❛ All that I want is to wake up fine. Tell me that I'm alright, that I ain't gonna die. ❜
SEASON 1, EPISODE 4
vatos
━━━━━━ July 29, 2010
A SOFT RAP HIT the sheets of Bianca's tent. She looked toward the front... or the back. She wasn't sure. It was haphazardly re-made. All that mattered was Lori was standing there, her silhouette hovering like death coming to take her.
⠀⠀⠀Bianca made it carefully out of her tent, happy when it didn't collapse like most mornings. She turned to Lori and smiled warily.
⠀⠀⠀"I heard some of the ladies talkin' that you were about to graduate," Lori began, squinting her eyes from the sun, and her arms were crossed over her chest.
⠀⠀⠀"Yeah, later this year," Bianca explained with a worried crease down the middle of her forehead.
⠀⠀⠀"You were how old again?" Lori asked curiously.
⠀⠀⠀"Twenty-three. Why?" Bianca asked her, frowning.
⠀⠀⠀"Well, Carol and I have been teachin' Carl and Sophia, but we're not the best teachers," Lori explained with a slight shrug, turning back to look at the three sitting by a tree. "I know you don't do well with... people, but I was wonderin' if you might like to help. I'm not real good with math and certainly not science."
⠀⠀⠀"I don't know," Bianca muttered, looking over at the kids, then Carol. "She ain't real happy with me."
⠀⠀⠀"No, she ain't," Lori agreed with a slight disapproving tone. "But I talked to her. She thinks it might be helpful if you know what you're doin'. Besides, we still gotta get along."
⠀⠀⠀"I'm not that great a teacher, either," Bianca continued awkwardly, glancing back at Lori.
⠀⠀⠀"If you don't wanna do it, that's alright, but I'll make you a deal," Lori said with a knowing smile growing across her face. "You only gotta do laundry twice a week."
⠀⠀⠀"Really?"
⠀⠀⠀"I'm no liar," Lori assured her with a soft smile.
⠀⠀⠀"Alright," Bianca sighed reluctantly. "I hate laundry."
⠀⠀⠀"We all do," Lori laughed. "You free now?"
⠀⠀⠀"Yeah, I don't have much else to do but stare at the top of my tent," Bianca said with a shrug.
⠀⠀⠀Lori wrapped her arm around Bianca's shoulders. It was an odd feeling. The touch was motherly and kind, but Lori wasn't anything like her mom. Her mom was shorter and softer to the touch. Lori was nearly all bone, and it felt like her fingers cut into her skin.
⠀⠀⠀Bianca accepted the embrace however much she felt like she was burning beneath and followed her to the kids and Carol.
⠀⠀⠀"And I'll tell you somethin'," Lori whispered, getting closer to the three but still out of earshot. "It's not somethin' I'd do or normally praise, but it was very brave, what you did. Stickin' up for her like that."
⠀⠀⠀"It wasn't brave," Bianca corrected her truthfully, catching her gaze but didn't explain her reasoning further.
⠀⠀⠀They made it to the small workspace for the kids. Carl sat on one side of the table and Sophia on the other while Carol sat between them.
⠀⠀⠀Bianca was nervous, similar to when she'd first met Cal, but not in a good way. Carol was skittish around Bianca since the quarry, eyes downcast and her hands curled tightly into her lap.
⠀⠀⠀Bianca wasn't so much put off by her as she was by the kids. She rarely even talked to Lori before she came asking for her help minutes before, let alone them. They made her nervous. She was always worried she'd say the wrong thing around them or get stuck with them, having to keep them safe. To say the least, Bianca and kids never mixed.
⠀⠀⠀"Um, hi," Bianca greeted, running her hands down her pants to rid the sweat.
⠀⠀⠀"Hi," Carol spoke up, trying to set a good example, but she kept her head bowed.
