When Al met Agnes Chu in his Children's Programming course at Langara College, he'd already resigned himself to the fact that his relationship with Marnie Pruitt had ruined him for other women.
He'd taken a long time to recover from being dumped, and the way she'd framed it, proudly, as if she'd imparted on him the skills necessary to make his own way in the world of dating and relationships, made it worse. For one thing, nothing had been natural about the way he and Marnie had come together; they'd been coworkers, forced to be with each other for eight hours a day, so Al had had no choice but to relate to her if only to be safe and successful at his job. For another thing, she'd been the instigator; Al would never have had the courage to even ask her out, much less put the moves on her. For another thing, they'd never gone on a single date, not in the conventional sense. They'd never gone to dinner or a movie, or even out for coffee. All they'd done was have sex, first at the gas station and then at her place.
If he'd been a few years younger, it might have counted as grooming and exploitation of a minor, but for all his experience with sex up to that point, it might as well have been.
And yet, even if the relationship was unconventional, he had been in love with her; when Rachel asked him about it after they'd gotten together, he wasn't entirely honest when he told her he'd been relieved when it ended, that he felt like prey with her. The fact was, he liked being her prey, he liked her feasting on him, having her way with him. It felt exhilarating, having attention paid to him, being valued for his ability to perform in bed, acting like an adult. He'd watched The Graduate a few years after his relationship with Marnie ended, and was incredibly aroused by the way Mrs. Robinson seduced the younger Benjamin Braddock; it was a PG version of the way Marnie had seduced him, but at least he could finally relate to the way romance was portrayed in the media.
For years after, he missed her, and when he'd finally admitted the relationship to his parents, after his mother had lamented that he never went out and had a good time anymore, what happened to the girl he was dating, why didn't he bring her around, they'd been shocked (except maybe his father looked a little impressed but would never say it.) He'd tried the whole bar scene, going out with the Reis boys, but none of them ever worked up the courage to approach women, they were usually in groups as well, and the loud music and raucous behaviour of the other guests just made the whole thing intimidating.
He'd buried himself in school and work to distract himself from his loneliness, migrating from job to job, unable to find a good fit with his interests. When he finally decided to try the Library and Information Technology Diploma program at Langara College, it wasn't because he'd done a whole lot of research into careers and determined it would be the best fit. One day he'd walked into Coquitlam Public Library, where he normally went to study and check out books, and it just hit him: why not work in a place he loved visiting? He was already well versed in customer service, why not put it to use helping patrons find information and materials?
The commute was hard. He lived in Coquitlam, and Langara College was in the southwest corner of Vancouver. Multiple buses and Skytrain exchanges were necessary to get there, so he spent most of his day away from home. Away from his mother. Maybe that was a good thing, though he'd never admit it to her. Being on his own forced him out of his comfort zone, and the classroom setting forced him to interact with his classmates.
He didn't predict most of his classmates would be female. It had never crossed his mind. In the Children's Programming class, he was the only male. If that was supposed to make him feel confident, it didn't. He felt even more exposed, and his classmates didn't seem to notice he was there, anyway.
Except one.
They were often teamed up to practice Storytime techniques, and Agnes Chu asked him more often than not if he wanted to pair up with her. He was relieved to not have to ask anyone else, so he always agreed.
One time, after class was over and they were leaving at the same time, he worked up the courage to say, "Agnes, I like that you like to pair up with me, but may I ask why you choose me and not the others?" He purposefully didn't say and not another woman.
She smiled and shrugged. "I don't know. I'm kind of nervous about asking the others. When I was in high school the girls tended to be mean to me. You have a nice, open face, and I don't think you'd ever be mean or dismissive."
"Oh!" he said. "Well, no, of course I wouldn't. It costs nothing to be kind."
"Yeah, I know, right? So why do so few people want to make the expense?"
He chuckled. "You have a real way with words. I noticed that when you practiced your technique on me. You don't dumb it down. I have a feeling you like kids and would be great at doing Storytimes."
