Somewhere...
Zweihänder: Noche Buena na mamaya at hindi n'yo naman kami kasama kaya naisip namin na ngayon ibigay ang surprise namin sa inyo.
Joyeuse: I don't trust you, we're leaving. Let's go, Futhark. (grabs Futhark's hand)
Zweihänder: Nope! (handcuffs the two) Hehe.
Joyeuse; Zweihänder you bloody git!
Futhark: ZWEI!
Zweihänder: (throws keys at the nearest water fountain) Whoops!
Futhark: HALA!
Futhark: Buti na lang kaliwang kamay ang nakaposas sa 'kin.
Joyeuse: Really, that's your problem?
Futhark: Magluluto at mag-aayos pa ako ng bahay para sa Pasko, Jo! Kailangan ko ang kanang kamay ko!
Joyeuse: Really? That's the problem?
Futhark: (genuine confusion)
Joyeuse: You really don't see a downside to this?
Futhark: (blinks and thinks) (shakes his head, unsure)
Joyeuse: You'll be stuck with me the whole day, idiot.
Futhark: (realises)
Futhark: Hehe.
Joyeuse: (slaps Futhark's face lightly)
Zweihänder: (thinking: Mukhang si Futhark ang may gusto kay Joyeuse, pero ayaw ni Joyeuse.)
Zweihänder: (squints his eyes at Joyeuse) Choosy mo.
Zweihänder: (thinking: Dapat ko bang tulungan si Futhark?)
Zweihänder: (thinking: Tulungang pumili ng mas maayos na jowa kaysa kay Joyeuse?)
Futhark: Zwei, paki-alis na lang nitong handcuffs, may mga gagawin pa kami.
Zweihänder: Nope!
Joyeuse: (drags Futhark with him towards the water fountain) Let's just retrieve the key and free ourselves.
Futhark: (a bit disappointed but follows Joyeuse anyway)
Zweihänder: Oh-keeeyyy, hanap lang kayo r'yan at may iba pa akong susunduin.
Zweihänder: (turns around and laughs evilly)
Futhark: (whilst searching for the key) You really don't wanna be with me?
Joyeuse: And you suddenly wanna be with me. What's up with the 360?
Futhark: Well, it's just that now you know I like you and I know you like me, I can hang around you without you calling me annoying.
Joyeuse: You're annoying.
Futhark:
Futhark:
Futhark: (kisses Joyeuse's cheek)
Joyeuse: (turns red) Stop that, we're looking for a key!
Futhark: You said you won't kiss me until the seventh day but I made no promises, so here I am.
Joyeuse: You're sly, aren't ya?
Futhark: (kisses the other cheek)
Joyeuse: This is no place to tease me like that, Gomez. I'm warning you.
Futhark: Inggit ka lang yata dahil—(sees the key) Jo, susi! Nasa may paa mo!
Joyeuse: (lifts foot up) Where?
Futhark: Sa may—
Edward: (from the second floor, leaning on the railings) HOY KAYONG DALAWA! GAGO BAKIT NAND'YAN KAYO?!
Joyeuse & Futhark: (gasps and jumps)
Joyeuse: (accidentally kicks the key to a drainage)
Joyeuse: Oh bugger.
Futhark: (oblivious) Ed! Ginulat mo kami! Hindi mo kailangang sumigaw!
Joyeuse: Uhm, Futhark...
Futhark: Bumaba ka rito, Ed! Tulungan mo kaming maghanap ng susi!
Joyeuse: Futhark.
Futhark: Bilisan mo Ed bago kami sitahin!
Joyeuse: Futhark! The key's gone!
Futhark: What?!
Joyeuse: You kicked it when you were moving around.
Futhark: Ako?! Hala sorry!
Hemlock arrives.
Lance: Jule, Futhark! I was expecting something stupid but I didn't expect you're this stupid!
Arthur: Really? I didn't imagine it any other way.
Joyeuse: It was Zweihänder.
Lance: (looks at Arthur)
Arthur: Don't look at me, you agreed to it.
Joyeuse: Lance, help us look for a key.
Lance: I'm not getting my shoes wet for you.
Joyeuse: (yells loud enough for the passers-by to hear) BUT DADDY YOU PROMISED YOU'LL TAKE US TO DISNEYLAND.
