"Gentleman, 36, of strong moral character, seeks to meet a respectable woman with object of matrimony. Must be willing to travel west and unafraid of work. Details and address with editor."
Bored, I lowered the newspaper just enough to look over the top. "Must I read all the advertisements?" I asked.
"Please do. I like to hear them. I think that anyone who advertises for a bride must be very brave, and the least I can do is read it." Mother paused to cough into her handkerchief. I tossed aside the paper to lean forward, but she waved me away before I could offer any help. "Eliza, there is nothing you can do."
The words were like a stab to the heart just because I knew they were true. The last time Dr. Peters had visited, he'd left Mother's bedroom with a grave expression and gone straight to John. Though my older brother hadn't informed me what they'd talked about, the blood Mother tried to hide in her handkerchief every time she coughed told me all I needed to know.
Consumption was taking my mother from me and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
Just to have something to do, I smoothed the quilt that lay over her lap. It was one she had put together with her mother before she was married. I loved the brilliant colors and the tiny stitches that held it all together.
"What do you find so amusing in the advertisements?" I asked, finding my voice. I bent down to pick up the newspaper and began to put the pages in order. Once upon a time, I might have teased her about searching for a wealthy husband to replace my father, but Papa's death was too...raw for such jests.
"What isn't amusing about them? They give me a great deal to think about. What kind of life have they had? What life partner do they eventually find from their advertisement?"
"Why can they not find a wife among their neighbors?" I couldn't help but ask. "How many of these are just like those frauds that the newspapers have reported on? People out to trick others and take their money?"
Mother tutted reprovingly, color returning to her cheeks slower than I liked. "Elizabeth Marie! You cannot ascribe one person's bad motives to everyone else. What an unkind thought. I dare say it is just as unkind as those who wonder why a young lady from a good family has not chosen a husband from her neighbors."
My cheeks flushed at the reminder and rebuke. At twenty-nine, I'd often heard such a question from other ladies in town and resented every word. Never mind that many of the young men of my generation had not returned home after the war.
"I'm sorry," I managed to say. "I didn't mean..."
Reaching over, Mother patted my hand. "I know you meant no harm, but someone else might not understand that" she said soothingly. She would have continued, but again, she was overcome with a coughing fit.
I dropped my eyes, unable to stomach watching helplessly. Finally, she leaned her head back with an exhausted sigh. Without a word, I handed her a new, clean handkerchief and took the blood stained one from her.
"Well. Suffice to say, reading or hearing the advertisements takes my mind off of matters," she said quietly.
"Of course." I should not have remarked on it and just let her enjoy whatever she found joy or amusement in. I cleared my throat. "And what have you imagined about this 'Gentleman, 36?'"
A smile curved her lips and brightened her expression. "I imagine that he is one of those intrepid young men who went west to settle the land. Now that he has established himself, he wishes to share his life with a woman who has the same values as he does. That is why the lady who responds must be a hard worker and willing to travel west."
Goodness! She had put some thought into the matter and it had only been a few minutes since she had heard me read the advertisement.
"I shall pray he finds such a partner," I said as the floor on the other side of the bedroom door squeaked. "And that it is not some fraudulent scheme as I have read so much about."
Mother's eyes sparked with annoyance but before she could say anything, the door swung open. "How are you feeling, Mother Garrison?" John's wife, Angelica, swept in, her blue silk skirt brushing against the wood floor. "Oh, Elizabeth. I was wondering where you had hidden yourself. Mary Jane has been asking for you all morning."
Given that my niece was only a year old, I found this difficult to believe.
"Good morning, Angelica," Mother said, her voice becoming subdued. "I am very tired this morning. I did not sleep well, I'm afraid. Elizabeth has been reading the newspaper to me."
The admission surprised and worried me. Mother had always been one to maintain a strong front no matter what happened. She was feeling worse than ever if she would even say she was tired.
