Meredith's Point-of-View
I was trying to contain myself and my emotions. I was a mess; I was a train barreling down the track at a hundred miles an hour. I was a wreck waiting to happen.
I never meant to fall in love with him, with a patient, or with anyone. However, I felt powerless against my feelings. The second that I barged into his room three weeks ago, set in motion a series of events that drew me towards him unwillingly... I fell helplessly and irrevocably in love with him.
No, I wasn't giving up, at least I didn't want to. I knew better than to beat a dead horse. He wasn't dead yet. As a doctor, I knew what his prognosis was. Any other guy, I would be telling him that the best thing he can do is go home and get comfortable.
Derek wasn't any other guy.
"Can I get you another?" the man behind the bar asked, I looked up and gave him a half assed smile.
"I guess one more wouldn't hurt." I sighed
"I know that look." He smirked as he poured tequila into my shot glass "Either your boyfriend is giving you hell, or your boss is."
"I don't have a boyfriend." I sighed as I stared at the tequila, "Apparently, I won't ever. The man that I have fallen in love with is going to die in about a week. There is nothing I can do to stop it."
"So, what are you doing sitting here?" he asked after I threw the shot down my throat.
"Did you not hear me?" I raised a brow "I just got devastating news; I'm devastated."
He sighed as he pressed his hands against the bar and leaned into me.
"I can't imagine the kind of pain you're feeling right now." He mumbled, "I know that if I were handed the news that the love of my life was going to die in a week, I wouldn't waste and hour of it sitting in a bar, I'd be right there with them."
"He doesn't want me with him." I said numbly feeling my eyes filling.
"He's scared, he's afraid to hurt you." Joe shrugged, "He's trying to be brave for you."
"How would you know this?"
"I don't." he shrugged, "I just know that no one wants to die alone."
I felt that sting even through the tequila haze as if it hit me like a sharp sword through my chest.
"Well, if it isn't Florence freaking Nightingale." I heard next to me as a body dropped in the stool next to mine.
"Alex shut up." Izzie scoffed as she sat on the other side of me.
"You guys have been teasing her for weeks about spending so much time with her patient. Now that I am chiming in, you're going to give me hell about it?"
"Leave her alone." Cristina mumbled, "Her patient is going to die; it's not an easy thing to take."
"She is in the bar because of it." He scoffed, "You guys don't find that alarming?"
"You don't know that." I hummed, "He could live, he could miraculously wake up tomorrow and be fine, the cancer all gone. Miracles happen in medicine all the time."
"I saw the films." Alex muttered, "The dude is Swiss cheese; he's circling the drain and it's about damn time."
Before I even knew what I was doing, I heard a crash of glasses and a large solid thud. I was looking at Alex on his back holding his jaw, looking at me like I'd just thrown a fireball at his ass.
"You don't know what you're talking about!" I screamed and felt my fists shake in anger "You don't know anything! You know nothing. It amazes me how you even managed to write an entrance letter!"
"Meredith!" Izzie gasped, it was enough to snap me out of my blind rage and look around to see that I'd attracted a small audience, my friends face mirrored indescribable shock.
"Oh god." I gasped as I looked down at Alex and Izzie.
"Meredith." Izzie said slowly "Mer, are you ok?"
"No." I stuttered as I grabbed my bag "No, I'm just... I'm going to go home."
"Let me drive you."
"No."
"You're not driving." Cristina hissed as she jumped off her stool.
"I'll walk." I hissed as a warning to keep them from following me.
Apparently, it worked, and I was glad. I wasn't going home, not to my physical home, to another home. I wiped off my face when I crossed the street and got into the elevator and pushed the button to take me to the seventh floor. God must've been on my side because no one stopped the elevator, I was dancing in anticipation enough as it was, I didn't want any more interruptions, not with what little time I had left.
I walked out into the hallway and was relieved to see Liz at the nurses' station. She smiled and nodded at me, I couldn't return the gesture.
"Don't let anyone come in." She nodded again as if she were giving me her word.
I rounded the corner and walked in the door, closed it with my back and stared at the man in the bed looking just as broken as I felt.
"What are you doing here?" he choked out, "I thought I told you to go."
"You did." I said, "There are a few things you need to learn about me."
"Like what." He sighed.
I pulled the chair out and scooted it to where it was in front of the door. It wouldn't keep anyone out permanently, but at least create a barrier.
"I don't listen, I have my own agenda, and I dance to my own tune."
I reached up and pulled the curtain around the bed to close the world around us out.
"I can be very forceful when I need to be." I said as I shrugged out of my jacket and slipped off my shoes. "I just threw a punch at Dr. Kevorkian and he's picking his ass up off the floor of the bar right now."
His face dropped as he glanced at my hands. My hands were reaching up to the buttons on my shirt and undoing them.
"What are you doing." He whispered into a gulp.
"Last, but not least." I mumbled as I pulled my shirt off and let it fall down my arms. His eyes dropped to my open exposed skin, "If you're really going to die on me... I'm not going to let the man that I love only get a taste of me."
I heard his breath hitch as I pulled at the button on my pants and let them fall to the floor. I was standing there in a matching pair of black panties and bra. His eyes looked like he'd never seen a naked woman before. The look he gave me next could have melted me at the core. It was like he'd never desired anything in his life until now.
"Meredith." He finally breathed out.
