A/N So what this is is basically the second chapter of lodestar but if Sophie and Keefe were already dating. I guess this chapter is kinda I guess more angsty? Is that the right word? ~ Rae
"Woah, that is an epic wave of emotion you're hitting me with," Keefe said, fanning the air between them. "It feels like you either want to kiss me or strange me-and personally, I'm rooting for the kiss."
He leaned back in the chair, stretching his arms wide open.
"You're really going to joke about this?" Sophie asked, trying to keep her voice low. She didn't want Sandor bursting on until she'd gotten some answers.
"Don't come any closer," she warned as Keefe stood to approach her. "I've been practicing inflicting. A lot."
One hand moved to her stomach, rubbing the knot of emotions lodged under her ribs. Bronte was teaching her to tie them away, ready to unravel whenever she needed a burst of furious power.
Keefe's smile faded, and something flickered in his eyes. "Are you afraid of me?"
"You're the Empath"
The words hung there for several seconds, turning heavier and heavier.
Keefe sank back into his chair. "Wow . . . I didn't expect that."
"What did you expect? You ran off with the Neverseen! You realize those are the people trying to kill me, right? The same people who killed Kenric and Jolie, and almost killed all of the gnomes and-"
"I know," Keefe interrupted. "But you know me, Foster."
"I thought I did."
"You do. I'm still the same guy. All I'm trying to do is end this nightmare. If I can figure out what they're planning-"
"Nope," Sophie jumped in. "Worst idea ever. Playing both sides never works. Sooner or later they're going to make you commit."
Keefe shifted in his seat. "I realize that what I'm doing is risky-"
"And stupid, Sophie added "And dangerous, And-"
"I still have to do it. And it'll be fine. It's all about keeping the right balance."
"There's no balance when it comes to the bad guys, Keefe. They're bab. It's that simple."
"You and I both know it's never simple. In fact, I seem to remember you telling me that the villains are never all bad."
"I didn't say that because I wanted you to join them! I said that's what makes them so scary!"
"I know. But . . . I have a plan. I have to stick to it."
His ice-blue eyes met hers, pleading for understanding.
She shook her head. "We can beat them together. Team Foster-Keefe, remember?"
"And how many times will you almost die in the process?" he asked. "How many emergency physician visits will there be? And what if Elwin can't fix you? I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you, Soph!"
"What if Elwin can't fix you?"
"I . . . don't matter."
And there it was.
Keefe's guilt.
The most dangerous emotion an elf could feel.
Most were crippled by it. Alden's sanity had once shattered because of it. But for some people it made them reckless.
"You do matter! And it's not your job to protect me," she told him.
"Maybe not. But if something happens . . ."
She waited for him to say the rest-the real reason he felt so responsible. When he didn't say it, she said it for him.
"I know you blame yourself for what your mom's done-"
"This isn't about her!"
But it was.
Sophie knew him too well.
Keefe's family life had always been miserable, thanks to his stiff, insulting father. But he'd been on a downward spiral since he'd discovered that his mom was one of the leaders of the Neverseen. She'd even erased some of his childhood memories and hidden a tracker in his family crest so he'd lead the Neverseen straight to his friends. But that was all before the Neverseen had left her to die in an ogre prison as punishment for allowing one of her cohorts to be captured.
Keefe kept claiming he didn't care, and his relationship with Sophie had helped him. But Lady Gisela was still his mom-and he'd joined the Neverseen right after he found out they might be willing to help him rescue her.
"Please," Sophie begged. "We can do anything they can do. Just come home--for me--before it's too late."
"It's already too late."
His voice was the same flat tone he'd used before, when he'd told her I can't pretend I'm who you want me to be anymore. And it broke her heart.
"So this is about the Lodestar Initiative, then?" she asked
She'd only heard the mysterious project mentioned twice-- once from the Neverseen and once in Keefe's mind, in a memory his mother had tried to erase. It seemed to be the Neverseens grand plan. And Keefe believed he was a part of it.
