"Don't worry." Rosé whispered, only for Jennie to hear. And damn, in this moment, in this atmosphere, Rosé's whispering voice was the sexiest thing Jennie has ever heard. "We don't actually have to kiss." Rosé tried to comfort Jennie and chuckled a bit, but every word she spoke drew Jennie even closer to her until they were indeed almost touching. They were so close that Jennie couldn't even avoid eye contact anymore and what she saw in Rosé's eyes... Could it be? No way, she wouldn't... But before Jennie could finish her thought...
"Okay, that's it, we're finally done." Lisa announced. "We can eat now." Jennie got torn out of her thoughts. She didn't even realized Lisa took any photos. With an open mouth she looked at Lisa, who had a satisfied smile on her lips. "Those pictures turned out great. The two of you were also really convincing. I almost thought you were gonna make out for real." Lisa and Jisoo laughed, Jennie and Rosé however remained silent for a few seconds. "Hey, are you okay?" Lisa then asked when she got no reaction from either girl. "Was this really necessary? Wouldn't it have been enough to take normal pictures of the food?" Jennie flinched as Rosé suddenly started to yell at Lisa. However she had a playfully and jokingly tone in her voice. "Well, of course it was necessary." Lisa replied in the same way Rosé yelled at her. "These pictures will drive the fans fucking crazy. Here." Proudly Lisa showed Rosé and Jennie the photos she took. The further they scrolled, the more embarrassed they became. But at the same time Jennie simply couldn't look away. As much as it hurt her, knowing that what she saw right know could never become a reality, she had to smile when she imagined how beautiful it must be to be on a real date with Rosé. When they looked at the last picture, and it really looked like they were kissing behind those wine glasses, Jennie could feel the tears in her eyes again. She quickly blinked and turned away before the others could notice. "Okay fine, you've got what you asked for. Can we finally eat now please?" she then pleaded, which made the other girls laugh. "Yes, of course, I think you two earned it." Jisoo exclaimed and the four girls sat down. "And what about me? I am the one who too turned this..." she pointed at Jennie and Rosé, who were sitting next to each other across Lisa and Jisoo. "into this!" This time, she pointed at her camera, obviously proud of her work. Jisoo rolled her eyes in response. "Yes, of course. You too." The conversation died down as they ate in silence. Jennie tried her best to enjoy her meal, and the food was really good so it actually helped her to distract her mind to a certain extend. However, after a short while, she could feel Rosé's leg slightly brushing against her own one. Neither of them have moved their chairs away from each other.
After they enjoyed a good meal, Jisoo and Lisa were cuddled up on the couch, watching the latest episode of their new favourite K-Drama. Since they already cooked and prepared everything else, Jennie and Rosé offered to clean up the kitchen. Neither of them spoke while they were putting the dishes in the dishwasher. "You know, Rosé, you can go change clothes if you want. I can finish the rest alone, you can join the others on the couch." Jennie quietly told her. "What, you wanna get rid of me?" Rosé replied with a playful smile which caused Jennie to look away quickly. "N..No, that's not what I meant." Rosé chuckled a bit in response. "I know, don't worry. But it's fine, really. The faster we get this done, the faster we all can cuddle up on the couch. Besides, I wanted to talk to you in private anyway." Uh-oh. Jennies heart started to beat faster immediately. "W..With me? Sure. Did something happen?" Rosé put the last wine glass in the dishwasher and turned it on before turning towards Jennie and looking directly into her eyes. "I don't know, you tell me." Now Jennie became even more nervous. So they really did notice, even Rosé. That was the last thing she wanted to happen. "Oh.. it's okay, really. I already spoke with Jisoo about it. It will be fine, I promise." Since there was no point in denying it, at least she had to play it down. But Rosé was apparently not satisfied with that answer. "I know that you spoke with her. But can't I know as well? Am I not..." Rosé didn't finish her sentence. She also didn't look at Jennie anymore. Instead she let out a barely audible laugh. "Nevermind. Forget that I said anything. If you say it's okay, that's enough for me." Jennie was highly concerned about her sudden mood swing. But before she could reply anything, Rosé quickly turned to leave the kitchen. "I will change now into something more comfortable." Rosé said while standing in the doorframe. She then turned her head towards Jennie and looked at her with melancholic eyes. "You looked really beautiful tonight, Jennie."
