Me, beginning this chapter: Oh word is this the chapter I give Sophie a breakdown? Oh huh it is well angst time.
Also to be as non-spoilery as possible, the newest character to be introduced will be using both he/him and se/sym/syr/syrs/symself pronouns
Warnings: Censored swearing, breakdown
"Okay," Sophie began, sliding into her seat. "It's Fitz's day off, Biana's off doing her own thing, so it's just you and I today. Work starts in about half an hour, and we need a plan for later. We can't just leave Marella and Linh to do all the research for us."
"When's your day off, Foster?" Keefe asked, unhelpfully.
She rolled her eyes. "That is not the part that we should be focusing on."
"Well, what are we supposed to do? What the hell are humans supposed to know about sirens?"
"Oh!" she gasped, sliding back out of her chair. "I'll be right back!"
She ran up to her room and grabbed her laptop, then ran back and put it on the table. Once it was loaded, she began typing.
"Sirens have been in contact with humans, that's why we have myths about them," she said.
"You're going to read about random sh*t that humans made up about us?"
"Nope! We're going to read the "random sh*t" that humans have mentioned. You can tell me which stuff is right or wrong."
They groaned. "What the hell would they know that we wouldn't?"
She shrugged. "That's what we're trying to find out. Besides, they can inspire us."
They began reading through several articles, and like Keefe had expected, they mostly consisted of nonsense. (It felt so strange now, knowing what she did, just a few days ago, that same nonsense was what she'd believed). Every once in a while though, Sophie managed to find something that was actually accurate. The problem though, was that the information that was accurate was stuff that they already knew.
"Ugh, not the hunters again," Keefe muttered.
"What?"
They turned the screen towards her. It was a poorly designed website, but the contents were what stood out. A group known as the Neverseen were trying to recruit people to join their cause so they could capture a siren and prove to the world that sirens truly did exist.
"There are siren hunters?" she asked.
"Yeah, and they're not fun. They're not common, but they're really annoying. One of them almost got me once. Not sure if those people were the 'Neverseen' though, I didn't even realize they had names for themselves."
She read through the website, wondering if the group was going to be a threat or not. "Oh sh*t, the Neverseen is in this city!"
"We're gonna have to tell Marella and Linh about this. They're both careful people, but they should know anyway."
"So we're gonna go meet them today too?"
"They'll be out of the area for today. We'll see them tomorrow."
"Okay." She checked the time, and realized that their shift started in seven minutes. She bookmarked the page and then closed her laptop. "Well, we've got work to do, we'll do more research later."
"Hey Foster, you've refreshed yourself with water, right?"
"Crap! I forgot about that!" she yelled, already running upstairs. "If my parents ask, tell them I'll be back in time!"
She quickly prepared the bathtub and went inside, hoping that this little bit would be enough to last her the shift. She couldn't believe that she'd forgotten- actually, she could, but this was something major. She couldn't afford to be fainting abruptly again like last time.
She set a timer on her phone so she wouldn't lose track of time, and it was a good thing too, because she nearly did that, too focused on the shiny red scales from her tail.
"Is everything okay?" Grady asked when she came down the stairs.
"Oh yeah, went to use the washroom," she replied. "It's all fine now." She turned to Keefe, partially to redirect the conversation. "Are you ready for your first day of customer service without Fitz here?"
"Yep!" they replied. "I'm sure it'll be fine without Fitzy! Just talk to the people, ask you, and then you deliver."
She nodded. "Great."
She walked to the front door and flipped the sign, showing that Havenfield Flowers was now open.
~•~•~•~•~•
"Oh, what's that?" Fitz asked. "Are you drawing?"
Keefe nodded. "Yeah."
"It looks good. Do you draw often?" he asked.
They shrugged. "First time I've been drawing in a long time. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that I was an artist or something in my previous life."
Previous life, Sophie thought. Keefe had a normal, human life before they'd been turned into a siren. What had they been doing before? Did they have friends and family who cherished them, until something had happened to push them to the point of accepting a siren's offer? Did they have a hobby, or hopes and dreams?
"Your drawing kind of looks like Sophie," Fitz pointed out. "Her grey sweater and everything."
"What if I said it was her?" they asked.