Angelica pursed her lips for a moment. "Perhaps you will feel more yourself if you were to get up for a bit, Mother dearest," she suggested, her tone sweet. "The children would dearly love to spend some time with you and I could use Molly's help in the kitchen."
Bristling, I leaned forward to tell her what I thought of that, but Mother's hand on my arm kept me silent. "You know how much I love seeing the children, but I fear I must follow Dr. Peters' advice," my mother said with perfect tranquility. "He believes it would be best if I remain in my bed without disturbance, you know."
There was a flash of emotion on my sister-in-law's face. Annoyance, perhaps? It came and went so quickly that I couldn't be sure. If my suspicion was correct, what right did she have to be annoyed when my mother was ill?
"Oh, of course, Mother Garrison," was what she said. "It's only that Dr. Peters is getting up in years. He may have old-fashioned ideas about one's health and what is best. In fact, I insist John send for another doctor who could give us his opinion."
"I do not need a second opinion." Mother's tone was patient, if a bit tired and sad. "Dr. Peters has assured me he has done all he can."
"I'll speak to John," Angelica said as if Mother hadn't spoken. "He will know what is best to do."
How my mother could remain so calm was a mystery. Angelica had taken over the house soon after Papa's funeral and was now ignoring mother's opinions! It took all of my self control not to snap at the woman. Surely she could show some empathy!
"Was there something you needed, Angelica?" I asked bluntly.
"What? Oh, no. If Mother Garrison needs you, I can manage on my own," my sister-in-law responded with a heavy sigh.
Why was it she always managed to sound like a victim? What had she done before she and John moved into the house? Surely she must have managed on her own or with the help of a maid!
"I'm sure you are doing an admirable job," Mother said with a pleasant smile. She turned her head to cough before she continued, "Your mother insisted you knew everything there was to know about managing a household and I know our house is not so different from the one and John had."
Angelica managed a smile, but she didn't look pleased. "Has John told you the good news?" she asked, changing the subject. Her brown eyes sparkled with sudden delight.
"Good news?" Mother repeated with interest. She glanced at me and I shrugged to indicat my ignorance on the matter. "No, I don't think he has. At least, he did not mention it to me this morning when he came up. What has happened?"
"Maryanne and Philip are to have their first child." Angelica clasped her hands together. "Oh, I hope I haven't spoiled the news. I thought John had a letter for you when he returned home last night. I just knew you would be as happy as John and I were to hear it."
My thoughts became conflicted. My younger sister was to be a mother? She'd been married just before our father had died, and we'd all felt glad she hadn't had to wait. It was the last happy memory of us all together before our family was fractured forever.
Mother coughed, her entire body shaking from the action. How frail she looked! Why couldn't Angelica let us have some peace?
"Eliza, perhaps you should go down and find the letter," my mother said, once she recovered herself. "I'm sorry John didn't think to bring it up with him this morning. He must have left it on the side table. We might have been able to discuss the details, Angelica."
"Oh, you know how busy he always is," Angelica said, waving her hand. "I'm sure Elizabeth doesn't mind an excuse to leave this room. She is always with you these days, Mother Garrison."
"It is a pleasure to help my mother," I informed her sharply as I stood up. What other barbs might my sister-in-law utter while I was away? The last thing I wanted to do was have my mother upset for no reason. It couldn't be good for her health.
"You're such a dutiful daughter," Angelica cooed, though the expression in her eyes was far from kind. "What a shame you have not had your own household. It is so selfless of you to give up your youth for your mother."
The tone of her voice made it sound as though this was a bad thing. I forced a smile, but didn't say anything. An argument, or strong discussion, would only distress Mother. When we were alone, I would...
Do what? Anything I said would inevitably be told to my brother and my brother would tell Mother. I would only come out as the villain if there was a confrontation.
I handed Mother the newspaper and strode to the hallway. Angelica remained. I heard her ask, "What were you two discussing when I came in?"