She smiled again, and he felt his heart flutter a little. "Is programming what you want to do, Al?"
He grimaced and said, "No, not really, but I thought it would be a good skill to put on my resume. I think reference work is more up my alley."
She nodded thoughtfully. "It's good that you're thinking broadly, though."
"I'm thinking about applying at my local library for shelving jobs, just to get my foot in the door, and then I can work my way up."
"Yeah, me too! I live in Richmond, so I'm going to try Richmond Public Library, maybe Vancouver too."
"I'm in Coquitlam."
"Whoa, that's far away, do you drive?"
"I have my license, but I don't have my own car. I take transit."
"Yikes! Hey, look, if you ever need a ride somewhere, I drive, so, you know, even to a Skytrain station, I can take you..."
He stopped in the middle of the hallway, and she walked on a few steps before noticing and stopped too. "What's wrong?" she asked.
He shook his head. "Nothing, sorry, it's just... that's very generous of you. Are you sure?"
She brightened. "Yeah, of course!"
"It would save me a lot of time, just to get to the Skytrain. I'd never ask you to go all the way to Coquitlam."
She shrugged. "But I could, you know."
"No, really, that's too far."
She placed a hand on his arm. "Here's the thing, Al: if I wasn't driving you, I'd be going home, and I can't stand my parents, so I don't want to go home."
He blinked in surprise, and he liked her hand on his arm. "Oh! Well, at least let me pay for gas. I can pump it myself, you know, I used to work at a gas station."
She chuckled and removed her hand from his arm, offering it to shake. "Deal."
They shook.
They drove together that very day, and every day after that when they had class together. She took him all the way home, and Al pumped the gas. While she drove, they chatted about everything, and he finally felt able to talk to a woman, because she made it so easy. He even told her about his years growing up in Queensborough and about the LSDC, and he realized that not since he was down in Queensborough with Rachel and Lauren did he feel so at ease with a member of the opposite sex. Marnie was different; with her there was the age difference to consider. Agnes was roughly his age, or maybe a few years younger (he didn't ask her so he was just estimating,) so they were on a more equal footing.
It took until the last day of their class, after they left their final exam, before Al worked up the courage to ask, "Agnes, while we're driving, if we happened to stop at a coffee shop or a restaurant along the way, would that be weird?"
She smiled and said, "I thought you'd never ask."
He felt his body sag in relief. "Really? I mean, you're not seeing anyone, are you?"
She chuckled and said, "Al, if I was, do you really think I'd be driving you all the way to Coquitlam?"
He blinked in surprise. "Oh. I'd never thought of it that way."
She leaned in and said, "I have a confession to make: my driving you was a way to be around you as long as I could, hoping you'd ask me out."
That was how they began. It was the first normal relationship he ever had, and it progressed so naturally that he didn't even have to think about it. They went out to dinner, chatted just as much as they did in the car, and when she dropped him off at home, he hoped he read the moment properly and went in for the kiss. She met his mouth eagerly, and the two of them made out for ten minutes before he realized his mom would wonder what was taking him so long to get out of the car.
They dated for months this way, driving together even when they didn't share classes, and Al was happy. Then Agnes said, "Look, Al, um, I know you're probably wondering why we haven't... progressed in our relationship."
"Progressed?" he asked, confused.
She leaned in and spoke low even though they were the only two people in the car. "Had sex."
"Oh! Well, I mean, it's okay, really..."
"No, it's not. I want to, it's just that I don't want my parents to know; they're kind of conservative Christians, and they wouldn't like me dating a white guy, much less having sex with one."
"They don't know we're dating?"
She grimaced and said, "No. Sorry. I just can't tell them. I really don't want to disappoint them. It's why I never want to be home, so I don't get the chance to. Do your parents know we're dating?"
"Yeah. My mom wants to meet you, but I think it's too soon."
To Al's surprise, her face crumpled, and tears rolled down her cheeks. "Oh," she breathed. "Your parents sound like the kind of parents I'd like."
