Saturday, 2 weeks before arrest
As I stare at myself with my blue hair up in a too-tight bun, and a heavy layer of make-up on it hits me.
The cops aren't going to be able to find the murderer. They've barely been investigating as it is. They've been too busy preparing for this ceremony. What if the murderer is never found? Am I just supposed to go on for the rest of my life wondering who killed her?
Knock! Knock!
I jump at the sound, my head whipping towards the door.
"Honey?" Mom calls through it. "Are you ready?"
I take a deep breath – moving my hands with it as I do – and open the door. "As ready as I can be." Which really isn't much.
***
I stand outside the church doors welcoming people. You never really know how many people care until they come to a funeral, and even at that I'm not sure how many of them are actually here because they knew Madam Mara. Most of them are probably here out of respect for her being the protector. Former protector.
My stomach coils as I think about my ceremony after this.
As I finish welcoming someone I look down at the bottom of the stairs and see Miss. Grong heading up them.
When she reaches the top she comes over to me and grabs my hands. I manage to give her a meek smile. "How are you Lumi?" she asks.
"I'm okay," I tell her.
"Today's a sad day."
"It is."
"But also an important one." She winks.
I shrug. "I guess it can be both."
"Of course it's both! It's Madam Mara's funeral and your protector ceremony. Everyone's coming to both! You must be excited!" Her eyes are lit up. It almost seems like it's her ceremony day.
"Not really. I wish Madam Mara was here," I tell her.
"We all do." She doesn't seem like she does. She lays a hand over her heart. "On another note Lumi, I need to talk to you about your math grade."
At the mention of my grade Mom looks our way and excuses herself from the person she was talking to and makes her way over here. I sigh. Why must she have good hearing? "What about her math grade?" she asks.
Miss. Grong turns to her. "Lumi's grade has been slipping. Long before all of this, but it's really been dropping recently."
Mom turns to me and glares. "Why didn't you tell me?"
I shrug. Maybe because I didn't want you to know?
"I suggest getting her a tutor," Miss. Grong continues. "I even have someone who is volunteering to do so."
"Really? Who?" Mom asks at the same time I ask, "Who?"
"Neo Ulan."
"Neo?" Mom asks. Miss. Grong nods.
Why would Neo want to help me? He's always been too busy to help anyone. Amber knows best, because she would ask him and when he said no she would complain to me and I had to help her. "Isn't he busy?" I ask.
"He said he had an opening in his schedule. But between us he's doing it for the extra credit." At that Miss. Grong lets out a loud laugh.
I bite my lip. I don't buy it. Why would Neo help me? Sure he's nice and everything, but he's always busy. So... what changed?
"I'll let you two talk it over. I'm going to go grab a seat before they're all gone," she excuses herself and heads into the church with the rest of the town.
Mom's hands rest on her hip, and there's a frown on her face. The frown causes her face to wrinkle, making her look older than she is. "Care to explain?" she snaps.
I don't care to explain so I ask her, "Can we do this later? When we're not here?"
She sighs and massages her forehead. "Fine. But we will be talking about this."
"Thank you."
She nods. "Let's go in. It's going to start soon."
I nod. This is it. The last time Madam Mara will ever be near the living.
My foot hovers above the ground as a thought enters my mind. There has to be a spell that would let me communicate with her. Right? If there was, it would be in one of the books I have.
"Are you coming?" Mom asks, looking back over her shoulder and giving me a quizzical look.
"Yeah." I nod and continue after her.
The inside of the church is warm, and it's no surprise why. People fill the seats and more line the walls. It's packed in here. Me and Mom make our way to the front, trying not to step on anyone.
Once we're there we take the last two seats. Dad gives me a sad smile and squeezes my leg. I give him a small smile and turn to face the front.
There's a closed coffin with flowers surrounding it. I'm not sure who decided all the details but I'm sure they decided on a closed-casket so no one had to see the wound. Sitting in front of the coffin is a picture of Madam Mara. Her lips are in a tight line and she looks as if someone said something that angered her. Which wouldn't be a surprise, she got angry easily. But is that really the only picture of her?
Off to the side is a podium, and at the podium stands a man in black robes.
He clears his throat and taps the mic, sending feedback throughout the room. "Hello today we are here to..."
That's when everything gets fuzzy and fades. All I can focus on is my hands in my lap and my breathing.
