"Hey," I greeted Mike and Carrie the next morning, or really it was afternoon because I'd been sleeping off my hangover. "This is Dahlia."
"Hi Mr and Mrs Colloway," she said.
"Oh please, Carrie and Mike will do. Lovely to meet you Dahlia. Such a pretty name," Carried said before turning to address me. "How are you feeling Alden? Charlie said you had a pretty bad hangover."
"Sorry about that. I hope I didn't wake you up when I came back last night." I was incredibly embarrassed about how I behaved the night before. I wish I'd been drunk enough to just forget it all but unfortunately, I seemed to remember most of it.
"No, it's okay," Carrie replied as she handed me and Dahlia a plate of food which we thanked her for.
"Happens to the best of us," Mike said from where he stood by the kettle making a cup of tea. "We were the same when we were younger."
"Probably worse," Carrie added making them both chuckle as they looked at each other with a knowing twinkle in their eyes. I wonder what kind of things these seemingly sensible couple got up to in their teenage years. It must have been wild considering how they were nowhere near as strict as many other foster parents I'd stayed with. I definitely wanted to hear one of the stories one day if they were willing to share.
When Dahlia and I had been left alone at the dining room table, I asked her to tell me everything that happened just to make sure that I was definitely remembering everything correctly. And to my disappointment, the events did unfold exactly as I remembered which means that was probably the worst way to end the night in front of my so-called crush.
"It was definitely one way to get someone you fancy to remember you," Dahlia chuckled shoving some mushrooms into her mouth from her plate.
"I hate my life," I groaned only partially joking. "He's never gonna talk to me again. In fact, I'm not sure I want him to. I think I'd rather literally talk to anyone else before I talk to him again."
"Well, that sucks cos I gave him your Instagram," Charlie said as he wandered into the room grabbing some food himself.
"What?!" I questioned loudly.
"Well, he asked for it before he left. Said he wanted to message you to check up on you. So, watch out for any DMs from him," Charlie explained.
"Roman Kingsley is gonna DM me after I basically had a drunk meltdown in front of him?"
"Yup. What was that all about anyway?" Charlie asked. I didn't know what to say because I wasn't ready to be completely honest with him. Despite him and I actually having grown somewhat close over the short time we'd known each other; I wasn't prepared to tell him how the sound of Roman's voice saying one little phrase triggered me into remembering a traumatic experience from my past. It wouldn't make sense to him.
Instead, I just shrugged and told him I didn't know. "I think I just had too much to drink." Dahlia looked at me knowing that wasn't the full story but smiling in her own subtle way to let me know everything was okay and that she was here for me. I was so glad to have her as a friend.
"Right, well honestly I had way too much as well. Helping you home sobered me up a little, but I definitely felt it this morning. Think I might take like a week or two break from drinking," Charlie said as he sat munching away at his food beside me at the table.
"I might have to join you there on that one. I had the worst headache this morning and my stomach felt so bad. I felt like something crawled up my ass and died," I said.
"You sure that wasn't Roman's doing?" he questioned raising his eyebrows in a suggestive gesture. "You know, before you had your breakdown and he realised you were nuts."
"Shut up," I replied. "Roman and I didn't so much as kiss. He did tell me he liked gingers though." Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that though because Roman did ask me not to tell anyone that he was bi, but then he also just came out to all his friends so maybe it wouldn't be as much of a problem if people knew now. Still, it wasn't my place to tell people for him if he didn't want anyone to know.
"Does he like guys then?" Dahlia asked.
"I don't know," I replied. "He basically said he likes you."
"What?!" Dahlia asked astonished. "You told him I was gay right. I don't want a guy to flirt with me."
Charlie chuckled. "I learnt that from first-hand experience."
I reassured Dahlia that I had indeed let Roman know that she was gay.
"He definitely likes guys though. You should have seen the way he looked at Alden when he first saw him,' Charlie said to Dahlia.
——
Later, when Dahlia had left and Charlie went out to see some friends, I found myself watching tv with Emily. We were watching a show called 'You' with season three having just come out and damn was it crazy.
"He's kinda hot," Emily said talking about the crazy delusional Joe Goldberg.
"Emily," I said sternly. "No, he is the fuck not. If you ever find yourself around people like him, please do whatever you can to get away from them."
"Well, I wouldn't know if I did. He hides it pretty well from everyone else. For all I know, you could have an inner monologue saying something along the same lines as him."
I scoffed. "I do not. My inner monologue is wondering when or even if Roman is actually gonna message me."