Sophie jolted out of her thoughts, and stared back and forth between Keefe's drawing and Keefe. Fitz was right, it did look like her, with her grey sweater and heartbroken expression, along with a blue swirl shaped like a heart on her chest. Huh, so that was what a broken heart looked like to a siren. But why draw that so openly?
"I'd be concerned," Fitz replied, not noticing the look on Sophie's face. "I mean, she looks like she's given up on the world, as if she's trying to escape. It hurts to imagine her in such a position."
And to think, that was what had really happened. I thought you didn't want to be around me anymore, but you do. He was still close with her, as if that moment had never happened. Was I just overthinking things that day? Did I really not trust in the relationship I had with him? Did I-
"So, Fitzy, should I draw you in my next drawing?" Keefe asked. "I'm sure I should be able to capture your look well."
"I mean, sure?" Fitz laughed nervously. "I'd love to see more of your drawings, just wasn't expecting it to be of me."
Sophie paid extra attention to their words, grounding herself as best as she could.
"What do you think, Foster, do you think I can draw him well?"
If she looked closely, she could see a concerned look on their face. There was no way that they hadn't noticed that something was going on in her heart, and was including her in the conversation to help distract her.
"I'm sure you could," she said. "You draw really well considering it's been so long. I mean, the other day you were struggling to use a spoon, so the fact that you can draw a circle so well is surprising."
"Hey!" they shrieked.
Fitz covered his mouth, trying and failing to hide his laugh. "Really?"
She nodded.
"Look, sometimes you just have those 'I need to readjust to being human days' okay?" Keefe defended.
"Y'know what, understandable," she conceded. In more ways than one.
~•~•~•~•~•
"So what were all those drawings about?" Sophie asked while she and Keefe were on their way to see Marella and Linh, the next day.
"I was bored and couldn't sleep. Heard that drawing's a good way to remember."
"Well, did it work?"
"I mean, I guess? I'm remembering the events better, but nothing that I remembered is useful."
She sighed. "Well, hope we get something soon."
"Yeah, me too. I feel like I'm so close to some kind of revelation, but there's something off about that drawing of you in the water, and I can't tell what it is."
"Most of what happened on my end was a blur, but I'll try and figure out if there's something I can remember too."
Once they arrived at the meeting spot, they waited for Linh and Marella to arrive. After a few minutes, they came.
"Okay, so we've got some news," both Sophie and Marella said.
"You go first, ours will take a while to explain," Marella said.
"There's siren hunters nearby," she told them. "They've been hanging out in the area, and have been looking for people to help them."
"Sh*t," Marella cursed.
Linh looked terrified, and ve held ver hand in ver other one. Not for the first time, ve was holding ver wrist. "Last time there were hunters, my brother and I were separated."
Ve let go of ver wrist, and Sophie could see words written on it. Tam. It seemed to be a tattoo, probably the only thing ve had remaining from ver old life. (And maybe ver brother too).
"Was Tam your brother?" Sophie asked.
Ve nodded slowly. "I don't... I don't know what happened to sym. I don't know if se was captured, or if se was injured or if se..." ve trailed off. "Anyways, is that all the news that you have for us?"
Sophie nodded, willing to change the conversation. "What do you have for us?"
"It isn't definite or anything or anything," Marella said, "But it's a theory. Sophie, how much do you remember from that day? Not physically, but mentally."
Sophie closed her eyes and tried to imagine that moment. That heart wrenching sorrow, the sense of crushing fear. There was Keefe's song, luring her. "I really wanted to go through with the contract. But I thought of my memories, and I realized that I didn't want to let go of them."
Marella nodded. "Okay, that's what I was thinking. Happy memories, right?"
"Yeah."
"The siren's song is designed to remind the listener of their sorrow," Linh said. "You were able to remind yourself of the memories that mattered to you."
"Happy memories," Keefe mumbled, and the three of them turned to face them. "Happy thoughts make the heart glow yellow." Their eyes widened. "There was yellow light when I kissed her!"
Sophie couldn't help but wince at the reminder that the contract was sealed by a kiss. "If I was happy though, wouldn't the curse no longer be able to transfer to me?"
Linh hummed. "If you had a few minutes to let it sink in, maybe. But your sorrows weren't erased."
"So what does this mean?" she asked.