⠀⠀⠀"You can sit over there," Lori told her, pointing to the chair on the other side of Carol. Bianca followed her direction while Lori sat down next to Carol and Carl.
⠀⠀⠀"So, um, you guys like math or science?" Bianca asked the kids, wringing her hands as she looked between the two.
⠀⠀⠀"Math sucks," Carl said in disgust, curling his lip and shaking his head wildly. Sophia nodded in agreement.
⠀⠀⠀"What?" Bianca asked, trying to hide the nervousness in her tone and instead act joke-y with them. "No, no, math doesn't suck. It's actually pretty cool."
⠀⠀⠀"You have got to be kidding," Sophia said a laugh in her tiny voice.
⠀⠀⠀"You two, be nice," Carol scolded.
⠀⠀⠀Bianca smiled, waving her off. She was still nervous, but at least they were talking about something she knew about.
⠀⠀⠀"It's alright. Some people just aren't cool enough to see how awesome math is," Bianca assured Carol in a way that sparked something in the kids sitting next to her.
⠀⠀⠀"What?! No, I'm cool! I'm cool!" Carl exclaimed, pointing dramatically at Bianca. "You're not cool. You're a nerd!"
⠀⠀⠀"Carl!"
⠀⠀⠀"Nerds go to space," Bianca retorted, turning towards Carl, so they were eye level. "Nerds get to mix chemicals and create explosions. Nerds. Are. Cool!"
⠀⠀⠀Carl narrowed his eyes at her, unconvinced.
⠀⠀⠀"I don't believe you," Carl claimed, crossing his arms.
⠀⠀⠀Bianca sat back in her chair, considering how she could prove to Carl how math, of all things, was cool. Maybe she should've started with science, some physics on how things kept moving by going by the quarry to roll rocks down. But, she came up with something arbitrarily math-related that might convince the two kids that math was cool.
⠀⠀⠀"Alright, I'll prove it to you," Bianca stated, leaning forward and looking between them. "Think of a number."
⠀⠀⠀"Huh?" Carl asked.
⠀⠀⠀"Think of a number," Bianca repeated. "And don't say it out loud. Both of you and your moms if they'd like."
⠀⠀⠀Lori smiled, and Carol kept to herself.
⠀⠀⠀"Got it?" Bianca asked.
⠀⠀⠀"Got it," both of them responded.
⠀⠀⠀"Alright, now..." Bianca paused, now questioning her idea. "Do you know how to multiply yet?"
⠀⠀⠀"Yeah," Carl said.
⠀⠀⠀"I learned it last year," Sophia said, then frowned. "I'm not very good."
⠀⠀⠀"That's alright. Multiplying is hard because it's basic. One of the first things you have to learn. We can work on it later, but for now, try and multiply your number by three."
⠀⠀⠀Sophia let out a small groan when Bianca said they'd work on multiplying later, then looked serious as she tried to calculate the number in her head. Then, finally, they both nodded to tell her they'd done it.
⠀⠀⠀"Okay, now add six."
⠀⠀⠀Another nod.
⠀⠀⠀"Divide that number by three. Then, subtract your first number with your current number."
⠀⠀⠀There was silence, the two kids calculating before turning to Bianca.
⠀⠀⠀"Now, I'm gonna guess the number in your heads, but first," she said, placing her hands on their heads and wiggling them around. "Have to draw the answers out!" she exclaimed, and the kids laughed at her antics. Then, she stopped, removing her hands. "Two."
⠀⠀⠀"What?!" Carl and Sophia exclaimed in unison.
⠀⠀⠀"How'd you do that?" Carl demanded.
⠀⠀⠀"It's math," Bianca said to him, waving her fingers at him.
⠀⠀⠀"That's magic!" Sophia exclaimed.
⠀⠀⠀"No, it's math," Bianca laughed at their response. "Let me see your paper."
⠀⠀⠀Bianca began walking them through the steps of the 'trick,' explaining how the equation would always come up with the number two no matter what number they chose. The two kids were invested, asking questions and giving other numbers for her to try just to see if it would still work.
