I'MA SMASH YA LIIIKE A-
Sorry this took a while to read. Holidays and being sick have not helped with my ADHD.
TLDR; A fantasy world with war brewing and a question of who sits on the throne.
Overall I'd rate it 2 smashing out of 5. Its weaknesses outweight its strengths, but with some work it can all turn around.
Grammar and Word Usage - Painfully Told - I cannot speak for the grammar rules. Grammar is not my strong suit. But the way the story is told is painful. Everything is told. Nothing is fleshed out or experienced. You know they are funny because you are told they are, not because they actually have humor. You are told they are changed because you are told they are, not because you see before and after comparison. Them joining one side or another is told its bad or insane, not because you have anything invested or understood about any side and their values or methods. Telling is for summary and not story, and this does the opposite in trying to make it all story. Not to mention the amount of cliche. Some cliche can be okay when done well, but they are shortcuts without substance or originality, and the amount of it here goes out of its way to sabatage the story. This also goes into the way the world building is established as well.
World Building - Shot itself in the foot - The world building is equally fascinating and disappointing. It is a unique universe with a clearly unique power structure that combines religion, power, and governmental structure at the same time to something slightly reminding me of Dragon Ball, Taoism, and Buddism. This concept is very interesting, mouth wateringly so.
However, the way it is expressed and explored is the problem. First you have the entire thing explained in a kind of wiki-page as a pre-prologue-prologue, and second there is no proper representative as an exploration of the concepts later because its all told. The art of telling versus showing is that telling just tells you that some deer got shot, while showing is the bambi movie that gets you interested in the characters and then shoots the deer. It is about creating investment and relatability. Telling will say 'and the king died at 22... oh well moving on.' while showing will give you his last breath with all of its regrets and mourning. The use of cliche's and things just being told robs you of the ability to look indepth, which the story fails to work with because it is trying to rely on indepth understanding of the characters without first letting you meet them, both literally and figuratively. It tries to get you to feel that Igneal joining some side in a universal war is madness, without giving the slightest idea of why that is.
Why should we give the slightest shit about either side? What justification is there for one side or the other? Who has right to the throne? What are their values, their resources, their geography, their community, their governmental structure, their views of justice vs anarchy, their science, their education, their identity, their food, their media or fun, their traditions and holidays, their medicine and health conditions, their view of community vs individual, their language, their laws, their social issues, their international relations, their pets, and so much more. Not a single thing is given so I know absolutely nothing about outside of a basic level of history as to the importance of a throne so when the story hinges on something so important as choosing sides I can only say 'why should I give a shit?'
The author is trying to take on an extremely complex and complicated story as one derived of politics, war, and high level world building without the world building. This isn't helped by the fact that the world building tries to shortcut itself with just saying "yeah its elves, dwarves, and other races you are familiar with. that's all you need to know about them. Nothing new to see here."
So, first of all, nothing original or interesting there that hasn't been done 50,000 times. Second, okay, so the elves have only one nation and nothing original? They have no name, no values, no relations with their neighbors, no flaws the other races have a problem with, nothing? Everyone is just blank on a universal level? So why should I give the slightest shit when someone says 'yeah im choosing the other side'. Okay? Is this other side more or less justified? Are they more or less righteous? Do they have right to the throne or not? Are they warmongerers in a time of peace or is this already a time of war and they are trying to unite to end it? Are they rebels or terrorists or just trying to defend themselves or...? But no thats about all you get to know and then moving on.
You dont get to know why anything matters. It just does because the author says so. I'm not asking for the world. Even one or two things is enough, but we get to work with nothing, 0, zilch, nada. The world building is interesting but it shoots itself in the foot by shortcutting itself at every turn. You aren't immersed into a new universe and world, you are just told that it exists. And that is the tone you have to work with.
Main Characters - Meh - The main characters are Igneal, Lian, and Dragneel. I neither like nor dislike them. I feel apathy. The reason being that they aren't bad characters, but I keep asking myself 'why should i give a shit?' Because, again, all of the initial conflict, all you get to really know about them beyond just being told-vomitted is 'yeah one of them is choosing a different side' in a conflict that you know about as much about as the ants in your front yard fighting over an apple. This is the basis of all of their stories. Igneal is choosing the other side. Lian instantly goes 'your insane' and Dragneel is brought in to 'fix' him. But if you don't give the slightest shit about the fact that Igneal is choosing the other side, because the motivations and values meant to give this choice value doesnt exist due to shortcutting, then the rest of the characters reasons for existing and their motivations amount to... nothing. It is neither good or bad. I felt nothing.
Side Characters - More Meh - The author has a thing for telling you everything about a character like its a history book or wiki page and not letting you actually immerse in the character, so this was meh as well. the only character I actually liked was the grandmotherly person in chapter 4. She was sweet. Beyond her the other characters didn't offer anything to the world or primary characters around them beyond exposition and vomiting up history of a character you wanted to meet but apparently had to get the entire wiki-page on first, so Dragneel was also ruined.
Plot - Has potential but cant carry the weight - The plot is interesting. You have a god-king that dies, multiple sides vying for the throne, anger in the family due to seemingly abandonment issues, looming war, high fantasy, and all kinds of juicy stuff. The story, when summarized and expressed this way, is really damn good and has tons of potential, but the way it gets down to the nitty gritty details and sits down to get you invested fails to make me care about anything. Not one character, not one side, not one aspect of the world building beyond the 'idea' of it could bear its own weight and the plot crumbles beneath all of it because the foundation of the story needs work. Don't get me wrong, I love the potential of the story and what it is trying to tell. If it can get even a few things right to really get you invested and caring, then eveything can start to slide into place and it can very quickly and easily get really damn good, but its just a big no.
There is a saying I have. A good story told poorly can be fixed. A bad story told well can not.
This story is very much the former. Its a good story but all of its weight and potential is built on a foundation that doesn't exist. The story is too complex to be shortcut and yet the story tries to, repeatedly.
Bonus: The picture and title is really really awesome!
I'm out with a smashing!
If you are interested in learning to write, mastering the craft, want some really good reads, or just to chat and hang out with a mature group of adults, feel free to hit me up for a smashing discord book club that has lasted years.