Chapter: 8
A man will finds his hope in spite of turmoil, there is a light in spite of darkness.
Fewer people you see around because others are there in the place where the band performs that girls look up to, I don't even know how strong the effect of that on girls. Napaisip ako, nandoon kaya siya at nanonood katulad nila?
Agad kong iwinaksi ang iniisip ko sakto namang dumating si ryan na may dala-dalang root beer, bawal magdala ng matataas na alak dito kaya ito na lang ang binili nila fresh from seven eleven. Suki ng seven eleven 'tong si ryan, ewan ko ba doon kung ba't napapadalas ang pagpunta niya nitong mga nakaraang araw. Siguro nakahanap na naman ng chicks ang mokong.
Pang dalawang araw na namin dito, smooth ang lahat walang away at walang gulo. Kahit may mga nagaaya sa amin na makipagaway agad akong
hinihila nila ryan at jacob dahil alam nila ang mangyayari kung papatol ako doon. Kung hindi lang siguro nakiusap sakin si Mr Cruz siguro kanina pa ako nakipagbasagan ng mukha sa kanila.
Ryan and Jacob and I lined up as we walked towards the wild place to the band's concert so we could have a peek, we immediately stopped when we arrived about two ways. Ryan scratched his head and looked at us as if asking where we were going.
"I think the way is here?" bahagyang tinuro ni jacob ang kaliwa. Napaisip naman kami ni ryan sandali. "Siguro sa kanan ang daan." Tumingin sila sa tinuro kong daan.
Mahinang tumawa si ryan at nagsalita, "I think even if we go two ways we will still get lost."
"Doon na lang tayo dumaan sa sinabi ni ryan." Napaisip sila sandali at tumango. Nakakailang hakbang palang ang ginagawa namin ng may matanda na biglang sumulpot sa harap namin. Pareho na nagulat ang dalawa at umatras kaya ako ang naiwan sa harapan.
Mapupungay ang mga mata niya na nakatingin sa amin, wala akong nararamdaman na takot dito. Bahagya akong hinawakan ni ryan sa braso at hinila pero hindi parin iyon sapat para mahila niya ako ng tuluyan.
The old man was holding a cane, his hair was white and falling out. Tumikhim ito at nagsalita, "Mga hijo, saan ba kayo pupunta?" tanong nito sa amin.
Nagkatitigan si Jacob at Ryan. "P-Pupunta po sana kami doon para manood ng banda…" Halata ang takot sa boses ni ryan. Hanggang ngayon matatakutin parin siya, kung titignan mo para siyang matapang na lalaki pero kapag sa ganitong bagay dinaig pa niya ang babae.
Nanaliit ang mata niya. "Wala dito sa dalawa ang tamang daan. Mali kayo ng napuntahan kung ako sa inyo bumalik na kayo at doon kayo magtanong." We went the wrong way, it would have been better if we had seen the old man if we hadn't gotten lost now.
Sabay-sabay kaming tumango at humakabang paalis. Kahit hindi kami lumingon sa pwesto ng matanda alam kong nakatingin ito sa amin. Pumagitna sa amin si ryan na kanina pa nakaramdam ng takot. "Nakita niyo ba kung paano tumingin 'yung matanda satin kanina?" nagsalubong ang kilay ko sa sinambit ni ryan.
Hinampas ni Jacob si Ryan sa braso niya kaya napadaing ito ng mahina. "Gutom lang 'yan bro." Magsasalita pa sana si ryan pero mabilis namin siyang hinila palayo doon.
I just finished eating, the two of them were eating inside our tent. I am taking a walk now to breathe fresh air. Now I just felt like being a simple person, here they don’t pay much attention to me.
In others, everyone is happy to notice them but for me it's opposite, because I used to think that fighting is the way para matakot sila and they will not tell some negative words about me but I am wrong they give me more negative comments.
When will the pain I feel be worth it?
Even though I'm a man I still feel pain, we can't just show but it hurts inside us. We are not the kind of people who open up to fellow men because for us the soft hearted heart are the losers. If for women it's just normal for us it's a big loser for our game.
I'm wearing a black shirt, it's nice to wear black when it's cold dahil hindi ito masyadong pinapasukan ng lamig.
I immediately lost my attention to the absence of being hit by the corner of my eye jazure who was not in herself while staring at the absence. She was just on my side, some distance from me.
When I see her in the light I can always observe her smiles full of colour, she makes those with her smile and laugh. But from what I see now it's not like she is, it's like her face has lost colour it's like she's lifeless, you can't see a trace of colour that serves as happiness
But even so, we are still different because she does not lose colour, it continues to flow in her eyes and she is the one who serves as colour to other people who have nothing.
I approached her place. She looked up at me, the expression on her face was slightly surprised but also quickly disappeared. I rummaged in the pocket of my pants, she just watched what I was doing.
