XIV
" do all surgeons stay around and help their patients to deal with trauma? "
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AGAIN, LUFFY STEPPED ONTO A LARGE BRANCH and made it crack beneath his feet, which made Law startle once more.
Even though the strawhat had said they would 'sneak away' from Rayleigh and his authority, he didn't look like someone who was on a secret mission.
He was wearing a light hoodie and his shorts along with his sandals, while a large blanket was wrapped around his body.
“So that we have something to sit on.” he had answered Law's questioning look and then had started walking.
The air around them was warm, but in a comfortable way. And Law saw how Luffy took a deep breath before he looked up at the night sky, coating them in darkness and silence.
“Ah, it's so calm and quiet here at night.” he now said and smiled as he looked around the dark forest.
Law looked around as well as he stepped closer towards him.
“You still shouldn't let your guard down.”
He paid attention to the smallest sounds, preparing himself for an animal or one of the Kuja pirates jumping through the bushes at any moment.
But luckily, they made it towards 'their spot' unharmed and in silence.
As soon as they arrived, Law was struck by the meadow with the lake once more. At night, it looked like a completely different world, just as beautiful as during the day time, but in a different way.
The crescent moon illuminated the little field, its reflection glittering in the calm water of the lake. It stood right above them, illuminating the small area and Law felt like stepping into another dimension as he walked into the light.
“Hey Torao, what are you waiting for?”
When he heard Luffy's voice, he looked towards him and noticed that he had stopped and stared at the lake for way too long.
The strawhat's smile grew when Law cleared his throat and followed him towards the spot they usually sat in, right in the middle of the field, a few metres away from the lake.
While Luffy spread the blanket on the grass, Law watched him more closely, noticing that his movements were more careless now and didn't seem to cause him as much pain as a few day ago.
“Your can move better again.” he stated and while Luffy dropped onto the spread blanket, he looked up at him.
A smile appeared on his lips and he nodded.
“Yes, thanks to you, it's getting better and better.”
While talking, he grabbed the hem of his thin hoodie and pulled it up, revealing his bandaged upper body to Law.
“It barely hurts anymore when I move around, the salves you use are very good.”
Thankfully, he looked down to his own wound, so he didn't notice how Law's face flushed a little by seeing him like this, laying down and revealing his toned upper body in such a suggestive manner.
No matter how often he saw it, the sight of Luffy's upper body stirred something inside of him that Law couldn't grasp.
And every time, he forced the feeling down because he didn't want to think it through, because he was scared of the realization that might hit him in the end.
With a quick movement, Law sat down next to the young pirate and fumbled around with the fur on Kikoku's grip, using his sword as the comfort object that it was to him.
“That's good to hear.” was all he mumbled.
From the corner of his eye, he saw how Luffy pulled his hoodie down again and then crossed his arms behind his head as he looked up to the sky.
Before Law was able to drown in his thoughts that seemed to get messier and messier with each second, he heard Luffy's voice again, keeping him in reality.
“The guiding star is Polaris, right? Nami once told me about it.”
Upon hearing his question, Law laid down next to him to get a look at the sky himself.
It had been a while since he had watched the stars, but he quickly found a few constellations, leading his way to the star he was looking for.
“That's right. If you want to orient yourself, Polaris is always in the North.”
Luffy leaned his head a little to the side and let his gaze run over the sky.
“Ah yes, she said something about that as well.”
Law noticed that he then moved his head forward and seemed to squint his eyes, as if he could see the stars better like that.
“Is there a constellation to it?” he then asked and Law nodded, his eyes fixed on the constellation surrounding Polaris.
“It's called Ursar Major, the little bear.”
“You're telling me there's a bear pictured in the sky??”
Luffy's excited voice made Law smile for a moment, then, he reached out his arm to show the rough direction.
“It's only called like that, it doesn't really look like a bear.”
The excitement left the strawhat's body and he pouted. “Okay, that's boring...”
Law waved his finger a little to get his attention as he still pointed towards the constellation.
“There's the little bear and the great bear opposite of it.”
When he knew that Luffy's eyes followed him, he moved his finger to a lower spot.
“You see the one that looks like a W? That's Cassiopeia.”
Luffy needed a moment, but eventually, his face lit up and he nodded, so Law moved his arm again.
“If you look a little to the right, you see three stars that create a straight line. That's the belt of Orion.”
The strawhat nodded, slower this time before he looked at Law's face.
“Wasn't Orion a soldier?”
“He was a hunter. If you look closely, you can see his risen arm.” Law responded, but Luffy's eyes kept resting on his face.
And the surgeon almost felt himself getting nervous beneath his gaze. Those damn butterflies were at it again and he wanted to shamble all of them out of his stomach.
