I ended up staying at my dad's for a few hours, talking through my plans with him, and when I finally got around to heading out, it was approaching four in the afternoon. There was a soft breeze coming off the water, causing the wisps of hair around my face to dance as I biked, while at the same time giving a trace of relief from the sweltering heat of the August sun.
Having texted Ryan before leaving to see if him and Bowen were at the house, I'd received an affirmative response, but despite heading in that direction, I was also taking my time. Leisurely going the long way through the town to try to wrangle the waves of emotions that were crashing inside my head. There was relief that, now, most people in my life knew about my plans. Hope that I was choosing the proper path and doing the right thing. But there was also uncertainty for what was to come, a sliver of flustered energy, and a sense of overwhelming agitation and confusion.
The latter of which were mostly directed towards my boyfriend as I wondered what could have prompted him to lay out my plans to my dad so willingly when I'd specifically asked him to keep them to himself. And more importantly, why he hadn't told me that he'd done so, especially if it had been a mistake. Instead, he'd left me in the dark and let me be ambushed as I walked into the lion's den.
And it was that kind of spiraling I wanted to avoid. I wanted the conversation between us to be calm. To hear his side of the story. Because there must have been a reason why he hadn't mentioned his slip up to me... right?
Hence the reason I was biking the long way through town. To build up a mask around my muddled mind and calm myself. And it worked, for the most part. I passed the busy beach, which was full of families—both tourists and locals—enjoying the sand and sea, the ice cream stand with a line around the block, waved to those I knew out on afternoon walks as I rode by, and even passed the elementary school. The school where I'd once been both a student and a teacher and where I had so many cherished memories. The place that, maybe, if the cards fell where I hoped they would, I'd be able to return to in the not-so-distant future.
It was a long ride, but luckily with my slow pace, I managed to avoid pulling up to Ryan's without looking like a sweaty monster. Though my hair was definitely windswept, and I tried my best to tame it as I knocked on the door.
Scout's bark could be heard almost immediately, causing my lips to turn upward before the door even opened to show an overexcited Bowen. "Hi, Sloane!"
"Hey, buddy. How was your day?"
"Good," he responded as I stepped inside and slipped off my shoes. "Uncle Ryan took me to the beach this morning to swim. Then I practiced riding my bike, and now I'm building a Lego castle. Do you want to see?"
He was practically bursting from the seams with excitement, so I let out a chuckle and nodded before following him into the living room. And my eyes genuinely widened when I saw his in-progress creation, because when he said castle, he meant a legitimate castle. I thought he'd meant that he was simply building a tall building with a normal set of Legos, but there were instructions laid out next to him and he appeared to be using a specialized set to build a castle scene, complete with trees, a drawbridge, and a dragon stooped on top of the highest tower.
"Wow, this is awesome, Bowen."
"I know, right?" he replied enthusiastically. "Scout's being a good dog and hasn't eaten any of the pieces yet, and I just have a few pages left to go before it's finished."
"Well," Ryan said as he came down the stairs, and I turned back to look at him, "I see Bowen's shown you his masterpiece."
"He sure did," I said, and shot a glance back at Bowen to see a proud, toothy grin on his lips.
Ryan chuckled. "I bought that set for him yesterday, hoping that it'd keep him occupied while I was in Boston for training camp, but as soon as he saw it, he got a bit of a head start."
"I'd say it's a little more than a bit," I mused.
"And you'd be right about that." He nudged my hip with his own. "But enough about Bowen. What about you? How was work, and the interview you had?"
"It was good, not too busy. We interviewed a new guy to town—Eric—and I'll be calling him tomorrow to offer him a position at the store."
"That's great."
"Yeah," I agreed before trailing off, thinking of what had happened after work. I glanced between Ryan and Bowen, seeing that the latter had returned his attention fully to his Lego set, and chewed nervously on my bottom lip. "Actually, would we be able to talk outside real quick?"
I figured, better to get my thoughts out in the open sooner rather than later.
Ryan's head tilted with curiosity as one of his eyebrows quirked upward. "Oh, yeah, sure," he said, telling Bowen to stay put and keep an eye on Scout before leading me out to the back porch. As the back door closed behind us both, giving us some privacy, he asked, "What did you want to talk about?"
Crossing my arms across my chest, I looked out to the backyard, avoiding eye contact as I said, "I went to my dad's after work, and ended up chatting with him for a while." I paused for a moment, and when I finally did turn to meet his gaze, I saw understanding seeping in. "Why didn't you mention that you'd told my dad about my plan to leave the store?"
"Ah, well you see—" He cleared his throat as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "That was a mistake."
"A mistake?" I repeated. "How did you accidentally blurt all of that out?"
"Honestly, I wasn't even thinking. It didn't occur to me that you wouldn't have told him about it, so when he said he was worried about you working long hours and having the weight of the world on your shoulders while June was out sick, I happened to say something like 'well hopefully when she hires a few more staff she'll be able to step away.'" He sighed. "That's all I said, I swear, but he kind of put two and two together and realized I didn't just mean temporarily."
