L I L Y
Coach splits us into two teams and begins explaining the rules of the game. As I listen to said rules, the more anxious I become.
Don't aim for the face?
Who on earth came up with something so violent and passed it off as fun? Where's the joy in getting hit with a ball, squishy or not.
Bella and Maya seem to be excited, sharing giggles and smiles as they pull me into their huddle and come up with a game tactic on who they want to knock out first.
My eyes are near bulging from their sockets as I listen to them debate on whether or not they should attack Melissa or Kelsey first. I nod along as if I know who either of those girls are, trying my best to match their excitement.
Ten minutes in, sweat coated and ready to drop, the facade of excitement is long gone and I want nothing more than for this game to be over.
I haven't been hit with the ball yet, Maya and Bella keeping a protective stance in front of me, acting like my human shields. Despite wanting to be out, I'm glad for their protection. I don't think my bruises would appreciate a hit, soft ball or not.
The rest of the kids on our team are hellva competitive. I don't want to face their wrath if I'm put out too early on. The pep talk they provided before the game proved it would not be a nice chat if I made the bench.
My muscles ache as I flail around like a baby giraffe, trying my hardest to dodge the ball. Eyes watering, lungs straining to get a speckle of oxygen. I'm wheezing like a fish out of water, sluggishly sliding back and forth. I haven't hit a single person.
I can't bring myself to try.
I'm too unfit for this.
I need a nap and a gallon of water.
I don't know why laughter still rings in the air, like this is a barrel of fun. It's exhausting, and excruciating, and I really need to lay down before I fall down.
I look over to the other team, terror paralysing me as the ball swoops towards me, heading straight for my purple painted leg. It'll hurt when it hits, I know it will, but I can't bring myself to move. My limbs are frozen, like I'm nothing more than a statue about to be hit by the hammer that makes it crack.
The ball hits its target, pain radiates in waves from my shin to the top of my thigh. It wasn't a hard hit, it wasn't malicious. If my leg wasn't already compromised, I doubt it would've hurt at all. I blink the tears back as I bite my bottom lip in an attempt to hold back the pathetic whimper pleading to escape.
Slowly, I limp towards the empty bench. First to be eliminated. What a loser. I can already feel the heated glares of my teammates, hear their snide remarks as I hesitantly weave my way past them.
Thirty five minutes later, the game has finally come to an end. More and more of my teammates began to be eliminated not too long after myself, which eases some of the terror slowly suffocating me. Thoughts of how disappointed in me they'd be in me creep back into my head, but it's okay. At least it's not just me.
For the first time in my life, I'm not alone in whatever punishment I'll face.
Surprisingly, as our losing team comes back together into a huddle, there's no glares, there's no sneers or hateful looks or angry teammates looking to inflict punishment. They're all laughing and joking around, calling each other a "loser" like it's something to be proud of.
Maybe it is. Maybe everyone's a loser in their own weird way.
I exhale the breath I never knew I was grasping onto like a vice, but I do so all too soon.
Maya's directly in front of me, Bella on her right, they're chatting about the game, going on about how fun it was, how they couldn't wait for our next gym class, and out of nowhere a pretty blonde girl, one I recognise from the math class I shared with Leo comes into view.
Her glare cuts my insides to shreds. So much for no punishment.
"I don't even know what he sees in you." She looks at me with narrowed eyes, lips pursed in disgust. A look I've grown more used to than smiles. "You're so pathetic. I was on the winning team, I never got hit and you were out within freaking seconds."
I flinch at the words used, pathetic. I'm so used to hearing it but never ready for it. Confusion pulls my eyebrows inward. I look up at the blonde girl, the glare making her pretty face seem almost ugly.
What who sees in me? Is this about dodgeball?
"Wh-w-what?" I stammer, stuttering like the pathetic little girl everyone maims me to be.
"I said, you are pathetic. Why would Leo want to be around you of all people?"
Leo?
"I-I don't u-understand? L-Leo isn't i-in this c-class."
What is she talking about?
"I-I don't u-u-understand," she mocks, one of her friends giggling like a hyena in the background. My eyes become unfocused, vision fuzzy. My neck sinks into my shoulders, arms wrapping around my torso for some sense of comfort, safety, a makeshift shield from her words. "Are you stupid? I'm talking about Math class you blubbering idoit."
