26th March 1978
Tw- mentions of abuse
"Right... you've got until mid April to make your mind up on the Natalia Crown movie." Mel sighed, pushing her glasses up the edge of her button nose to get a clearer view of me rolling my eyes dramatically. She and I both knew what my answer was, but she still always tried.
"Ok..." I paused, biting the skin around my nails as her's tapped against her wooden desk. "Can I have a break ? Like just a pause from everything. No shoots or interviews or commercials for a week or two. At least don't book me anything for a little while. I'm tired."
I was tired, of course I was. But I'd been tired for as long as I could remember, so that wasn't at all my real reason for asking for a short break. I wanted to squeeze every last drop I could out of the normal life me and Roger seemed to have together before it was snatched from me for a handful of weeks. And I couldn't do that with a photoshoot every other day.
"Are you ok ?"
"Yeah. I'm just fed up." I shrugged, my lips sat tight together as she nodded slowly. I wasn't entirely lying to her, because really in all truth I was fed up, but I had been for far too long to let it finally affect my job now.
"I'll tell companies you're sick for the next two weeks. But that's it. Two weeks." I smiled gratefully, Mel tucking her ginger curls behind her ears with her navy blue painted finger tips. "Have you spoken to your dad since you last did ?"
"No. He said something about coming over here and... well I didn't like the idea of it. At all." My shoulders tightened, leg bouncing nervously when my teeth gritted together at the mention of the name dad. The same itch that I felt I could never scratch crashed over me like a wave, crawling across my body as memories of him edged across my previously clear mind.
Mel seemed nervous. Incredibly anxious. She couldn't let her eyes stay fixed on one detail for longer than a second, her pupils scattering across the room as her bottom lip fidgeted under the clamp her teeth held it with.
"Your dad called me, said he couldn't get hold of you. Hun... your mums ill. I'm not saying you've gotta see them... but she's not doing well Adelynn."
"Fuck." I mumbled, head dropping to my hands to let out a shaky sigh. I always hated that dad kept us apart. Because as much as she had torn my childhood in ways he did, she was there for me. She was just as scared as her daughter. She would clean my cuts or cover my bruises, desperately feeding me any reassurance she could. She was the one person I felt like I had permanently growing up, like she wasn't gonna leave or hurt me, but she was in no state to mother anyone now.
She relied on booze like it was air. And she hadn't spoken to me since I'd moved. And she lived with my dad. And if anyone knew anything about my mum, it's that she was in a trap so deep there was really no escape. And that's why it came as little surprise to me that she was apparently ill. But it hurt. A lot.
"I need to see her don't I ?"
"Don't force yourself. Don't push yourself in that direction if you're not ready." The two of us nodded. "But enjoy your two weeks of freedom whilst they last. If anyone asks you've got an awful stomach bug that's keeping you glued to your bed."
-
"Oh hiya... you alright doll ?" Julian asked, a concern consistent in his tone when his door peeled back to reveal my figure practically chewing down on my thumb.
"Yeah yeah yeah. Just spoken to Mel and thought I'd stop by... that alright ?" I didn't bother telling him about my mum, there was little point boring him with the brief amount of news I actually knew. Once I found out more than just 'she's ill', there was a fair chance I'd tell Julian. But just not now. Now it was nice to have a distraction to avoid letting my mind wondering.
"Yeah course come in." He smiled warmly, stepping to the side to allow me to walk through the door frame, my figure immediately taking to the warmth of his flat.
"Summer at uni is she ?" I asked, looking around the flat to find no other owners sat within it. Julian nodded, falling back down into what I presumed to be his original position on the sofa before I gently took a seat on the crushed orange fabric besides him.
"You sure you alright ? You look a little stressed."
"Yeah I'm fine don't worry." I shrugged, a small chuckling following the end of the sentence in a poor hope to reassure him I wasn't lying. He nodded, closing the magazine I guessed he was previously reading before tossing it onto the coffee table.
"Did you want a drink of anything ? Tea, coffee... vodka ?" He laughed, lips smiling brightly as I shook my head giggling.
"No Roger's coming round mine later... so I think I'll stick with coffee if that's alright ?" His face almost lit up at the mention of the drummer, a short gasp letting loose that told me he'd almost managed to forget about my secret 'thing' with Queen's blonde boy.
"You gotta tell me what's going on there... I mean- I thought he had a girlfriend ? And the rest of the world thinks the same thing..." Julian replied quickly, filling up the kettle before placing in on the stove to boil and rushing back over to his original seat.
