"It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless." —Before You Go by Lewis Capaldi
Phoenix's POV
You would think that the lake would have been freezing in the midnight air but it wasn't. Now maybe the reason for its warmth was because of the intricate science behind water temperatures but every part of me was convinced that it was because of her. Every blood vessel in my body that was pulled taut and on the verge of collapse was probably due to her. The sparks of desire burning my skin were due to the soft curves of her body against my hands.
But all that heat disappeared the moment we emerged from the water. And as soon as the words left my mouth. Fitting, isn't it?
When we got to shore, I handed Scarlet my car keys so that she could change in the car without a single exchange of words. While she was gone, I peeled off my wet underwear and changed back into my clothes. I then started a small fire with the available materials to warm us up both literally and figuratively.
Soon after, she returned dressed in my hoodie and sweatpants that were far too big for her petite body. The sight of her in my clothes made my pants way tighter than they were a second ago. She rolled up the sleeves so it could rest comfortably on her wrists and the only thing she could do to the pants that swallowed her toned legs was to tie the strings extra tight on her waist.
The flicker of the fire illuminated her eyes as she cuddled around the flames, rubbing her hands together to create some form of heat. We both sat around it, listening to the crackling and spluttering of the blaze as the dying branches and twigs turned into ashes. The uncomfortable silence we experienced in the car after the dinner returned with full force.
"I'm sorry," I apologized not too long after, breaking the silence. There was this incessant need within me since the day in that classroom, to make sure she was alright. And the fact that I acted like a fucking pussy, AGAIN, probably put her under the impression that I didn't want her or that I regretted our kiss. I knew there was a high possibility that she felt rejected or less than like somehow this was her fault.
In times like these, I wish I knew how to not act like a dick.
"Sorry for what?" That was the first time she spoke since we came out of the lake. "I should be the one saying sorry."
"For?" I knew she would somehow blame it on herself.
"Taking things too far," she muttered playing with a damp loc that fell into her face.
"Scarlet," I shifted, narrowing the space between us before I took her hand in mine. "What you did was fucking hot...It's just that this is new to me and I don't want to fuck it up for you or for me." I said honestly.
I experienced all these unfamiliar sensations and feelings when I was with her. I tried to convince myself that it was my need for sex with her but I didn't think it was just that anymore. "Your body deserves to be worshipped for days in a bed with roses and scented candles on a luxurious island far away from the terrors of the world. Not here in the middle of nowhere with a quickie."
Instead of asking for a less vague answer, she smiled, wrapping her arms around my neck placing a feather-light kiss against my lips, which felt heavenly.
"Thanks for your honesty." She whispered, sliding her arms around my waist to hug me.
My heart wasn't beating right, it was spiraling out of control at such a simple touch. I can't remember the last time someone hugged me and made me feel this way. Only her. Only her touch could make my heart do somersaults.
I swallowed hard instinctively wrapping my arms around her the slenderness of her waist like the day in the hallway, attempting to return the gesture. But in reality, I didn't know how to hug. I only hugged her once before and I still wasn't sure if she was cognizant of the fact that I didn't know how to do this shit. She might think it was absurd that I didn't know how to do something as simple as hugging so I steadily pushed away but she held me tighter.
"I like this," she mumbled against my chest.
I liked hugging much more than I thought I would. Thanks to her.
...
"We should play 21 questions." She shifted in my hold, lifting her head to meet my gaze. I had an arm around her waist as we sat against a tree taking in the beauty of the lake. I've been here so many times, but each time felt like my first. It was so enthralling and captivating that I could sit here every day just looking.
Her hair was pretty dry at this point, splayed across my chest and over her shoulders, heavy and voluminous. It smelled like apples and coconuts on a warm summer evening. I could get used to this, I thought to myself staring out into the beautiful night with Scarlet curled up in my embrace.
"Why?" I mumbled against her forehead. "I prefer just sitting in silence, holding you."
"That's boring, Phoenix." She mocked, playing with my chain. "Can we please, play? Please pretty please with cherries on top?" She pleaded with puppy dog eyes.