"I think that your happy thoughts were able to counter the curse, but not completely," Marella stated. "You know how it's all a cycle, right?"
She nodded, then moved her hands to display the cycle of how a human and siren would transform.
"Yeah, exactly!" Marella said, swimming closer to her. She reached for Sophie's wrists, only for seafoam to appear, blocking the contact. "Crap." Marella moved so her hands were beside Sophie's. "You've got some siren features, and Keefe's got some human features."
Sophie stared, feeling that she was really close to understanding the point, but not quite.
"Good news Foster," Keefe began, nervous. "We know what we're dealing with, and we won't be stuck in this weird human-siren hybrid. Bad news, all it means is that the effects of the curse have been delayed."
Delayed... delayed... "So I'm going to transform into a siren?" She couldn't even find the energy to yell. "I'm going to lose all my memories and permanently become a siren."
The other three stayed silent.
"Hey, Foster, listen, okay? We're going to find a way to stop this, okay?" They leaned forward to put their arms on her shoulders, only for seafoam to separate them both.
It was just another reminder of her situation. She'd be doomed to wander alone eternally, until she cursed someone else to have the same fate. Considering Keefe didn't have their memories back from before, it meant that she wouldn't get her memories back even if she did pass on the curse to someone else.
Breathe. Just breathe.
"We'll find a way," she repeated, though the words sounded hollow to her ears. "It was nice seeing you both again, but Keefe and I will get going."
"Bye Sophie, bye Keefe," Linh said. "I'm sorry for all of this."
"We'll find a way," she repeated. Maybe if she repeated it enough, it would become the truth.
We'll find a way... we'll find a way...
~•~•~•~•~•
"So, what do you feel about game night right now?" Biana asked, after Sophie and Keefe arrived home. "Mario Kart?"
Keefe spoke, "Uh, Biana, I don't think Fos-"
"Sure," she interrupted. "Why not?" Maybe it'd be a distraction. She could even let out her feelings and blame it on the game. "We can give Keefe Dex's controller if they want to play, since he isn't here."
Keefe looked at Sophie, and she assumed that they were looking at her heart. They seemed reluctant, but agreed.
But no matter how much she willed it, she couldn't ignore the fact that these moments with her friends would be the last that she'd have. Fitz's shout as Biana passed him with the aid of a red shell, Keefe's shriek as they came last place, she'd be losing everything. Edaline and Grady delivered desserts to their room, and instead of gleefully indulging in them like she normally did, she chewed slowly, her appetite near non-existent. She'd be losing her parents too.
"You've been doing worse lately," Fitz teased. "At this rate Keefe might pass you."
"Hey, shut up!" Keefe whined. "I'm new to this!"
The words from all her friends were like static in her mind, the zooming map a blur of colours.
"Okay, easy," Biana whispered, gently prying the controller from her hands. Sophie blinked up at her. "You've been driving into that wall for thirty seconds now. Let's wrap up early today."
"You're only saying this now because you just won the race and passed me," Fitz joked. "Seriously though, I agree. Sophie, you look like you need some sleep. Do you want us to sleep over?"
She shook her head, meeting his gaze fully. She couldn't find the energy to care about how hard it was to make eye contact, nor about how beautiful his teal eyes were.
"Okay, girls talk," Biana declared. "Both of you, out!"
Fitz and Keefe got up without complaint, though both of them lingered at the doorway. Biana waved them out.
"Hey, you okay?" Biana asked.
Sophie nodded weakly. Even she could tell that it wasn't convincing.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
She shook her head. Even if she did do that, where would she begin? What would Biana even be able to do about her situation?
"Do you want me to call your parents over?"
She shook her head even harder. She couldn't even bring herself to tell them about this. How could she? Her parents were doing so much better than they had when they first adopted her, how could she ruin that by telling them?
"Do you feel okay if I braid your hair?"
She thought about it, then nodded. Biana moved to sit behind her on the bed. She closed her eyes and focused on the feeling of Biana's fingers in her hair.
"Did any of us cause this?" Biana asked.
She hummed a "no."
"Did something happen?"
She hummed again.
"Will getting rest make it better?"
She hummed in affirmation, though it was a lie.
"It's getting late now. Is it okay if I leave?"