When I took out what I had dug, I immediately handed it to her. She frowned as she looked at my hand. "Why are you giving me a key chain?" She asked.
I looked at the key chain I was holding. It had a bird design that means freedom. The bird was covered in different colours which accentuated its beauty.
Hindi na ako nakapagsalita ng bigla niya itong kinuha sa akin at ngumiti. "Salamat."
My eyebrows met and I said, "Jacob and Ryan don't want that so I gave it to you." But actually I won't really give it to them, it caught my attention when we were buying from the old woman earlier, she was the first person that came to my mind when I saw it so I bought it immediately.
We walked together, we had a distance from each other. May mga nakasalubong pa kami kaya hindi namin maiwasan na magdikit ang aming mga braso pero agad din siyang lumalayo. She invited me to go for a walk, I wanted to refuse but she immediately pulled me here.
We stopped at a hut near the gorge. I could see there the view where you could see the mountains gathering together with the lush trees. We went there together.
I immediately pulled out my camera and immediately took a picture of it. I was just lowering my camera when Jazure, who was now sitting in a long wooden chair, spoke. “You really want to be a photographer?" Hindi parin ako umimik. "Kahit hindi mo sabihin alam kong gusto mo."
Umupo ako sa kabilang upuan. "There are really things that can’t be pushed because someone will get hurt and get angry… but you know what’s more painful?” I can’t explain the emotion in her eyes but I know it’s enveloped in sadness.
"You really want to do that but you can't because the world is making a way to take you away from there."
Until now what she said before still doesn't sink in, I don't know where she got those words but I know it's her feelings that she wants to release
Napaigtad ako sa aking kinauupuan ng biglang magsalita si Jacob na nasa tabi ko. "Farrel, are you listening to me?" nakataas kilay na tanong nito sa akin.
"What are you saying again?"
Napahawak sa ulo si Jacob. "Ang sabi ko saan ka magbabakasyon sa weekends?"
Nagkibit balikat ako. "Siguro sa bahay ni lolo." I'm not sure if I can go there, we will only be given a week for vacation and we will continue our studies again. It's nice that we can relax with the family on the weekends because it's going to be Christmas too. This is the beauty of the school we went to, they care about every health and need of the student. I can say they didn’t lack appreciation the only problem was those like me who did nothing but bring trouble
All fun has an end, nothing permanent everything will also end with the word "goodbye"
I'm already here in the house where no one is as colourful as before when mommy and older brother were still here. Dad and I were the only ones left while my older brother was in another country with his new life.
Wala si manang ngayon dahil umuwi siya sa kanila, nagpaalam siya sa akin noon bago ako umalis. Gusto ko pa sana na dito na lang si manang pero hindi pwede dahil may sarili siyang pamilya. Dad is usually with his company that he can't leave. I really can't understand dad why he loves his company so much. Sometimes I think I’m not his son but his company.
For me I prefer to go my own way. I don't want to take dad's place in the company. I want to create my own world where I'm really happy. Is that hard to accept?
I know I haven't been a good child but shouldn't I also deserve to take the path I want and choose what I want to do?
Dad has been a good father to us all, he gives even our luxuries, I know that the money he gives us comes from his efforts. I want to repay all of dad’s hardships but not in the way that I will manage his company that he wants to happen.
I enjoy Jacob and Ryan because they can say what they want in life, they can shout it out to everyone without receiving a negative comment while at every move I have a comment immediately.
I sat on the end of my bed and opened my camera to look at what I had captured. I smile because of the new photos I took. I immediately stopped when someone hit the photo.
The enticing sunset but I saw a face, only half of it was captured but I could still see her face. Her hair was loose and she was looking up at the sky. I never thought I would be able to take a picture of her.
I was lying on my bed while looking at the ceiling. A lot has happened these days and the fun I had there with Ryan and Jacob still doesn't sink into my brain. I know we will return to the real world where you will hear only people's judgments, every day I enter I'm used to it but sometimes I can't help but hit or fight people who are not afraid of what I will do.
Different blood covers my fist, no one misses it no matter how many enemies I have as long as I am strong I can knock them out. I want them to kneel while dealing with the pain in their bodies, I want to make them feel the pain they have never experienced.
In human eyes I am the trouble maker without end. With every win I had people’s eyes full of fear and anger. The evil I have done cannot be removed from the people, it is already imprinted on their minds. But sometimes I can’t help but wonder because there are still people who look up to me, I know just because of my appearance.
I'm hopeless. I feel like I'm drowning in the middle of the ocean where the waves are high and big, no matter what I do they still pull me back. No hand was ready to help me, no one wanted to help me until the darkness engulfed me. But when I opened my eyes I saw a woman smiling at me, I could see the different colours in her eyes. She held out her hand to me.
Even a few days later I still couldn't get my dream out of my brain. The woman in my dream, the fearless woman who feels our hand meet.
As our hand met every colour that enveloped me, I felt the colour come alive again in my life.