"Fine." I succumbed. Easing up out of my seating position, I reluctantly uncurled my arms from around Scarlet's shoulders. I pulled my keys out of my pocket to open the bottle of whiskey from the stash of items I usually keep around the lake for when I visited.
"I'm going to need this if we play." The bottle opened with a loud click before I put the container to my mouth, taking a long, generous gulp. Alcohol always eased my nerves, relaxing me. She stared at me, concern washing her expressions.
"Don't worry, princess. I have a high tolerance." I took another swig.
"Can I get some?" Scarlet asked.
"Sure," I responded, handing her the bottle, her small fingers barely closed around it.
I watched as she brought the bottle to her lips. Those same lips that I sucked on not too long ago. The wicked thought sent bullets of blood straight to my dick. She shut her eyes continuing to take long, healthy gulps of it. Judging by the grimace on her face, I knew she didn't drink often.
She was old enough to make her own decisions. Who was I to tell her no?
I leaned back to rest my head against the tree as I watched her in amusement taking another swig then another, receiving the same reaction from her each time.
She sensed my stare. "What?" She asked, her brows furrowed in confusion.
"You don't drink often, do you?" I questioned.
"Is it that obvious?" She said, lowering her head.
"It's alright, Red, there's nothing to be ashamed of," I reassured her. "Drinking shouldn't be something you do often. It ruins people." She handed the bottle to me before I swallowed a good amount.
"First question: seeing as though you have such a high tolerance, you must drink it a lot. Why?" She asked, taking the bottle from my grasp and taking another sip.
"Because although this sounds corny as hell. It can't break what's already broken." I shrugged my shoulders.
She stared at me for an extended amount of time.
"What?" I questioned in confusion.
"I'm patiently waiting for the day you open up to me."
I smiled as she leaned into me and rested her head against my chest. I snaked my arm around her waist once again, removing as much space between us as possible.
"My turn. Something you hate?"
"The rain," she replied. "Everything gets so wet and damp. The limbs of the tree bend with the weight of the water. And the place is so cold and dark, like a restrictive closet."
"How about you?" She inquired while we continued to pass the bottle back and forth, taking sips.
"People." I didn't elaborate.
"You know what? I'm not even going to ask because I'm sure you have some morbid reasoning behind it which I'm way too happy to hear right now." She stated. "Ok, my turn, what's your middle name?"
"I don't have one," I answered honestly.
"Why am I not surprised?" She murmured. "It's like the universe knew you would grow up to have this mysterious, dark, bad boy persona in the future."
She had a fucking mouth on her for sure. But my heart swelled with each syllable, each word, and every sound.
"What's yours?" My thumb traced the exposed skin on her belly.
"Samantha." She responded.
Scarlet Samantha Rose. It had a nice ring to it.
"I thought it would be Ruby or something along those lines." I mocked.
"You think you're so funny, huh?" She ducked her head into my chest as the smile tugged at her lips, hiding her amusement.
"So then why are you laughing?"
"I'm not laughing." As soon as the words left her lips, I rolled her onto her back. Hovering on top of her as I went to work tickling her stomach. She squealed, giggled, and squirmed in my touch while trying to push my hands away.
"Phoenix..." she laughed, "Stop!" Another chuckle escaped her mouth before she went silent. Once her silent laugh came through then I knew it was working.
"Admit that my joke was funny," I commanded.
"No." My grin widened, determined and sinful. I was much stronger and faster than her, making it easy to pin her to the ground and assault my tickles. She kicked, she punched, she wiggled but I had still managed to hold her down with ease.
"Admit it," I repeated.
"Yes." She could hardly breathe from laughing so hard while I removed my hands. "Your joke was funny." Scarlet playfully rolled her eyes. In response, I held up my hands, indicating that I still had the upper hand.
"Okay, okay." She raised her hands in defeat. "You win."
Then we settled back into our comfortable silence as we watched the slight movement of the water and listened to the shrieks and hisses of the birds in the trees.
"Where do you see yourself in ten years?" I asked.
"Honestly," she paused. "In a boring job with a salary that I can barely live off of. I'm not a dreamer so I'm definitely not going to sit here and say that I see myself becoming some big shot who gives millions to charity and changes the world for the better. Because without people on the receiving end of minimum wage there would be no world to change."