"My mom's great. My dad's kind of cold and distant. Anyway, he's just had a surgery to remove a tumour, so I'd rather not bring anyone around."
"Oh, no! Is he all right?"
"I think so. They think they got it in time, so hopefully he's out of the woods."
She nodded. "So, we can't do it at my place, and we can't do it at yours."
"We could get a hotel room."
She brightened. "Really? I couldn't stay the night, though. Got to be home before bedtime. I'm not proud of my life, I mean, I am a grown woman."
He chuckled. "Hey, I live with my parents too. You know what, I think this will be nice. We can get room service and everything, really swank it up. Nothing says we have to stay overnight anyway, as long as we pay for the night."
She kissed him hard and said, "I'm so looking forward to this. Can you bring the condoms?"
"Of course. Are you on the pill?"
She shook her head. "Conservative parents, remember?"
The hotel was on North Road in Burnaby, close to his house. The whole way there, they were nervous and jittery.
"Have you done this before?" she asked.
"Yeah, but a long time ago. I'm a little out of practice. You?"
She bit her lower lip and said, "No. Is that okay?"
"It's more than okay. We can learn together."
The hotel room was comfortable but lacking in personality. As soon as they locked the door, she pounced on him. "I want you so bad," she breathed between kisses.
They stripped each other a little at a time, pausing to kiss bare skin with every piece of clothing removed. When they were completely naked, Agnes sat on the bed and slid herself back until her head was on the pillow. She was shaking, and Al felt both protective of her and desirous of her at the same time.
"Are you okay?" he asked as he climbed on the bed and loomed over her.
She nodded. "Just nervous."
"Me too. I'll take it really slow."
It turned out he still had the muscle memory from his time with Marnie. He worshipped Agnes' body with his mouth, and she moaned and lifted herself to him as he teased his way down to the space between her legs.
"Oh my God!" she cried out as he went down on her. She squeezed his face between her legs and said, "I never knew it would be this good!"
When she came, he felt very satisfied. "Do you want me to do the same for you?" she asked.
"Maybe not this time, or I'll finish before we even get to doing it."
She handed him a condom and said, "I heard it hurts the first time."
"I'd never want to hurt you. Tell me if it hurts, and I'll stop."
He put on the condom, and she looked in his eyes the whole time, and he didn't feel the need to look away. He braced himself on his elbows, and she opened her legs wide so he could guide himself inside her. She gasped, and he said, "Do you want me to stop?"
She closed her eyes, pressed her lips together and shook her head. "No. Keep going."
He began slowly, barely thrusting, sliding himself up and down her body. She gasped and cried out, arms locked around his neck, holding him tightly to her. He'd barely begun to speed up when he came the first time. Oh well, it wasn't the marathons with Marnie, but this was his first time with Agnes, and it had been years since he'd been with a woman.
Agnes didn't seem to mind. She kissed him hard and breathed, "Wow."
"You liked it?"
"Oh, yeah. If that's how the first time was, imagine the second."
"I like the sound of that."
She wrapped herself around him and wouldn't let him come out. He loved that. They cuddled a long time, skin against skin. "I love you, Al," she said. "Is it too early to say?"
"No, it's not. I love you too, Agnes."
They ordered room service, putting on just enough clothes to be decent when they received it. They didn't even eat what they ordered until they had sex a second time.
This time she went on top. He loved feeling her weight on top of him. "Can I go down on you now?" she asked.
"Why don't you turn yourself around and we can go down on each other?"
She brightened and did what he suggested, and this time they both had the pleasure of receiving oral sex. Her technique was rudimentary, but he didn't expect it to be anything more; this was her first time, after all. Just the fact that she was willing was enough to get him ready for the next round.
As she rode him, their hands joined together, she shouted, "I'm doing it! I'm really doing it!" This time it lasted longer, and he felt her body convulse as she came, and when he exploded inside her, she smiled in satisfaction and lay down on top of him, and they cuddled that way again for a long time.
