･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.
･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.
It was already too hot, even in the low lighting. Her dress itched her neck and her face felt heavy with the makeup. Besides all of that, she felt ridiculous in her high necked dress with more decorations above her chin than should be humanly possible. And besides that, Johanna was already seething, just thinking about going on that fucking stage again.
The idiots were already cheering, and Johanna was vaguely aware of her grinding teeth. "Hey," of course Odette had sought her out already. When she turned to face her, she was mildly shocked to see that the charming, more cute dresses she was normally put in, had been exchanged for something that made it awfully clear she wasn't a child and definitely wasn't innocent anymore. "Don't laugh, I already feel naked and silly."
Odette covered the absurdly low cut of her dress, seemingly just held together by her own desperation. "I'm not laughing, maybe for once you should wear the dress a bit longer."
She rolled her eyes, her arms relaxing only a little more. "So, are you going to be okay up there?"
Johanna knew what Odette really meant, but didn't dare to ask. Are you going to stick to the plan? Probably not. In fact, she'd never agreed with it. Trying to talk them out of the games? In less than a day, some of them would be dead, even calling it a shit plan was giving it too much credit. "They'll know what I mean."
Odette chuckled, her hair stayed still when she shook her head. The smell of hairspray suddenly seemed too strong, even under the bottle of perfume that they seemed to have put on Odette. "I don't doubt it," people were beginning to brush past them, Johanna heard the first tribute, Cashmere, be called up to the stage. They should probably move. Johanna didn't know why she didn't. "I know we technically can't, but could I sleep over again tonight?"
They hadn't spent a single night not together. Though, Johanna supposed, the night before the games was different. Sleeping with the enemy wasn't encouraged. "Since when do you care about that?" It was their last certain evening together, away from the prying eyes of... well, everyone. They'd have to kill her before she'd spent it alone.
"I don't, I just care about what you want," Odette smiled at her. Bright even in the dim light, her lipstick was dark and her lashes strangely long, but she still looked like Odette. Odette who loved her. She'd been reminding herself of that fact almost every time she saw her. Touched her.
It still felt unfair. There were better people she could love. People who would be better for her. But she'd chosen Johanna, and now she didn't want to let go anymore. "There's no one I'd rather have with me."
Behind them, someone called Odette's name. "Then I'll see you after," she left Johanna with a brief touch to her arm, somehow comforting and strengthening. It was only when she was alone again, she realized she wasn't upset anymore.
It didn't take long to come back, though. A man appeared, ushering her further along, because apparently, she needed to be ready while district two was still being interviewed. She was guided to her spot beside Blight. They still hadn't talked much apart from their agreement; stick together if possible and get out. She didn't like him, in fact strongly disliked him, but that didn't mean she wanted him to die in there.
Even so, as soon as the man left to figure another problem out, Johanna left again. besides Blight was the last place she wanted to stand, and instead strolled along the other tributes. Everyone looked stupid, as if the stylists were trying to outdo each other in all the wrong ways. Until something caught her eye.
In the strange orange lighting, it looked less white than Johanna knew it was. "A wedding dress, really?" This girl they were rebelling for? Johanna didn't know if she believed the star-crossed lovers thing they had going on, she didn't care, but a wedding dress just seemed low. Pathetic.
Katniss Everdeen looked over her shoulder as Johanna stopped her stroll. "Snow made me wear it,"
Of course he did. The girl from twelve might not be something Johanna would willingly rebel for, it was a peculiar cruelty Johanna hated the man a little more for. She stepped closer, Katniss' eyes not leaving her. As if Johanna might jump her and strangle her to death right there.
She might, but opted for fixing her necklace instead. "Make him pay for it." She said, sharing a grin with her before leaving again. Six had just entered the stage, she supposed it was time to get back again.
Blight gave her a look when she took her place again, but neither spoke, instead listening to the almost coherent attempt they made at the plan.
At last, she was called to the stage. "Welcome, Johanna," Ceasar said, offering her a hand she slapped away. he looked even more ridiculous with his purple hair than he had the year before. "We've seen a lot of tears tonight," he said seriously once they'd sat down. "But I see no tears in Johanna's eyes." Anger bubbled in her stomach again, lighting her body on fire so easily it was hard not to interrupt him. She laughed as the man continued. "Johanna, you are angry. Tell me why."