Jennie was then left alone in the kitchen, absolutely dumbfounded and paralysed. What was that? Is Rosé really upset that I didn't wanna tell her? And what's up with that look in her eyes? Or was this just my imagination? It was only when Jennie heard Lisa and Jisoo laugh in the living room that she realized she still stood in the kitchen like an idiot, so she quickly went to her room to get changed into her pajamas. She then made her way to the living room where she sat next to Jisoo, who was now between Jennie and Lisa. "Thanks for the food unnie, it was really good." While Jennie spoke she snuggled up to Jisoo, who put an arm around Jennie. "No need to thank me." Jisoo replied with a warm smile while looking down onto Jennie. She really felt like she was Jennies older sister. Although, the same thing could be said about any of the girls. Jisoo was a caring person through and through. "Hey, what about me?" Lisa said loudly. "I helped cooking,
don't you dare to forget that." "You already got your kudos for the pictures so leave the food for me." Jisoo quickly shut Lisa down which made Jennie chuckle. Shortly after, Rosé quietly entered the living room as well. Jennie was the first to notice, her eyes lit up when she saw Rosé entered the room. Whenever she was around, Jennies world just became a bit warmer and brighter. But instead of taking place next to Jennie like she usually did, she sat down next to Lisa and Jennie couldn't help but feel like Rosé did it on purpose. In this moment, she felt like a little dagger pierced her heart. She didn't say anything though, instead they all turned their attention to the television and just watched in silence. It was like the bad mood was infectious. They watched episode after episode and the story was starting to reach its sad climax. "Its so sad, isn't it?" Jisoo suddenly said quietly. "They love each other so much. Why can't they be happy together? They shouldn't have to worry about the consequences of being honest with their feelings." Jennie didn't reply. What Jisoo said was true, but could only be applied to Jennie to a limited extend. Her love was onesided after all. There wouldn't be a happy end for her.
"Please, you can't leave me. I promise we can get through this. I just... I just need you. Without you, what am I supposed to do? Listen to me, stay with me. You are the only one who's left. I can't go back to my family after everything that has happened." The young man on the TV-screen pleaded with his fiancé not to leave him. They were standing on the street in the middle of the night while thick snowflakes fell down onto them. The woman who he was talking to slowly shook her head while taking of her engagement ring and gently placing it into his cold, shaky hands. "We both know this is not possible." She whispered while trying to suppress her tears, but to no avail. "Our relationship was doomed from the start. I was really hoping that a happy life with you would be possible. But I should have known better. Since day one, everyone was against the idea of us being a happy couple and I... I can't do this anymore. So go back to your family. Forget that you ever met me. And start your life all over again. I will do the same. Farewell Ji-Hoon." And before he could say anything, she quickly turned around and started to walk away. Ji-Hoon was paralysed. As he watched his loved one walk away he fell onto his knees and started crying uncontrollably. The soundtrack started to play in the background, the camera zoomed out, showing the footprints of the woman in the snow and the credits start to roll, signalling that this was indeed the end.
In front of the TV sat four girls who cried with Ji-Hoon, although for various reasons. "Are they serious? They can't end the show this way. This is so unfair." Lisa cried loudly while clinging on Rosé, who nodded in agreement and wiped her own tears away. Jennie and Jisoo cried more quietly. "Maybe they didn't wanted to do another generic happy end?" Jisoo interjected. "BUT NOT WITH MY BELOVED JI-HOON!" Lisa cried now even louder before burying her head in one of the pillows. Rosé put her arms around Lisa and gently caressed her back. "Shhh it's okay Lisa. I'm sure he will find happiness." After a few minutes they finally started to calm down. They then took turns in washing their faces and said good night before everyone headed into their rooms.