After eating their dinner, cold now, she said, "I don't know how much longer I can stay. My parents are probably wondering where I am."
"I can always go home from here if you want to save time."
"I think I stink a little. Do you think they'd smell sex on me?"
"We did release a lot of fluids. I wouldn't be surprised. Do you want to shower before you go?"
She thought about it and nodded. "I better. Why don't you shower with me and you can clean up too?"
He didn't need any further invitation. They might have washed up in there, but they were washing each other, and the hot water, the soap and the slipperiness just made them randy for each other again. "Can we do it in here?" she asked.
"Oh, God, yes." He left the shower, trailing water and suds back into the bedroom, grabbed another condom from the nightstand, then dried himself off so he could roll it on. She reached for him as soon as he stepped back in, and they were on their way again.
Once they were both dry and dressed, Agnes noticed the bed sheets and said, "Will they be okay washing them? I didn't predict there'd be blood."
"I'm sure they've seen it all. Will your parents be suspicious if they see you with wet hair?"
"Sometimes I go to the gym after school. That's what I tell them, anyway. I'll just say I showered there."
"I feel bad that you have to lie to them to see me."
"Believe me, it's better this way."
They checked out, and he paid for the room and room service. She drove him the rest of the way home before parting with kisses and more "I love you"s. Al had never been happier in his life.
They continued on in this way for months. Once they even went to Harrison Hot Springs for the day, just so they could check into the resort for a few hours to use the heated pools and then retreat to the hotel room until the evening, when Agnes decided she had to go home. Hotels were expensive, though, so they sometimes had to be creative. Sometimes Agnes was so desperate that she parked the car in an out of the way place so they could do it there. Once, Al's mom and dad went away for a trip to celebrate Dad's cancer going into remission (or so they thought,) and Al was able to bring Agnes over on a weekend, though she couldn't stay the night, but still, it was two full days of bliss. She was still there with him, dressed, luckily, when his parents came home from their trip, and Mom finally got to meet her. They had dinner together before Agnes left.
"She's lovely, Al," Mom said. "I'm so happy for you. Are you thinking about marriage?"
To his surprise, he said, "Yes, I think so. The only problem is her parents. They don't know we're dating, and I don't think they'd approve of me."
"Because they're Chinese and you're not?"
It sounded crude coming out of her mouth, but he said, "I think so. Not Christian, either."
"Well, you'll have to convince them you're good people if you're going to marry her. I want grandchildren, and this is the first time I can let myself hope it will happen."
"Mom," he groaned, but secretly he thought maybe he'd like children with Agnes, whenever she was ready for them. The marriage thing had to happen first, though, and before that could happen, they both had to find jobs.
By the summer of 1999, he'd finally found shelving work at VPL and was beginning to save money for a ring (he also never told Rachel he'd been planning to propose,) when two bombs dropped on his life.
The first thing was Dad's cancer coming back, hard.
The second was Agnes telling him she'd applied for a Library Technician job with the Okanagan Regional Library system, and she'd gotten it.
"You're going to live in the Okanagan," he said, stunned at her declaration.
"Come with me," she said. "We'll live there together, away from my parents' disapproval. We can get married!"
It sounded spectacular. He really wished he could go with her, but... "My dad's cancer is back. I don't think he's going to make it. I can't leave my mom now. It would kill her."
Her face fell. "I'm so sorry, Al, I didn't know."
He nodded. "I also have the VPL job. I can't leave that either."
"No. It's a good job, I'm sure."
"But I don't want to lose you."
Her face crumpled, and she threw her arms around him and said, "I can wait for you. Maybe... maybe one day you'll make your way out to me, and we can be together again."
He sighed and let the tears run down his cheeks. "I can't hold you back, Agnes. I love you, and I want what's best for you. I don't want to stop you from finding love again, if it's out there."
"Maybe you can visit me from time to time."
"Maybe."
It never happened, though.