Math? Leo was helping me...
Is she upset that Leo was rude to the teacher?
Maybe she really likes the teacher?
"Uh, um, Le-Leo didn't m-mean to be r-rude or, or disruptive... h-he was only helping me."
Her hand grasps my wrist, her long acrylic red nails digging into my self inflicted wounds. My chest heaves, terror coming back to me like a tornado as my lungs beg for the same oxygen my panic is depriving them of.
I can deal with this at home. It's what I know. It's who I am there, please don't let it be who I am here too. Please don't take away my safe place before I can call it my sanctuary.
Old, haunting words my father spat at me play on my mind in a loop. I can feel his callous hands wrap around my throat, his phantom grip suffocating me, drowning me in the memories I want nothing more than to forget.
Someone shakes me, pulling my body like I'm the rope in a game of tug of war.
"Let her go, Melissa." Maya tells her, pulling me closer. Melissa retaliates and pulls me back. I follow how she drags me. I'm nothing more than their puppet in this game. "Jesus, what the hell is your problem?"
"She is my problem." Melissa snarls. Her face is blurry, but her eyes light up like flames as she pulls my face to hers. "You better stay away from Leo. Do you understand me?"
Why? Why? Why? I want to scream. I want to, but I can't. My vocal chords are crumbling with the sob fighting to break free.
"She can speak to whoever the fuck she wants, little girl," a new voice cuts in, it's deep and unrecognisable to my ears. My panic skyrockets, and I can't see. I can't feel. I can't breathe.
All I can think about is my father. How his voice is deep too, just like this one. How he could be the one pulling me from Melissa's clutches at this very moment. And I'd go with him. I'd go because I have no other choice. I'm dead on my feet, they're pulling my strings for me to be the doll that's theirs to play with.
"Let go of her arm or I'll rip yours out of its fucking socket," the voice is calm, too calm. My heart plummets to my stomach. "Do you understand me?" He mocks in a high pitched tone, mirroring how she'd said it to me previously.
A huff fills the air and my arm falls loosely to my side as footsteps echo in my ears. Voices muffle around me as I sink deeper into my head, losing the last grip on reality I have left. I feel my body lifting from the floor. One step. Two step. Three step. Four. It goes on and on until we're twenty steps away and sound fades further. It's quiet. Too quiet.
I feel the person holding me sit down, shifting my body off their lap onto a wooden surface. A rough hand rests on my back, almost hesitantly, like they're unsure of what to do.
I don't flinch.
I don't flinch.
"Breathe, kid." Someone tells me, the hand on my back faltering for a split second as a soft sob rips from my throat. "You're okay. We've got you, you're fine. Well, almost fine. Just fu—" a throat clears and someone lets out a short huff. "Try and breathe for me, 'kay?"
Nodding, oxygen fills my lungs in stuttered breaths. Slowly, the fog disperses, the panic easing breath by breath. Vision clearing, my eyes lock on a pair identical to my own.
Ace Lombardi, Leo's brother, the only person who has ever stepped in to help me and I don't even know him.
-
Awkwardness fills the air as I continue to stare at Leo's brother, Ace, unsure of what to say, how to thank him, if I should thank him. No one has ever helped me before, this is uncharted waters for me and I'm at a loss for how to proceed.
I open my mouth to speak, to say something, anything— but nothing comes out and my mouth closes again.
Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic.
Melissa wasn't so wrong was she?
His hand drops from my back as if I've burnt him. I'd forgotten it was there. The strangest part of it all? His touch didn't hurt me like others so often do.
I reach up and scratch my neck, needing to keep my hands busy, shifting my eyes around as a way to pass the time and think of what to do next. It's only then that I notice Alex leaning against the wall a few steps away from us.
They're both here? They both helped?
I don't know why I'm so surprised, anytime I've seen them this week they've always been together. Joint at the hip is how Maya had once described them.
I offer Alex a sheepish smile, and he cocks his head to the side, studying me in a way that has my skin crawling. I look away from him almost immediately, my attention falling back to Ace. He seems like the safer choice of the two.