"That's some deep shit right there."
"How bout you?" She asked. "Where does The Phoenix no middle name Knight see himself in ten years?"
"Honestly, I can't even think that far ahead. Growing up my dad always instilled in me that I would take over his business. But now I don't even want to play a part in this world."
"You're white and you have a rich daddy, I'm sure you could be anything you wanted without lifting a finger." Scarlet teased.
"Half white." I corrected "My mom's Mexican, she came here when she was sixteen and met my dad. I don't know if that was the best decision of her life or the worst." I pondered. "Also if we're going to play the race card, you're also half white too, babe."
"Yeah but I'm also half black so I have more pigment than you and also fewer choices. I could go on and on, pretty boy. Are you sure you wanna argue with me?" She paused to lean in and whisper. "Because fair warning, I'll always win."
"Seriously though, you're freakishly smart and at times... charming," she said the last part with a roll of the eyes, "anyways what I'm trying to say is that you should do something with all of that talent because you're one of those people who have the ability to actually change the world for the better."
"Wow, you really think that high of me?"
"Unfortunately...yes," she giggled. "Promise me you'll be a dreamer?"
"I don't know Red."
"Pinky promise?" she held out her hand for me to interlock my pinky finger with hers.
I gave in.
We both fell into a fit of laughter. And for the first time in a really long time, I didn't feel alone. If I were to die tonight, I would have rejoiced in the fact that I spent my last few moments in heaven.
...
The bottle of whiskey was now finished thanks to Scarlet. I stopped taking my swigs when I began to feel the all too familiar tingling in my head that foretold the tipsiness that was nearing. I had to drive her home tonight and I didn't particularly want to kill either of us.
"We are the champions, my friends are the losers." She bellowed out the botched lyrics to We Are The Champions by Queen, failing miserably in the process due to her inebriation.
"Those aren't the lyrics." I corrected her.
"You're just jealous that I can sing and you can't." The sight of her drunk in my clothes, which were almost three times her size as she danced and sang around the fire, was a sight to behold. She looked adorable, with her red puffy cheeks, hooded eyes, and fuck me lips.
No, I admonished myself. No sexual thoughts while she's drunk.
Although this was hands down the best entertainment of my life, I knew that tomorrow it would come back to bite her in the ass. When she woke up feeling not only terribly hungover but if she continued then embarrassment would be added to the list.
"Red, come sit down."
"Why?" She said right before tripping on her feet, causing her to fall flat on her ass with a painfully loud thud.
"That's why," The sound of my laughter filled the air as she stood up, rubbing her butt before making her way over to me.
"Can I ask you something?" Scarlet came to sit beside me while rubbing her ass in a soothing motion.
"Sure."
"Do you think I'm attractive?" She asked. I'm guessing it was the time when the alcohol started to do all the talking.
"Yes of course," I replied truthfully.
"Then why do I always feel like trash? Why do people not like me? What's wrong with me?" She started to cry, burying her face in her hands.
I decided to pry a little. I know it was a dick move, especially with her in a drunkard state, but I couldn't stand to see her hurting like this. "Who said that to you?"
"All my life I've been told I wasn't skinny enough, my hair wasn't straight enough, I was never pretty enough." Her voice cracked, "I've tried everything. Things I shouldn't have tried but no matter what I do, I still feel like an outcast."
It made no sense to me. She didn't look like society's beauty but that didn't mean she wasn't drop-dead gorgeous. Yes, she was short and thicker in her thighs. And yes her tits were bigger than average and her waist didn't make her look malnourished but that was what made her fucking sexy. She was still hot in every sense of the word.
I can't say confidently that I would ever approach her if she didn't look the way she did, but getting to know her brings something entirely different to the table.
Because every time she spoke the sun shone a little brighter. Scarlet Rose was the highlight of the day, with her outlandish comments and her interest in others. Yes, she looked hot but it was more than that she was sweet and caring. Anyone with goddamn eyes could see that those things alone made her the most attractive girl in the world.