Emily asked why he might message me, and I decided to give her a very abbreviated version of the events from the night before. She squealed when I told her that Roman asked for my Instagram and told me that he was definitely into me. I doubted it though. He was probably just being a decent person and wanted to look out for a friend out of concern.
The day felt like it would never end. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion, my whole day preoccupied with wondering when Roman was going to say something. It felt like time wouldn't go back to a normal speed until I had talked to him, so it was almost 7pm by the time my day felt normal again.
It was after dinner, and I'd secluded myself in my room. Charlie was still out with his friends, and I didn't want to be caught freaking out and staring at my phone by Carrie, Mike, and Emily. I'd practically given up hope of hearing from Roman at this point as well and decided to read one of the books that were sitting on a shelf in the room. It was here when I moved in and probably belonged to someone who lived in the room before but Peter Pan was always a classic, so it did manage to take my mind of the whole Roman situation for a little while.
And then I heard my phone make a notification sound and when I looked, I finally got that DM from Roman.
Roman -
Hey, hope you're alright. How you feeling?
I know I'd been waiting around all day for his message, but now that it had come through, I didn't know whether I should respond or not. It would be better for him if I didn't. Even if we became only friends in the end, he deserved to live his life without all my added baggage. But he was just checking in on me after helping me get home, so it would be rude of me to ignore him, wouldn't it?
Alden -
Hey, sorry about last night. Thanks for helping me home. I feel okay now.
It didn't take Roman long to reply.
Roman -
That's great, glad to hear it. Bet you felt like shit when you woke up, ik I fucking did lol
Alden -
Yeah lol, it was the worst
I heard a knock at my door and told whoever was on the other side that they could come in. It turned out to be Charlie who'd returned from whatever it was that he was up to. He plopped himself down on my desk chair without even asking if he could and made himself comfortable.
"Hello to you too," I said when he still hadn't said anything.
"I need to tell you something, but I don't want you to be mad or get upset," Charlie said. Obviously, him saying this freaked me out. What could he possibly tell me that would make me mad or upset at him?
"Okay..."
"Umm so you know I was out with my mates today?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, you kind of ended up being mentioned. Not by me, but one of them. They asked about well your neck." At the mention of it, my neck began to sting again, and I looked away and closed my eyes to try and help myself calm down. I didn't want to have to relive those moments right now. "I mean obviously I don't know anything about it," Charlie carried on. "I was gonna wait and let you become comfortable enough to tell me if you ever wanted to. So, I told them I didn't know and one of them googled your name to see if they could find anything and well...they found something."
"So, you know what happened?" I whispered.
"Yeah. Well, I know what they said in the papers. The burglar..."
I sighed and laid back on my bed to stare at the ceiling. I'd bought some glow in the dark stars and put them on there because I didn't like the total darkness that stared back at me when I laid awake some nights unable to sleep.
"I'm sorry. I should have stopped them from looking," he said in apology.
"Yeah, you should have," I replied annoyed or maybe more upset than annoyed.
"I'm sorry. I really am."
"They won't go around spreading it will they?" I asked worried that soon everyone I could come into contact with would know about my past.
I didn't want to have to relive it every time someone asked about it or every time someone even looked at my scar with that look of knowing pity. There was a time when I tried to wear turtlenecks to cover up the mark, but they always made me feel like I was suffocating, like his hand was around my neck strangling me all day. So, now I only wore them occasionally if I felt I could manage.
"No! I promise. I told them it was none of their business and they shouldn't mention it to other people. Umm...Arwyn was there though so he knows."
"Great. That's just what I need."
"He's not a bad guy you know. He feels just as bad for you-"
"-I don't need anyone to feel bad for me!" I interrupted wanting this conversation to end. "Just get out."
"Alden-"
"-GET OUT!"
When Charlie was gone, I hid my face under my pillow practically suffocating myself with it. I let it drown out my crying which only got worse with every breath that I couldn't take in properly with the pillow over my head. If I could have died in that very moment maybe things would have just been easier for everyone. I know it would have been for me.
I didn't want my past following me down every path I took like an incessant shadow I would never be able to rid myself off. So maybe I just needed to rid myself of myself...
I hated when my thoughts got dark like this. I'd already almost died once and I knew I was lucky to be alive, that my parents would have left me behind wanting me to live my life to the best that I could so I could find happiness after they were gone, but I didn't know how I was supposed to do that. Every time things felt good, something went wrong, and I didn't want to have to live through it anymore.
My phone notification going off again was what brought me back to my senses.
Roman -
Do you think we could meet up? There's something I wanna say to you in person.
~~~~~~~~~