Chapter 7: Alone
I didn't know he was alive all this time. Ang gumugulo lang sa akin ay kung paano niya pa rin ako nakikilala? Saksi ang dalawa kong mga mata kung paano nilamukos ni Brixton ang kanyang sa puso sa mismong harapan ko.
He should have forgotten everything after his heart got extricated from his chest. That's how it was supposed to be.
Pagpasok ko sa sasakyan ko ay kinuha ko agad ang cell phone ko. Tinawagan ko si Hestia at sinabing puntahan ako sa penthouse.
"Right now?" she asked.
"Yeah. I want to drink," I responded as I maneuvered my car carefully with one hand. "Don't tell me you are with your lame-ass boyfriend again?"
"He's a gangster, Nath. He's far from lame!" she defended.
"Bad lame guy, then?" I smirked.
I accidentally laid my eyes on the rearview mirror. Mabilis ko ring iniwas ang tingin ko nung hindi ko nakita ang sarili roon. I avoid mirrors when I am not wearing my necklace. It just frustrates me that I need it to appear there.
"Babe..." I heard Hestia over the phone. That just proved my point she's with her boyfriend all this time. "Wake up. I need to go somewhere."
"Where?"
Her boyfriend's forced deep voice cringed me. I swear I heard his voice before and he didn't sound like that. Everything about him was calculated for the sake of being cool.
"Yes," sagot ni Hestia. "Can you drive for me?"
"I am still sleepy—"
I ended the call before he even finished his words.
Goddamn. I hate fake bitches.
After I parked my car, I took the elevator and went directly inside my penthouse. I was tossing my keys when I smelled food in the kitchen. I almost forgot that Kristan told me that he cooked for our dinner. Wait. Did he really?
Sinundan ko ang amoy. Dinala ako nito sa kitchen kung saan nakahain ang mga pagkain. There was even a lit up candle on the center of the table.
Tumagos ang tingin ko sa lalaking nakaupo sa dulo. Nakayuko si Kristan sa lamesa at tila nakatulog na roon.
I shook my head. I still don't get why he needed to do this. It was a rough week and that's all. I see no reason to celebrate surviving such normal days for me.
Sinadya kong patunugin ang mga stilletos ko nung maglakad ako palapit sa kanya. Nagsalin ako ng wine sa baso saka uminom.
Umangat ang ulo ni Kristan. He stared at me for a moment, as if he was trying to remember if he knew me. Then, he straightened up his back from his seat.
"Hey!" he said.
Napaubo ako sa iniinom nung marinig ang boses niya. Oh, my feels. Kristan has what Hestia's boyfried thought he had. Deep and husky voice.
"I invited a friend to come over." I put the glass of wine on the table. "Magbibihis lang ako. Ikaw na lang ang magpapasok sa kanya."
"Wait!" he stopped me from walking away.
"What?"
He swallowed. "Not Hando, right?"
"Not your sweet lover, Mr. Admiral."
He laughed. "So... a new friend?"
"It's Hestia. She's not new."
"Oh..." he nodded. "Okay."
Napansin kong napangiti siya.
"Did Hestia's name just make you smile?" I arched an eyebrow.
"No!" he chuckled. "Ang buong akala ko kasi ay ayaw mong malaman ng mga kaibigan mo ang tungkol sa akin. But you invited a friend to come over here and I am here so..."
Tamad ko lang siyang tingnan. Inalis ko ang damit ko at tinira lang ang mga underwear. Narinig ko na ring tumunog ang doorbell.
The only good thing about Hestia is she knows I hate waiting.
Hindi na rin ako nagtagal sa kwarto ko. Pagkalabas ko ay naabutan ko sina Kristan at Hestia na nag-uusap pa rin sa gilid ng pinto.
"A friend? I didn't know Nathalia has another friend," Hestia said. "But... you look familiar. Oh!" she snapped her finger at the realization. "You were the drunk guy dancing at the party!"
Nahihiyang napakamot sa batok si Kristan.