She made me realize that one didn't need a pretty face to be beautiful, all they needed was a heart like hers.
And right now, she needed to know that. She needed to be comforted. But once again, I froze, not knowing what to say. I was terrible at this. I didn't know how to comfort people but I couldn't just sit here and watch her cry. I wanted to kill the assholes who made her feel like this.
"Scarlet, look at me," I said, kneeling in front of her and pulling her hands away from her face. "Your beauty is unmatched, in all my years on this god-forsaken earth, I've never met a woman as beautiful as you. You're perfect."
"You don't have to lie to make me feel better." She tried pulling her hands out of my grip but I wouldn't let her go.
I knew I needed to do a lot more than spew pretty words to make her feel more confident, and trust me I plan to help her see what I see, but I had to start somewhere.
"I'm not lying nor will I ever lie to you, Scarlet." I placed a soft kiss on her hand in my palms simultaneously squeezing it to reassure her.
She laughed softly, her cheeks alight with red and her hair all messy. Her eyes met mine and I saw so many things– confliction, pain, desire.
Fuck, not desire. I definitely wanted to act on it and so did she apparently, but not when she was like this.
She felt the tension too so I quickly released her hands. Wiping my sweaty palms against my thighs, trying to give my brain something else to focus on. While returning to my original seating position, she reached forward, grabbing me roughly by the face and pulling my mouth onto hers.
A deep groan vibrated through my chest the moment our lips made contact. So sweet, so tender, so plump, so soft. I wrapped my arms against her waist pulling her flush against me as we fell to the ground, lips still attached. Scarlet twisted in my embrace, making herself comfortable on top of me. Placing one hand on my face while the other rested on my chest, she deepened the kiss, dominating my mouth.
I thought being in control was awesome but being controlled brought something entirely new to the table. She gasped feeling my hard-on tenting through my pants and against her belly so I used the opportunity to slide my tongue in her mouth, wanting to taste her once again.
But instead of tasting the minty cherry flavor of her mouth that I had grown to love, my taste buds were met with the harsh, unpleasantness of alcohol. I scorned myself for losing my control yet again.
Yes, I was a dick who fucked for sport. But I would never take advantage of a drunken girl. I drew the line there. So I set my hands on her hips, taking her off of me and placing her in the safety outside of my arms.
"Do you not want me?" She pouted and I heard a crack in her voice indicating that she was going to cry.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
"I want you. God, I want you so fucking bad. But you're drunk and that's not right."
"Is it that you regret what happened earlier?" Tears began to fill her eyes yet again.
"Red, I don't regret it. I told you this earlier. I just can't have you until you're sober okay?" I said firmly.
"So then if we aren't going to fuck, why did you bring me here?" She stopped crying for a moment, crinkling her face in question.
"Wait." I paused. "You think I brought you here to have sex with you?"
"Yes." She tried blowing a strand of hair from out of her face but it didn't budge. So she blew harder until she tumbled over face first causing all her hair to fall into her face.
"Shit." I heard her say before I attempted to help her up, only to be fanned away, so she could push herself up. She decided on giving up on using her mouth but instead used her hand to remove the hair from her face.
"If you didn't bring me to have sex then why am I even here?" Scarlet asked confusion lacing her tone.
Why did I bring you here?
Was I jealous that you went out with another man? Yes. Did I want to show you the side of me that I hide from everyone else? Yes. Does some part of me want you to like me? Yes.
"I don't know." Feelings weren't something I had nor wanted up until now. Until Red. But I couldn't tell her. Not now at least.
She dropped her face into her palms, as she stood up, crying more aggressively.
"One. Two. Three." She walked on wobbly legs, counting her steps as she walked back to the car.
"Where the fuck do you think you're going?" I grabbed her hand to halt her movements.
"I'm ggggoing *hiccup* hoooome." Her words came out slurred, reminding me just how drunk she was.
"Let me go." She yanked her hand away but I gripped her by the waist to steady her as she swayed.
"It's two in the morning and the nearest bus stop is two miles away. I'll carry you home." I grabbed her wrist pulling her in the direction of my car.
"I can take care of myself," she protested, tugging on my hand.
