Please read this:
Honestly, I've been so nervous to post this chapter because of two main reasons. One, this is a vent chapter. Please don't read too much into it, and don't make my problems your own. I can deal with them just as much as you can mind your own business. My life, my decisions. Two, this also deals with my father's issues as well. He is okay with people knowing, and don't assume that I am clueless on what he is going through. I've known him my whole life and you have not. I know how his illness works and how he thinks, and it is different for everyone. And just letting everyone know, he is okay. He has his ups and downs, and is currently doing as good as ever. Now please don't make a big deal out of it. It's my life. Not yours.
Don't worry about me or my family. I'm ok and they're just as ok. We are all safe and happy and out of harms way. Thanks.
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I'm warning you, this chapter can be very upsetting for some people. If you're sensitive to smoking, suicidal thoughts, or things of that nature, please don't read this.
This story also uses my name in it instead of 'Y/N', so if you have a problem with that, I'm sorry. Read something else.
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It was late. She should've been in bed hours ago. But it was hard. All she could think about was her real father. How he was sick; mentally. There was nothing she could do about it, you see. All one could do was give him medicine, therapy sessions, and hope for the best. For her whole life, all she could remember was her caring for him, trying to come up with solutions to make him happy again, even if she knew they weren't possible. It was so strange, his illness was. One day he could be at his lowest, wondering if life is even worth living, then another day he would be at his highest, wondering how he could ever think such thoughts. It was so stressful, since she had to deal with it.
Then again, she loved her father more than life itself. She would give up anything and everything just for him, since he had done the same for her. He was an incredible man, don't get things wrong, but he wasn't quite compassionate. One day he would worry about his daughter, then the next day, he would forget that her pain even existed, or just didn't do anything about it. Not like he meant to though. Her father was the only person she could really talk to. Now that she moved to The Umbrella Academy, that wasn't the case anymore. Her father had already forgotten about her. She had no one.
The low sound of a clock ticking was audible over the sound of the dull sound of harmonious music echoed through the academy on a Saturday evening. During the weekends, the children were free to do whatever they pleased, but had a few exceptions, thanks to Reginald. For example: the 9:30 pm curfew, no sneaking out at night, no lighting things on fire in your room (thanks Klaus)... So really it wasn't that bad. Until this specific night, those rules took a toll on Taylor.
Her throat was painfully tightened from trying to hold back sobs, the stars outside of her window placed by her bed turned into long strands of light, reaching just behind her vision. A shiver crept up her spine as a gust of wind traveled from the air conditioning and swept up her bed. Not like she cared. Today, she had nothing but time to do whatever, so she went on her phone to look at social media. Taylor followed her father on instagram, and saw posts of him explaining how he couldn't take much more. It was well known how he deals with stress. What was even worse, was that one of her family members died, and he didn't take loss well either. This is going to be so hard on him. Oh god.
Nothing was right anymore. Her world was collapsing. He was at a low point right now, and it was way worse than the other times he has had. It worried her to no end, and for the rest of the day, she would stare off into space, wondering what was going to happen next. Was she going to get a call from the hospital once again? Was she going to receive text messages from his wife stating that they aren't going to stay together once again? Every single stress factor was put on her shoulders so she could deal with it too. She needed an escape for once. That was when she had an idea. She knew all and well she was going to regret it in the long run, but just this one night, maybe she would try something new.
Her ears were filled with the dulcet tones flowing through the cracks of her door, and she knew it was Klaus. It was usually at 3 in the morning he would turn up his music loudly and get higher than the buildings of New York. Klaus, turn the music down, and stop smoking that shit! It's bad for your lungs. But Taylor~ it's called 3 am vibes! Care to join me? Sorry, I don't smoke. Thanks. She should've accepted his offer. Maybe he would tonight?
The wooden floors creaked as she swiftly crawled out of bed, and made her way down the hallway. Each of the kids' rooms were dark and quiet. Small wires traveled out of them, and into Reginald's office. Most likely he was still up experimenting on the kids like he regularly did, so she had to change her pace into carefully planned tip toes. A dim light illuminated from his room, and her heart beat painfully in her chest. Was she really about to do this? Maybe it was for the best. It will make her forget for a while at least. Don't think about the future, and the consequences. Just get it over with.
