀Bianca sighed, not sure what else to do. It might be better to keep track of Carl rather than drag him back. But, on the other hand, she could just imagine him slipping out of her hold and being lost to the woods.
⠀⠀⠀"Alright, then, little man," Bianca agreed, taking a couple large steps, so they walked side-by-side. "Where to?"
⠀⠀⠀Carl looked up at her, shocked she didn't fight him more on it. Then, he nodded and looked ahead. He was quiet, scanning the seeable distance, when he noticed something ahead of them. Two shadows standing together. They were blurry, and neither could make out much of what was happening. However, they looked like they were talking rather than dragging along on stumbling feet like walkers. So, hopefully, it was Rick and someone else from their group.
⠀⠀⠀Bianca convinced Carl to continue quietly just in case walkers sprung from the woods. They cautiously approached, hearing wails of agony in the woods. Few and far between, but enough to keep them on their toes.
⠀⠀⠀Rick started to come into focus, then Shane. Rick sat beside his friend, blood on his hands and Shane unmoving beside him. They could see steam curl from Shane's skin as he lay on the ground, most definitely dead.
⠀⠀⠀Carl tried sprinting forward, but Bianca caught him by the waist. Not for fear of Rick, but just the emotional turmoil he was in might have him react in a way neither would expect.
⠀⠀⠀"Dad?" Carl desperately yelled, his voice breaking with heartbreak laced between at the sight of the scene before them.
⠀⠀⠀Rick turned to them, a face full of regret. He was still a few feet from them as he looked up at the sky, debating what he should do next. Then, Rick raised shakily to his feet, approaching the two cautiously.
⠀⠀⠀"Y'know, you should... you should be back home with mom," Rick said to Carl uneasily, glancing at Bianca then back to his son.
⠀⠀⠀Carl started to shake, tears welling in his eyes as he stared at his dad. Carl had become close to Shane during the time of the end. Most likely saw him as an Uncle before the fall, too. This was hard on the kid, but as Shane rose from the grass behind Rick, he didn't hesitate to raise the gun.
⠀⠀⠀Bianca's eyes widened, frozen in fear while Rick begged for his life from his kid son. Then, finally, she snapped back, resting her hand on his shoulder.
⠀⠀⠀"Carl," Bianca whispered. "Give me the gun."
⠀⠀⠀Rick's face seemed to appreciate her statement but fell with her following words.
⠀⠀⠀"Let me do it," she demanded, squeezing down on his shoulder to try and get his attention. "Carl, please, you don't have to do this—"
⠀⠀⠀Carl pulled the trigger, and with one shot, Shane was dead a second time.
AUTHOR'S NOTE —
It's been a crazy week! I got a new job that pays practically double what I'm paying now at my current job. So, I've been working on all of the new stuff with that job plus resigning + figuring out what I need to sort out with my old job. I've given my two weeks but I think once I post these next three chapters today I'm going to put this on a little hiatus! Just for me to get settled plus we're transitioning into act three which I would've done anyway to get the first couple chapters edited and work on graphics.
Anyways, I'm posting this now since I meant to post it on Wednesday/Thursday and then the next two chapters will be up once I edit them! I'm very excited for you guys to see them hee hee.
SONG: Higher by Creed
Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment if you'd like. However, this is an all kind of reader safe space. So even if you ghost read or comment every chapter, I hope you know it means the world to me that you've come into this fic ♡ I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and until the next one.