⠀⠀⠀"Sorry if I scared your boy and your little girl," Jim suddenly called out to them, where he sat tied to a tree behind Lori and Carol. Bianca hadn't even noticed him there.
⠀⠀⠀"You had sunstroke," Lori assured him. "Nobody's blamin' you."
⠀⠀⠀"You're not scared now, are you?" Jim asked, looking to Sophia.
⠀⠀⠀Sophia hesitated, clamming up again but eventually said, "No, sir."
⠀⠀⠀Jim paused, leaning his head against the tree, and the table returned to what they were doing. Bianca's voice quieted as they finished up the short lesson, but were all a little distracted now.
⠀⠀⠀"Your mama's right," Jim continued, turning to Carl. "Sun just cooked my head, is all."
⠀⠀⠀Carl didn't respond, only nodded.
⠀⠀⠀"Jim, do you know why you were digging?" Dale asked. "Can you say?"
⠀⠀⠀"I had a reason. Don't remember. Somethin' I dreamt last night," Jim explained. He still had a dazed expression as he looked back at them. "Your dad was in it. You were, too. You were worried about him. Can't remember the rest. You worried about your dad?"
⠀⠀⠀"They're not back yet," Carl admitted, looking down at the table.
⠀⠀⠀"We don't need to talk about that," Lori told Jim, rubbing her hand down her son's back to soothe him.
⠀⠀⠀"Your dad's a police officer, son," Jim continued, ignoring Lori's request. "He helps people. Probably just came across some folks needin' help, that's all. That man, he's tough as nails. I don't know him well, but... I could see it in him. Am I right?" he asked Shane.
⠀⠀⠀"Oh, yeah."
⠀⠀⠀"There ain't nothin' gonna stop him from gettin' back here to you and your mom," Jim said, sure about his statement. "I promise you that."
⠀⠀⠀A thick silence fell upon them, and Shane shuffled his feet, picking up a bucket.
⠀⠀⠀"Alright," Shane called. "Who wants to help me clean some fish, huh?"
⠀⠀⠀"Sweet!" Carl exclaimed, standing. "Come on, Sophia!"
⠀⠀⠀"Hey, we haven't finished!" Bianca called after them.
⠀⠀⠀"Hurry! Hurry!" Carl yelled to Sophia, darting out of the clearing before Bianca could yank them back. "Before she makes us do more math!"
⠀⠀⠀Bianca smirked, knowing they had enjoyed it. At least a little.
⠀⠀⠀"Thank you, hun," Lori laughed, patting Bianca's hand and giving her a warm smile. "We can do more tomorrow if you don't mind, keep their minds workin'. I know mine is turnin' again just listenin' to you."
⠀⠀⠀Bianca smiled, "Yeah, I'd like to."
━━━━━━ June 13, 2010
BIANCA AND HER MOM spent about an hour together, talking and painting nails until she called a switch. It was Bianca and Eugene's turn to spend some time together and her mom and her dad's. Although, the kids doubted their parents would even talk to one another. Maybe sit in the same room to make it look like they at least tried to be civil.
⠀⠀⠀The twins sat in the guest room together upstairs. The windows were boarded up so they couldn't see outside, or rather so the freaks couldn't see in. Bianca and Eugene painted outdoor scenery on the boards with old paint their dad had lying around the day before. The paintings looked like something a five-year-old would make.
⠀⠀⠀However, the image was nice to stare at to not go stir crazy.
⠀⠀⠀"I don't know what to talk about," Eugene started glumly. He looked away from the window and down to his hands. "I mean, we spend every second with each other practically," he continued with a laugh.
⠀⠀⠀"Seriously, like we're attached at the hip or somethin'," Bianca added, rolling her eyes playfully. "I'm born, then you're born right after. I go to college, then you go to college. I come home for summer break, you come home, too. When are you gonna leave me alone?"