“There are zodiac signs in the sky, right? Can we see them from here?”
Law nodded and allowed his gaze to run over the dark canvas once more.
“When is your birthday?”
“5 th May.”
“So you're a Taurus then.” Law mumbled after thinking for a second, then started searching for the constellation.
“What about you? What star sign are you?”
Law's eyes just trailed over Hercules as he answered: “I was born in October, a Libra.”
Luffy nodded and the silence gave Law the chance to continue his search. He couldn't find the stars of Taurus and his gaze was limited by the line of trees that caged them.
Yet after sliding back to Hercules once more, he found his sign right beneath it.
“Ah, I've found mine. But I can't find Taurus, sorry.”
Luffy smiled widely and shook his head.
“Don't worry about it, show me which one is yours!” he demanded with excitement in his voice and Law rose his hand to show him.
“The triangle up there. On each side, there is a line going down, indicating the wages.”
It took Luffy a moment to find the constellation, but when he did, he rose his hand and traced the invisible lines with his fingers.
“Hmm, I think it looks more like a house than a wage.” he said thoughtfully and Law almost smiled, his eyes resting on the strawhat's hand, hovering so close next to his own.
“yeah, kinda weird, huh...”
For some weird reason, he didn't take his hand down. Instead, he moved it slightly closer towards Luffy's, watching the silhouette of their hands in the light of the moon.
It was so silent that for a moment, he was scared the younger pirate might be able to hear his heart beat.
“Do you believe what you told me the other day?”
Luffy's voice was quiet and thoughtful. The excitement and fun were gone and Law looked at him from the side, still not taking his hand down.
“What do you mean?”
“That people turn into stars when they die.”
Law's eyes went over the outline of his face, his perfectly shaped nose, his long lashes and his pale lips.
He was so beautiful that Law couldn't break his gaze away from him. His looks beat all beauty of the moon, his smile was brighter than the sun and his sparkling eyes made the constellations above them look dull and lifeless.
There was a word for it, for this feeling, yet he was still too scared to think it out loud. So the word he thought to fit better was...
“...starstruck.”
Luffy's head turned towards him and gave him a questioning look, making Law realize that he had just mumbled that word out loud.
Now he took his hand down and turned his gaze towards the sky again, trying to stop his face from heating up, trying to keep down the embarrassment flooding him as good as possible.
So he decided to answer Luffy's question.
“I'm not sure if that's really how it works, but I think believing it is a good way to cope and say goodbye to someone. Because you know the person you love is always with you, since you're always under the same sky.”
When the strawhat didn't answer, Law squinted at him, wanting to check if he was okay or if he had said something bad.
But when he looked at him, he saw a wide smile on Luffy's face.
“That sounds good. I think I'm gonna choose one star that reminds me of him. And when I look at the sky, I know that he's always there, together with Sabo.”
There was peace in his voice and finally, after these four draining and painful weeks, Law was sure that Luffy would be fine. That he'd manage to overcome what he had experienced.
Then suddenly, the surgeon remembered that the other thing concerning Luffy were his friends.
“Also, just in case you start missing your friends again, when I'm separated from my crew, I always tell myself that no matter where we are, I'm looking at the same sky as them. And that calms me down.”
Luffy's smile grew even more and when he turned on his side to look at Law, the older pirate noticed joy in his eyes.
The teen slightly opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again, as if he was unsure of what to say.
He was lost in his thoughts for a moment, a moment that felt like a wonderful eternity to Law because Luffy kept looking at his eyes the entire time.
He was broken out of his trance when Luffy eventually rose his voice.
“Thank you. Seriously, thank you for everything. I can never pay back what you've done for me.”
A gentle smile tugged at Law's lips as he shook his head, turning onto his side as well, looking straight at him.
“You don't have to pay me back. I just did my job.” he answered, as if he tried to tell that to himself instead of the young pirate.
And just like the little voice inside Law's head, Luffy gave him a smile and a questioning look.
“Do all surgeons stay around and help their patient to deal with trauma?”
Law pressed his lips to a line and felt it getting harder to stand his gaze.
“And go after them to check up on them if they run away?”
Luffy leaned in a little closer with a grin and Law leaned back, feeling his face heat up.
Maybe the strawhat wasn't as much of an idiot as he had thought.
Had he really noticed how Law had felt all this time?
“And watch the stars with them?” Luffy continued to ask and he was so close, way too close for Law's overworked and helpless brain.
When Law gently pushed him back, he just laughed.
“I did many things for you because I am a nice guy.” the surgeon eventually said.