Keefe stood to pace the small room, keeping a careful space between them. Sophie wished he didn't though, as much as she hated to admit it, she missed him.
"What is the Lodestar Initiative?" she pressed. "And what other lost memories did you recover? You said there were more."
"It doesn't matter."
"Obviously it does."
Keefe tilted his head toward the ceiling, his eyes focused on the highest point. "All you need to know is that I'm not like you, okay? The Neverseen aren't going to give me a choice."
[For time's sake, I'm going to skip over all this, which is basically explaining about project Moonlark, and how the Forkster had given her a choice on whether or not she wanted to be the Moonlark]
"There's always a choice, Keefe."
"Yeah--I'm going to find a way to end this on my terms. That's my choice."
Silence swelled between them, and Sophie played with the monocle pendant he'd included with the note. "Was this the one that Brant ordered you to brand me with?"
Keefe cringed. "No. That one's mine. I stole it back."
"What happens when they notice it's gone?"
He shrugged.
She sighed. "This is never going to work, Keefe. Brant and Fintan are crazy-- but they're not stupid. Neither is Alvar. One of them is going to figure out what you're doing, and then who knows how they'll punish you? Just quit now and we'll come up with a new plan together. As Team Foster-Keefe!"
She offered him her hand.
Keefe stared at it for so long Sophie's arm muscles began to ache.
"That's it?" she asked when he turned away. "You'd rather keep hurting the people who care about you? The people who love you?"
"I'm helping you!"
"And hurting us. Do you know what Fitz did when I told him you left?"
Keefe ran his hands through his hair, wreaking his careful style. "I'm guessing yelling was involved."
"That's what I'd been hoping for. But he didn't even raise his voice. He just looked away so I wouldn't see him crying. So did Biana. Even Dex teared up."
Seconds ticked by. Maybe minutes. It felt like forever before Keefe whispered, "What about you?"
"I cried harder than any of them," she admitted. "And then I got angry. You stole Kenric's cache from me. You mimicked my voice! I cared about you, I still do." she said the last part in a whisper.
[insert long explanation about the caches]
"I also helped you escape," Keefe reminded her.
"Yeah, but you only made one special bead. So what happens the next time the Neverseen find me? Or Dex? Or Fitz? Or Biana?"
I'll find another way. I'm already working on a few things. And I only rigged one bead because I knew the Neverseen wouldn't fall for the same trick twice."
"I love how you keep talking about them like you're not one of them now."
"I'm not."
"Are you sure?"
She pointed to the patch in the sleeves of his long black cloak, the same symbol that kept haunting her nightmares-- a white eye set in a circle.
[I'm sorry you guys but it's super late/early so imma skip forward a few pages]
He took a cautious step toward her.
Then another.
And another.
Until he was right in front of her, his lips curling with the world's saddest smile.
"Back to nervous habits, huh?" he asked as he brushed a fallen eyelash off her cheek.
"It's been a rough few weeks," she whispered
"Yeah. it really has."
He blew the eyelash away and she wondered if he'd made a wish--until she remembered that elves didn't have silly superstitions like that. She probably shouldn't either, but she went ahead and sent a silent plea into the universe.
"You're not still afraid of me, are you?" he asked. "You trust me?"
She honestly didn't know. So she offered him a shakey hand. "You tell me."
Keefe's fingers curled around hers and his brow creased as he closed his eyes.
"Thank you," he whispered, his lips stretching into a glorious smile. "And thank you for still loving me, I knew I could count on you, Foster."
A/N y'know what? I'm going to split this into two parts cause it is 2:24 AM and I want to stay up all night reading. Let me know if you liked this and request other chapters too! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays ~ A Very Sleep-Deprived Rae, who still has adrenaline from getting all 8 Keeper books for Christmas
another reason I was awake: so I could see this.