Tell him why? What the fuck, wasn't it obvious? Hadn't all the people before her said exactly why she has every reason to be angry? "Well, yes, I'm angry," she said, looking right at him for the first time. "You know, I'm getting totally screwed over here," she'd wanted to keep acting cool, to not let them see how angry she truly was. "The deal was that if I win the Hunger Games I get to live the rest of my life in peace." As she thought about staying calm-ish, it was already being forgotten.
"But now," she looked past Ceasar into the camera, speaking to everyone that would ever see the stupid interview. "You want to kill me again. Well, you know what, fuck that! And fuck everyone who had anything to do with it!"
She yelled before storming off the stage, relishing the surprised sounds from all around her like someone else would applause. She didn't know where she was going, didn't even know if she cared. Well, she certainly didn't care.
"What are you doing?" someone shrieked, grabbing her arm. "You can't be here! Get back up there, there's a perfectly comfortable seat with your name on it."
"Don't fucking touch me!" she shoved the man that had grabbed her, he stumbled back into camera equipment, looking scared.
"Okay," he said, holding up his hands. A stack of paper was clutched in one. "Alright, miss Mason, you can stay here." And just as fast, he was gone.
Good. She hoped he entered every room with fear for as long as victors were around. It wasn't fair that they'd won and still lived with more fear than anyone in that fucking audience would ever know. None of it was fair and it never would be.
With an angry groan, Johanna kicked a box on the floor, not caring that her foot hurt more than the damn thing had moved. She was breathing hard and couldn't seem to calm herself down. Why would she even bother? It would only be a matter of days before she was dead. Or maybe Katniss would be dead, which would mean they'd rot in the arena, because no one would come for them if the girl on fire wasn't there.
She ripped the high neck off her dress, throwing it against another wall. She probably would have only known her rage until someone came to search for her had it not been for Odette's voice that reached her. Johanna's first thought was that of course Odette would look for her. Of course she could pull her out of any fit. She turned around, expecting to see her just there, warm hands already moving to steady her.
She wasn't there. At least not in person. The stage was projected on the wall. Odette was sitting in the chair, in a dress that could barely be called a dress, looking more comfortable than she had in the dark hallway. If there's one thing Odette was, it was a crowd-pleaser.
Her smile was easy, she spoke gently in the tone she always used around Capitol people. The one that said, "You're so much more interesting and better than me, keep talking".
"What will your strategy be?" Ceasar asked her, and Odette threw him an almost teasing look.
"I can't really tell you, but I can tell you I'll definitely have a few friends inside."
She made it look so easy to bear being around them. To be around people who wanted to see twenty-three of them dead. "Right, right," he said with a wink. "Maybe you can tell me more about this; rumor has it you've been seeing someone," her smile fell at that. "Someone who'll be joining you inside the arena."
The pretended amusement had vanished from her face completely, her hands were clutched in her lap. "That's none of your business," no one had expected that answer. She didn't even try to smile, to talk pleasantly.
"Come on, if it's true, we'll find out in a few days. Think you can keep it a secret that long?"
Had Johanna not known Odette as well, she wouldn't have known she was growing red in rare anger under her makeup. Her ears went beet red, her mouth opened and closed a few times, trying to keep in what she really wanted to say. In the end, Johanna guessed, Odette found it didn't matter anymore, because she said; "I think you can go fuck yourself." And followed Johanna's footsteps in walking off the stage before her time was up.
***
While everything felt better with a clean face and soft cotton clothes, Johanna didn't feel better. Not really. It was becoming hard to pretend her anger was just that. It was becoming hard to pretend she wasn't afraid.
She knew she was strong, but the rebellion would make her weaker. There'd be other people to look out for, and that was new.
When a polite knock sounded, Johanna was glad she wouldn't have to be alone. Odette's head poked inside when Johanna stayed silent. It was a relief to see her so... normal. Her hair was pulled back into the same clip as always, she was wearing the usual dress that could also pass as a short nightgown and her smile was ever so calm.
"Hey," she stepped inside when she saw Johanna. "Are you okay?"
It was a careful question, Odette moved towards her. The dress she was wearing was dark blue with gold detailing. She looked amazing, and Johanna found it hard to focus on what she was saying, eager for any distraction. "Of course," she was sitting on her bed, slipping on a grin as she leaned back a little. "Come here."