He wasn't wrong. And it partly irritated me. But that's because I felt like more than Roger's 'thing' now. But no one knew we were even friends, not anyone outside the circles around us at least, and it felt as if this is how our paths would stay. Simply crossed, when I really wanted then to become one we followed together.
"Yeah... they're not together I swear. She's in France. They broke up but haven't gotten round to 'announcing' it."
"He's hot. And he seems like he cares about you. Are you two like dating or ? Sorry I'm being so nosey but-"
"No we're not dating." I huffed, taking my thumb between my lips to chew on nervously as I felt the need to tell Julian something I didn't think would come up. "But..."
"But what ?" Julian asked, a genuine curiosity in the voice he spoke with as he sat up on the sofa eagerly waiting for my mind to decide what to tell him. The truth was nothing I had to worry about Julian spilling- it was harder to admit it than I thought. A lot harder.
"I think I might be in love with him. I've never felt like anyone the way I do him. He's funny and he's a little cocky- no he's very cocky... but he cares and he's... well he's Roger. And he's literally the best I've ever had." I rambled nervously, cheeks glowing when Julian let out an extremely loud gasp. "I mean like... the best. The man knows what he's doing."
"Oh fuck. Wow. You've fallen hard for that boy haven't you ?" He chuckled slightly, peeling himself off the sofa to answer to the whistling kettle as I nodded.
"I've fallen for someone who I'm relatively sure has little intention of falling back. I'm fucked. Completely and utterly fucked."
-
I got home with only a mere ten or so minutes before the drummer was expected to be at my door, hopefully with a bottle of some from of booze in his hand for us to share over the course of the night, and I couldn't stop thinking about Mum.
Julian had been a great distraction from it all, even though he didn't know it, planting my mind on Roger rather than my mum- but it seemed when I was by myself and lost in my own mind I couldn't get her out of there.
She was Anna Petrov, one of the fifties biggest heart throbs who'd turned into one of the seventies biggest alcoholics. Unsurprisingly. But I felt like every other person knew her, knew dad, and could happily repeat her story like they'd been there to witness it.
It was frustrating. And scary. Because now that, as far as I knew, she was ill, it felt like soon enough the world would be pouring dad with as much sympathy as they could give. When no one knew really he'd been tormenting her the way he had. And I would simply be their one daughter that ran away from home.
I wanted to talk to mum. Just mum. No vicious old man with a voice that so easily terrified me. But when I dialled their number, which I'd did only seconds after the thought popped into my head, the risk of hearing him was always there.
I stood stiffly besides the phone, fingers shaking slightly as the cord wriggled between them. I let a shaky sigh go when the phone sat between me ear and shoulder, patiently waiting for a voice to answer to.
"Hello ?" A female voice answered, one American and unrecognisable.
"Hi. Who's this ?"
"Kimberly Walker. May I ask who this is ?"
"Yeah it's Adelynn... why are you answering my parents phone ?" I replied bluntly, eyebrows knitted and lips almost frowning as I waited for her to end the silent gap.
"Im a nurse... I've been looking after your mom. She's not been doing too well recently as I'm sure you know." She said every word to me like I was a little kid again, and like I was supposed to know exactly what was happening at the home I hadn't visited in years across the other side of the world.
"Can I talk to her ? Please."
"I don't know if that's the best idea. She's very ill. And I doubt she's gonna be able to get better..." the nurse had all sympathy drained from her voice as she spoke to me. God knows what she'd been told about me or heard of the Petrov's 'rebellious' daughter over in the states, but it clearly lowered her opinion of me.
"Look she's my mum. Let me talk to her." I almost demanded, a small relief hitting me when I heard her sigh loudly and pass the phone into the hands of what I guessed to be my mum.
"Adelynn.. your mother's not well. You need to come and see her. She drank and drank and drank... and now she's ill. And you don't even c-"
I slammed the phone down, ending the stream of dreaded words hitting my ears. I didn't want to hear his voice, let alone answer to it. He filled me with a feeling so odd and indescribable, but one I knew I hated with everything I could.
I hadn't done what I was about to do in a while. It was something that never seemed to happen anymore, but in that moment I felt two cold tears roll down each cheek. I didn't know wether it was because of my ill mum, my horrid father, the dick head of a nurse that answered the call, or because I was so simply overwhelmed that seemed to he the only response by body could give.