"Jennie, you've been awfully quiet this evening. Is everything all right?" Lisa asked. They both were laying in their beds but neither of them has fallen asleep yet. I swear to god, if someone asks me this one more time.... Jennie let out a sigh before replying. "I'm good. The end of the show just really hit me, you know?" Lisa raised an eyebrow. "Really? Because as far as I can remember, out of us four you had the least interest in the show. Hard to believe that this is the reason for your recent behaviour." Now Jennie let out a groan, all these questions really started to piss her off. "And what about everyones behaviour of asking me constantly what is wrong with me? Really, if all of you are going to ask me that, at least do it all at once so that I don't have to repeat myself when telling you that I'm fine and you don't have to worry about me because throughout the day I've almost heard nothing else and frankly, it's starting to piss me the fuck of." What followed were a few moments of silence. Jennie very rarely was seriously pissed, the last time she ranted at one of her bandmates like that was during their trainee days. After Jennie let off some steam she shockingly realized that she just went after one of her best friends throat for now reason. "L..Lisa,
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." Lisa shook her head. "It's okay, I shouldn't have pushed you." But it was obvious that Lisa was hurt, and understandably so. Jennie quickly got out of her bed and made her way towards Lisa. Before Lisa could bring up her arms in defence, Jennie jumped on the bed and started to tickle a defenceless Lisa who started to laugh hysterically.
And Lisa's laugh was so infectious, that Jennie couldn't help but to laugh as well. This went on for a few minutes, before Jennie remembered that in the room next to theirs were also people that probably would like to sleep, so finally she let Lisa go. Still, it felt good to laugh carefree again, this is something Jennie really hasn't done in quite some time. It was always this way when she was with Lisa. It was kind of her superpower. Lisa had the ability to ease the mood of everyone around her, intentionally or not. Sometimes, the sound of her laughter or her voice was enough to increase Jennies mood. On more than one occasion Jennie was really thankful that Lisa was her roommate. Nothing against Jisoo, she was the best friend one could ever ask for. But she was simply too mature sometimes. As she should be, after all she is the oldest of the group and as such had to be an example for the other members. And again, Jennie loved her to death, like a sister. But Lisa's goofy character was just what Jennie needed right now. That's why she was even more annoyed at herself that she snapped at Lisa. Jennie waited patiently for Lisa to catch her breath before putting on a serious face again. "I'm really sorry Lili. I shouldn't have taken my bad mood out on you." "It's okay JenJen." Lisa again assured her. And this time, Jennie could tell that Lisa meant it. "You can make it up to me by buying me some cake, yeah? And if you are ready to talk about your problem, you come to me with some cake and we'll talk about it, okay?" "Wait, why do I have to get you cake in either scenario?" Jennie asked confused and concerned about the hole that Lisa might cause in Jennie's wallet. "Well, one cake you owe me because you've been such a bitch to me. And recently I'm really into cake so..." Jennie couldn't argue with that logic, so she surrendered and let herself fall on the mattress next to Lisa. "Fair enough." she mumbled while snuggling onto Lisa. "Hey... Lili?" "Yeah, what's up Jen?" "Is it okay for me to sleep in your bed tonight?" Her question was almost a whisper, since she was a bit embarrassed that she had to ask something like that. But she couldn't help it, she really didn't want to be alone that night. Just when she thought, Lisa would send her away, Lisa giggled and put her arm around Jennie. "You're always welcome in here" With that, she covered herself and Jennie with the blanket and turned off the lights. "Good night JenJen." But Jennie couldn't hear her, for she was already asleep.