The voices in Taylor's head broke out into a protest when she cracked open Klaus's door, finding him slightly hanging off his bed upside down, with a joint hanging from his lips. His eyes were closed, and his feet danced to the music. It smelt horrid in his room, but she ignored it as she approached him.
"Klaus?" Taylor whispered, trying not to startle him.
Klaus's eyes opened, and he whirled around to prop his body up on his elbows with a grin. "Taylor! What's up, my favorite sibling?" Even though she just moved in, Klaus already considered her a part of the family. He knew that she didn't really have much of one before, so he tried his best to make her childhood up for her. It seemed as though he was the only one who truly cared for her, besides Five. Let's not get into much detail about him.
She didn't respond as she sat next to him, and her eyes froze in a tired daze. For a moment, she had forgotten why she was there in the first place, until Klaus asked, "Is everything okay?"
When she looked at him, he had already sat up in a criss-cross, and was facing towards her in a relaxed manner. Just the way he was sitting made her feel comfortable enough to open up to him, but this time, she didn't. Recently, she didn't know how.
"Remember the time when you offered me a hit?" Taylor avoided the question. She came to realize that she needed this as soon as possible. Her thoughts were growing worse again. Not just about her dad, but about everything.
A pause. "I think I do." His dark curls fell onto his face when he cocked his head. "Why? Are you taking up on my offer?"
"N-no. I mean, yes. Wait, l-like I mean..." Words stumbled out of her mouth before she could even bother forming a sentence, and he found it humorous. White smoke puffed through his mouth when he laughed.
"I'm guessing you're trying to say yes?"
Taylor's mumbling paused, and she looked down and nodded. She felt ashamed; however, she was with her best friend, so it didn't matter. Well, would everything matter here soon?
His hand slightly shook as he reached up to take the weed out of his mouth, and he continued. "Now, I'm not trying to encourage you to start, girlfriend, but if this is what you want, you need to commit to it." The bed shifted as he reached down to grab a metal box, what seemed to be an Umbrella Academy lunch box, from underneath his bed. He popped it open, and it revealed all different kinds of shit he collected for himself to use then or later. It was a surprise he was even willing to share.
"If dad ever asks, it wasn't me who made you start." He laughed quietly to himself, as he watched her scan the drugs quietly. Which fate do you want to choose? A voice in her mind asked her over and over again. She eventually chose.
Her hand reached down to a small, rectangular box which had a ridiculous sticker of a coke logo that stated 'drink cokaine' on it, and Taylor internally laughed at it. (I actually made that up and I've never felt more proud of myself). She held it up to Klaus for his approval, and he nodded. "Take it. I don't vape anymore. Vaping is way~ out of my days."
She hung her head low, her blonde hair spilling over her face covering her eyes. Her legs wobbled as she stood up to slowly walk away. Once she reached the door, Klaus stopped her. "Y'know, doing drugs isn't a permanent solution to problems, it's just temporary. Until you do it for a while, then it becomes an actual issue added to your list. You'd have to deal with that one too." For a moment, Taylor let his words sink in, but she didn't dwell on them too much when he added, "Nothing terrible lasts forever, Taylor. But some things last a while, and it's nice to have someone there by your side at times. I'm here if you need me."
Nothing terrible lasts forever... She looked back at her best friend, and saw him in the exact same position he was in the time she entered his room. That was her cue to leave, and she did. But she left the room with a vape. I'm so going to regret this. But do I care? Not really.
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Taylor was coughing and gasping for air once she took the first hit of her drug. White smoke puffed out with each cough, and it slightly clouded her vision, stinging her hazel eyes. She had never done this before. She knew it was a bad idea in the first place. But what was left for her anyway? Her dad was gone somewhere, she had no family, but she had Klaus. Klaus was the only person that she truly cared about at the moment. He knew everything that she was thinking, as she did with him. It was as if they were the same person, but reversed. They were there for each other through the ups and downs, and never judged each other. He gave me a vape... That was what friends were for, right?