"What happened to hello?" Odette teased, but didn't need to be asked twice anyway. "Or please."
Indulging, Johanna said. "Hello, please, and thank you." Odette laughed, shaking her head as she reached Johanna, who pulled her down on her lap before Odette could sit anywhere else. "I have to say I loved your little performance today."
Her wrists landed on Johanna's shouders, hands intertwining behind her head. "Yeah? You inspired me."
"Really? You were inspired by me not sticking to the plan?" She laid her hands on Odette's hips, the velvety fabric feeling funny under her fingers. She couldn't wait to take it off. Perhaps for the last time. She pushed the involuntary thought to the back of her mind, instead pulling Odette closer.
The woman drew in a breath, her hands unclasping, one landing in Johanna's hair, the other gripping her shoulder. "You were much better than any plan," she began to lean down, Johanna tilted her head up in anticipation. She wanted to savor every moment and couldn't wait until the next at the same time.
She didn't stop her hands from leaving her hips, wanting to draw those small reactions from Odette now that she was close enough to feel and hear them. But Odette looked... thoughtful. The way she always looked when something bad had happened and she didn't wear a fake smile. as much as Johanna wanted other things, she pulled back, bringing her hands back to her waist. "What's wrong?"
For a moment, Odette just stared at her, as if a moment of genuine caring was so strange coming from Johanna. Though she supposed it was. She'd only allowed herself to indulge in connection when it was already too late. "Nothing's really wrong," she stayed close, talking softly. Her fingers rubbed circles on Johanna's shoulder. "It's just that Ceasar was right."
"About what?" Odette sighed, her hands going limp.
"People will know we're... involved," she said, and Johanna could laugh at her word choice. Odette loved her and they were just involved? "I don't know if II could hide my feelings for you in there. If you want me to, I can try, but..."
She hadn't thought about that. Normally, it would be a weakness to care or be cared for. But in these Hunger Games, did it? Most tributes knew they were close in one way or another, the Capitol was the bigger danger. But they'd never be within these walls again. not unless the building was on fire. "Why bother with caring about them? The only time you'll ever see them again is when we're at the top, not them."
Odette smiled, tucking hair away from Johanna's face. "So I'm allowed to freak out a little when you get hurt?"
"Should I be worried that you expect me to get hurt?" Odette laughed, her hand coming to rest on Johanna's cheek before she leaned down and kissed her.
She sighed into the kiss, and Johanna wrapped her hands around her, pulling her flush against her own chest. Once she started, it was impossible to stop. There'd never be enough time to explore all of Odette, to drink in every reaction to every touch. Even if they had all the time in the world, it would never be enough to get used to the woman in her lap, gasping into her mouth when she squeezed her hips.
Johanna left her mouth alone, moving to her jaw, knowing where to suck her skin and where to be extra gentle. Odette's hands were in her hair, her breathing erratic as she tipped her head back to offer her skin.
She could spend hours just kissing all of her, but when it came to certain things, Odette had never been patient. One hand had left her hair, guiding Johanna's hand towards her breast. Who was she to not oblige?
Odette tugged at her hair, her hips unable to stay still in her lap. Not that Johanna wanted her to. She pushed the thin strap down her shoulder, placing kisses along the way. "Johanna," she said breathlessly, and as she pushed the dress down to her hips, she looked up at her. A glorious sight with red cheeks and her head tipped back slightly in delight. She moved her hand back to her breast, just so she could observe her reaction.
Odette let out a soft moan, teeth digging into her bottom lip and her eyes closed. Still, she managed to surprise her by saying: "I'm yours." She almost halted her movements, had the sounds coming from Odette not been something she wanted to keep hearing forever. Instead of responding, she kissed a particular spot on her neck, getting the response she hoped for and something extra. "I'm all yours."
It was difficult to keep her cool as the words settled it. It was more than she'd ever dared to want. More than she deserved. But the way Odette pulled her closer to her, held her with clammy hands, and had trouble sitting still in her lap, it was hard not to believe it.
She half-stood, laying Odette on her back on the bed, letting herself relish the words. The way Odette looked. The way she felt."Good," she said, now pushing the dress down her legs. "That's all I want."
･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.