The next day, our heroines were in their favourite bakery in the neighbourhood to get Lisa her promised cake. Well, at least three out of four heroines were. Rosé was staying at home. According to Jisoo she didn't feel that well, but she assured Jisoo that she was going to be okay. So the three girls went out without her, but promised her to bring her something nice as well. Of course, Jennie was concerned and disappointed when she heard that. Concerned, because obviously she didn't want Rosé to become sick. And disappointed, because every hour she spent without Rosé felt like sixty minutes she wasted. But ultimately, she also benefited from Rosé's absence since this way it was way easier for Jennie to momentarily push her worries and feelings regarding her aside. Of course that was something Jennie would never dare to speak out loud.
"So, girls, would anyone explain to me one last time why we are here? Or rather why it is "of utmost importance" that we go to the bakery today?" Jisoo asked while the girls were slowly walking the counter, on which various items were displayed, up and down. The place was relatively empty. It wasn't a big store, but one day Lisa found it by coincidence and decided to bring some snacks for the girls. Since that day, it has been their favourite place to enjoy fresh bread, cake and other tasty things. Since the place was in a more quiet area, away from most of the trouble of the big city, not many people came to this place. Most customers were regulars, which had the added benefit that the girls wouldn't be approached as often, making this place their own little hiding spot. "I already told you." Lisa responded, but without paying too much attention to Jisoo. She was way too distracted by all these delicious looking goods in front of them. "Jennie was a bitch yesterday and this is her apologizing to us. Plus, I haven't been here since... I don't even know anymore, it's been way too long." "Look, I already said I am sorry so could you maybe stop calling me that?" Jennie intervened from behind. "What, were did your cockiness go? Where did the 'I'm a boss bitch'-girl go?" Lisa teased her, doing purposefully a bad job of imitating Jennies famous line from See u later. Jennie opened her mouth to say something. However, their friendly banter got interrupted by a soft, yet strict voice from behind the counter.
"Such foul language... You are not children anymore, you are young adults. I advise you start behaving accordingly." The voice belonged to an older lady. While her voice was strict, she had a welcoming smile on her lips and her eyes were filled with kindness. Jisoo, Jennie and Lisa immediately dropped their conversation and greeted the woman behind the counter friendly. "Oh, hello Halmeoni. We're sorry." Jisoo apologized on behalf of her friends with a slightly embarrassed smile on her lips. The woman just laughed in response. "Don't worry about it. I am just happy you come to see me again. You really made me wondering if you forgot about my small establishment." The woman Jisoo just addressed as Halmeoni was the owner of the bakery. They all called her that because she was indeed like a grandmother to the girls, treating them like they were her own grandkids. Halmeoni made most of the things she sold by herself, for over fifty years she has been doing this. On more than one occasion she got various lucrative offers to expand her business, but no chance. "I don't make a fortune with what I do. But what I do makes me happy. And it makes the good people happy that come into my store and enjoy my food. That is what matters." This was her response to anyone who would ask her about why she choose to stay in a small bakery at the corner of a street in a quiet neighbourhood. The girls always have been impressed by how down to earth this woman was, so they decided to visit her whenever it was possible. "Yes, we know, we are sorry that we haven't been here in such a long time." Jennie had an apologetic look on her face as she spoke. "Oh dear, you don't have to be sorry. I know how busy you girls are these days. Sit down, I'll bring something to your table" Halmeoni then offered. The girls wanted to refuse, claiming that it wasn't necessary. But Halmeoni wouldn't accept a no as an answer. So they sat on a table next to a big window from which they had a beautiful view at the neighbourhood and few minutes later, Halmeoni brought a tablet with various treats and tea to the table. "Thank you very much" the girls thanked her with a wide smile. With a smile just as wide, Halmeoni placed everything on the table and then excused herself to serve the next customer.