"My name is Kristan," nag-abot siya ng kamay.
"Cool. I am Hestia—"
"Andito ka na pala..." putol ko sa pagpapakilala nila. Tamad akong naglakad sa direksyon nila. Bumaling ako kay Kristan. "Go to your room now."
"Huh?" He was hesitant.
Tumalikod na ako at nauna sa kitchen. Agad naman sumunod si Hestia sa akin. Sa tingin ko naman ay sinunod ako ni Kristan na pumasok na sa kwarto niya.
"Who is he?" pabulong na tanong ni Hestia. "Bakit may lalaki ka rito?"
I sat down and poured myself some wine. Sumandal ako sa upuan habang nakatingin kay Hestia na naghihintay nf sagot.
"Go to your room," she teasingly mimicked my voice. "Parang bata lang ang kausap mo ah?"
"Well, he is my slave..." I sipped on my drink.
"So... the rumor is true. May napili ka na nga." Marahan pa siyang tumawa saka hinawi ang buhok. "He's hot though. Your taste on men is really immaculate."
I sighed. "I met Terrence."
"Who?"
"Terrence Maniago."
"Terrence..." Tila napaisip naman siya. Ilang segundo bago nanlaki ang kanyang mga mata sa gulat. "Are we thinking of the same person?!"
Napatingin ako sa lalaking sumilip sa kusina. Nung mapansin niyang nakatingin ako sa kanya ay agad din siyang umalis.
"Sure ka bang siya 'yon?"
"It's Dylan Carter. I don't know how it happened, but Dylan is Terrence."
"Shit. That's why he is so obsessed with you."
Muling may sumilip sa bungad ng kusina ngunit sa pagkakataong 'yon ay hindi na si Kristan. Si Lilly na halatang hawak ni Kristan. Pinakaway pa niya ang isa nitong paa.
"I see..." Bumuntonghininga si Hestia. "Kaya hindi rin ako panatag kapag nasa paligid siya. I always knew there's something strange with him. But I didn't know he was a serial killer."
Napapikit ako sa inis nung bumaha na naman sa utak ko ang mga memorya ng nakaraan. Mula sa umpisa, pinakasukdulan, at hanggang wakas.
Terrence was my second boyfriend. We were cool at first until I noticed how obsessed he was with me and I hated that. I hated that he loved me so much. I hated the things he did just to prove that he really loved me. I hated that I fell in love with him.
"Holy shit!" Hestia gasped. "Alam ba niya ang tungkol kay Kristan?"
"Unfortunately..."
Tuluyan nang pumasok ng kusina si Kristan. Hawak niya si Lilly. Dumiretso sila sa sink para kunwari ay maghugas ng kamay.
"You have a pussy?" Hestia asked him. "Ang cute!"
"Yeah!" Nakangiting humarap sa amin si Kristan. "Her name is Lilly."
"Can I touch her, please?"
"Sure!"
Tumagay na lang ako uli habang naka-focus ang dalawa sa pusa. Hestia is a dog person, but she loves animals in general. I mean... her boyfriend proved it.
"Her nails were painted! It must be Nath's idea!" Humalakhak si Hestia.
Tuluyan nang umupo si Kristan. Hindi niya ako matingnan dahil alam niyang ayokong narito siya. I told him to stay in his room!
"Lilly..." Pinisil ni Hestia ang pisngi ng pusa. "Na-miss ko tuloy si Dandy."
"Dandy? Is he a cat, too?"
"No. A dog I accidentally killed."
Napaubo si Kristan. "That's sad. Anyway... kakain muna si Lilly sa kwarto."
"Aw. Goodbye, Lilly..."
Mukhang natakot si Kristan kaya agad niyang tinakbo ang kanyang pusa. Napailing na lang ako. Buti buhay pa rin ang pusang 'yon hanggang ngayon.
"So..." Tumikhim si Hestia. "What's your plan? Wait. Bakit maraming pagkain dito?"