Something inside her ached, and her hand involuntarily brought the drug up to her lips again. The addictive nicotine clouded inside her lungs, and she breathed out without coughing. It was terrifying, but at the same time... thrilling. No matter what she did, she couldn't set the vape down. Not after 30 minutes, she was almost as high as Klaus was when she visited him (I don't know if you can get high by vaping, but idk let's just say you can if you actually can't).
A soft knock was heard at the door, and Taylor's eyes widened from panic. She scrambled on her bed to get her vape underneath her pillow as quickly as possible, and she waved the cloud of smoke away from her face. "Come in." Her first thought was Klaus coming back to retrieve his vape, feeling guilty that he'd given it to her, but no. It took her by surprise when she saw Five shuffle into the room, his eyes half closed from sleepiness and his hair was ruffled in his face. She almost found it adorable, but she couldn't even trust her own thoughts at that moment.
"I saw your room light on, and I wanted to check up on you." The boy brought his hand up to his mouth and yawned. "Are you okay?" His voice was laced with fatigue, causing it to drop an octave.
"I'm alright, yeah. Just fine." Her mouth pulled into a tight grin. All she wanted to happen was for him to leave the room, even if he was her friend. He was just trying to be nice, so she didn't say anything else.
"You smile when you lie." Five approached the bed, appearing fully awake now. What could possibly seem so interesting about her, that you wanted to ask if she was okay? She was just as insignificant as everyone else in this lonesome city.
"So what?" She giggled, even if the comment wasn't funny whatsoever. Everything felt so funny. Like her world was on drugs too. Clouds surrounded her, and she felt like she was floating. "Why do you care?"
The bed springs creaked as Five plopped down beside her. "Because I have the right to worry. You act like your feelings don't hold any significance, or aren't valid. That isn't true, and you should know that."
A slight blush creeped up the back of her neck, and she coughed vigorously. "Because they don't. Don't you see how the others look at me? I'm a burden." It felt as if her head weighed 100 tons, and her body tilted back to lay her down on the bed.
The boy stared at her with his bright green eyes. "Not to me you aren't."
Taylor giggled at him, and he furrowed his eyebrows at her, as if he was trying to solve a puzzle of some sort. In a way, he was. "Did Klaus give you something?"
"What? No~" Her short, blonde hair whipped side to side when she shook her head. "I'm just in a good mood. I promise." The girl slowly shifted to her pillow so Five wouldn't accidentally happen upon her vape. As he observed her, the crease between his eyebrows deepened.
"You do realize that some vapes have an odor, right Taylor?"
Before she could react, Five's arms wrapped around Taylor's waist, and he whirled her around to pin her down onto the opposite side of the mattress. The action made butterflies erupt from her stomach, but she ignored them. She knew his intentions, and it calmed her down. What didn't calm her down was the fact that her body was now facing the pillow, and her eyes widened with genuine fear.
"I didn't-"
Five's body got off of hers, and his hand reached underneath her pillow, searching for the drug. When his hand wrapped around the device, his expression was surprisingly saddened. Five wasn't the one to go "soft" on anyone, until it came to Taylor. At some points, he hated himself for it. The last thing he wanted to happen was to show someone how vulnerable he could be. After being stuck in the apocalypse, everyone thought he grew up to be a cold hearted, uncompassionate, cruel human being. Taylor was the only one that could see past his hardened heart. Something about that attracted Five to her like no other.
His eyes hooded and his voice grew gentle as he spoke to himself, "Fuck, I couldn't see that she was hurting this whole fucking time..." It seemed as his voice echoed through the room, and his face began to glow slightly. She was way too high.
"I don't get a thing you're saying, Mr. Five." Taylor's head tilted back in a joyous laugh at the name she called him, but Five didn't laugh. He just stared at her; his eyes slowly started to gleam with emotion.
