Chapter Twenty – Two
Jane tossed and turned as she slept that night. The smiling woman, the one from the portrait would not leave her dreams ... or perhaps they were nightmares. She was there in the field just talking. She was talking but Jane couldn’t understand her. She would talk and suddenly say ‘You remember, Jane’ or ‘You know this, Jane’. Jane couldn’t understand how she was seeing that woman. She was clearly a figment of Jane’s imagination though Jane could not fathom why she was imagining the dead wife of the man who was allowing her to stay.
It suddenly occurred to her that perhaps she was imagining her as she had a guilty conscience. Had she ruined herself and Daniel’s dead wife was now haunting her? But if that was the case then wouldn’t the woman be torturing her instead of smiling and prompting her to remember things?
She didn’t feel as if the woman was haunting her, it felt as though they knew each other before when she had her memories. She knew her. How could she know her? It didn’t make sense.
Her eyes flew open as she awoke with a fright. She could feel her heart beating out of her chest and her body was slick with sweat. “Calm down, Jane,” she told herself. She threw back the covers of her bed and walked over to the basin. She poured water from the pitcher and splashed her face to cool herself down. “It is all in your head, you are not seeing ghosts.”
Outside she could hear a ferocious storm. Rain was hitting her window loudly and she was sure that there would be damage in the morning. Growing up on a farm storms did a lot of damage to trees and surrounding structures.
“How could you forget, Jane?” said a voice from the corner of the room.
Jane yelped with fright as she spun around. There, sitting in the corner was the ghost from her dreams. She was wearing the exact same white dress and had the exact same smile on her face.
“You’re not really there, I’m still dreaming,” Jane said in a frightened tone. She pinched her forearm trying to get herself to wake up.
“You’re not asleep, Jane, and I’m not a ghost,” she smiled. “We’ve met before, as I’m sure you know.”
Jane knew she was right. She felt as though they’d met before, like they’d talked before, but how? “I don’t remember you,” she said warily.
She smiled at her kindly. “I know, but like I told you before, I am a part of you, I am a memory, and I only tell you what you know,” she said simply.
Jane made her way back to the bed and sat down for fear of passing out. “I don’t understand,” she said slowly. “How are you here?”
“You’re remembering me,” she replied.
“Remembering?” Jane repeated. “Please, am I going crazy?”
She smiled wider. “You know you’re not crazy, Jane. You’re just remembering.”
Jane rubbed her temples with her index fingers. “But my memories are gone. How can I be remembering something by hallucinating?” she asked the vision.
“Perhaps your memories aren’t gone,” she suggested. “Perhaps it is only the correct triggers you need.”
Jane closed her eyes, feeling incredibly stressed. If the woman sitting before her was a hallucination then anything she was saying could be complete and utter nonsense. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, Jane, your memories are gone,” she told herself in a whisper.
While her eyes were still closed the woman spoke once more. “Naughty Sabine,” she said. “Sneaking out to the stables while it’s still dark.”
“She’s probably going to check on Freckles because of the storm,” Jane answered automatically. Her eyes widened at the comment immediately. Where on earth had that come from? If she concentrated greatly she could see the little pony in a memory. “What does that mean?” she asked, turning to see the woman but she had disappeared.
Jane’s eyes shot open and she sat up in bed. Her room was just as it had been except that woman was nowhere to be seen. The storm was still falling heavily outside. She got up quickly and raced over to the basin. It was dry; no water had been poured since the pitcher had been filled.
“Was that all a dream?” she asked herself. Had she dreamt waking up and talking to Daniel’s late wife? It was then that she remembered Freckles and Sabine. She hadn’t heard of Freckles until she said it in the dream. Had she really remembered something?
Her attention turned to the sound of a door clicking slightly as it opened and closed.
“Sabine,” she whispered. She grabbed the robe from the end of the bed and slipped it on quickly. When she left her room she saw Sabine just disappearing at the end of the hallway.
She wasn’t going to dwell on her dream. Maybe Freckles didn’t even exist; even if he did then it could have been just a random memory. She couldn’t get her hopes up for everything coming back.
Jane followed Sabine down the hallway quietly as not to wake anyone else up. When they reached the staircase Jane called out her name in a loud whisper. “Sabine!”
Sabine turned around in a fright but seemed to relax a little when she saw it was Jane. “Miss Jane, what are you doing?” she asked.
“I might ask you the same question,” she replied. “You’re not going down to the stables, are you?”