Tumikim siya ng niluto ni Kristan at nagustuhan niya 'yon. Sa huli ay kumain na siya nang tuluyan. Mabuti na rin 'yon para hindi naman masayang.
"Kristan can cook!" she said. "Puwede ko bang pagdalhan din si Cole?" tukoy niya sa boyfriend niya.
"You can have everything on the damn table," iritado kong sagot. "Can you like focus for now, Hestia? Remember, ikaw ang nagsumbong kay Brixton ng tungkol kay Terrence."
Napaubo si Hestia. Uminom siya ng wine bago bumaling sa akin. Sa unang pagkakataon ngayon gabi ay nagseryoso naman siya.
"Do you think he returned for revenge?" she asked. "Saka hindi ko naman talaga sinabi kay Brixton. He forced me to admit it!"
"The question is... how can he still remember me?"
"What do you mean?"
"Brixton killed his heart, Hestia. Hindi nakapagtatakang buhay si Terrence. Ang nakapagtataka ay kung paano'ng kilala niya pa rin ako."
"Oh, my God. Ibig bang sabihin nito ay alam niya rin na ako ang nagsumbong kay Brixton?"
"Possibly..." Nagsalin ako uli ng alak saka uminom. "Mahinang bampira lang naman si Terrence, pero alam mong mautak siya. He has his own ways of getting things."
"Bakit hindi mo sabihin kay Brixton na buhay uli ang gagong 'yon?"
"Nah. I want to settle it on my own this time."
I drew a deep breath as I tried to think of a plan. But first, I need to know the reason why he still remembers me before I kill him.
I don't see him as a threat, more like a nuisance. Ayokong may nakabuntot lagi sa akin. Ayokong may nagpapaalala sa akin ng mga kamalian ko na naganap.
Loving him was one of the first mistakes I ever committed and killing him would be the best remedy to it. I will do it with my own hands this time.
Nakailang bote ako ng alak. Matagal-tagal na rin nung nakarami ako ng inom. Nagpaalam na rin kanina si Hestia na uuwi na. Malamang na pupuntahan na naman niya ang boyfriend niyang gangster.
I rested my back against the chair as I placed my attention on the hanging clock on the wall. It's past 2 in the morning now and I still don't feel the need to go to bed.
Kristan suddenly came in. Isang sandaling tingin lang ang pinukol niya sa akin bago lumapit sa lamesa. Sinimulan niyang alisin ang mga bote ng alak, baso, at iba pang kagamitan bago pinunasan ang lamesa.
I was staring at him the whole time. I knew his life is in danger after I found out about Terrence. I don't feel the need to inform him though. It will probably just terror him.
"Can you still walk?" he asked.
"I hope you didn't eavesdrop," I said.
"Kahit naman may narinig ako ay hindi ko maintindihan," sagot nito. Tinukod niya ang mga braso sa lamesa habang nakatingin sa akin. "I don't have the right to interrogate you either."
"Just stay out of it and you are good," I said as I prepared to leave. Basa pa ang lamesa kaya dumulas ang kamay ko, pero ang dating no'n kay Kristan ay dahil lasing na ako.
He immediately went toward me for a help. Hinawakan niya ang braso ko pero hinawi ko 'yon. But he refused to leave on my side.
"I can't get drunk that easily, Mr. Admiral. I don't need to be handled."
"Okay. Let me at least help you get in—"
"I said stop!"
I didn't mean to push him away, pero sa sobrang bigla ko ay natulak ko siya nang malakas. Tumama ang likod niya sa lamesa at napaatras 'yon.
"Why did you revive me?" he angrily asked.
I could feel the confusion and frustration in his eyes as they stared at me. Nagawa niya pang ibalik sa ayos ang lamesa bago humarap uli sa akin.
My fists were clenched, not because I accidentally pushed him away, but the fact that that didn't affect him at all. Hindi ko man lang nakitang nasindak siya.
"You don't let me serve you, but you keep telling me that I am your slave. Ako ba talaga o ikaw ang naliligaw sa atin, Nathalia? Ano ba talaga ako rito?"
