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Time passed far too quickly, at one point I had no idea where I was but that didn't bother me. I wanted to get as far away from the pack house as I could, my thoughts were dangerous and my actions may become catastrophic. I didn't want to hurt anyone, verbally or physically.
I doubt anyone would be missing me, if anything they'd probably be relieved that I was gone. That way they could focus on the mission themselves and do this for Hope and Alfie.
That was the only reason Kassian was helping anyway, Alfie almost strangled him in the kitchen and shouted at him until he agreed to help out.
I wanted nothing more than to run off and take down Pandora myself, now that I had the Guidant's Locket, I had everything I needed to destroy her. But somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that it was a bad idea.
Talking myself out of it was the hardest part. The curse had bubbled up so painfully in my stomach that all I could think of was revenge. Just like when my father and I escaped her, I couldn't calm down. Not for a few seconds to just think rationally.
I needed to kill her there and then.
But something inside of me stops me from acting so stupidly. Knowing my mothers powers, I wouldn't stand a chance alone, her magic would throw me from one end of the woods to the other.
As I dragged myself away before I changed my mind again, I somehow had looped back around, remembering the smell of pinewood that surrounded the pack house. My body shifts back into my human form, my bones feeling achy and exhausted from hours and hours of running.
My skin was covered in dirt and was obviously paler than usual, everything screamed unhealthy. I looked like I had been through hell and back, at least I felt like I had even though I felt somewhat relieved. I needed the time away. For my own benefit.
I lean down to grab the clothes I had left before taking off, pulling them onto my dirty body as I walk through the trees. My eyes glance up at the house before me, noticing how Nella was standing outside of the kitchen door and looking into the distance.
A few words slip from my mouth, quiet enough that she couldn't hear.
My ears prick at the sound of a small gasp, then loud footsteps charging towards me. I can't force my eyes to look up so I keep them trained on the floor.
"What the hell Cleo?!" Nella's voice booms through the back garden.
You could hear in her tone that she was upset but I didn't want to believe it. Why would she?
"I thought you fucking left us, why would you do that?" She steps forward, her voice raising as she speaks.
Even I flinch as she swears, Nella barely swears and when she does, you know shit is serious.
I sigh heavily and eventually look up at her. Noticing how her dark eyes flick between mine, glistening against the sunlight, her expression confused and desperate for answers.
"I needed time away," I say bluntly as I throw my arms over my chest.
Her mouth hangs open as she recoils her head. "And you didn't think to tell me?"
I resist the urge to roll my eyes, knowing full well that it would push her over the edge. "I can do what I want, I am a grown woman Nella."
"Yes," she states instantly. "But we're friends, I thought you'd gone off by yourself to see your mother without backup."
"We're barely friends," I scoff as I avert my gaze.
I was fully aware that I was being a bitch for no reason but right now the thought of someone caring for me made me want to vomit. No one cares about the crazy psycho. No one.
"We're barely friends?" She repeats, her voice cracking. "God, what has happened to you Cleo?"
"I can't make friends Nella," I ground out to her, our eyes meeting again. "People don't like me with this fucking curse, I'm just a mistake to everyone."
"After everything we've been through," she raises a hand to wipe her eyes, not wanting to show the tears that fall. "After everything we've done for you."
My heart stung in my chest. Fuck, she was crying because of me.
I close my eyes in defeat. I was no good for this world, no good for anyone. I just make people upset, angry and confused.
"You shouldn't care about me Nella," I breathe out slowly. "Don't waste your breath on me."
Nella shakes her head and lunges forward, wrapping her arms around me instantly. She sobs into my shoulder and I stand for a second, confused and bubbling with inner anger from the skin contact. But I push this to the back of my mind, she's trying to be nice.
"I already do care for you, you silly woman. We all do. We value you here, even if you struggle to accept. it" Nella speaks confidently before pulling away and holding my shoulders at arms length.
"I find that hard to believe," I say before chewing down on my bottom lip.
Nella blinks back at me and shakes her head. "We went looking for you because we had no idea where you went."
My heart hurt even more now, feelings of guilt and selfishness riding up inside my stomach and suffocating my mind. I never thought in a million years they'd go looking for me, I was convinced they would think I had done them a favour. Believing that I had severely outstayed my welcome and they didn't know how to tell me to leave.
"I-I didn't mean to worry anyone," I force out. "I just couldn't bear another second in this house, in my room. I needed to be by myself."
"Next time just tell me," her lips frown. "Please. I won't force you to stay or tell you not to go. We just wanted to know that you were safe and haven't made a stupid decision."
"Okay," I say instantly. "I'm sorry."
Nella's face softens at my apology, it was sincere and I know that she felt it. Apologising isn't easy for me, not when the curse forces needles into your throat before you can say it. I wasn't in the mood for a disagreement, I wanted nothing more than to wash and sleep in a bed with covers. My body needed recovery as did my mind.
"I'm gonna go shower," I declare.
Nella nods back at me. "Okay well I'll be in the living room with Arlo."
I give her a small smile and take off through the house, focusing on getting to the bathroom and nothing more. Luckily I didn't cross paths with anyone on the way, my eyes were looking directly in front of me, tunnel vision.