For a few minutes the girls sat there in silence, trying Halmeoni's newest creations and drinking tea. It was Lisa who spoke up first. "Okay, I'll forgive you Jennie." Jennie rolled her eyes in response. "Of course you do. This was our deal after all, wasn't it?" "Well... that was not the appropriate response. And stop rolling your eyes all the time, they might get stuck." Lisa scolded her, but then Jisoo interrupted them. "Girls, please. If you don't mind, I'd like to enjoy my cake in peace. Is that possible?" "Your no fun Unnie." Lisa pouted and took a sip from her tea. Jennie couldn't help but smile. It didn't happen often that she could relax like that. At least not in recent time. Their busy schedules often sent them around the country and even when they had a day off, this usually wasn't enough for Jennie to even start recharging her batteries. She looked out of the window and was able to not think of anything for a few peaceful minutes. But of course, someone had to ruin this for her. "Hey girls, look at this." Lisa exclaimed and practically shoved her phone into Jisoo's and Jennie's faces. The pictures from last nights date night blew up the internet. Not only did the likes on Instagram skyrocket, various news sites also wrote articles and made assumptions about Jennie's and Rosé's relationship. Jennie couldn't say she was as excited about this as Lisa and Jisoo were. Still, she was tempted to give in to her curiosity. Just once. She took Lisa's phone and inspected that last particular image very closely. This one time she was willing to allow her mind to roam freely. She softly closed here eyes and let her imagination loose, put herself back to that evening. Back to that very moment she and Rosé almost kissed. The image was still so fresh in her memory that she could almost feel Rosé's breath on her lips. Rosé's lips. So alluring and welcoming. Jennie was actually so close to kissing Rosé. How would it have felt? She dared to dream. She leaned closer towards Rosé, ready to press her lips onto...
"Jennie, you still with us?" Lisa asked her again with a concerned tone in her voice. Jennie opened her eyes again and looked into the worried faces of Lisa and Jisoo. "Huh?" "You looked like you were blacking out, are you good?" Jisoo then asked. "Oh.. yeah... I just got really tired all of a sudden. I don't know, maybe it was the tea?" It was the best excuse she could think of so quickly. She quickly handed Lisa's phone back to her and shrugged her shoulders. "Anyway, it's good that the pictures are a success. But then again, it was Lisa who took them, so it shouldn't be a surprise, right?" Lisa smiled proudly and Jennie knew that for the time being she avoided being further exposed. See, this is exactly why you can't let your guard down, even for a moment.
The rest of their lunch was uneventful, they chatted for some time and eventually said goodbye to Halmeoni before turning to leave the bakery. "Jennie, dear, wait a minute please." "Hm?" Jennie turned around to face Halmeoni. "What is it?" Halmeoni observed Jennie for a few moments in silence, as if she was weighing her words. "You know," she finally began to speak. "sometimes it is okay to be selfish. Your emotions and feelings have a right to exist too. Plus, if she would know how you torment yourself, she'd be sad as well." Jennie had absolutely no words right now. She hastily turned her head to the door, but Jisoo and Lisa were already outside. When she turned her attention back to Halmeoni, she held a brown paper bag in her hand. "Give that to Chaeyoung and tell her to get well soon." was all she said before turning her attention back to her work. Jennie silently thanked her and left the bakery while contemplating the meaning behind these words. Jennie always knew that she sucked at hiding her worries. But this woman read Jennie like a book. Her first instinct was to ask her how she'd know, but deep down she knew the answer. After all she spent every possible second looking at Rosé, even if she really tried not to. It probably didn't took her much to figure out what was going on inside Jennies mind, and much more importantly, her heart. While she let theses words sink in, Jisoo and Lisa picked her up at the entrance and the three girls made their way home.
When they entered the house, Jennie immediately headed to Rosé's room to give her her food. As she got closer to the door, she became more and more nervous, without even really knowing why Maybe it was because of Halmeoni's words. Or because she was an emotional wreck anyway. Eventually she stood in front of the door and took a few breaths in before cautiously knocking on the door. "Rosé?" No response. For a few seconds Jennie stood still and listened. Through the door she could hear music being played. Since the door was rather thick, therefore the sound was pretty muffled, she really had to focus to identify the song.
How am I supposed to make you feel okay
when all you do is walk the other way?