Lance: (turns red from embarrassment) Come here you little shit! (drops his tote bag and steps into the water fountain to grab Joyeuse's collar)
Arthur: (calmly walks away)
Bystander #3: (to Arthur) Sabihan n'yo 'yong mga kasama n'yo na bawal do'n.
Arthur: I don't even know who they are. (leaves and goes straight to Starbucks)
Lance: (drags Joyeuse by the nape) Humanda ka sa 'kin pag-uwi natin sa bahay!
Joyeuse: (╯°□°）
Bystander #4: Hala child abuse.
Bystander #5: Baka binubugbog n'yan 'yong bata sa bahay nila.
Bystander #6: Tumawag ka ng child services.
Bystander #7: Gwapo namang tatay n'yan, sana may kapatid na single.
Arthur: (stops walking and glares at Bystander #7)
Lance: This is not my son! Just look at us, we don't look alike!
Edward: (from the second floor, pretending to be a bystander) Talaga ba? Magkamukha nga kayo at magkaugali pa!
Futhark: (tries his best to cover his face)
Lance: Hindi ko anak ang demonyong 'to!
Joyeuse: (laughs and hits Lance's shoulder)
Lance: (carries Joyeuse on his shoulder and takes him out of the water fountain)
Futhark: (quietly) Sana talaga nagsolo na lang ako.
The chaotic family leaves the mall.
[At the car:]
Lance: (sitting on the driver's seat, calling Arthur on his phone)
Futhark & Joyeuse: (quietly sitting at the backseat, still in handcuffs)
Lance: I said be on your best behaviour, didn't I?
Futhark: (looks down) Opo sir.
Joyeuse: To be fair, you don't know our best behaviour.
Lance: It means don't do anything stupid!
Joyeuse: We're retrieving the key to our handcuffs, how's that stupid?
Lance: It's stupid because the smart thing to do is to ask Edward—who, by the way, knows how to pick locks—and not jump around the water fountain like kids!
Joyeuse: We didn't jump around the fountain. You did.
Lance: Because you shouted and called me daddy!
Joyeuse: (squints eyes) So you're not my father anymore?
Lance:
Lance: Not when you're causing mischief like this. You're Arthur's child right now.
Futhark: Sir Lance?
Lance: Not now, Futhark. (continues chastising Joyeuse) You're 19 years old and you can't even behave yourself properly at a mall. You're an asshole to everyone around you and you're not even the least bit sorry when you hurt other people's feelings!
Lance: See, right now I'm scolding you and you're smirking!
Lance: Wait why are you smirking?
Futhark: Sir Lance
Lance: Why are you smirking, Jule?
Joyeuse: Because you're driving home and you forgot about Edward, Arthur, Henry, and the tote bag full of gifts that you dropped near the water fountain.
Lance: WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING?!
Joyeuse: (with a mischievous smirk on his face) I'm sorry, I thought I should only listen to you when you're scolding me?
Lance: (groans)
Lance: Futhark, keep that little shit on a leash or else.
Futhark: (panics)
Lance: I'm going back inside to get our baggage back and call the others. Stay here and don't move.
Joyeuse: You really don't want us to move?
Lance:
Lance: (imagines his car being totalled by a tank)
Lance: FUTHARK.
Futhark: SIR LANCE?!
Lance: Keep an eye on Uresonderry!
Futhark: Opo huhu
Lance: (leaves and locks the doors)
Joyeuse: Hey, isn't it fortunate that my left hand is free? I can drive the—
Futhark: Behave!
Joyeuse:
Joyeuse: If you're expecting me to bark after that, today's not your day.
Futhark: Pinapasakit mo ang ulo ni Sir Lance.
Joyeuse: He signed up for me. He's been taking care of me for years, he knows I'm a handful.
Futhark: Tumatanda na si Sir Lance kaya kailangan mong magpakabait.
Joyeuse: Lance is... getting old?
Futhark: Yeah. At ngayong kasal na sila ni Sir Arthur, sigurado akong gugustuhin nilang bumuo ng sarili nilang pamilya.
Joyeuse: But they're both guys, they can't—
Futhark: Mag-aampon sila, Jo. Mag-aampon.
Joyeuse: But they already have four adopted kids.
Futhark: No, I mean, someday, aalis sila sa 372A at bibili ng sarili nilang bahay, mag-aampon ng baby, at sama-sama na silang mamumuhay.
