-Oh, was the last Ash Opening too boring for you? Fine ya needy little babies.-
- Behold! Ash Ketchum, the mighty, magnificent, manly, melodious, meticulous, marvelous, miraculous, motivational, majestic, magical, mind-blowing, mesmerizing, magnanimous, marketable, memorable, masculine, matchless, meritorious, meteoric, metaphysical, momentous, monumental, and muscular master and mastermind of Shiny Pokémon! Witness him and be in awe!-
"We're now down to the top sixteen folks! What an amazing Indigo League!" the ever-excited announcer shouted out. "Here we have Kanto's top two rookies, two rising stars! Ash the Shiny King Ketchum! And Ritchie the nicknamer Sands!"
"HI RITCHIE!" Ash waved to his buddy, both of their Pikachus waving back excitedly.
"HEY ASH!" Ritchie waved back, "THIS IS AWESOME!"
"I KNOW!" Ash cheered, "OH, AND MOM SAYS YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO JOIN US FOR DINNER TONIGHT! SHE'S MAKING STEW!"
"FUCK YEAH!"
"YOUNG MAN! LANGUAGE!" Momma Ketchum shouted as Ash and Ritchie both gulped.
"Battle?"
"Yes, let's battle, much safer."
"GO PIKACHU!"
"SPARKY!"
"THUNDERBOLT!" Ash and Ritchie shouted together as their electric types' power clashed dramatically.
-Gary Oak, he gets one word for his introduction. 'Ponce'. Witness him and cringe, for he is pathetic-
"This battle is incredible folks! Ash Ketchum's Pikachu has taken out Ritchie's Pikachu Sparky, Charizard Zippo, Butterfree Happy, Tailow Rose, Eevee...Eevee, and now he's battling Cruise the Tyranitar!" Gary saw Ash's pathetic mouse staring down the giant rock Pseudo legendary and prayed to Arceus to finally see Ash lose. To suffer a humiliating defeat like he deserves! Please just lose damnit!
"Pikachu, use thunder shock!" Ash pointed at the giant Rock Pokémon started glowing bright enough for its skeleton to be visible, then fall down in defeat. "Yahtzee!"
"Why Arceus?! I only ask for what's fair and right in the world!"
"SHUT UP ALREADY!" everyone else in the prison shouted.
-Ash: Arceus' gift to women (literally)-
All but dancing in place, after having kissed Amy and Giselle senseless, his golden blonde girlfriend from the sisters having had the disgruntled expression she always had when she heard a prayer that annoyed her. Now he was heading up to battle in the quarter finals against some guy named 'Tobias' who had won every battle with the same Pokémon apparently.
"This is gonna be so fun!"
"I look forward to gifting you your first defeat." Tobias flipped his hair dramatically, "Come forth, Darkrai!"
"Go Mew!" Ash sent out his happy psychic kitty buddy who flew over to glomp his head. "Alright buddy, use Shadow Ball!"
"Darkrai is unable to battle, Mew is the winner!"
"Latios!"
"Pound!"
"Raikou!"
"Water Gun!"
"Terrakion!"
"Tackle!"
"Volcanion!"
"Razor leaf!"
"Articuno!"
"Gust!"
"And Articuno is now unable to battle! Ash Ketchum has now beaten Tobias, the only trainer in the world to only use legendary Pokémon! What a battle! What a tournament!"