Chapter X: Apologies
Theo's POV
"Fucking shit," I sat at the table with my head in my hands.
"How did all of us simultaneously not pick up a goddamn phone is my question," West sat slouched in his seat.
I felt so fucking bad. Not only did I let her down but I was a shit friend and wasn't there for her when she needed me.
I promised her that I would show up. I knew how much it meant to her and it meant as much to me that she invited me.
I was so convinced that her competition is tomorrow that I didn't even double-check. But she had every right to be mad at me. She had every fucking right after how I treated her.
Was it the first time I've let someone down like this? No. Did I feel the same guilt? Yes.
But I didn't want to make Blair feel like this. I wanted to be there, I wanted to see her skate. I tried apologizing but when I opened her door she was asleep.
I took a freezing cold shower and stood there staring at a wall for a solid 20 minutes. And when the image of Blair's disappointed gaze floated into mind I punched the wall. White guy move, I know.
But I was so mad at myself. I had never felt this guilty in my fucking life. I didn't even feel this bad when I missed my little sister's recital.
I clearly had an issue with showing up. And Blair was important to me so I probably should've told her. It isn't an excuse but maybe that would lessen the disappointment that was etched onto her beautiful face.
I wanted to punch myself when I saw the frown on her face. It was like a repeating thing with me. I was convinced that I was the only person who constantly hurt her.
Maybe if I wasn't in her life it would be better. Maybe she wouldn't hurt this much.
The next morning was even worse.
I stood in the kitchen with a coffee in my hands and the tea I made her standing on the table. The guys had already left. It was just me and her.
Blair came into the kitchen and tensed. Her eyes went to the tea and then to me.
"Blair, I'm so-" but before I could finish my sentence she walked out of the house, not sparing me another glance.
I tried again when I saw her walking toward me on campus. I needed to apologize but she stalked past me.
And again when I saw her in a coffee shop near campus during her break. She acted like I was a wall. I wanted to apologize but she ignored me.
I didn't blame her for ignoring me but it hurt when I found out that she had forgiven all of the guys except me.
"Yeah, she forgave us when we met her at the coffee shop, I might've fallen to my knees and begged her," West was tying his skates.
"Don't worry, she'll come around. Just give her time," JJ brushed past me.
I wanted to give her time, I sincerely did but I couldn't live with myself if I can't apologize. And I can't even approach her without her walking away. She didn't want to talk to me.
I was going to have to force her to talk because there was nothing else I could come up with.
My eyes kept trailing back to her during practice. But I couldn't figure her out. She was laughing and coaching the other guys but every time her eyes met mine it was like I was a punching bag and she wanted to beat the shit out of me.
I probably looked desperate as fuck when I mouthed 'can we please talk?'. Because I watched her consider it for a solid second. And then she mouthed 'after practice'.
Now I had to decide how I would bring my plan to life and not fuck up the chance she's giving me.
As practice dragged on I prayed on everything I could think of. I needed her to listen to me. I needed her to talk to me.
The guys were piling out of the locker room and soon I was the last one there. Sitting on the bench I was fiddling with my fingers hoping that she will actually show.
When the door opened my eyes snapped up to see her coming in, her sports bag over her shoulder.
Blair stood there waiting for me to talk while I stood there like an idiot.
"Talk," her voice was monotone.
"I'm sorry, Blair, I-" suddenly I couldn't think of what to say.
"Yeah, I got that," she looked everywhere but me.
"I'm so sorry. I know it's not an excuse but I seriously messed up the dates, I thought your competition was today, on Friday, not Thursday. I wanted to be there so badly, I would never leave you hanging like that," I finish my apology and look at her. She's just staring at me.
We stand there for a good minute and she still doesn't say anything.
"Come on, talk to me. Yell at me, cuss me out, hit me, scream. Please say something," I was pleading.
"You want me to yell at you?" Her eyes are now blazing with all the pent-up anger.
"I want you to talk to me."
"You made me look like an idiot. I waited for you on the bench in front of the rink. Catherine felt fucking sorry for how pathetic I looked," she raises her tone with every sentence.
"I'm so-" she cuts me off.
"I'm not fucking done. You made me feel worse than my parents do because you didn't answer the fucking phone. And worst of all, you knew how much it fucking meant to me, you promised. And then you fucked me over like everyone else does," and with that, her hands came in contact with my chest.
I didn't move. She needed this, she needed this as much as I did.
"Blair," I whispered as she kept pushing me backward until I hit the lockers.
"I hate you so much. I hate that you didn't show up," another hit, "I hate that you promised me and then fucked me over," another one, "I hate that I've become dependant on you and your fucking conversations. And most of all, I hate that you make it so hard to hate you."
Tears roll down her cheeks and I grab her hands and hold them close to my chest.
"I hate you," she whispers.
"I know," I hug her to me and slide us both down so we're sitting on the floor.
Her quiet cries make my heart ache. And for a second I forget that I was the one who caused them and just hold her in my arms.
"Let me make it up to you," I slide the loose curl behind her ear and remember my plan.
"How?" she sniffles.
"Tomorrow, 10 am, here," I wipe her tears away. "Bring your figure skates."
"Why?"
"You'll see," I cup her cheek.
She hesitantly nods.
I lift us both up and set her down on the ground. She wipes her face and slides her hair behind her ears. I watch her without moving.
Blair clears her throat and throws the bag on her shoulder.
"You coming?" she motions to the door.
"I have to do a couple of things but you go on and head home," I give her a faint smile. She nods.
"Blair," I voice and she turns back before leaving.
"I'm sorry again," she opens her mouth to speak but I cut her off, "Don't say you forgive me. I don't deserve it yet. Say it to me when I make it up to you."