Joyeuse:
Joyeuse: But I'm Lance's only child, he can't adopt another kid. What if the kid's an idiot?
Futhark: Matalino si Sir Lance at Sir Arthur. Kayang-kaya nilang turuan at i-train ang batang 'yon.
Joyeuse: You mean that kid would be Lance's new apprentice?
Futhark: Mm-hmm. At sigurado akong mamahalin din nila ang batang 'yon kagaya ng pagmamahal n'ya sa 'yo.
Joyeuse: B-But I'm Lance's mentee and apprentice.
Futhark: (is feeling it working) Yes, pero tingin ko ay deserve ni Sir Lance ng apprentice na hindi magpapasakit sa ulo n'ya.
Joyeuse: I wasn't my intention to give him a headache...
Futhark: I'm just saying, you're a grown-up now and Sir Lance wants a child.
Joyeuse:
Joyeuse: So I need to act like a child so Lance won't replace me.
Futhark: Wait what—
Joyeuse: If Lance wants a child, I need to be a child. (thinks) I bet if I could get Edward Dace to wear baby clothes, Lance won't ask for two kids.
Futhark: You're getting the wrong point—
Joyeuse: If Lance misses taking care of children, I will be the child he wants.
Futhark:
Futhark: (Calm down, self, you asked for this.)
Futhark: Jo. I just wanna say.
Futhark: I'm not dating a child.
Joyeuse:
Joyeuse: Good to know, because that's paedophilia, Futhark.
Futhark: (Lord pls)
Futhark: I mean kung gusto mong mag-astang bata para hindi ka palitan ni Sir Lance, then I'm not dating you.
Joyeuse: Why not?
Futhark: Because I won't do this to you then. (kisses Joyeuse's cheek)
Joyeuse: (blinks) You just did.
Futhark: Are you. An Idiot.
Joyeuse: Edward Dace calls me an idiot a lot recently, I think he's on to something.
Futhark: (sighs) Joyeuse. Gusto lang namin na maging mabait ka.
Joyeuse: Like what I did to you yesterday?
Futhark: (Why do I even like this blooming fool?)
Joyeuse: I don't understand you, Futhark. I thought you hated me being good to you? What do I ha—
Futhark: (kisses him to shut him up)
Futhark: Be good to Edward, Sir Lance, and Sir Arthur.
Joyeuse: What about Laevateinn?
Futhark: Your choice :)
Joyeuse: Oh, 'cause you know if I'd been mean to him he'd kill me. Just so you know I—
Futhark: (kisses him again to shut him up)
Joyeuse: That's not fair, I was—
Futhark: (kisses him again)
Joyeuse: Why do you keep on kissing me?
Futhark: Why do you keep on saying stupid things?
Joyeuse: What stupid thing did I sa—
Futhark: (another kiss)
Joyeuse: Be thankful this is a non-canon side story.
Futhark: Be thankful it's Christmas. (cups Joyeuse's head) Remember you can only kiss me on the seventh day, so... poor you.
Joyeuse: I can hold myself back until the seventh day.
Futhark: Can you?
Joyeuse: Yes. (hides his face)
Futhark:
Futhark: (holds Joyeuse's hand, leaving a trail of kisses on his fingertips)
Joyeuse: You don't know where that hand has been.
Futhark: Nag-alcohol tayo bago tayo pumasok dito.
Joyeuse: Stop being so affectionate, go back to ignoring me.
Futhark: Hindi ba ganito rin ang sinabi ko sa 'yo kahapon no'ng napapanggap kang mabait?
Joyeuse: You are a mean person.
Futhark: You think you're the only one who can be mean?
Joyeuse: I'm getting out of this car.
Futhark: Why? (traces Joyeuse's jaw with kisses)
Joyeuse: (bites his lip)
Joyeuse: I'm calling Lance.
Futhark: You don't like it? Or you're waiting for seven days?
Joyeuse: (squints)
Futhark: (smirks) Panindigan mo.
Joyeuse: You're not Futhark. Who are you, Fraulein Snow?
[Meanwhile outside the car:]
Arthur, watching them: I wonder how these two idiots would react if I suddenly unlocked the doors.
Zweihänder: Try mo nga, Sir. Isa lang.