⠀⠀⠀"I don't think I ever will," Eugene said, turning to look at her with a smile. "We're twins. Born together, die together, right?"
⠀⠀⠀Bianca looked over at Eugene as he held his pinky out to her. She smiled faintly at the action, raising her hand and interlocked her pinky with his.
⠀⠀⠀"It seems like it," Bianca stated, but she didn't believe it for a second. She worried not all of them would make it. Half the street was already carrying losses. They were the only ones still intact, only for the fact their dad acted as fast as he did when the news broke.
⠀⠀⠀"Am I a terrible person if I wished we'd stayed?" Eugene asked.
⠀⠀⠀Bianca rested her head onto her brother's shoulder and frowned, staring at the muddy sunset.
⠀⠀⠀"No," Bianca admitted. "I wish we had, too."
⠀⠀⠀"I just—" Eugene continued, trying to explain his reasoning. "I don't know, I just wish we were in both places at once, or mom and dad had come to us, and Elena and Peter didn't go to New York. That would've made it alright."
⠀⠀⠀"I know what you mean," Bianca muttered, taking Eugene's hand in hers. "I wish I didn't leave Cal."
⠀⠀⠀"At least you got to talk to him," Eugene said, his tone callous, which was strange for him. However, Bianca knew he wasn't trying to blame her or Cal's relationship on his own. "Sorry. I just mean... Sami and I left things in a bad place. I didn't even get through to him when I tried calling. I'll have to live not only wondering... but with our last argument as the last things we said to each other."
⠀⠀⠀Bianca squeezed Eugene's hand, feeling the tears come to her eyes. Neither able to manage something else to say about it because it was all too hard to manage.
⠀⠀⠀"I love you, Eugene," Bianca told him, her voice hoarse. "The one thing I'm thankful of, more than anything, is that you're here with me."
⠀⠀⠀"You've always been in my life," Eugene replied, his voice a rasp now as he held back tears. "I know you got three minutes of being the only child, but I'm glad I got to spend the other nineteen years, six months, twenty-nine days, and fifty-seven minutes with you."
⠀⠀⠀"Ugh, you're such a nerd!" Bianca exclaimed with a laugh, pushing him away.
⠀⠀⠀"Says the girl graduating next semester," Eugene retorted, laughing alongside her.
⠀⠀⠀"At least I don't show off how much of a nerd I am," Bianca countered, crossing her arms and turning to look at him.
⠀⠀⠀"Oh, right, no, you'd much rather act like a dumbass, punch people in the face, and then surprise people when they find out you're actually the valedictorian of your year," Eugene claimed, waving his arms around in exasperation.
⠀⠀⠀"Well, I know how to pull it off," Bianca shrugged.
⠀⠀⠀Eugene nodded, then reached forward and dragged Bianca into a life-threatening hug. Her bones cracked with the pressure, but she returned the sentiment anyway.
⠀⠀⠀"I don't wanna say it," Eugene began.
⠀⠀⠀"Then don't," Bianca tried to stop him.
⠀⠀⠀He didn't listen, continuing, "I want you to know that you were the best thing in my life. I'll love you forever, even if I die."
⠀⠀⠀Bianca sniffed back the tears, blinking three times to try to clear them, but it didn't work. It only made them stream faster down her fast.
⠀⠀⠀"And if I die, I love you forever."
━━━━━━ July 29, 2010
THAT NIGHT, THE GROUP had a fish fry from the catch Andrea and Amy pulled in that morning. The servings were heavy, enough to keep their stomachs full through the night. Something they hadn't had for a long time. Morales even came up with the idea to block the fires with stones so they could burn higher and warm the group to their bones.
⠀⠀⠀It was nice, but nice felt weird.
⠀⠀⠀All of them were quiet as they sat around the fire and ate fish. No one arguing or angry. For once, there was peace. A strange little peace, especially with some of them still out in Atlanta. But that thought hadn't loomed too darkly over their heads. Especially when the beers were cracked open.
