F E B R U A R Y 1 9 7 7
.・。.・゜✭・.・✧・゜・。.
FOR CLARA, THE BEGINNING OF HER FINAL TERM was spent between the library and the hospital wing. Either she was studying for her N.E.W.T exams or she was shadowing Madam Pomfrey.
Of course, she preferred the real life experience of being able to observe the healer at work over scouring through her textbooks, reading the same passage on Wolfsbane potion for the hundredth time. She couldn't think of any moment in her life where she'd need to know how to brew that particular concoction, even as a healer. But it was part of the curriculum, so she needed to know it in order to pass. Therefore, the mounting fort of textbooks constantly surrounding her was necessary.
Nothing compared to the real thing, though. Perhaps it was a bit morbid, but her favourite injury of the term so far – if she was allowed to say that – was when a fifth year Hufflepuff boy came in after the first Quidditch match of the year. The poor boy's foot was facing the wrong direction after falling from his broom. It looked quite painful (and a bit gross) but Clara finally got to watch firsthand as the Healer tended to an injury that took more than Episkey to fix. To say that she wasn't completely captivated by the whole process would have been a lie. But other than that, the beginning of her final term was rather uneventful.
The mysterious person hidden in the cot behind the beige curtain had yet to return. At least, they weren't there on the days she shadowed and she got the hunch that Madam Pomfrey made sure of it. While Clara was quite certain it was Remus laying in that hospital bed, she never confronted the boy. She did, however, try to get answers from her brother after their encounter in the hospital wing. But all of her questioning was to no avail. James had gotten uncharacteristically stern with her when she pressed him for information, so she quickly dropped the subject.
All in all, it was a mundane return to school. That is, until the week leading up to Valentine's Day. Clara hadn't been paying too much attention to the date on the calendar, only to her timetable and assignment due dates. So, when Marlene planted herself at the Gryffindor table across from Clara and Fabian during breakfast on the Thursday before, Clara had no idea what to expect. As a form of greeting, the blonde had a conspiring grin on her face.
"Good morning." Clara welcomed tentatively.
Wasting no time, Marlene got right to the point, "Do you two lovebirds have any plans on Saturday?"
Clara glanced towards Fabian who replied with a shake of his head as he chewed on a piece of toast and jam.
Marlene scoffed dramatically, "You're not doing anything for Valentine's Day? Are you even a couple?"
Clara shrugged dismissively, "It's a silly holiday."
"Oh, come on. It's fun! There's chocolates, roses, maybe a bit of kissing," she teased before leaning across the table and lowering her voice, "Or more."
"Enough, Marlene! Merlin..." Clara scolded with a furious blush painting her cheeks.
She laughed as she stole a strawberry from Clara's plate. With her mouth still full, she mumbled, "You two should come out with Sirius and I, then. Like a double date."
Confusion and shock flooded Clara's mind, but there was also a curious ache in her chest that accompanied it. Though now was not the time to address that feeling. Instead, Clara sought out clarification, because this pairing between Marlene and Sirius was certainly news to her.
"Are you two...?"
"Oh, Merlin, no!" Marlene quickly dismissed with a wave of her hand, "Neither of us had plans so we decided to spend it together so we don't look like losers. Since clearly neither of you plan to spend it alone with each other, why don't you hang out with us in Hogsmede?"
Fabian and Clara shared an inquisitive look with one another. There were a million reasons why Clara didn't want to spend Valentine's Day around Sirius, but none of which she wished to voice. Objecting would require some self reflection that she had no desire to explore at the moment.
Clara momentarily wondered if Sirius had put Marlene up to this as a way to torture her. The boy had made it no secret to Clara that he despised being near her when Fabian was around. Though why he felt that way was still not quite clear to her.
There was no excuse that Clara could come up with that Marlene wouldn't have a counter argument for, she knew better than to try. Besides, no matter how much she wanted to find a way out of this, Fabian was offering no help. If only she could catch a moment alone with the redheaded boy to discuss it without an audience, maybe they could come up with an acceptable reason to decline. But the expectant look in the blonde's caramel coloured eyes expedited Clara's response.
"Oh, alright." Clara muttered in defeat.
Marlene beamed, "You're the best, Clara. Have I ever told you that?"
"Usually only when you want something." she replied, rolling her eyes with the faintest hint of a smile.
"Now that's not entirely true." Marlene grinned as she stood from the Gryffindor table before Clara could voice her disagreement.
When Marlene took her first step away from the couple, Clara called out to her. Sounding a bit more urgent than the like, Clara cleared her throat as Marlene turned around with a raised brow.
"Do you think we could have a chat before Saturday?"
"Yeah, of course." was all Marlene said and Clara gave her a nod.
As the blonde turned around once more to head to her first lesson of the day, Clara kept her eyes on the back of her head. It felt like the entire concept of this outing was a disaster in the making.
"Alright there, love? Or are you doing that adorable overthinking thing again?" Fabian teased.
