Wednesday.
Mia's been discharged.
She was taken off the oxygen Monday evening and by tuesday teatime was sitting up in bed eating toast as if she had never been ill!
All day today everyone was happy with her, and finally she was discharged late afternoon.
We arrive back to Jack's at 6pm and as soon as she's inside she's digging through the toybox in the corner of Jack's family room "can't believe it's the same child we saw Saturday night!" Jack observes watching her.
"I know! Mental"
Jack starts looking through his freezer. "Shall we just order a pizza in or summat?"
"Yeah" I agree, we're both exhausted after 4 nights sharing or taking turns in a recliner and single camp bed that they also gave us, we both need a decent sleep.
I've agreed to stay until Friday, Jack feels like he wants to make sure Mia is totally fine for himself before he takes us home.
While we wait for our food I message Craig.
'Mia's been discharged, just got back to Jack's Chelsea x'
He replies immediately
'brilliant news! Do you want me to pick you up? Craig X'
'no, Jack is going to bring us back Friday Chelsea x'
'friday? Where are you staying until then? Craig X'
'at Jack's, we just think it's best to stay close to the hospital for a couple of days Chelsea x'
'chelsea is there anything going on with you and Jack? Craig X'
'dont be daft! Chelsea x'
I sigh and turn my phone totally off.
"Everythin' ok?" Jack asks.
"Yeah"
"The boiler man not botherin' ya is he?"
"Don't" I say firmly.
"He was bein' a bit keen Saturday night Chels y'know givin' it all the 'I care about Mia' shit, I don' need anyone stepping into my shoes with her Chels ya get me?"
"He didn't mean anything by it, he was just trying to be there for me"
"Do ya love him Chels?"
"What kind of question is that?"
"A very straightforward one" he's sat himself on the sofa watching Mia.
"No Jack, but I do like him"
"Nah ya don't, ya've just settled for him"
"Oh fuck off Jack, you don't know what you're talking about, you turned up at the party with two dates for fuck sake!"
He sniggers "yeah that were class, shame I didn't get neither of them, although" he spins around to look at me "I got me wish, I sez I'd bin them both off for you! Jus' coulda done without the other stuff"
I take a deep breath and tell myself not to rise to it, he's probably just trying to wind me up.
Our food arrives and we are luckily saved by the bell.
Dinnertime is enjoyable, Mia loves the food and is loving having her mummy and daddy together.
After we clear up the empty boxes and glasses, Jack runs Mia a bath and I almost actually wet myself laughing over how many rubber ducks and bath toys he has for her.
"I think daddy enjoys bath time more than you do Mia-moo"
"Yeah too right I do! Best time of the day!"
I stand back and watch him wash her, wash her hair and brush her teeth all while singing silly songs and making her laugh.
I feel like I'm getting a glimpse of their life together when I'm not here, their secret little Mia and daddy world, and it's lovely.
My heart explodes with emotion as Jack lifts her out of the bath and wraps her up like a burrito in a big fluffy towel, she giggles so much she gives herself hiccups.
I stand back and watch Jack get her ready for bed.
We both hover in her room in the darkness watching her drift off.
Jack reaches for my hand and silently leads me through to his room.
He lays down on the bed on his back and pulls me to join him.
I lay next to him, I'm not sure where this is going.......he's looking very serious.
"We need to talk"
"Do we?" I ask, not looking at him.
"Ya know we do"
"What do we need to talk about?"
"Us Chelsea"
I feel myself tense up. "No Jack, we've been here, there is no us"
"There was on Sunday.....-"
" - that was just pure emotion taking over Jack, we share Mia, we were both experiencing extreme feelings about her...."
"We've been touchin' an' givin' each other little kisses all week like we're togetha"
"Friendly little pecks Jack, just reassuring each other, looking out for each other"
I listen as he takes a deep breath.
"Do you love me Chelsea?"
My heart starts pounding faster.
"What?!"
"Nah, nah don' give me that, you heard, jus' answer yes or no"
"Your Mia's dad, I'll always love you for that"
"Nah, Chelsea, ya know wot I mean!"
He rolls onto his side to face me, he's head resting on his arm.
"I love you Chels, I've neva stopped"
"Jack how do you think it makes me feel when you say that, but then whenever I've let you in, you've hurt me? Both times when I was probably at my most vulnerable, when I was heavily pregnant and then when she was just a few months old? I was prepared to give my whole life in Manchester up for you!"
Jack is gently rubbing my fingertips.
"And I'll neva be able to apologise enough for wot I done to you, an' I've gotta live with that"
he kisses my fingertips.
"But do ya love me? Because if ya do, we need to try again Chels, we owe it to Mia to try harder to be togetha!" His face is serious.
"Is this what you meant the other day when you said our best isn't good enough?"
He blinks slowly. "Yeah, but more me than you, I want us to really be a family now"
"I thought you were scared of commitment" I say, a little more bitterly than I intended.
"I feel like I've grown up a lot Chels, I've been stupid and really want to make it work now.....propa"
I can't help laughing. "You took two girls to a party!"
I'm at a loss at what to think.
"Do ya know wot Chels? Only cos I knew ya were takin' fuckin' boiler boy! There's nuffin' with me an' Nicole, we just shagged a couple of times......all of them, it's jus' sex, it's you I wanna be with, spend time with.......have more babies with..." He wriggles his eyebrows at the last bit.
"Are you jealous of Craig?"
"Fuck yeah I am! Of course I am! He's tryna live the life with you an' Mia that should be my life with ya!"
"What about the euros, what happened to 'everyone's gonna want a footballer on their arm'? Are you not holding out for someone even hotter than Nicole?"
"You're hotter than Nicole"
"Oh fuck off!" I laugh
"Nah, ya the whole package, and we're fuckin' hot togetha, no ones betta in bed than you.."
I think back to Sunday and how it just happened, how we do just go together.
"I don't think I could cope if you hurt me again"
"I won't, I've learnt Chels, an' I've grown up" he pauses "I promise ya".
"You'd get bored, or go out with your mates and end up falling into bed with someone else, again. I can't do it to myself Jack, I just can't"
"But that's wot I'm tryna say. Honestly, all the girls I've slept with, none of them make me feel like you do, none of them make laugh.......it's yoooou I wanna be with Chels"
I bring my hands to my face. How many times have we been here? Had this conversation?
"Do you mean it jack? Really really mean it? You've got to mean it?"
He's leaning right over me almost now, he pulls my face round to face him.
"I do, but I need to know, do ya love me?" His eyes are crystal clear, pleading with me. "Do you love me Chelsea?"
My heart feels like it's made of glass, like if I give it to him again, and if he breaks it again, it's so fragile it will never go back together......I think of that string of glass beads in my mind's eye and subconsciously I thread my heart on to it......knowing what will happen if the string is snapped again.
He's right, we do need to do better.
I can't get the words out. I can feel my face crumpling.......tears are falling.......
"I do love you Jack, I fell in love with you watching the sun come up in Mykonos"