I slid down the wall slowly, thumping against the floor, just as it seemed I couldn't hold back the tears. I didn't even know how to process anything. It all felt so quick, and so unreal. Like a nightmare I seemed to be waiting to get pulled form. This morning I'd gone to Mel asking for a spare couple of weeks to myself and now I was sat crying against my floor for reasons I could even bring myself to talk about.
And then the door knocked, and my eyes widened, hands frantically wiping away the tears that they could as the wooden door rattled under what I could only guess to be Roger's fist. I took a short breathe, frantically blinking away the tears still forming before pulling the door open with an unsteady smile.
"Hi... you alright ?" Roger asked, eyebrows knitted as he gently pushed my frame back from the door and slammed it shut behind him. He dropped the bottle in his hands, though it didn't smash against the door mat, allowing each of his hands to hold my arms.
"Course I am." I chuckled a little, eyes focusing on the floor between us.
"Uh huh and that's why there's make up running down your cheeks and tears still in your eyes... what's going on ?"
"I... my..." I paused and took another short breathe. "My mums ill. Like baldy I think. It's just... I never see her. And I love her. She's the only family I really have. And she's listening to my dad tell her god knows what about me." I had no hesitation in pouring out the truth to the blonde, lifting my streaming eyes to look into his filled with concern. I rambled on, his arms holding me gently as he looked down at me, nodding slowly as I tried to relieve the heavy weight crushing down.
"Fuck. Come here." He shook his head, pulling mine against his chest to hold me as close as he could. I chocked up slightly, wrapping my arms around him when I felt his lips place a gently kiss against the top of my head.
"So soppy still." I whispered, followed by a short chuckle from the two of us as his arms slowly unwound from my figure.
"Yeah well you're crying... I think that calls for me being a little soppy don't you ?" He replied, almost whispering as I shrugged, feeling his slightly cold hands tuck my hair behind my ears.
He looked down at my eyes, the ones with mascara running underneath them, with a pouring sympathy. But I looked up at his like I was in love with him. Because after the nights we'd spent together, the take outs besides fountains, the beaches at sunset, the parties at Freddie's, the dinners at Julian's, I was in love with him. It could be because he was the only person that cared about me like he did, or because he kissed me like he did, or smirked at me like he did, or looked at me like he did- but I was inevitably in love with him. Regardless of wether the feeling was mutual.
"Ugh god I never cry. It's so embarrassing. Makes me feel... well makes me feel all fragile and delicate." I laughed a little, wiping my eyes again, ending the small pause. Roger chuckled slightly, more a desperation to ease an awkwardness between us. "Sorry."
"Don't say sorry you twat. I think you need a drink. Well... I'm not entirely sure what else to recommend in these situations other than sharing a bottle of vodka." I nodded, my mind slightly more clearer now that my eyes had released the tears that seemed necessary. The two of us padded through to the kitchen, Roger opening the bottle he'd picked up from the floor as I grasped two shot glasses from the cupboard.
"So... changing the subject subtly, how was your day ?" I laughed a little, placing the two glasses in front of him and watching as he poured a fair amount in each one.
"Yeah it was ok. Busy I suppose." He paused. "Got any mixer or are we really just doing shots ?"
"Shots. It fits the occasion I think." The two of us shared a little laugh before throwing back a fair amount of drink, enough for Roger to cough a little as I wiped the edge of my mouth.
"I hate to bring even more shit news to your day... but there's a fair chance you won't be seeing much of me around the first week of April. I've got so much shit to sort from the tour... but I can guarantee you dinner the day before I go. As long as it's round your place... cause mines gonna be a tip."
"Oh I'm completely heartbroken Rog. I have no idea how I'll cope." I replied sarcastically, Roger shaking his head as he poured another round of drinks for us both.
"Hilarious. But I think we should spend our time together doing something other than shagging you know ? Cause it's more than just the great sex I think I'm gonna miss." My eyes widened a little, initially slightly shocked from his statement before the two of decided to knock back another shot- only to end the silence I'd so happily caused. He became a slightly nervous by the lack of words said, a little more tense than he usually was, but that soon ended when I finally did reply to him.
"well there's not much to do with in the depths of this huge house..."
"What's your favourite film ?" He asked suddenly, my cheeks turning red, head shaking from each side as his eyebrow's lowered with confusion.
"It's not your cup of tea I can guarantee it. You don't need to be all nice cause you're fleeing off on tour for a month." He rolled his eyes playfully, eyes leaving mine to watch the floor as he wondered over to my frame, taking my waist in his grasp.