She looked guilty. “Freckles gets scared when it’s stormy. I don’t want him to run away,” she admitted.
As soon as she said the name Jane’s spirits lifted. She had remembered something from the six year gap. It was a positive step forward. “You’re not going out into the storm alone, Sabine, you’re father wouldn’t like that.”
Her innocent blue eyes watered. “But he’ll be frightened if I’m not there!” she protested.
“Sabine, I think what I just said was that you weren’t going out alone,” Jane emphasised.
Sabine immediately smiled and offered her hand for Jane to take. Jane immediately took it and they walked down the stairs as silently as possible.
“Do you remember me?” she asked once they reached the bottom of the stairs. “Papa and Lady Emilia and Lord Sebastian won’t tell us anything about what happened to you, they say we’re too little. James said you forgot everything because he heard his mama and papa talking through the keyhole.”
Jane smiled at her nephew’s deviousness. She wondered if they were all like that. As a child ... and as a young lady she was very devious. “I have forgotten a lot,” Jane answered truthfully. “I don’t know why it happens, neither does the doctor, I guess studying books can’t teach us everything, but we can only hope that my memories come back bit by bit. And even if it doesn’t, it won’t mean that we can’t be friends – we were friends before, weren’t we?”
Sabine nodded. “You are my favourite grown – up lady,” she smiled widely. “Don’t tell Lady Emilia, she’s very nice, but I like you best.”
“Your secret’s safe with me,” Jane promised.
As they came to the back of the house Jane looked out the window cautiously. The rain was drenching but she couldn’t risk Sabine going out there alone. She picked up one of the lamps from the decorative tables and turned up the flames.
“We’re going to get wet, Sabine, hold onto me,” she instructed. As they walked out into the rain the liquid immediately drenched her hair and nightgown. She did her best to protect the flame so that they had something to light their way down to the stables. The good thing was that the stables were visible from the house.
“It’s cold out here!” Sabine exclaimed loudly as the sounds of the storm were howling. She clung to Jane’s hand tightly. Jane wished she had a spare hand to push her wet hair out of her face but she didn’t.
“I know,” she shivered. “Quickly, Sabine,” she instructed and they both began walking quicker.
They were both soaked through when they finally reached the stables. When Jane closed the door behind them she quickly placed the lamp on a ledge and grabbed a couple of saddle blankets, wrapping one around herself and then taking the other one down the aisle to Sabine. As she walked a sudden vision entered her mind. She stopped seeing reality and instead saw something else.
She was following Daniel, but she’d never been there before. As they came to the last stall there stood Sabine on a wooden stool brushing Freckles incorrectly.
“Sabine,” Daniel said, clearing his throat. “Sabine, this is a friend of mine, Miss Jane, she will be staying at Southerby House for awhile, Jane, this is my daughter Lady Sabine,” he introduced.
Jane watched as Sabine stepped down off the stool and curtseyed to her. Jane could remember thinking about how pretty the little girl was, and how like her mother’s portrait she was. After experiencing the hallucination she could tell that Sabine was entirely like her mother.
“It’s nice to meet you,” Sabine said quietly.
“You too, Lady Sabine, I’ve heard so many wonderful things about you,” she remembered saying. “I like your pony.”
Sabine smiled and rubbed her pony’s forehead. “His name is Freckles,” she replied.
As soon as the memory had come it was gone. She blinked a few times and then a wide smile spread across her face. It could not be debated – she had remembered something. It was a small memory, but she indeed remembered meeting Sabine.
She quickly made her way down to the last stall like she had in the memory. Sabine was quietly talking to Freckles and brushing him correctly. Jane wondered if she’d shown Sabine how to do it, as Sabine was brushing him exactly as she used to when she was at home.
“Here, Sabine,” Jane said as she wrapped a blanket around her shoulders.
“Thank you,” she smiled up at Jane. “I’m doing it right, now,” she gestured to the brush. “Just like you showed me,” she smiled.
“I did show you, didn’t I,” Jane didn’t remember that part, but seeing Sabine’s technique she knew it was true. “Is Freckles alright?”
Sabine nodded as she continued brushing him. “He was scared when I wasn’t here but now he’s fine. I think I should sleep the rest of the night in here. He ran away once before and the stable boy had to go out looking for him.”
“Then I’ll stay with you,” Jane promised. She hoped that she would have another flashback of sorts. It excited her to think that they might be coming back to her. Perhaps she just had to wait and see.
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There might be another one of those flashbacks in the next chapter ... but one that will help her remember her feelings for Daniel ...
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