"Uh," I clear my throat, then do it again, and again. Feeling like an idiot as Ace stares at me, looking somewhat annoyed. Maybe that's just his face? "T-thank you for helping me. Both of you. I-I... you didn't have t-to. N-not that I didn't want you to. I'm glad you did. R-really."
Ace stares at me intently, similar to how Leo had earlier before math class. I don't really like this look. It feels like he can see straight through me. Like I'm transparent. Like I'm liquid. I remove my gaze from him as Alex's voice fills the awkward silence my words created.
"No need to thank us," he says nonchalantly, breaking eye contact to look behind me to his brother. After three seconds, his eyes find their way back to mine... almost. He doesn't look directly in them, more-so my forehead. "Would you like some water?"
Nodding slowly, I watch from the corner of my eye as Ace pulls a metal water bottle from his backpack. He holds it out to me, jutting his chin as he gestures for me to take it. I do, my hands trembling as I try my best to make sure my fingers don't brush his.
"Thank you," I whisper, cracking the bottle open.
The cold water soothes my achey throat as I gulp down a small mouthful not wanting to drink the last of his water. I wipe my mouth on my sleeve before handing the bottle back to Ace.
"Listen, Lily." Ace begins, aggressively shoving his bottle back in his backpack. I begin to wonder if everything about him is just that— aggressive. "Don't listen to whatever that little puttana said. You're not pathetic or stupid-"
I flinch at the words I've heard more times than my own name. So much so, Ace pauses and I can feel Alex's eyes burning into the side of my skull.
"You're everything that silly little girl wishes she could be. She said that shit because she's jealous of you."
Jealous? Of me?
Me?
"Don't give me that fucking look," Ace snaps.
Seeing the terrified expression on my face, he shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath before speaking again, eyes opening and holding my own.
"Leo said you're pretty great, and if there's one thing I know about my brother, it's that he doesn't bullshit. He won't say anything without fully meaning it. And it's not just him that thinks it, you know? Emilio, Atlas, Luke... they don't just invite anyone into their weir-little group. You must be pretty great to them too."
My lip trembles.
They think I'm pretty great?
Really?
No one ever thinks I'm anything other than worthless.
"So," Ace gives me a pointed look. "Whenever someone says you're great, you'll smile and tell them you're so much fucking more than great. You hear me?"
Salt water pools in my eye, I nod to Ace, my head bobbing up and down like the bobble head on my brothers car dashboard.
"I-I hear you." I choke out, giving him a watery smile. "I'm so much more than great."
"That'a girl." Ace smirks like he's proud.
Proud. Of me.
Me.
The bell rings breaking up our moment. I stand up and wipe my eyes before turning back to Ace. I don't overthink, I just do. I limp forward and wrap my arms around him, my hands shaking as they fall flat against his back and I squeeze him as tight as I can. Giving him an Emilio hug in all its glory.
"Thank you so much." I whisper, fighting the blush that threatens to colour my cheeks.
"Anytime," Ace pats my back. I hear Alex let out a snort, but I don't question it. Pulling back, I see Ace flip him off. I smile to myself and drop my eyes to the floor, wondering if this is all just one strange dream.
Please be real. Please.
Ace gives my shoulder a soft pat before heading towards his brother.
"And Lily?" He calls over his shoulder. I raise my head, eyes finding his. "Please keep talking to Leo. He really needs a... friend."
"I will." I say, meaning it. "Promise."
I turn my gaze to Alex next. He's hard to read, much harder than Ace, but I don't think he dislikes me, I think he's just a little on the quieter side. "Thank you, Alex."
Are my eyes deceiving me or did he just smile at me?
"Everything Ace said is true, I hope you believe that." Alex says, and I nod. His lips curve up once more, not quite a smile, but close enough. "Sei più speciale per noi di quanto tu possa anche iniziare a immaginare, Lily."
Confused by the strange gibberish rolling from his tongue, my eyes widen briefly. "W-what does that mean?"
"Maybe I'll tell you someday."
And with that they walk away, leaving me with the cheesiest smile on my lips.
Yeah, I'm pretty great.
And so are they.
-
End of chapter 11
translation: you are more special to us than you can even begin to imagine.
Edited.