"I've had enough." I snapped, scooping her up and throwing her over my shoulder. Her legs fell along my chest to my waist, kicking and pushing. Her ass lay right beside my face. The tied string of my sweatpants had loosened throughout the night, giving me the tiniest glimpse of the curve of her naked ass. Naked? She must have taken her panties off. Temptation was a strong motherfucker.
With clenched teeth and a stupendous effort of will, I took determined strides to my car. Finally, by some miracle, I made it to the car door with her clothes and her body in one piece. To minimize the chance of her running away, I entered the driver's seat, turned on the child's lock then placed her in the passenger seat.
She finally gave up after struggling relentlessly. "You can't just make me stay after rejecting me." The tears spilled out yet again.
"I'm not rejecting yo- oh my god," I raked my hand through my damp hair in frustration as I handed her a bottle of water. "Drink this."
She drank the water reluctantly and it settled her for a moment before she took a deep breath and spoke again. "Earlier you said..." she hiccuped then continued. "You want me-"
"Yes." She fiddled with the strings of the sweatpants.
She swallowed. "Do you really mean it?"
"Yes, I do." I looked into her eyes. "I want you, Scarlet. I want you so fucking much that I can't be in the same space as you without feeling the need to kiss those soft lips." I paused, lowering my voice. "I want you so fucking much that I can't look at you without wanting to slide my hands all over your beautiful body. Touching every single inch of you until you're squirming beneath my hands."
She bit her lip before looking over at me, her eyes glistening with desire.
God, why did she have to be drunk?
But at that moment an idea popped into my head.
"Do you want me to continue?"
She nodded as her chest visibly expanded and contracted.
"I think about taking your shirt off and fucking your perfect tits till I cum all over that delicate neck. I think about how you'd taste sprawled out on a table as I devour every inch of you. I dream about having you bent over and spread against my bed admiring your cunt before I fuck you slowly at first then faster until you start begging for me to go harder." I whispered, rubbing small circles on her knee through the pants.
Scarlet clamped her legs together, laying her head back against the seat, clearly aroused by my words. With her eyes shut tightly and her breathing spiraling out of control, she trembled with the need to be touched.
"Even now, I wonder just how wet you are for me," I said, nibbling her ear before I whispered. "Tell me, are you wet for me?"
"Mhm," she whimpered, rubbing her hands along her thighs trying to ease the ache between them. I desperately wanted to relieve her of that ache but I would have to wait.
"L-let's have s-sex then," she muttered softly, running her fingers along my thigh, dangerously close to my erection.
Fucking hell. I reluctantly grabbed her by the wrist, removing her hand from my thigh.
"When we have sex and trust me, it will happen very soon, I don't want you slurring your words or blacking out. I want to hear you screaming my name over and over again until your voice gives out. I want to fuck you so hard that you wince at every step you take, remembering vividly how I felt inside you." She was a writhing mess at this point and I wasn't even touching her, "But you have to be sober for that to happen."
"I just want to feel what it's like to orgasm." Her voice almost sounded non-existent as she whispered to herself.
"What do you mean?" I pried, even though I already had an idea of what she meant.
"Don't pretend like you don't already know I'm a virgin."
"I do but don't you like..." Why the fuck were the words not coming out?
"Masturbate?"
I nodded.
"I try to when I get turned on but then when I get really close, my body shuts down and it's so pathetic." The flood of tears broke free once again and I found myself rubbing her shoulders and placing a soft kiss on her forehead.
Drunk Scarlet had an endless supply of tears
"It's okay...we all get there differently." I comforted her. "I promise that one day I'll show you."
"Really?" Her eyes gleamed with excitement as a smile spread wide across her face.
"Really." I leaned in and kissed her forehead. "How about we head home?' Scarlet muttered a soft "yes" before I quickly started the car and drove off.
Ending the night with a huge fucking hard-on.
A/N:
hey, lovelies...I know that I keep uploading on Saturdays but I went out with my friends last night and I came home spent asf...sorry
anyways what are your thoughts on this week's chapter...leave them in the comments and don't forget to vote, I'd appreciate it so much.
toodles. <3