Despite growing up with four siblings, I'd never felt such a lack of privacy before. Why must she know everything? Was I going to have to look over my shoulder before I spoke or expressed an opinion?
Sighing, I shook my head. It was Angelica's house now. I was the guest, and I would do well to remember it.
~*~
"Angelica said Mother was doing well today." Sitting at the head of the table, John looked at me as he raised his wine glass. "I'm glad to hear she had a good day."
Oh, she had? My annoyance managed to supersede the uncomfortableness of seeing my brother where Papa had always sat. I flicked my gaze to Angelica. It was almost worse to see her where Mother should have been. She refused to meet my gaze and appeared completely unconcerned as she buttered her bread.
"She visited at a moment when Mother had some energy," I said, turning back to John. Though, that wasn't exactly true. Mother's cough had been as it ever had and Mother had said she was tired. "Mother's cough was worse than ever today. I sent a message to Dr. Peters to ask if there was a different cough syrup that might be more effective. He sent some over, but warned it might not help."
Concern flashed across my brother's face. "Really? I will go up after dinner and see how she is for myself."
"I told them we should get a second opinion on Mother Garrison's health, John," Angelica spoke up swiftly. "It would seem Dr. Peters doesn't know what to do for her at all."
How did she imagine another doctor would help? Why didn't she accept Mother's wishes on the matter?
"Mother doesn't want to be poked, prodded, or questioned by another doctor." I stabbed a potato with my fork. Though I had been hungry, my appetite was now gone. I should have had a tray with Mother instead of coming down to the dining room. It would have been more peaceful.
John sipped his wine and shook his head. "We'll see how she is in a few days and then decide."
Silence fell between us. The topic of sickness was not a pleasant one to discuss over a meal. I knew Mother would have expected me to offer some comment to change the subject and keep conversation flowing, but I didn't have the energy.
"Elizabeth, I've had a wonderful idea!" Angelica exclaimed out of nowhere. She leaned forward. "Your poor sister will need all the support she can get in the coming months. You should go to her. I'm sure Molly will be able to see to Mother Garrison's needs while you are away."
"An excellent idea, my dear," John agreed immediately. "Maryanne will be happy to have Elizabeth with her."
"Oh, I would only be in the way," I objected, horrified at the idea. Leave my mother to be tended by Angelica and a single maid who would have a hundred other tasks to see to as well? Never! "You forget that Maryanne and Philip live next to Mrs. Anderson, and Philip's sisters are all close by. They will be more than enough help, I'm sure."
"But you are her sister!" Angelica said stubbornly. "She will be more comfortable with you than her sisters-in-law. Besides, it will be good for you to get out more. How else will you meet new people?"
She meant how else was I supposed to meet a man to marry. At least she hadn't mentioned...
"Mr. Willis will be disappointed if you were to leave," John remarked with a grin. He winked at me. "But perhaps that would be a good thing. Absence makes the heart grow fonder as they say."
I wanted to scream, to throw something at his smiling face. Ever since they had moved in, both of them had been pushing me to encourage the man's attention even when I asked them to stop. It didn't seem to matter that he was nearly sixty years old and had not attended to his hygiene as well as one might want. No. He was simply the only man to show an interest in me, so of course I must take what I could get.
Since screaming would only convince them that I was hysterical, I folded my hands in my lap. For now, I would ignore his not so subtle hint and respond to the most pressing issue. As calmly as possible, I said, "I will discuss this with Mother and then I will make a decision. After all, we do not know if Maryanne would even want me with her."
Though John nodded in approval, Angelica shook her head. "You must give some thought to your future, Elizabeth," she said, her tone scolding. "You cannot cling to your mother for the rest of your life. It is unnatural for a young lady of good family to remain unmarried."
My fingernails dug into my skin as I clenched my hands. Unnatural? Did she imagine I wanted to be in the position of being seen as a burden to my brother? How could I have not thought of my future in the last few years?