She hummed in affirmation again. "Thank you," she whispered.
"We'll be checking up on you tomorrow. Good night Sophie."
"Good night."
Sophie took a bath, hoping to relax, but it only made her more tense as she shifted into her siren form. She should have just taken a shower, it'd be better than this, it'd be better than having to be a siren. How long would it take until the effects of the curse would affect her? How long did she have?
Despite it all though, despite having the privacy to let it all out, it just wouldn't come out. Her head hurt, her heart ached, but she couldn't find it in herself to cry or scream. If she screamed, someone would hear her.
She tried going to sleep after, but sleep wouldn't come. All she could think of was the life that she had, and how she would lose it. She genuinely liked her life, she was happy. She had parents who loved her. While she didn't have many friends, the ones she had were loyal and supportive and they loved her.
What would happen to them? They'd be broken and torn with grief. If she told them the truth, they'd blame Keefe. Maybe they were technically responsible, but she couldn't find it in herself to blame them. How could she, when they were just trying to survive? They'd begun to build a new life for themself, she wouldn't want to take that chance away from them.
What... just what am I supposed to do now?
Her hands were clammy with sweat and her forehead burned hot. She felt nauseous being in her room, so she grabbed her sweater and left her room. Quietly, she left the house, hoping that the cool autumn air would make her feel better. It did help, but only marginally, it wasn't enough.
Her footsteps traced a familiar path, and she ended up at the shore where her and Keefe would go into the water. Was this a good spot to be alone? Sophie looked around; no, it was brighter than she'd thought it'd be, maybe even close to sunrise. People would wake up soon. She needed more space for herself.
The only place Sophie could get privacy though was the water. She looked down at her legs; being in her siren form was the last thing she wanted. But there was a place she could go, there was that piece of land that she'd washed up on the day she met Keefe. Lots of space, outside, no people around- it was perfect.
She swam there, moving as fast as she could. She needed to be out of the water. Once she was on land, she stumbled her way to the cave and practically collapsed. It was a little tiring, but it seemed to be enough that she couldn't find the strength to push down her feelings anymore.
Her emotions kept rising and rising like a raging storm, enough to overpower the sound of the water. She closed her eyes and just screamed, screamed until she ran out of breath before taking another to do it again. Tears streamed down her face as her screams quieted down into sobs. Her voice went silent after some time, but her body still shook from the force of her sobs.
Blindly, she pulled her legs to fold in front of her and gripped them tightly. If she held onto them enough, her legs would stay as her legs. They wouldn't change. She'd stay as a human, she wouldn't be a siren. She'd be a normal human and stay with her human family with all her memories and she wouldn't lose them. She'd grow old and take care of her parents when they couldn't take care of themselves anymore and she and Fitz would run the flower shop together and she'd have game night with her friends and things would be perfectly fine! Perfectly! Fine!
"Sophie," a soft voice whispered.
"Sophie."
Sophie opened her eyes, letting her eyes adjust to the world that was supposed to only consist of her. Keefe was kneeling down in front of her, close, but enough to give her a little space.
"Why are you here?" she mumbled, her voice a mere rasp. "Go away."
"It's morning now Foster," they whispered. "Everybody woke up and we couldn't find you in the house. It scared the crap out of us all."
Sophie turned towards the entrance of the cave, and sure enough, it was bright.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled. "It's just that..."
"I know. You don't want to lose them. I get it. I've known them for less than a week and it'd hurt me to be separated from all of you. I can't imagine what it'd be like for you, when you've loved them for so long."
"I don't want to leave them." She reached out for Keefe's hand and squeezed it. They squeezed back, and despite the fact that their hand was freezing cold, it sent a small warmth through her very being.
"It's not over yet. I know this won't mean much, but we're going to find a way to prevent this, okay? If there was a way to delay the curse, then there has to be a way to prevent it entirely. We're going to find a way, me, you, Linh, Marella, all of us."
The earnest look on their face made her want to stare, the conviction in their eyes made her want to believe. She looked away, conscious by how close the two of them were.
"Okay," she breathed. "Okay. We'll find a way." This time, the words gave her a little bit of hope. "Let's go home, and then we'll find some answers."
"There we go Foster, let's head home." They got up and extended a hand towards her, and she took it.
They would find a way.