"You really should have put more effort into this one," Sam said as he and Dad appeared in the space where they were hugging, which had suddenly become a dark nowhere. "She seems to have really been in love with you."
"We called each other for a few months," Al said. "But every time we called, we both realized neither of us was going to come to the other. What good was visiting when we'd just have to leave again? It would be like reopening an old wound." Agnes didn't seem to hear him, or if she did, she didn't react.
"You should have gone to the Okanagan," Dad said. "You never took any risks in your life, always slouching from one thing to another. I know you stayed because I was sick and you didn't want to leave your mother, but after I was gone you could have left; this woman was offering you a once in a lifetime love, and Mom would have let you go if she knew you two were going to marry and give her grandchildren. She would have made the trip out to visit, it would have given her a new purpose in life and, heck, maybe she might have ventured out herself and found someone new to love, someone who would have made her happy."
What Dad said made Al feel like a heel; he thought he'd stayed to support his mother, but what if he'd kept his mother in a state of permanent widowhood by staying and letting her dote on him, rather than forcing her to find companionship among her peers? Dad's suggestion sounded like kindness through cruelty, but that had always been his method.
In the end, though, Al wasn't convinced, because he had a better objection. "But then I would have never gotten together with Rachel," he said.
"I didn't want her to get together with you," Sam said. "I warned her it would ruin her life, and it has. She's up there, worrying about you, and you're down here having sex with another woman."
"Oh, fuck off, Sam. Isn't this a memory? This was before Rachel."
"Again, time has no meaning here. The past is the present. You need to get out of here if you're going to get back to Rachel."
"Tell me how!" he shouted. "Every time I try, I keep falling back into this!"
"I can't tell you. Only you can get yourself out."
Suddenly, the ground began to shake beneath his feet. This was new. Here, in the black, with Agnes frozen in his arms, he felt very scared.
"Son," Dad said. "You know what you have to do. Let go of her and climb out of the well."
"I don't want to let go! I loved her! I didn't want her to go away!"
Dad's face softened, and Al had never seen him look so sympathetic. "Let go, Al. Let go of the past. You already did it in life, now do it down here. Your present and future are waiting up there."
"But what's all this rumbling? I don't know what to do!"
"That rumbling is your cat's purring. He's on your chest right now. He's happy to see you."
Samson. The name popped into his head, and when it did, he suddenly felt Samson's claws kneading at his chest. He felt the needle pokes and realized it was the first time in all of his episodes where he felt anything. This was different, too.
He let go of Agnes. It hurt, terribly, but his cat was up there, and he needed to be fed and watered, his litter cleaned.
He opened his eyes and looked into the fuzzy face of his feline friend, saw his sleepy eyes. Amazed, he reached weakly to stroke his fur. Was he at Mom's? That was where Samson was supposed to be. But this didn't feel like Mom's house. There was that godawful beeping again, and now he noticed there was something sticking out of his arm. It kind of hurt.
"Al?"
He blinked. Unlike the other times, the light wasn't too bright. He looked around his cat and saw...
Agnes.
"What?" he rasped. "No. No, I'm still down the well! Fuck!"
He squirmed to free himself. Samson leapt off his chest, and Al heard him scrambling on the floor. He heard a door open, and someone else shouted, "He's awake! He's awake!"
"I can't get out!" he croaked, and made to pull at what was in his arm.
"Al! No, wait!"
He whipped his head around in panic, struggling to see and hear where the voice was coming from.
Rachel. There was Rachel. And there was Mom, just coming into view after shouting he was awake.
"What?" He looked from Rachel, to Mom, to Agnes, then squeezed his eyes shut, thinking his eyes were fooling him. Unlike the other times, he didn't fall back into darkness. When he opened them, there they were again, all three of them, his past and his present.
"You're awake," Agnes breathed.
"My boy," Mom said tearfully.
Rachel bent down and kissed him on the lips. "Welcome back to the land of the living," she said.
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To return to the waking world, and Joe's interspecies understanding with the catalyst of Al's return to consciousness, click on "Continue reading."