"I wouldn't call it adorable." Clara muttered as she pushed her plate away, quickly losing her appetite.
"Oi, if I say it's adorable, it's adorable." he replied and Clara could practically hear the grin in his voice as he nudged his shoulder against hers, "What's on your mind?"
Clara paused for a moment before turning to him, "I just feel like this is a bad idea."
"And why is that?"
Another pause. Clara couldn't exactly piece together exactly why an impending sense of doom hovered over her. With a shrug, she replied, "Just a gut feeling, I guess."
Fabian hummed in thought as he took a sip of his orange juice. Once he set down his goblet, he laid his arm over Clara's shoulder and pulled her in to press a kiss to her forehead. When their eyes met, he gave her a reassuring smile, "Even the worst case scenario can turn into a good story later on."
Clara pursed her lips, "I don't know about that."
"Trust me."
It was beginning to feel like that was Fabian's catchphrase. Any time Clara seemed to be letting her doubts wreak havoc on her mood, he would reassure her with those two little words that somehow seemed to clear away every dark cloud above her instantly. So, Clara finally decided to go with the flow for once and hope that Saturday would turn out alright – so long as she could have that chat with Marlene beforehand, that is.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✧・゜・。.
On Saturday morning, Clara found herself sitting on Marlene's bed in Ravenclaw tower as the blonde readied herself for their day in Hogsmeade.
Clara wasn't too worried about her own appearance, seeing as Fabian was always showering her with compliments no matter what she looked like. But as she watched Marlene brush mascara through her already long, thick lashes, Clara couldn't help but glance at her own reflection over her friend's shoulder wondering if she should have put a bit more effort into her appearance. It was Valentine's Day, after all.
"Something on your mind?" Marlene asked as she screwed the top back on her tube of mascara and made eye-contact with Clara in the mirror.
Suddenly her thoughts shifted away from her appearance to what she actually wanted to talk to Marlene about. But now that the conversation had naturally found its way to the surface, Clara began to second guess whether the discussion was actually worth it. Voicing her conflicting thoughts and feelings surrounding Sirius out loud felt like manifesting something into the universe that Clara was nowhere near ready to tackle.
A smirk formed on Marlene's red lips at Clara's silence and she swivelled around in her seat to face her, "Well?"
Clara hesitated for a moment as Marlene looked at her expectantly. With a sigh, Clara finally asked, "Was it Sirius' idea to go out with Fabian and I?"
"No," Marlene laughed, "That was all me. Why do you ask?"
"Just curious."
Feeling like a coward, Clara frowned. The whole reason she wanted to come to her best friend's room this morning was to confide in her, to find some clarity in her own mind with the help of the girl she trusted most. But fear took over. Whatever sinking feeling Clara had about spending the day with Sirius lingered in her chest. But Marlene didn't seem to notice. That, or she just didn't want to pry. In a way, Clara was grateful. When she was really ready to work out all her thoughts, Marlene would be there.
The blonde, already having moved on from their previous discussion, held up two jumpers before Clara, "Blue or green?"
The brunette didn't hesitate, "Blue, definitely. It makes the amber colour in your eyes stand out."
A soft smile formed on Marlene's face before she turned around to set the emerald jumper back in her dresser and threw the cobalt one over her head. As her blonde curls bounced back into place, she turned back towards Clara and glanced at the grandfather clock near the window, "We should get going soon."
Nodding and rising from the bed, Clara silently hoped that the day wouldn't turn into a huge disaster.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✧・゜・。.
Relief washed over Clara when she learned that neither Marlene nor Sirius had any plans to step foot inside Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop that afternoon like all the other couples seemed to be. In fact, what the two of them suggested didn't sound much like a double date activity at all. Rather, it was more like four friends hanging out like any other ordinary trip to Hogsmeade.
For that alone, Clara was glad. There was much less pressure this way.
They started out their afternoon at Honeydukes where Fabian bought Clara a box of strawberry flavoured Sugar Quills, as usual. Afterwards, as they walked down the main road of the small village enjoying their sweets, Marlene and Sirius were laughing over the fact that he had just eaten a bogey flavoured Burtie Bott's bean. What followed was the group browsing through Zonko's at Sirius' request.
It wasn't shocking that they ran into Remus and Peter there. It was from them that they learned that James was out somewhere bothering Lily who was last seen having a butterbeer with a girl in her year named Mary. That fact was also not surprising – it was well known that her brother was still rather persistent with getting the redhead's attention. Valentine's Day seemed like the most opportune time for James to plan out one of his schemes. One that would inevitably fail.
All in all, Clara wouldn't have considered this a proper double date in any capacity. But perhaps the most unromantic thing that anyone could have suggested was when Marlene asked everyone if they wanted to have a peek at the Shrieking Shack.
"Absolutely not." Clara guffawed, thinking that surely her best friend was joking.
"Not scared, are you Potter?" Sirius asked with a grin.