When she calmed down, his arms wrapped around her waist once again, but not to tackle her, but to hug her. She flinched slightly at the action, but slowly warmed up to him, and wrapped her arms around his neck. Not in a long time has she touched another human being, and it was like she was learning physical contact all over again.
Five's muffled voice apologized, "I'm so sorry that I didn't see it."
Her eyes flew open in a panic, and darted her gaze to the room that held the two. "See what?" Once she found nothing, she turned back to Five, and found him to the point of tears. Nothing clicked in her fried brain, as if the dots weren't connecting; a broken puzzle, perhaped. Though, it didn't seem to matter to her anymore. Her world was falling apart in every possible way. If she got high just this once, maybe it would gather up the broken pieces of her life and sloppily put them back together. Even she couldn't lie to herself, and she just knew that would work.
"What made you start? Please, I want to try to fix it; whatever it is." Five still tried, practically begging Taylor.
At that moment, all the humor left her system. It was as if she were made of thin ice, and someone came up and tapped the icy layer, causing her to completely fall apart. Piece by piece. Every problem she had to deal with shattering beneath her, leaving her broken. "No." Her voice broke into sobs. The girl embraced him once again, and hid her face in his neck. "It's all bad, Five. Everything is bad. My dad is suicidal. Everyone I know that's closest to me is dying left and right. I am not accepted in my family. I can't pay attention in school, and I'm getting bad grades. My toxic friend is lowering my self esteem so badly. Despite her, I have no friends! I am all alone. I'm alone!" Her voice shook terribly, almost making it impossible to tell what she was saying. What made it even harder was that her voice was muffled due to speaking in the crook of his neck. But Five understood, and kept quiet as she carried on and on.
As she spoke, she noticed his hands sliding up and under her long sleeves, feeling her arms for some reason. It took her a second to realize what he was doing, and when she did, she cried even more. "I'm thinking about it, too. I really am. What even is the fucking point of living anymore!"
"Shh, Taylor." He gently shushed her. His hand came up and rubbed her back. "Take deep breaths for me, okay? Can you do that love?" Above all the sadness she was experiencing, her heart gave a little flutter at the nickname. But just as quickly as it started, it went back to beating harshly, painfully in her chest. As if he felt it, Five began to take long, deep breaths, telling her to copy him.
Slowly, she breathed in and out, calming down a fraction. "Good. I'm so proud of you, you know that?" No one has ever told her that. It actually took her by surprise. The last time anyone has ever told her this was when she turned in her last report card, before the bad grades. Her dad beamed at her, and said, I'm so proud of you! Keep up the good work. That was so long ago. The only reason why people even say such things is when she acted good, did good on tests, or smiled pretty for occasions. Just what they want too. A perfect daughter that is happy and smart and good enough. If they figured out what was going on in that moment, they would not be proud. They would be disappointed.
And that's why Taylor kept such things a secret. She wanted to make her family happy, even when she wasn't. She'll keep this up for as long as she has to, if that is what it takes to see her family, her father... smile.
"No." She replied honestly. "I don't know."
"Taylor..." Slowly, Five pulled away to peer at the girl. At this point, she didn't even care what she looked like. If she looked like a drug addict (In which she most likely will be one soon), so be it. "You have been through so much. It isn't good to hide your struggles. It'll slowly become worse if you don't talk to someone about it. But if you don't feel like it, the best that someone could do is explain that they're there for you. And it kills me that no one has told you such before." The one hand that was still caressing her arm moved up to hold her cheek. "I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. You deserve the world, but the world doesn't deserve you. You're so strong for making it each day. And my angel, I'll remind you every. single. day. that you are."
"Do you mean it?" The girl asked in a shaky voice.
"Every word." He promised.
Something clicked inside of her. After all this time, all of the years of being alone in the academy, and being his friend... She loved him. With everything she had, she loved him. And she somehow had to express it right then and there. Like getting it out of her system.