"You are..." I swallowed. "Nothing. You are nothing to me, Kristan."
"Then, just kill me," he dared me. "Kung hindi mo na rin naman ako kailangan ay ano pa ang silbi ko rito? You don't need me anyway."
Tumalim ang tingin ko sa kanya at hindi rin naman siya nagpatalo. Nagawa niya pang lapitan ako nang harap-harapan.
"Just kill me, Milady..."
I pulled his shirt closer to me. "I don't take orders from anyone, Kristan."
"If you can't kill me..." Bumigat ang paghinga niya. "I will find my own way, then."
I laughed. "You are too brave for me."
"I am honestly sick of understanding you. You are so complicated, Nathalia. I don't care if that's because you are more superior to me. It's just... you are hard to read."
Then... he left me all alone.
I was breathing hard. I didn't know words could still affect me this much. I thought I had already forgotten to care what the other might think of me.
Pumasok na lang ako sa kwarto ko at naglinis ng katawan. I took a supposed to be a quick shower, but my mind wandered somewhere that I got lost in it.
I hate to admit that I understand him. He was trying to help me, as he should. But damn, I don't need his help. I don't need anyone's help!
I went to my frozen room. Humiga ako sa nag-iisang kama at pinikit ang mga mata. Doon ko pinalipas ang gabi. Gising ang diwa ko buong magdamag.
Nakaramdam ako ng uhaw kaya lumabas ako ng kwarto. Agad kong napansin na hindi nakakandado ang front door. Kumunot ang noo ko.
Did he go out?
Binuksan ko ang pinto ng kwarto ni Kristan. Wala siya roon. Umakyat na rin ako sa second floor, pero hindi ko rin siya nakita sa library.
He probably went for a jog. I just find it weird na hindi siya nagpaalam sa akin. Baka nagtatampo pa rin siya sa naging sagutan namin kagabi.
I was sitting in the kitchen and casually drinking my morning wine while patiently waiting for Kristan. I am planning to go shopping today. This is what I do when I am stressed. I buy everything I see.
Lumipas ang halos kalahating oras na hindi pa rin siya dumadating. Sa una ay wala pa sa akin 'yon, hanggang sa napagtanto kong hindi ko rin nakita si Lilly.
Don't tell me he really left?
I tried hard to ignore it. He's not my responsibility.
After my morning wine, I took a shower. Nagbabad ako sa bathtub habang nakikinig ng paborito kong playlist. Sobrang kalmado ng paligid ngunit hindi mapanatag ang loob ko.
Damn. Where did he go?
After shower, I wrapped myself with robe. Kinuha ko ang cell phone ko at tinawagan si Hando. Tinanong ko kung may driving lesson ba ngayon si Kristan, pero ang sagot nito ay tapos na dahil marunong na ito.
I bit my bottom lip as I stared outside the window.
"Fine." I rolled my eyes. "Be gone forever then."
Tinawagan ko si Hestia para sa kanya magpasama, pero may meeting daw sila. Natulala ako sa contact list ko. Iilan lang ang naka-saved dito pero siya lang ang maaari kong tawagan.
I remember Kristan has a cell phone. But I refused to call him.
Whatever. I can do shopping on my own!
Nagbihis na ako at sinuot ang pang-disguise ko. I am in the city so there's a high chance of someone recognizing me. I've learned this the hard way.
I went to the nearest mall wearing a purple wide-brim hat. I know I am clever in choosing purple instead of red. No one will recognize me. I know it's a nasty color, but it's better this way.
Marami akong nagustuhan, pero dahil ako lang ang magbibitbit ay minabuti kong huwag lahat bilhin. It surprising took my only half an hour. I usually mindlessly spend hours when shopping.
Hindi ako agad umalis ng mall. Bitbit ang mga paper bags ay napagpasyahan kong maglakad-lakad muna. Kahit na hindi nila ako kilala ay napapalingon pa rin sila dahil sa tangkad ko.