"If my presence here is causing uncomfortable remarks, I will write to Parker," I said, looking at John. My brother looked slightly uncomfortable with the turn in the conversation. Good "He invited Mother and I to visit after Papa died. He and Martha will welcome us, and you can have some space."
"No one has said any such thing," John said, reaching to put his hand on mine. I shifted out of his reach. "There's no reason to make Mother travel. Angelica didn't mean to imply there was talk or scandal."
"Indeed not!" Angelica exclaimed. She made a dramatic gasp, bringing her hand up to her mouth. "Surely you didn't think I was implying- Good heavens, Elizabeth, my dear sister! I am only concerned you may regret your choices in a few years. You are- what? Twenty-nine, now."
As if I had forgotten my own age! How easily she twisted things around! I pushed my chair back and stood up. "Please excuse me. I have a headache."
"Of course." John stood up and stepped towards me. I couldn't bear the concern in his expression. "You've been spending too much time inside as of late. Perhaps a walk tomorrow will improve your spirits."
"Exactly what I have been saying!" Angelica agreed. "Or perhaps time with your nephews and niece will make for a nice change."
If I stayed a moment longer, I would say something I would regret. Instead, I turned on my heel and walked out. I'd enjoyed their company better when they lived on the other side of town.
"She seemed upset," I heard my brother say.
Whatever my sister-in-law would respond I was sure would only anger me more than I already was. I went up the staircase at an almost run, leaving the dining room behind me. Out of habit, my feet took me to the door of the second bedroom on the left before I remembered: it was not my bedroom anymore.
It had been taken over by my nephews so that they could be close to their mother. My room was now in the attic. At least it was far from my sister-in-law.
Though I knew I should check on Mother one last time, I went all the way to the top of the house. My nerves were worn now, and all I wanted to do was cry in peace. But it had been months since I'd been able to shed a tear.
It was dark when I entered the tiny room, and I felt my way to the bedside table. I lit a candle and then sat down. Paper crinkled when I did so. The newspaper. I'd brough it up to reread the story again. The Mystery of Edwin Drood had been the one thing I'd enjoyed as of late.
I rose to pull it out from where I'd sat on it. Although it was too dim to read clearly, my eyes went to the advertisement section. "Gentleman, 36."
Why did someone advertise for a wife and why would a woman respond?
"To take control of her life. To escape something else," I whispered, running my finger over the words.
Setting it aside, I closed my eyes. My future stretched out before me. On the one hand, I could marry Mr. Gerald Willis. Would it be so awful? His age meant he may pass on in a couple of decades and I would have the independence of a widow. And yet, I couldn't forget those stained, rotten teeth and the putrid breath that lingered when he leaned in to speak to me.
On the other hand, I could live out my days as the maiden, doting aunt. I would be at the beck and call of each of my siblings, hurrying to each one when there was an illness. I would grow alone and be quicl;y forgotten.
Neither was appealing.
Breathing out, I opened my eyes. Either choice would make Angelica happy, as long as I wasn't a drain on John's money. I shifted my gaze back to the advertisements.
What if I chose a different path?
One letter. What would be the harm in writing one letter?
~*~
Dear Sir,
I saw your advertisement in the paper and was intrigued. I suppose I should introduce myself first. My name is Elizabeth Marie Garrison. I am twenty nine years old and I currently live in Indiana.
Is it important what I look like? I would say I am of average height, neither tall nor short. I have brown hair and blue eyes. I am neither too solid nor too thin. I am not beautiful but I definitely don't think I am ugly either. Imagine someone who is average and that is what I am.
I'm sorry this is sounding so stiff and formal. I've never done this before. If you decide to write back to me, I would like to know where you live. Are you in one of the territories? I assume you are, given your request that a lady be willing to travel west. Do you have a farm? Why did you decide to go West? Is your family with you?
My family is very close to each other. Sometimes too close! My father was a banker here in town, but he died of a heart attack seven months ago. I have three brothers and one sister...