Without a second thought, she leaned up and pressed her lips against his, causing his eyes to widen drastically. Fear flowed through her veins once he didn't kiss back. Maybe he didn't feel the same way. What if she scared him? She pulled away with a pained expression, and looked away. "I-I'm so sorry. I didn't m-mean to. You should just leave-"
Suddenly, his hand guided her face toward his, and he quickly kissed back to shut her up. Maybe all that happened was just a fever dream? She was probably in her bed, fast asleep with dried tears gathered at the corners of her eyes. The academy was quiet and dark, and in the morning, it would continue to be. But no. Everything around her was bright. Klaus's loud music flowed into her room, and lit up the stars outside that twinkled above them. Energy traveled from her head to her feet as she kissed Five back, not giving a damn in the world. He meant what he said. He meant it. And she knew this too.
Five's hand pressed against her waist, pulling her closer to him as his lips danced on hers. Her hands went up to his messy hair, and played with strands of it. Everything she did, she made sure to be careful. As if she was trying to not scare him off. This moment was too perfect for it to be ruined by her antics.
The 100 pound weight settled over Taylor's head once again, and she began to lean sideways to lay down on the bed. To her surprise, Five chased after her, and laid on top of her, his lips never leaving hers. Kissing someone was something she had never done before, and out of curiosity, she opened her eyes to view Five. His green eyes were shut, and his long dark eyelashes rested lightly on his cheeks. The sight made her blush. His eyes were always something that left the girls on the streets cooing at him. It made her cringe, honestly. But Five now being hers, she gladly pushed the thought of the fan girls aside.
Something hard pressed up against her arm, and she moved slightly to see her vape resting beside her. I need it. It honestly is the worst time to take another hit, she thought. But maybe-
Her thoughts were interrupted as she felt Five grab the drug and throw it across the room. It hit the wall and fell pitifully onto the small carpet that took up a fourth of her room. She broke away to whine, "Five no."
He brushed his lips against hers to silence her, and he responded hoarsely, "I'm sorry, love. I just want you to be healthy."
Without responding, she roughly slammed her lips onto his, obviously angry at him. He pushed back but was still as gentle as he was before. Five still tried being sweet to her, even if it just meant kissing, and she slowly gave up on being rude about it. She knew he was trying his hardest to get her to feel better.
Slowly, the make out session came to an end and their lips parted with small gasps. The two stared into each other's eyes, and Taylor was intoxicated by his beauty. How could one look so impossibly beautiful? It didn't make sense to her.
"I think I should go to bed." Five murmured quietly. The girl reluctantly nodded, and slightly frowned. It saddened her that he had to leave, and him as well. Though, if Sir Reginald found Five in her room, there would be major consequences.
It was hard letting go of him and watching his head lean away, taking his addicting lips with him. He lifted himself carefully off of her body, and she chased after him with a tight hug. The brunette laughed quietly, and ran his fingers through her short hair. "Get some sleep, darling. You need it."
"But I can't sleep. I won't be able to." She whispered, her voice laced with emotion. "You'll be gone."
Five took a deep breath, and exhaled it through his nose. It was clear he was contemplating something. "Well, I don't trust you to not use that shit my brother gave you. Either that or you could just walk into his room again and find something else to get addicted to."
She stayed silent, soaking up all of his words. What he said was true. Her craving had somehow gotten worse in the matter of minutes, and she had to find a way to prevent anything from happening. She gave into things so easily; she was helpless.
Leisurely, he laid down on his side, and gestured for her to lay down as well. And she did so with no hesitations. The silk fabric of his pajamas pressed up against her cheek as she rested her head on his chest that moved slowly with each deep breath. Five's fingers ran soothingly up and down her back, rubbing her gently. And with a shift of the white sheets and a soft click, the air around her turned to black nothingness.
Taylor grabbed the end of her soft, light purple blanket and pulled it upward to cover their cold bodies, and she nuzzled closer to him. "Thank you." She whispered hoarsely into the gloomy room, not expecting a response. The appreciative comment that was ever so quietly said meant much more than ever before. And when she had allowed the words to escape her lips, it was silent. But she received a response, sweeter than the very definition of life itself:
"Of course."