"No, I just don't see the point. I'm sure the building is mere seconds from collapse and I have no desire to be crushed to death today." she dismissed with a scowl.
"It's not that bad." Sirius replied casually with a shrug.
"Right, as if you've ever been closer to that building than we are now." she looked at him sceptically while glancing over his shoulder at the shack off in the distance.
"You'd be surprised."
By this point, Clara could feel herself wanting to continue bickering with Sirius, as if it were a habit she could never break. But she bit her tongue - quite literally. It was the only way she could stop herself.
They had all gotten along so well all afternoon, she didn't need something as trivial as a run-down old house throwing a wrench in their outing. So, instead, she turned to Fabian to suggest they go somewhere else – maybe The Three Broomsticks, she was rather hungry after all. But the second Clara parted her lips, she heard Sirius' voice coming from behind her once more.
"I think you are scared, Potter. C'mon you two, it's not so bad."
When she fixed her eyes on Fabian, it was in hopes of some sort of backup to convince the others that going towards that house was an outrageous suggestion. But when their eyes met, Fabian had a look of curiosity on his face that made Clara sigh. Gryffindor boys were all the same.
"Whether or not I'm scared has nothing to do with it, we all know if we get caught past that fence, McGonagall will have our heads." she said sternly as she turned back towards the other two.
"Not mine." Marlene smirked.
"Flitwick, then." Clara replied, rolling her eyes at her Ravenclaw friend.
"It's a wonder Dumbledore didn't make you Head Girl, because you sure do enjoy acting like it." Sirius grinned, backing up closer to the rundown gate that stood between the shack and the village, "Live a little, Potter."
"I intend to live for a long time, and I think staying away from the Shrieking Shack will help me do that." she glanced up at Fabian who had remained peculiarly quiet throughout the whole ordeal and raised a brow at him.
He laughed and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, "Let's go get lunch."
A breath of relief escaped from Clara and she felt her shoulders relax beneath his touch. At least Fabian knew when to give up, unlike Sirius. That boy had a talent for pushing Clara more than anyone else and with Marlene in tow, it only made the situation all the more frustrating.
Still, she couldn't let go of the worry that, left alone, Marlene and Sirius were going to break at least six school rules or be harmed in some way. She cared about both of them. Yes, even Sirius in her own reluctant way. So, when she looked back towards the two, it was with the intention to urge them to join them at the inn and have a normal day drinking butterbeer and eating bangers and mash instead of exploring an old abandoned building.
But when she locked eyes with Sirius, words escaped her. The wicked mischievousness in his gaze softened. It was like she didn't even need to say anything at all for him to understand that she was truly worried about them. Turning to Marlene, Sirius nodded his head back towards the village, "C'mon then. I reckon I can charm Madam Rosmerta into giving us all a free round of butterbeer."
"I highly doubt that." the blonde laughed as she followed him back up the path towards Fabian and Clara.
As Sirius passed the couple, he gently nudged his elbow against Clara's arm and smiled slightly. When the two had started understanding each other without saying a single word, she had no idea. But it felt like he was telling her not to worry about him so much and for some reason, she trusted him.
The four of them made their way back towards the inn for lunch. Fabian's comforting arm around Clara's shoulders remained firmly in place for the duration of their stroll. Marlene and Sirius, however, walked a comfortable distance apart and she couldn't help but wonder how close the two had gotten over the last few months. Perhaps the strange ache in her chest came from her fear that Marlene would replace her with Sirius as her best friend. Yes, surely that was all. Nothing more.
"Something on your mind, Potter?" Sirius asked as he held the door to The Three Broomsticks open for the group.
She met his gaze and shook her head. However, the narrowing of his eyes and the growing smirk on his lips told her that her denial hadn't convinced him at all and she worried that he'd find a way to corner her later to pester the truth out of her.
The truth was something that Clara herself didn't even want to acknowledge. Thoughts were racing through her mind that she didn't even understand. Emotions deep within her that she didn't want to come to terms with.
The truth was that part of Clara had grown fond of Sirius, even though the boy drove her mad. Every conversation they had turned into a fight. Every silly scheme he came up was with the goal to pester her.
But there was softness to the boy that he would most likely deny. Like those moments shared on the roof when he had opened up to her about his family and his past. And the note he'd given to her on Christmas signed 'Your Friend'. There was something about Sirius that pulled her in. No matter how much she'd try to deny it.
But that wouldn't stop her from pushing the feelings away and dismissing them as silly and fleeting. It was definitely the frivolous romantic holiday they were all celebrating together that was putting confusing ideas in her head about Sirius. These were ideas she knew she would never have otherwise, of course. Valentine's Day was the only explanation.
All of those feelings needed to be cast aside and buried deep, deep down where even the strongest dose of Veritaserum couldn't dare touch them. Where they would be so well hidden within her own heart that even she could hopefully forget all about them. Because a real friendship with Sirius would be impossible.
It simply wasn't written in the stars.