The first few weeks of having to pretend were the hardest. I'd remind myself to be friendly with Bianca, but not too friendly..don't look too excited for the gym or any time people knew we'd be alone together..look at her just like you'd look at everyone else in a room. But as the days rolled by I found it harder and harder.
It started out small. Little slip ups here and there. I'd stare at her for too long, I'd tune out of conversations when she was around, Id appear stiff and rigid when we'd casually be talking in open space around the house when someone walking in making them feel like they had caught us doing something wrong..it had been nearly a month and I was already going insane.
I needed to be around her, I felt like I was suffocating every second that i had to sit back and act..every second she spent with Bruno planning Nina's late eighteenth birthday.
I was growing more jealous too and not just of Bruno. Things had appeared to be back to normal, just like before so naturally the family became social again. I knew that being in a business world you had to network and get involved so I saw it coming, I figured why not use it to our advantage. We'd try and see each other in empty rooms or coat closets. But it was also an opportunity for Bianca to wander aimlessly away from Bruno, running into fuck boys who seemed to have their life together because of the size of their bank accounts. They'd ask Bianca about the weather or how she was enjoying the party using the time she answered to stare her up and down like a prize to be won. She was young and it wasn't uncommon for women to cheat especially when it was known that Bruno and Bianca were having problems.I felt like everyone wanted what I wanted..like this was some game of take away. But what made it worse was the fact that I couldn't just swoop in and put them into place, I couldn't wrap my arms around her waist and kiss her for them to get the picture that she was taken. To them, she wasn't mine. When ever Id feel at my breaking point for the day I could swear on my life that I was ready to come clean and just take everything public..but then I'd come back to my senses and realize there was just no way for me to say that I was in love with my uncle's wife without losing everything and everyone.
I felt like I was playing a game that would end with nothing but losers.
"I think Nina has been drinking," Bruno whispered into my ear. I immediately straightened up on the island counter I had been slumped over, watching Bianca like a hawk while some handsy French guy told her about his brilliant ideas for a charity to raise money for homeless whales. Whales! I mean seriously what a stupid fucking charity when nearly seventy percent of the earth was covered in fucking water.
I wanted to punch his greasy little face in when he touched her necklace a little too long, lingering on the naked skin under it.
"I wouldn't know..I haven't seen much of any of you tonight," I cough, taking a sip from my glass hoping he hadn't noticed Bianca across the way.
"She nearly fell into the water fountain and her purse reeks of alcohol," Bruno tells me, thankfully staring over in the opposite direction where Nina stood with her friends," Anyway, do you think you can give Bianca a ride home?"
"Me?" I say, trying to hide my excitement. I'd been watching her thinking of all the ways i could get her alone tonight and now I had my answer. I was desperate. I hadn't touched her for nearly two days and I just knew if I went one more Id explode. I was tired of sneaking around the house for quickies and second long make out sessions. It wasn't enough. I wanted all of her, all of the time.
"I brought the coupe," He nods,"All three of us wouldn't fit."
"Yea I can. No problem," I nod, tossing back the burning liquid. My throat felt the sting that my heart always did when I flat out made Bruno look like a fool right to his face.
"Thanks, I'll see you back at the house," Bruno says patting my shoulder before adding,"And also would you tell Bianca to come to the study when you get home? I need her opinion on something."
"Mhmm," I mumble forcing myself to nod despite the jealous I felt in thinking of the two of them alone in an office at home late at night.
Once Bruno's gone, I wait a few minutes before walking across the bar area to Bianca who looks like she's holding back a grimace.
I clear my throat from behind the man who only gets closer to Bianca, cornering her against the bar. He doesn't seem to hear me so I do it again and again until he finally turns around.
"I'm in the middle of a conversation young man," Greasy says to me, his hot whiskey smelling breath hitting my face.
"Sorry to interrupt but I think it's time I drove my aunt home," I tell him curtly Bianca smiles, looking relieved before looking away from me.
"Aunt?" He nasally laughs,"You're practically the same age I don't think she wants to leave just because of the orders her rude little nephew has to give. What? Did they run out of girls your type?"
"She's my aunt only by marriage," I say calmly even though I just want to punch him in the face for using such a condescending tone, stepping closer to him,"Meaning she isn't available to you."
"Yes I realized that when I saw the ring on her finger," He simply tells me through gritted teeth before saying goodbye to Bianca and leaving.
"You always seem to attract the sleaziest people in the room," I tell her through a small smile.
"Oh you mean people like you," She teases looking me longingly in the eyes before looking away as I laugh.
"Where's Bruno?" She changes the subject, looking around at everyone, gripping her small bag tightly with two hands almost restraining herself from touching me since that's exactly what i was doing by having my hands in my pockets.
"Does it matter?" I sourly sigh. I was honestly just bothered by the fact that lately her and Bruno had been getting along a lot better than before. I don't know if it was her guilt setting in or se was just one hell of a good faker.
She rolls her eyes, knowing all to well of my jealousy.
"Nina was drunk so he took her home," I offer, remembering that this was a chance I may not get again. I wouldn't ruin it fighting.
"Hmm well I guess we'd better getting going too then," She says calmly but I know she's only doing it for show since I can practically see her heart beating faster underneath her delicate, thin black dress.
•
Once we've retrieved my car I quickly run through all the spots I use to use during high school when I wanted to be alone with a girl. And by alone I mean fuck without worrying about the police coming. I felt a little immature for needing to use these spots but I also knew that I need Bianca. I needed to hold her close, talk to her about what he'll it's been without being able to just kiss her every time she crossed my mind.
"Did you see Eliana?" Bianca asks as I pull into the freeway.
"She was there?"
"Yes, she was there with a date," Bianca informs me, now watching me, probably to see my reaction,"She was walking past you all night I was surprised she didn't say anything to you. How did you not notice?"
"I was too busy watching you," I tell her making her grin.
"So where are we going?" She asks, noticing the direction we're headed in.
"Somewhere," I answer mentally deciding on a place.
She looks over at me and smiles and I reach over the seat to rest my hand on her inner thigh. I had to touch her..feel her. It was my small sense of security, as if touching her would keep her from slipping away from me at any moment. To her I'm sure me grasping her thigh, giving it a squeeze every so often was just me getting a taste of what I really wanted to be doing to her. And that was true but not completely.
Because I knew she wasn't mine, not really. She couldn't truly be mine until we no longer hid for fear of being discovered. She couldn't be mine until we were free.
•
"It's so quiet," Bianca whispers to me, staring around. We were in an abandoned field near a creek that no one ever came to because it looked like a murder scene.
"I'm sorry, should I have parked us right in the middle of City Walk?"
"That's not what I mean," She chuckles, resting her head against the back of her seat.
"Then what did you mean," I ask her quietly, admiring the way the water from the creek just seemed to make her look like some goddess with the most alluringly chocolate brown eyes that just seemed to glimmer like crazy despite the lack of light.
"It's quiet. It's nice," She explains, her mellifluous voice only making me fall harder for her,"The house is full of people..it's always so loud.The city's so loud in general. This is just a nice change."
"Mhmm," I hum,"Just us..finally."
"It's been too long," She admits, letting me know she's felt it too.
"It has..it's like time wants to slowly kill me by never passing to keep you from me," I sigh, brushing my hand against her delicate cheek,"Time doesn't want you to be mine."
"Don't worry about time. I'm yours."
She said it like she meant it.
She was mine, but it didn't feel like it.
Hope everyone had a great weekend, and Easter if you celebrated it. Make sure to vote/comment so I can update the next chapter faster..ps. It'll be car smut & some drama!
-Diana xx