When he rested more of his weight in the blanket again, he noticed that they were way closer than in their previous position and he noticed that both of their hands were only one or two inches distanced from each other.
“No matter the reason, I'm very thankful to you.” Luffy suddenly said and still carried that damn smile on his lips.
It got silent again and Law stared down to their hands, yelling at himself to move just a little inch. His heart was beating like crazy, especially when he recalled Luffy grabbing his hand when they had slept next to each other.
This was harder and more nerve wracking than any operation he had ever done, even during the escape from Aokiji and Kizaru on Marineford his heart and mind hadn't raced like this.
When his eyes went up to Luffy's face, he noticed that he stared at their hands in the same way.
It somehow gave him a feeling of safety, the feeling that he wouldn't embarrass himself completely if he just gave it a shot.
Still looking at Luffy's face and his tensed lips, Law reached out with his pinky, gently striking over the back of Luffy's hand.
He saw how the tension vanished from the strawhat's face and how he started smiling again, still looking down on their hands, probably not even noticing the way Law observed him.
They stayed just like that, the feeling of Luffy's soft skin beneath his finger made Law's breathing uneven.
His usually controlled mind was a mess, it felt like each existing emotion, everything a person could feel, he felt at the same time.
There was happiness, joy because he had managed to help someone, had managed to heal a part of someone's soul. There was want, so much hunger every time his gaze stroke Luffy's lips.
He had never wanted to kiss someone so badly.
But then suddenly, the joy was sucked in by a black hole of fear and doubt.
He thought about the fact that he didn't have much time left to spend it with Luffy, that his stay on the island would be over soon enough.
If he woke up wrong hopes inside of Luffy, they would get crushed as soon as he'd leave. And he couldn't bear the thought of breaking a part of him now that he had started to heal.
He was still looking at him, his eyes trailing over his scar, his small nose, his lips. Until he suddenly found his eyes looking up at him.
Luffy didn't say anything, just looked at him and when his eyes suddenly lowered to Law's lips, the surgeon felt a flutter in his stomach.
He just wasn't sure if it was a good or bad flutter.
His body became more heated, his heart beat so fast and so loud that it echoed in his ears and his lips felt dry and aching out of a sudden.
As if he shared that feeling, Luffy quickly wet his own lower lip with his tongue and the sight of that alone made a shiver run over Law's back.
But he told himself that it was just his body acting naturally. Because he was desperate, because he hadn't kissed anyone in a while, because he hadn't been touched in a while.
The need in his core corrupted his body and mind and he was disgusted by himself.
When he felt how Luffy leaned in a little bit closer towards him, the fear swallowed him. The chaos his mind had erupted into took over and he let out a nervous, shaky breath.
Once more, Luffy looked down on his lips, then his gaze rose to Law's eyes, as if he was waiting for his reaction.
But the problem was that Law had no idea how to react.
When Luffy slightly parted his lips and leaned forward a little, Law was able to feel his breath stroke his cheek and his insides felt like they were burning.
They felt like they were burning with the most chaotic fire he had ever felt and his head started hurting because of the loud and fast thoughts inside.
It was all too much, the sudden overstimulation around him drenching him in fear.
Even though he just wanted to push his lips and his whole body and soul against Luffy, he was held back by his own fear and worries.
No matter how much he wanted it, he couldn't do this and he hated himself for it.
He had to be the responsible one in this situation.
And he didn't want to start something that probably wouldn't have a future, something that would just end up hurting him.
Even though his entire being screamed at him, asked him what he hell he was doing, the one rational part of his brain told him it was better this way.
It felt so wrong when he pulled his hand away from Luffy's and turned on his back, directed his eyes back to the sky, to the stars and the endlessness right above them.
His heart was still beating hard and fast in his chest and he didn't dare to look into Luffy's eyes or at him in general.
Because he was sure there would be an expression of disappointment and hurt on his face and the word “coward” written all over his gaze.
“We should go back.” he said after a little while and didn't even wait for Luffy to respond to him.
He got to his feet and felt cold and heartless, felt like a monster when he felt Luffy's eyes rest on him.
He wished for the younger pirate to ask him what was wrong, why he was such a coward and if all the little hints he had given him during the past weeks had been false hopes.
He wanted him to yell at him, to grab him by the collar of his shirt and force him to look into those beautiful, brown eyes of his, wanted him to slap him across the face for being so ridiculously spineless.
But Luffy was light and the sun and everything good and would never do that. He just got up, without saying anything as he folded the blanket together.
The air between them was thick and weird as they walked out of the forest and Law hated it.
But Law was a coward and didn't say anything.
He was a coward and ran away, as he always did.
He had never hated himself so much.