Oh, my feels. I suddenly miss Astra.
When I got tired of just walking around, I sat on the bench just behind the two teenage boys. I put the paper bags down. Nilabas ko ang cell phone ko.
I wasn't expecting anything, but when I saw my clear screen, I still got disappointed. A notification from Dylan would be acceptable. Still. There's nothing.
I sighed. I don't care.
I slid my phone into my purse. Wala rin akong schedule na gagawin ngayon. Siguro ay uuwi na lang ako para magsukat ng mga pinamili ko.
"Shit. What a lucky asshole," I heard the guys behind me.
"Bro. I would have cummed before I even—"
"Ssshh. Lower your voice."
My curiosity made me turn to them. Natuon ang atensyon ko sa cell phone nila. Parang binuhusan ako ng malamig na tubig nung mapagtanto kung ano ang pinag-uusapan nila kanina.
"Restroom," the boy said.
"Damn. Sure."
My heart sunk in my chest. I thought I already deleted that video.
Madaling binuksan ko ang cell phone ko. I went to my social media account. Nung makita ko pa lang ang number one trending worldwide ay napapikit na agad ako.
Fuck!
Maybe someone saved the video before I even deleted it.
Now... it went viral.
Tumayo na ako at naglakad palabas ng mall. Tinawagan ko si Hando.
"Alam mo na ba?" tanong ko.
"Shit. I feel bad for her," he said. "Where are you?"
"Pauwi na..." sagot ko bago lumunok. "How's Kathlysse?"
"I don't know. Did you try to contact her?"
I shook my head. Why would I?
"I will try to get in touch with her manager. Don't worry, Nath. I'm sure she will be fine. But damn. This is horrible. Who would do such a thing?"
I swallowed. "H-hindi ba mas nakakadiri siya? That guy is engaged!"
"Pero kailangan ba talagang idaan sa social media? The intention of the person who recorded it is simply to expose and embarrass her."
"Why not? They are celebrities! It's all about social media!" I insisted.
He sighed. "Nath..."
"It's not me, Hando. Don't you even..."
"Huh? What are you talking about? Try to contact her."
I ended the call right away. Why would I contact her? It's not my problem anymore. Hindi ako ang gumawa ng ikakasira niya. Siya mismo!
Isang malakas na buntonghininga ang lumabas sa bibig ko pagkapasok ng sasakyan. Saka ko lang napagtanto na nakalimutan ko palang bitbitin ang mga paper bags ko.
I frustratedly brushed my fingers through my hair as I stared at my reflection on the rearview mirror. It was not me. I deleted the first video.
I decided to go home. Nakayuko lang ako habang naglalakad. Mabibigat ang mga paghakbang na ginagawa ko. Ni hindi ko nga napansin na nakapasok na pala ako sa loob.
Sumikip ang paghinga ko nung mapagtanto na wala pa rin si Kristan. Hindi na ba talaga siya babalik? Sinukuan na ba talaga niya ako?
Pagod na humiga ako sa sofa. Tumitig ako sa kisame.
Should I contact her?
No.
Malamang na marami na ngayong kumakausap sa kanya kaya hindi na niya kailangan ng isa pa. Saka mas marami namang nagmamahal sa kanya kaysa sa akin.
Not like I care.
Biglang tumunog ang cell phone ko. Madali akong bumangon para kunin ito sa loob ng purse ko. Sinagot ko agad ang tawag ni Hestia.
"Where are you?" she asked.
"Home. Why?"
"Huh? Hindi ka ba pupunta?"
"Saan?"
"Sinugod sa hospital si Kathlysse."
Natutop ako sa kinatatayuan.
"I am on my way there. Babalitaan na lang kita, Nath."
Pagka-end niya ng call ay nabitiwan ko ang cell phone ko. Panandalian akong natulala.
No. I didn't mean it this way.
It was not me.
I wanted to believe that it was not my intention, but this wouldn't happen if I didn't record a video. If I didn't upload it online.
Fuck!
It was me.
It was my fault.