"You gotta tell me what it is Lynn... cmon." Roger chuckled slightly, looking down at me as I bit down on my bottom lip. He had the usual pull at his lips that nudged them into a smirk, the same pull that always bloody got me. "Lynn... tell me. It's only a movie."
"You're the only person that calls me Lynn. You're lucky I like you cause I'd kill anyone else that called me that."
"Oh I don't doubt that for a second. But you're changing the subject." He chuckled again, even louder when I rolled my eyes. I let out a small huff, one that blended into a guilty giggle when his arms pulled my closer to him.
"God you really are lucky I like you." His face almost lit up, knowing he could easily get the answer I denied him only moments ago. "Right, you can't take the piss but my favourite movie is the Aristocats."
"Really ? Of all the movies in this day and age... you pick one about little dancing cats. Not clockwork orange or... I don't know I expected you to come out with some Monroe movie or some shitty musical. Not a Disney film about rich cats." The two of us laughed, my arms snaking around his neck as my cheeks didn't drop their glow.
"I said you couldn't take the piss. It's cute. The little kittens... Marie and her little bow." He laughed again, edging only an inch closer towards my lips in an attempt to close the gap between us. He let his eyes only set on mine for a second, just long enough for me to instantly feel a need for the way his lips pressed against mind.
I softly fell onto his lips, savouring the feeling as my toes took to their tip, his arms creeping around my waist tighter than they already were. I smiled against the gentle pair, the taste of vodka still against the lips I always seemed to have a ridiculous need to kiss.
"Hmmm we best not break this no shag deal." He mumbled slightly. "You go find the Aristocats... and I will raid your cupboards to find us something to eat. Alright ?" I nodded, plodding off to the box of VHS tapes sat inside the tv cabinet, immediately discovering the film as Roger seemed to open every cupboard door he could, including the fridge and freezer.
"You have no good food ! What the hell do you eat ?" He exclaimed, throwing his arms around dramatically as I put the tape in the deck giggling. I had been the one crying on the floor only a matter of moments before Roger showed up, and wether it was done purposely or not he'd made me manage to forget everything that seemed to be bothering me.
"I'm a model. What do you expect ? If you look hard enough I know full well there's a bag of marshmallows, popcorn and definitely a box of reeses. They're buried in there... you just gotta find them." He sighed, rolling his eyes with a slight playfull tone, pulling the thick jumper he was wearing over his head and tossing it across the counter, revealing a completely plain white shirt.
"Oh that was timed well." I giggled, pulling my thin and not comfortable enough top over my head and dropping it on the floor, pausing as Roger's eyes widened at my torso only covered by my bra, just before sliding his jumper that seemed miles too big over my head.
"Right three points to make here. One... I finally found some crap to eat." He waved the bags in front of me with a little smile, both of us padding over to the sofa. "Two, lovely tits I forget how nice they are. And three... since when did you just start stealing my jumpers after I've just taken them off ?"
"I saw an opportunity and took it." He shook his head, chucking as we sat down cuddled up on the sofa, both wearing little smiles as I flicked the movie on. Roger almost tore open the packed of marshmallows, stuffing one in his mouth with a little grin.
"How attractive." I laughed, soon scoffing when I felt him toss one of them at me. I have gave him a light nudge, rolling my eyes at his proud laugh. "You really are lucky I lo-"
I clamped down on my bottom lip to stop myself, my mind only just registering the words that were about to roll with a worrying ease off my tongue. Roger looked down at me, swallowing his mouthful with a look on his face that matched mine almost perfectly.
"I like you. You're lucky I like you." I rescued myself poorly, cheeks shining red. Roger nodded slowly, eyes seeming to be glued to the three cats singing on the tv.
"Well at least you like me... otherwise I would be starting to think about these past few months with a little more seriousness. It's been fun really. With you..."
"So soppy." I laughed, Roger deciding to toss another marshmallow at me, which this time I managed to bat away. "Stop with the marshmallows !" I cried, tossing it back at him as he chuckled yet again.
"I like you too Lynn. A lot. So much I'm even willing to watch a Disney film about fucking cats with you." He leaned down and kissed me again, savouring the feeling a little more than he had last time.
"Roger I'm trying to watch the movie don't try and distract me !"
An- I think this was cute ? Idk i hope so 😭 anyways idk how to make characters without trauma 🥲
Thank you all sm for reading !!