⠀⠀⠀"I've got to ask you, man. It's been drivin' me crazy," Morales said to Dale, catching the attention of everyone around the fire. Including Dale.
⠀⠀⠀Dale sat back in his lawn chair he'd pulled from the RV, his fishing hat on—protecting him from the moon, Bianca guessed—and a blanket strewn across his legs. He'd finished dinner faster than the rest of them and relaxed back, hand on his chin and a grin spreading across his face.
⠀⠀⠀"What?" Dale asked.
⠀⠀⠀"That watch," Morales continued, pointing the fish between his fingers at Dale.
⠀⠀⠀Dale held the smile, confusion laced within it as he turned to look at the watch. He fiddled with the sides then looked back to Morales.
⠀⠀⠀"What's wrong with my watch?"
⠀⠀⠀"I see you, every day, the same time, winding that thing like a village priest saying mass," Morales explained with a wide smile. He roused a few agreeing nods from the crowd, including Andrea, who pointed in recognition.
⠀⠀⠀"I've wondered this myself," Jacqui added with an amused smile.
⠀⠀⠀"I'm missing the point," Dale continued with a shrug.
⠀⠀⠀"Unless I've misread the signs, the world seems to have come to an end," Jacqui stated, a grin growing to show she was only teasing Dale. "At least hit a speed bump for a good long while."
⠀⠀⠀"But there's you, every day, winding that stupid watch," Morales laughed.
⠀⠀⠀"Time—it's important to keep track, isn't it? The days at least," Dale retorted, the smile never fading, but the confusion of their questioning only seemed to grow on him. He looked over the people around the fire, but no one else seemed to agree. "Don't you think, Andrea? Back me up here."
⠀⠀⠀Andrea looked to Dale nervously, shaking her head with an odd chuckle but kept quiet.
⠀⠀⠀"I agree," Bianca said, raising her hand as she swallowed. "Keeps a bit of sanity, at least. Know when winter's comin' to freeze us out, too."
⠀⠀⠀Dale nodded frantically, happy to have someone on his side.
⠀⠀⠀"See," Dale said, then sighed, leaning back in his chair. "I like... I like what, um, a father said to son when he gave him a watch that had been handed down through generations. He said, 'I give you the mausoleum of all hope and desire, which will fit your individual needs no better than it did mine or my fathers before me; I give it to you, not that you may remember time, but that you may forget it, for a moment, now and then, and not spend all of your breath trying to conquer it.'"
⠀⠀⠀There was a moment of silence, but unlike the other times Bianca had been stuck in a limbo between worlds, this one seemed comforting. Contemplative, even.
⠀⠀⠀Then, Amy said to Dale, "You are so weird."
⠀⠀⠀The group laughed, turning to her. Even Dale didn't mind her response, laughing with them.
⠀⠀⠀"It's not me. It's Faulkner. William Faulkner," Dale told her, then shrugged. "Maybe my bad paraphrasing," he admitted.
⠀⠀⠀Amy then stood to leave, and Andrea's eyes darted up, worry filling her almost immediately.
⠀⠀⠀"Where are you going?" Andrea asked.
⠀⠀⠀"I have to pee," Amy told her with a frown. "Jeez, you try to be discreet around here."
⠀⠀⠀The group laughed again as Amy left, and the conversation became light around the fire. Morales asked Andrea something about Amy being in school, then they talked a moment about their lives before, but Bianca couldn't remember anything that had been said. Not when seconds later, a scream ripped through the camp and shattered their false sense of security.
⠀⠀⠀At the RV, Amy stood with a geek gum deep in her arm. She screamed and screamed as blood pooled between the teeth, and suddenly the whole group was up in arms.
⠀⠀⠀However, it wasn't just one leeching off Amy. It was a whole swarm stumbling into the camp. Amy's scream led to a second, then a third, and those able to run, scattered like ants.
