A/N:
Any bold lines will represent Jay writing in his journal and any italicized lines will represent a flashback of past events.
..........
I kept reading the last line of the letter over and over again. "P.S. Football." What did that mean? There was no way it was meant for Derek, that would be too much of a coincidence. No, he left this as a message for me. I only ever used that word three times. Once in his car, once in his bed, and once...the bathroom.
My feet carried me down the hallway to the bathroom where I began going through cabinets. I knew it was a long shot, but I began looking for some kind of clue or message or something that would tell me that I was right. I looked at myself in the mirror, remembering that first morning together and how I had bad breath so I ran in here to find his...mouthwash.
I scrambled through the cabinet under the sink for the bottle of mouthwash that I knew he kept hidden in the very back. When I finally pulled it out into the light I could see something sitting at the bottom of the blue liquid. It was a key. Why would he put a key in the bottom of his mouthwash? What would he have locked away for me to find?
I wanted to slap myself in that moment for even having to think. It had to be a key to his room! I carefully poured the mouthwash down the drain and retrieved the small key. Slowly, I made my way back to his locked door. What could he have possibly left for me that required this much effort to get? Or did he just want to make sure that Derek didn't throw away some of my stuff?
The key turned in the lock and the door opened. I flipped the light switch to find his bedroom exactly as I remembered it, except for the envelope sitting on the right side pillow. My pillow. With trembling hands, I gingerly opened the envelope and pulled out a single sheet of paper.
"Every moment spent with you was an eternity I never want to forget. I love you Blue Jay."
His hand writing brought tears to my eyes, and when I saw the picture of us on his nightstand, I lost control. I had come here to get my things and say one last goodbye. Instead, I could feel my heart breaking all over again. What made things worse was knowing that he still loved me. Before, I wasn't quite sure what was running through his head as he left for Europe, but now I knew...he honestly did love me...
I couldn't take much more of it. I pulled out the "Open When" letters I had written for Ryan and dropped them on the bed as I fled the room, locking it behind me and clutching the key tight in my hand. My feet carried me out to the car, and my mind drove me home without so much as thinking about the long forgotten items that were still at the apartment. I couldn't think about anything but Ryan...and the promise he was keeping.
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It's been a few weeks since Ryan left and last night was New Years...I might have gotten drunk and cried the entire night about Ryan...in a bathroom floor...at my friend's house...and felt up a straight guy...but that's besides the point! It's like no matter how much i try to move on, Ryan always finds a way back into my dreams or my thoughts. I just want to be happy, but I don't even know if that's possible without him...maybe I'll try calling him again...
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A/N:
Sooooo this chapter was short, but if you liked it please give it a comment or a vote or both!
Also, I would like to make this tiny little announcement for all of you that follow this story...I know that I've said before that it is coming close to the end, but this time I really mean it. There's only a few parts left in It Gets Complicated so I encourage you to go back to the beginning and read it all over again!
Alright, just a heads up...but I love you guys! xx
-Tay