I can't tell you how much I wish I didn't wanna stay
I just kinda wish you were gay
Jennie then opened the door cautiously and peeked into the room. Rosé was lying in her bed, wrapped in a blanket, eyes closed. She looked so beautiful that Jennie didn't dare to make another sound, scared of interrupting this angel's peaceful slumber. So she stood there for a few short moments, doing nothing but observing Rosé, trying to take in every little detail. The loose strains of her blonde hair that were in her face. The soft up and down of her chest with every breath she took. Jennie was absolutely mesmerized by the view in front of her, almost too much for her to handle. When Jennie decided she couldn't take any more she quickly set down the bag next to Rosé's bed and turned towards the door to leave.
"I was wondering how long you gonna just stand there and watch me." Jennie's body froze when she heard Rosé's low voice behind her. Slowly she was able to turn around and faced her with reddened cheeks. "You were awake this whole time?" Jennie nervously asked. A grin was Rosé's only reply. "I... sorry." Jennie was extremely embarrassed right now, so she tried to find a new topic quickly. "You.. I didn't know you listen to Billie Eilish" Jennie then commented while pointing her head towards the small radio that stood on Rosé's nightstand. Rosé just shrugged her shoulders. "I do. I mean, occasionally. After all, she has a beautiful singing voice, right?" "Not as beautiful as yours though." They both were frozen in shock. Did I really just said that? Where did that come from? Jennie thought to herself while Rosé seemed to be flustered. She wasn't sure why, the girls complimented each other all the time. But something about this was different. They way Jennie spoke to Rosé, with so much affection, Rosé had to notice something. Or did she? Why didn't she say anything? Come on Rosé, say something
When Rosé finally opened her mouth to say something, she pointed towards the bag Jennie placed on the ground. "What's that in there?" Jennie actually had to think for a second, she completely forgot about the bag. Only when she looked at the bag she remembered why she even came her in the first place. "Oh.. Halmeoni gave us something for you. She wants you to get better soon." Jennie finally answered and handed Rosé the bag who took it with a happy face. "Awww that's so sweet of her." Rosé inspected the various delicious items Halmeoni packed for her while humming happily. "Mhh... Unfortunately I don't really like this flavour. Do you want something?" Rosé then offered Jennie a cookie. Jennie stared at the cookie for a few seconds. Rosé really offered her to feed her with a cookie. Without even thinking about it, Jennie moved closer towards Rosé, kneeling on her bed in the process, and took the cookie between her teeth. She could actually feel Rosé's fingers touching her lips, so she moved extra slowly, trying to stretch out the moment as much as possible. She knew that she shouldn't do that, she knew she should pull back right here and now, but damn, she simply couldn't. Halmeoni was right. Sometimes you have to be selfish.
But then she heard Rosé chuckle. "You know, there are no cameras here. There is no need to act like we are in love." This felt like a shot in the heart. Jennie was taken aback, did she misread the whole situation? Apparently, Rosé was simply offering Jennie a cookie, nothing more. It looked like this was as far as their relationship was going to go. "S..sorry." Jennie mumbled while getting off of the bed. "I got lost in thoughts again... I should go now." Rosé flashed her a warm smile. "Okay" Defeated, Jennie left the room while trying her best to hide her disappointment. After she closed the door to Rosé's room, she quickly entered her own room, leaning back against the door and sliding to the ground. Her hand clenched to a fist around the cookie, crumbs falling onto the floor while Jennie hid her face in the crook of her arm.
Why didn't you stop me?
A/N: Happy new year. The last chapter of 2021 and the first chapter of 2022. Damn, now I feel old lol. Anyway, to end the year (and start well into the new one) I wanted to come up with an extra long chapter, you know, so that I have something special to finish the year. Plus, I wanted to try out how the chapters work out if they are longer. If this is received well, all coming chapters might be this length (or at least longer than the previous ones. As always, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and stay safe out there. Good luck for 2022 everyone <3