TW: SUICIDE, DEATH, DEPRESSION
Draco--"They say you never know what you have until you've lost it, I always thought it was a bunch of bullshit."
"I couldn't have been more wrong."
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I wish I would've been kinder to you, treated you better, made you stay, I was downright fucked up when we met, you made my life brighter, whilst also making it dim.
I made it seem like I didn't need you, that I would be fine on my own, that I was strong, that I wasn't slowing killing myself.
You saw past all of my lies, stuck with me through and through, through all the times I yelled, through all the times I couldn't take it anymore, and I still couldn't see that you were suffering too.
I never thought I see the day when I would feel so broken without someone, but you make me.
I wish I could obliviate you out of my mind, I've tried before, somehow, you never leave.
I've never cried over someone, until you, my manner was always cold and heartless, not letting anyone through, until you.
Sometimes I dream that you're still here, standing in front of me, but the dreams turn into nightmares, nightmares of me not being able to save you, I'm always so close, then you're gone.
I don't know why I'm writing this to you, you'll never see it, but somehow, it's comforting, one day maybe I can deliver it to you.
I was too cowardly to tell you in person, too fearful that you wouldn't say the same but hell, I love you.
My apologies can't save you now, but they could've, fuck they could've, I regret everything I've ever done to make you feel like you didn't matter to me, because, you do.
The nights we spent laughing together, you dragged me outside to dance in the rain, then you caught a cold, and I had to take care of you.
You had such a beautiful laugh, it was the most incredible thing I've ever heard, I wish you had never stopped laughing.
I wish you would've told me that you were hurting, that you were in pain.
I know that I can't be saying anything when I bottled up everything as well, but I'm sorry, I miss you.
Not a day has gone by where I didn't think about you, not a day.
You would be proud that I've finally taken up writing, but only to you.
I can't even utter your name anymore, I know you would hate that I've stopped doing things I used to do, but fuck that.
I haven't moved on, and I never will, because as I write this, I slowly die, and I'll be happy because I'll get to apologize to you.
I can hear you now, trying to tell me to stop, don't, it won't work, the poison should take effect in about three minutes.
So I get to spend those last three minutes writing to you.
Remember our last year at Hogwarts?
Blaise set the common room on fire by accident during one of the parties, Filch was pissed.
I remember when you punched Roger Davis in the face for touching your ass.
I would've if you hadn't first.
I can feel my insides burning, I guess this is a see you later.
Don't be lost - Draco
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The quill falls from Draco's hand as he clutches his chest, he lets out a laugh, death is exhilarating, at least it is to him.
Inhaling a final breath and falling to his knees, Draco looks up to the sky smiling while tears drift down his cheeks, "I'm on my way,"