"And you didn't think to warn me about it?" I asked. I could feel my frustration brewing, though in that moment, my question still came out relatively calmly. "I would've rather you had told me that happened than walk into what seemed like an ambush at my father's place this afternoon."
"I'm sorry," he said, softly and genuinely apologetic. "I meant to tell you as soon as I saw you after it happened, but you were exhausted—out like a light pretty much after dinner—and dealing with the store. I swear I would've mentioned it after Bowen went to bed tonight, but your dad clearly beat me to the punch."
A punch was accurate, because that's exactly what hearing my dad ask me about it had felt like. A well-timed punch to the stomach that caused your breath to catch.
"I just... I don't get why you would've thought I'd told my dad. I had a hard enough time telling you, and then Mara, and then June. I told you I wanted to take this next step alone."
"Which I thought meant not leaning on me, which I understood, because this thing between us is new and I respect that. I wasn't trying to steamroll you or push you before you were ready," he tried to explain. "Like you said, you told me. You told Mara. You told June. How was I supposed to know that you hadn't told your dad? He's the owner. Wouldn't he have to be the one actually employing the new hires you're bringing on? I figured he was in on all of this. On your plans."
Logically, everything he was saying made sense, but in that moment my logical sense must have been broken. His words didn't calm me down or offer an explanation and my emotions were running rampant.
"Well, he wasn't."
"And why not, Sloane? Why didn't you tell him?" he asked, turning things on me. "Was it because, without him knowing, you had the freedom to backpedal and not actually take a step out of the safety net you've built around yourself?"
Shock coursed through me as I blinked at him. "Wow, um, okay."
"I mean, did you think about what I thought when I realized you hadn't told your dad about your plans? I thought that I was the one being played. That you were just trying to appease me until I left for Boston."
"Is that really what you thought?" I asked, swallowing hard.
"For a moment, yes," he admitted, before releasing a sigh. "But overall, no. Once I started thinking clearly again and got over the shock, I figured you were just nervous and unsure about how he'd react."
"I was," I said. "I didn't know how he'd feel about me stepping away from a place that my mom loved so much, but he was fine with it. More than fine, I guess. Supportive."
"That's great," Ryan replied, offering the smallest of smiles before confusion overtook his features once more. "But Sloane, if he's on board with it, why were you pressuring me for an explanation so badly? Because I told you what happened, and I'm sorry I let it slip, but it seems like I'm still missing something. Were you looking for a fight?"
And there it was. He'd hit the nail on the head. The reason my emotions were all over the place wasn't because he'd told my dad about my plans. Like he said, it was an accident, and I'd known in my heart without even needing to ask him that it was. No, I was more frustrated by the fact that he was leaving in only a couple of days. That we still hadn't really spoken about it except for him mentioning wanting to keep things going and give long-distance a try.
I just didn't know if that's what I wanted, when I had so much to focus on here.
With a gulp, I said, "I wasn't looking for a fight, but I don't know if I can keep this up."
His eyebrows furrowed together. "Keep what up?"
"Our relationship."
The color drained from his face and when he reached out, trying to grab hold of one of my hands, I stumbled back a step. "You don't mean that," he said in a low voice. "Things are going well. Between us and otherwise. Your plan is in motion, you'll be able to leave the store soon, and I thought..."
"You thought what? That I'd wrap things up here with the store and then move to Boston?" I raised an eyebrow. "Find a teaching job there? Newsflash, Ryan, my life is here. In Neptune Bay. I can't leave just to make things easier on our relationship."
I saw the way he flinched at my words, despite him trying to appear unruffled. "Can't? Or won't? Because I never asked you to move, despite wanting to. I know your life is here, but I figured we could make things work, even with the distance."
The sadness I was trying to hold back started to creep in, and I could feel the telltale signs of tears beginning to form. "That's the thing though. I can't do the long-distance thing," I admitted, my lip quivering. "Not with you."
"So that's it then?" he asked gruffly. "You're just done? Did this summer mean nothing to you?"
It meant the world.
Though instead of going with that, I said, "You're leaving, and this is my home. I had always thought this thing between us had an expiration date before you mentioned trying long-distance, so I guess that date is today." Because if something like this could make my heart feel torn to pieces after only a summer, I didn't want to think about how it'd feel like to endure anything stronger. To me, it was best to end it now. Even if my heart was screaming at my head to take the words back. "Good luck in Boston," I choked out, and without saying another word, I turned on my heel and ran down the back steps.
I could hear Ryan calling out for me as I rounded the house, keeping my composure the best I could, but I pretended as though I didn't hear him. I needed to get out of there. Even as I felt the tears start to fall when I hopped on my bike and headed for home, my chest aching with fear as though I'd made a huge mistake, I didn't turn back. I just kept pedaling, wishing I'd at least said goodbye.
a/n: another update because I'm determined to finish this story by the end of January! Only 4 more chapters and an epilogue left now!
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