⠀⠀⠀Bianca picked up the tire iron she started taking around camp and stayed close to the fire for better sight. She wasn't exactly sure what to do next, but she knew staying close was better.
⠀⠀⠀A walker came her way and Bianca swung the tire iron into the side of its head with a splat. She let out a sigh of relief, thankful that it had worked. She shuffled around the fire, meeting another, but this one came full force. Without much time, Bianca raised the end that looked like a flathead, and the walker's head went straight through.
⠀⠀⠀Bianca was stuck defenseless with her boot on the walker's chest, trying to force the tire iron out of the bone and brain matter when another came at her. She was struggling, panicking as the iron was lodged stuck. Shane was the one who ended up shooting the walker down before it came close to biting her.
⠀⠀⠀"Bianca, come in!" Shane shouted, waving his hand towards her, where he corralled Lori, Carol, and their kids into a huddle. "Come on, come on! Follow me!"
⠀⠀⠀Bianca rushed to the huddle—able to get the iron out with one last pull—and kept to the end with her back to them so she could keep an eye on anything come for them. Bianca whipped her tire iron every time a walker got within range, and Shane did the same at the head with his gun. Lori stood with the kids but kept an iron grip on Bianca's shoulder, keeping her in line with them so she didn't get left behind.
⠀⠀⠀"Stay with me! Stay behind me!" Shane shouted. "Morales!" he yelled, noticing him stuck downhill with a few walkers around him, but enough that he could handle it. "Work up here! Come on! Make your way to the Winnebago!"
⠀⠀⠀They didn't make it to the RV. Instead, Rick, T-Dog, Daryl, and Glenn returned from Atlanta. With the added ammunition, the rest of the walkers were dead.
⠀⠀⠀"Bianca! Hey, B!" Daryl shouted, pushing his way through the panicked group to make it toward her. Everyone talked and walked over one another, scraping to hold each other and check for bites or scratches. "You alright? You hurt?"
⠀⠀⠀Bianca's head was throbbing, her arm was sore, and the tire fell from her hand. She hadn't even noticed until it hit against her boot. She looked down and felt like she could slump down and pass out right there in the dirt. She nearly did if it weren't for Daryl's shoulder, squeezing it to get through to her.
⠀⠀⠀"I'm fine," she said, voice flat. "You find Merle?" she asked, breathing heavily as she tried to think of anything other than the dead that surrounded them.
⠀⠀⠀"Nah," Daryl sighed. "He got out on his own."
⠀⠀⠀Bianca thought of saying more, but she didn't. What more was there to say?
⠀⠀⠀Andrea's wailing seemed to cover how they all felt. She sat hunched over her sister, cradling Amy desperately in her arms, hoping there was some way to get her back. Andrea's hands were soaked in blood. She caressed Amy's cheek, staining them red as the life slowly poured away from her.
⠀⠀⠀"I remember my dream now," Jim said, coming from nowhere. "Why I dug the holes."
⠀⠀⠀Bianca glanced at him, her stomach sinking to think her comment had been correct.
AUTHOR'S NOTE —
I don't know how you guys like Lori. She's not one of my favorites but she doesn't grate my nerves all the time. Sometimes, some things she says do, but that's everyone. Anyway, the only thing that matters here is that somehow I've developed a relationship between her and Bianca that I really like and am excited to explore through the seasons to come.
Also, getting close to the end of season one but it still feels so far away! I've gotten through the first draft of most of season two and I'm excited... then I remembered I still have flashbacks to write... Someone wanna do those for me. : ' (
SONG: Hard Times by Paramore
Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment if you'd like, they keep me motivated! However, this is an all kind of reader safe space. So even if you ghost read or comment every chapter, I hope you know it means the world to me that you've come into this fic ♡ I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and until the next one.
(EDITED! 10/21/2023)