My mind floats back to the spell. Did I ever hear her mention something like that? I'm sure she must have. She could never stop talking about spells, which was good since I loved learning about them.
I look up and find the guy's mouth moving. What is he saying? But I can't find it in me to tune back in to find out. If he's talking about Madam Mara what is he saying about her life? Is he saying how great she was? How she protected us to her last breath? How much of what he's saying is true?
Something hits me in the side and I jump. My hands start to go cold until I look around and see everyone staring at me. I take a breath and the coldness fades. "It's time for your eulogy speech," Dad whispers.
I search his face and when he gives me a small nod of encouragement I stand up. I shake my hands out, trying to get the nerves to leave.
It's okay. I can do this. But the doubt lingers and clouds the edge of my vision.
As I walk up to the podium I can feel everyone's eyes on me, watching my every move.
I place my hands on the top of the podium and take a deep breath. The black at the edge of my eyes slowly vanishes.
My gaze slides over the crowd, recognizing almost everyone who's here. Amber sits behind my parents with Neo and their families. Mia sits a little farther back with her family and friends. Standing against the wall is Fox, who gives a thumbs up when he sees me looking at him.
I take one more breath and start. "Hello. I'm Lumi Fay and I was a student of Madam Mara's." Why must I tell them who I am? They all know. They've all read the article, and even if they haven't I'm sure someone has told them about it. "I spent a lot of time with her. She always treated me like I was her own child." I take a deep breath. "I miss her. I didn't realize how big of a role she played in my life and... and..." The tears start to fill my eyes, causing the scene before me to go fuzzy. Someone – who looks like Neo – gets up and leaves, causing a few murmurs to rise up. I continue, watching as the person leaves the church. "I... I just want her to be proud."
It's not what I was going to say but I can't bring myself to tell everyone how I want her murderer to die. It wouldn't make me any better than them. "Thank you," I say before scurrying off the podium and instead of going back to my seat I follow the person out of the church.
The air here is thick and warm. I need cool air and space.
I burst out of the church and the cold air fills my lungs. I gulp for it. I know my speech was bad, but nothing I say can express how much I miss her.
"Lumi?"
My eyes snap open and standing in front of me is Neo. "Hey," I say.
"That was a good speech," he says, brushing some of his raven black hair out of his face.
"It really wasn't."
He shrugs and his green eyes light up. "Sure it was. I couldn't have said it better myself."
"Really? What would you have said? You didn't even know her. "
"I just meant that... you um... you really spoke... you really..." he falters. "I don't know what I meant." He looks down. His green eyes flashing.
I sigh. "It's fine. I'm just not used to people acting like they cared about her."
"But I did," he says, head whipping up. I lift a brow. He sighs and looks away. "She helped my mom," he says.
It clicks then. Why this must be as hard for him as it is for me. His mom was sick a while back and Madam Mara had stayed with them to help her get better. It had taken a full month for her to heal, and all my lessons had been canceled.
"I'm sorry," I say, "I must sound so rude and full of myself now."
"It's okay," he says, but he's not looking at me.
"You sure?"
He looks back at me and his eyes look like an angry blue. I shake my head and they're their regular green again. "I'm sure," he says. He walks up the steps, and holds his hand out to me. "Ready to go back in?" he asks.
I nod but don't take his hand and lead the way in.
When I get back to my seat Mom grabs my hand and holds it. Dad gives my shoulder a squeeze. "You okay?" he asks.
I nod, and he gives a small smile before turning back.
The rest of the funeral passes the same way as the first half. Everything blurred and fuzzy.
It's not until it's all over that everything comes back into focus. I stand from my seat and follow zombie-like out of the church. We hop into the car and follow the long parade down to the graveyard.
Madam Mara is lowered into the ground and we all take turns shoveling dirt on her coffin. It doesn't take long before it's completely covered and everyone trickles away.
Once it's just me, Mom and Dad I bend down and place a hand on the dirt. Slowly I let the magic flow out of me and into the ground. The ice moves like water through it, picking it up. It then sprouts from the dirt and creates a flower. The flower frosts up as soon as it solidifies. Throughout the flower's stem and petals are specks of soil. It's my last gift to Madam Mara and I know it won't last long but it brings me comfort.
"Ready?" Mom asks.
"No," I answer. "But I don't really have a choice," I say standing up.
Mom and Dad both wrap their arms around me. "Let's get you ready for the ceremony," Mom says.