I stepped up to the bed and climbed on top of him, straddling him I took his face in my hands, cupping his jaw I lifted it and seared my lips against his. He inhaled sharply through his nose as his lips melted into mine. I gasped as I took a breath and pulled at the hospital gown covering him. His hands suddenly went stiff and reached for my wrists to stop me.
"Meredith." He blurted, "No, it shouldn't be like this."
My eyes burned as they filled to the rim with tears, I bit my trembling lip and sniffled.
"How else should it be Derek?" I squeaked, "How else can it be? You are dying! You're getting what you want. What about me? Don't I get what I want? Because it's bad enough that I only get a moment of time with you, it's so short a time that it's a slap in the face. This is all we get Derek; this is all I get of you! Please Derek, please just do this one thing for me? Please, please!"
I sobbed in a hideous way. Derek reached up and cupped my face in his hands, catching my tears with his thumbs. His eyes were sad, broken as if he were in an insurmountable amount of pain. He slowly brought my face into his and breathed against my lips.
"Okay baby."
Our lips crushed together and sealed as if they'd never be broken apart. His tongue darted into my mouth urgently and took my breath away. I felt his hand run up my leg smoothly, leaving a trail of heat behind until he stopped it to cup my lace covered ass. He groaned, the good kind.
I reached for his hospital gown, this time he didn't try and stop me. He tensed up for a moment of insecurity as I lifted it off him and tossed it aside. I looked at all the pink lines across his chest and abdomen and saw nothing but beauty and strength in them. I leaned over and softly kissed each one of them as my lips slowly made their way down his torso. He sucked in a sharp breath as I pulled the blankets back and found what I was looking for.
I licked my lips and moaned as I saw the boy was packing. I swear my eyes were twinkling like one of those starved cartoon characters.
I wrapped my hand around it and my fingers barely touched. I stroked it gently to let him get used to my touch. He trembled and sucked in a few deep breaths before I wrapped my lips around his large member and started lathering it up and down with my tongue. He moaned again, quite loudly as he raked his fingertips into my hair and tightened them into a tiny fist.
I massaged my lips up and down his smooth shaft as my fingertips stroked along. My other hand gently massaged his testicles. I felt his thighs getting tense and he put his hands on my shoulders to pull me up. When I looked back into his eyes, they were dark, like two shining sapphires. He pulled me back on top of him and tugged at my panties. I grinned; he didn't find it quite as amusing. He tugged with force winds and ripped those fuckers off. My mouth dropped open.
"Those were my favorite pair." I gasped.
"My pair now." He said in a rough urgent voice that made me tremble.
He lifted my hips and looked at me, as if he were connecting his soul with mine as he brought me onto him, sliding his dick perfectly into my soaking wet crevice. We both let out muffled cries as we took a breath to adjust. I'd never felt so stretched, so full, so...complete.
Derek's hands wrapped around my hips as I softly started to gyrate him and move up and down his hard shaft. He groaned and moved his hands smoothly across my flat stomach until he reached my breasts. He cupped his hands around them and rubbing his thumbs over my budding nipples through the lace material of my bra.
I gasped at the exceptional sensation it brought my inner core, he smiled at the revelation and pulled down the material with his fingers before leaning in and taking an entire nipple into his mouth. I gasped as my muscles tensed and clamped around him.
"Meredith." He groaned, "Don't do that."
"Am I hurting you?" I panted.
"No." he smirked softly "You're going to make me cum too soon."
"Sorry." I giggled.
His lips and tongue toyed and played softly with my nipples. Derek hands softly massaged my breasts. Then, he rubbed his hands up my neck and jaw until he took my lips once again into his. I rotated my hips as I used my inner muscles to squeeze him. Derek groaned again, but this time, I didn't let up as I felt a heat wave starting at my inner core rush me from the inside out.
I felt my juices burst out like a dam break and cover him, his moan rolled up his throat and met mine in our merging mouths. I breathed against his lips as I felt him pulsate inside me as we started to drift down slowly from our orgasmic high. His arms wrapped around me tenderly and pressed my naked body against his, then he wrapped his lips around mine again... this time his kiss wasn't urgent, just soft...tender...full of passion and warm desire. Like he was going to do it for the rest of his life.
I sucked my sob in as it tried to escape out of my mouth and yanked myself out of his grasp, he frowned with concern as I moved to get up off of him.
"Meredith." He said softly.
"Thank you." I mumbled as I started yanking my clothes on, "I feel better now."
"Meredith."
"Here, can you get this?" I asked as I tossed him his hospital gown, he nodded and slipped it on. "I don't know where you threw my panties."
"Meredith." He said again in the same soft tone. "We need to talk."
"No." I sniffled as I buttoned my shirt, my eyes filling with tears again...god I was really getting tired of crying, "No we don't need to talk. You gave me a beautiful gift, I got to physically feel what I already felt emotionally for you. It's something I'll never forget. So, you can go now...you can go get the peace you keep talking about."
I gasped to keep from sobbing again.
"I hope you'll forgive me." I whispered as I backed towards the door. "Forgive me if I can't sit here and watch you die."
Before he could say my name again or try to give a speech, I slipped out the door and the waterworks started. Liz was there, as if she knew everything, she pushed me into a chair and crouched in front of me.
"You okay honey?"
"I crossed a line." I sniffled, "I crossed a huge freaking line."
She smiled and smoothed her hand over my hair to brush it out of my face.
"We all cross lines for the ones we love." She said softly, "At the end of the day, if it makes their journey easier, then we did our job."
"You think so?"
"Honey, I know so."