The ends of her lips slightly curl upward and she shakes her head before leaving.
A heavy sigh leaves my lips and I feel like a giant rock has rolled off of my heart.
But I still have to go through with my plan for tomorrow. So I quickly changed and got in my car to drive to the store I needed.
I walk into it and ask her to engrave something on a little metal plate. I tell her what I want seven times because she can not mess it up otherwise this whole thing will fail and that can't happen.
After she's finished I drive to another store. I pick up the ring I ordered in the morning. I check if everything is okay and thank the man.
Now I just have one last stop and then I can stress the whole night about how many things could go wrong.
-
Yeah. I've slept about four hours at most and I'm pretty sure that I've never been this anxious in my whole life.
I was at the rink at 8:30 to get everything ready.
I strapped stupid balloons everywhere. It seemed like a better idea yesterday and now I feel stupid. But I went through with it.
Then I hooked up the speaker and searched for the song she skated to. She had played it to me one time and said it was special to her.
I set down all of the other stuff out of her sight.
The rest of the guys came in at 9:20. And my mouth dropped open.
"What?" West stared back up at me.
"Why the fuck are you dressed like an old man? I told you just to dress up so you look like different people not like it's a fucking Halloween party," I wanted to sock him in the face.
"This is me dressing like different people," he shrugged and took a seat in the stands.
I took a look at the other guys and I wanted to internally slap myself for involving these idiots.
JJ had a blonde Party city wig and he had a sundress on. It looked like the dress could rip at any living moment because he was a guy with muscles and had chosen the smallest dress possible by the looks of it.
Dean was dressed like a typical jock. He had a varsity jacket on, sunglasses on his face, and a hat backward.
Levi was dressed like a middle-aged man and his hair was slicked to the side horribly. I felt like I could knock all of them out.
"Try to mess this up, I fucking dare you," I bit out at the snickering idiots I call friends.
I had gotten everything ready and I felt good about it. But when the time on my phone hit 9:58 I almost shit myself.
And when I saw her brown curls walk through the door I told the guys to get ready.
She greeted me and took a look at the balloons everywhere. Her lips held a small smile. But when her eyes met the guys she seemingly froze. She blinked a couple of times.
"Don't freak out," I was nervous as fuck. Her eyes found mine again.
"What- umm- why are they dressed like that?" she was confused.
"We messed up. Big time. We missed your competition and we felt so shitty. So I came up with the idea," I went to the rink and pulled the string so a banner falls. Her hand went to her mouth.
"Blair Ivy's super special competition" read on the banner.
"I found the song you skated to and if you're up to it you can show us your routine. The guys are the fans," I give her a nervous smile.
"But I don't have the dress I skated in," she frowns.
"Yeah, you do. I went into your room while you were sleeping and put it into your bag. I know it's creepy, I'm sorry," West gave her an awkward smile.
She chuckled and took her bag to go get changed. I sighed in relief and gave West a hard glare for sneaking into her fucking room.
She came back out and I was speechless. The white flowy dress with gold lines looked perfect on her. She looked like an angel.
I could see that Blair was a little nervous but I gave her a reassuring smile and when the music started and she started her routine, I was mesmerized.
It looked so effortless, every move was thought out and flawless as far as I could tell. She looked perfect. The smile she couldn't hold at bay was evident on her face.
As she jumped I felt my heart jump too. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Her hair, her hands, her smile, her brown eyes, her legs. She was perfect.
She comes to a stop as the last note sounds and all of us stand up and cheer. She smiled and her contagious laugh fills the air.
Blair dramatically bows and the boys start throwing flowers. Her eyes widen in surprise and she smiles.
"At today's competition, every contestant was great but there can only be one winner," she chuckles at my dramatic ass speech.
"Our first-place winner is the greatest person to exist, they are extremely sweet and the most fantastic skater I've seen in my damn life. It is the one, the only, Blair motherfucking Ivy," we start to applaud and she's staring at me with the biggest smile on her face.
"Your trophy ma'am," I hand her the trophy, and she takes it with slightly shaking hands.
"Oh my god," she looks at the metal plate I got engraved for her.
"Read it out loud," I ask her.
"For the girl who endures all the pain I make her feel, Blair Ivy, my princess" I see a tear on her cheek and she turns to hug me but I stop her.
"That's not all," I pull the box from my pocket, "I got you something else too."
I can see the guys walking out of the rink to give us privacy.
She opens the box and a faint gasp leaves her lips. The ring is a simple gold band with a little sun on it.
"Theo, you didn't-" I cut her off.
"I did. Look at the inside."
Another tear rolls down her face. She looks and her eyes find mine.
I promise to not let you down again. Theo
I knew I wanted that carved because I mean it with my whole heart. And I needed her to know that.
"It's a promise ring," I fiddle with my fingers.
Her arms wrap around my neck and I freeze. I stop acting like a nervous wreck and wrap my arms around her waist.
"I forgive you," she whispers against my neck.
She smells so nice and I feel like that is the only thing keeping me from crying that I'll get my Blair back.
"And I don't hate you," she pulls back to brush my hair out of my eyes.
"I know," a smile makes its way onto my lips.
"Friends?" she asks for what feels like the tenth time in a month.
"Friends," I smile.
My Blair.
A/N: OH MY FRICKING GOD. I hit 20k likes on TikTok and I couldn't be more grateful for all of the love you keep showing me! If I could hug each and every one of you I would. Thank you so much for sticking with me.
But this chapter, I had forgotten that I wrote it and while I was editing I bawled my eyes out. I was not okay, at all. I hope you liked it ;)
And as always, how are you? Are you excited about the holidays?
With love, hugs, and motherfuckin' kisses, Helena :)