I shove my way into the bathroom and lock the door, shredding my clothes and jumping straight into the tiny shower. The water felt like toxic waste, no matter which temperature I turned it to. After I scrubbed my body, hair and teeth I felt somewhat better. My body could relax slowly but all I needed was rest.
Exhausted wasn't even the word, I was beyond that.
Cracking the bathroom door and walking across the hall to my room, clutching my towel to my body with my fingers. I lean over my drawers and take out some fresh clothes and underwear.
Loud footsteps echo down the corridor, daunting and slightly scary. As I turn around to face the direction of my door Kassian emerges from the hall, his eyes find mine instantly and his jaw clicks.
His brows were pulled down into a harsh frown, his eyes were hard and determined. I force my lips open to take a breath as he places a hand to my neck and shoves me into the wall unexpectedly.
"Where the fuck have you been?!" His voice bellows against the walls of my room.
I shiver to the core at the thick intensity between us, but I straighten out my spine and look up at him like he didn't phase me.
"Out."
His eye twitches at my blunt response. "Out? You were gone for days Cleo!"
I inhale deeply, receiving a large pull of his scent. Making my knees weak instantly.
"I thought you didn't care." My voice grows louder.
Kassian's hand loosens around my neck as he exhales sharply, shaking his head in the process. "I always have you fucking idiot." He heaves out like the words were difficult for him to say.
"Didn't seem like it a couple days ago. You said this was a mistake." I push his body away from mine and clutch the towel closer to my chest, feeling the wetness of my hair drip down my shoulders. "Make up your fucking mind, you're giving me whiplash."
His nostrils flare at my words, he looks away for a split second and then steps closer. "Because I am fucking scared alright?!" He snaps suddenly.
I blink quickly and rest my head against the wall as he struggles to find what he wants to say next but I knew that wasn't the last of it. I could see his mind ticking over as he opens his mouth and then closes again.
"Scared of what?" I demand to encourage the conversation.
"No one has come into my life and turned it upside down like you have. You were right, I never open up to people. I keep it bottled in, but talking to you is easy. And that completely scared me. Commitment, getting close to someone." He rushes out like he didn't want to have to repeat himself again.
Kassian shuffles between his feet and wets his lips with his tongue. "Admitting that I liked you was hard, I push people away naturally. Anyone who tries to get close to me, who tries to understand me. It's like I'm doing everyone a favour because I'm not a good person."
My head shakes, he was a good person. Even if he didn't want to admit it. He was such a good person, at least I thought so. He might have his flaws but don't we all? If Nella can see the positives in me, I could easily see the positives in Kassian.
"Getting close to you has honestly made me see things differently," he lowers his head gently, words unable to stop as his emotions take over his body. "Your qualities have rubbed off on me, making me soft and completely fucking weak. At first it made me scared, terrified even because how can you make me feel like that? But I've come to the realisation that it's not a bad thing. To open up, to become vulnerable."
I flick my eyes between his frantically, this conversation making my heart race painfully. Kassian's expression was completely exposed but I was drinking in all of his confessions, never have I seen him like this. Wearing his heart on his sleeve and he wanted everyone to know.
I swallow harshly and sigh as I listen to him carry on. "But you're not like me and you wouldn't understand." His head lowers. "You wouldn't understand why I've been like this."
My eyes glance between his quickly. "You think this is easy for me?" I question as I quirk an eyebrow at him. "Try having a curse on your back that wants to push everyone away that tries to help you when you want to be close to them. But somehow I come crawling back to you every time. We both do, even when we attempt to tell ourselves no. We can't do it."
"Then let's stop," Kassian's tone drops instantly. "This is all getting exhausting."
I purse my lips and look up at him. "Stop what exactly?" My eyes begin to narrow.
My veins rushed with anticipation. Was he ending everything, again? Spare me the bullshit.
"Stop pretending like we don't want each other," he takes a step closer, lowering his forehead down onto mine. "This might be a bad idea but things feel better when I'm with you, clearer and calmer. I can admit that. The more I push you away, the angrier I get."
My eyes flutter closed as our skin touches. "Same." I admit, ignoring the pit of fire in my stomach.
Kassian's hand raises to clasp the side of my cheek gently, letting my eyes open once again. Our eyes remain on each other for a few moments before Kassian brings my face up to his, grazing our lips softly as I attempt to control my breathing.
My heart was racing like a child in a toy store.
We have kissed plenty of times but this felt different and I knew that the second he pressed our lips together. It was sweet and slow, unlike any of our other kisses before.
Kassian's hand clasps the other side of my cheek and I sigh in satisfaction. He completely takes the lead and opens up my lips to slide his tongue in my mouth, brushing it against my own.
A small groan erupts from the back of my throat as he holds me impossibly closer. His chest presses against mine and I gasp into his mouth, shocked at the sensation of no anger or frustration in my body.
I wanted to stay like this forever, at least I could breathe and feel normal. No hatred and sadness. It felt like pure bliss.
Kassian gently pulls away and gives me one last peck, pressing our foreheads together.
"Never fucking do that again." He tells me sternly as he presses me up against the wall again.
My eyes almost brimmed with tears at the pleasure my body was going through right now, I could feel Kassian's heart beat through mine and it felt like freedom on a hot summer's day.
"I won't." I promise as I look up into his dark eyes. "I won't do that again."
. . .
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