Chapter 4
When it was time to make funeral arrangements he knew what he had to do. The forgotten cemetery was on his mind often. When he didn’t dream of the car crash he dreamed of the cemetery. Jeremy took care of all the arrangements personally; to him it was extremely important. He didn’t want any mix ups, he want to make sure she was buried exactly where she wanted to be.
He showed the family where the cemetery was ahead of time so they could she where she was going to be. Her mother didn’t like it very much, she preferred the plots that Jeremy had already sold over a year ago. Nicola kept asking if he was sure this is what she wanted, and he kept reassuring her over and over. Juan on the other hand had complete faith in Jeremy.
The service was small because the cemetery was small. They had warned everyone ahead of time not to wear heels and dresses because they had to walk through a path in the woods. They didn’t mention the path was practically grown over, but they made due. The service was full of tears and laughter. Everyone had something to share. The flower shop had provided free flowers, seeing as she was on her way there for their mistake when she died. Jeremy had made sure to put copies of the photos of what the wedding would have been in her casket. He spread himself across the closed casket as if to hug her one last time. With her he left an imprint of his hands and face. They lowered the casket and he knew it was time for him to go.
He was the first one to leave stumbling down the path. He didn’t make a sound, the tears ran down his face as if they planned to fall for eternity.
He got in his car and drove. He didn’t know where he was going but he knew it wasn’t home and it wasn’t here.
She was gone, she was really gone. Now it was official. She was six feet under, there was no turning back. What was he supposed to do? Where was he supposed to go? He didn’t want to go home, ever. He was alone now. There was no one out there for him.
He thought about drinking, but he didn’t want to become one of those people who turned into a drunk after they lost someone. Instead he drove. He didn’t pay attention to where he was or where he was going . He didn’t stop except for the lights. He jumped on the interstate to avoid having to stop. Hours past and the sun was setting. He only had a quarter tank of gas left. He waited a few more exits and got off the interstate. Jeremy found he was going north and ended up maybe three states away from home. He parked at the nearest fast food place and called a taxi. He ate while he waited.
As he ate he was thinking of what to do with his Beemer. He didn’t want it anymore, and he didn’t want to drive it. He went out to the car found a piece of paper and wrote ‘If you want it, Keep it. Too many memories.’ He looked in the glove compartment for the title. He signed it and left it in the passenger seat. The taxi came and Jeremy collected what little things he wanted from the car. He took the car key off his key ring and put it in the drivers seat of the unlocked car with the note in the window. He paused for a second and remembered the bill of sale. He open the car up and found another paper and scribbled a bill of sale.
Jeremy opened the taxi door and stood there taking one last look at the black BMW Alexia used to drive. ‘She’s gone.’ he told himself once more and got in the taxi and closed the door.
“The closest airport please.” Jeremy told the driver. The driver shook his head and drove away.
Jeremy hoped if he let go of little pieces of Max at a time maybe one day he could move on, before it was too late. He sat in the taxi not knowing how long a ride to anticipate and took himself back.
Almost three years ago Max wanted to go on vacation, but she couldn’t decide where and neither could Jerm. Max was so indecisive so Jerm decided to fix that problem. He woke her up early in the morning and grabbed the passports. Max was half asleep so she didn’t really notice where they were going. She sat in the passenger seat with shades that covered half her face falling in a out of sleep. They arrived at the airport no luggage no nothing, just the passports and wallet in Jeremy’s pocket. He woke up Max and when she saw where they were she looked at him like he’d lost his mind.
“What are we doing here?” she asked.
“Going on vacation.” he answered like she was the dumb one for asking.
“Ok…. Where?” she said shaking her head.
“I don’t know yet, we’ll see.” Jeremy said calmly. Max left her purse in the trunk of the car and they took the terminal and all that other non-sense you have to go through just to get to the actual airport.
“So you don’t know where we are going?” Max asked.
“No. No I do not. I did not plan this out at all.”
“So what you just woke up this morning at five am and decided we were going to take a ride to the airport?”
“Well not at five am. Maybe around two am while I was half asleep. So I set my alarm.”
Max stayed quiet. In her mind she was frustrated. She had no clothes, make up nothing. Jeremy didn’t even let her shower. She was still in her pajamas and flip flops. What if they ended up going to Alaska or somewhere cold! She was wearing flip flops! She looked down at her feet as they stood in line to buy tickets to somewhere. Jeremy caught her staring at her feet.
‘If your worried about your shoes, I’ll buy you new ones if it will make you feel better.”
Max sighed and wrapper her hands around her neck as Jeremy wrapped his arms around her waist. “Come on Max it will be fun.”
“I know. I know. It always is. I just don’t like being unprepared for things.”
“I know, but you know what, you will get all new clothes ok.”
This made her a little bit happy. Like any woman she loved new clothes.
They had gotten up to the counter. “Give me two tickets to anywhere that is flying out next that I can purchase tickets and make it to the gate on time.”
The attendant at the counter looked at Jeremy like he was speaking a different language. “I’m sorry?” she asked.
“I need two tickets on the next flight anywhere in the world that I can make on time.”
The attendant opened her mouth then closed it quickly. “Um… anywhere?”
“Yes” Jeremy answered.
“Uh…ok” she looked through the computer. “We have seats available for a flight out to Costa Rica that leaves in about one hour.”
“Ok. I’ll take them.” he said pulling out his wallet to search for his card.
“Ok. It’s like a fifteen hundred dollars one way… per person. Are you sure?”
“Look lady, I’m just trying to take my girlfriend on a vacation. We couldn’t decide so we woke up early just to do this, now will you let me pay so we can be on our way.”
The attendant was silent as she booked their flight. “Ok. Here’s your passes. But you have to run they will be boarding any minute.”
“Thank You.” Jeremy smiled. He grabbed Max’s hand and ran off. They had to pass through customs as well.
Max thought this was crazy but she loved it. That’s why they belonged together, they were both equally crazy. They made it through security checks and Max had to leave her shoes off as Jeremy pulled her up the stairs. “Over here!” he shouted over his shoulder.
They made it to the gate our of breath and handed the man their boarding passes. “You just made it. Without a minute to spare.” he said
Jeremy sighed in the back seat of the taxi. That was their last vacation. They both found it so hard to pull away from their work long enough to take a good vacation. Max was excited about the honeymoon, she imagined it would be like the time they spent on Costa Rica. Jeremy resisted the urge to let himself tear. He didn’t want to cry again or anymore, for the rest of his life. That was the agreement he made with himself, no more tears.
He arrived at the airport, paid the driver and went to buy a bag for his things. He bought his ticket and his flight back home didn’t leave for a few hours. He wondered around and forced himself to eat even though he wasn’t hungry. Lately he has been forgetting to eat as often as he should and sometimes would go the whole day without eating. It surprised him how he felt at peace and lonely at the same time. He knew it was Max’s absence that made him feel this way. He was so used to always having her around, now that she has been gone almost three weeks he felt so lost in the world. To him it was like starting life over again, only this life didn’t make much sense. Jeremy sat at the bench staring at the floor, he could feel the look on his face, it was most likely overly dramatic sadness. He was just lonely, he knew he still had people who cared about him, but they weren’t Max. nothing and no one could replace the void in his life that was Alexia. You cant just forget eleven years of memories and life that to you spent with one person. Sometimes he thought if he could he would have Alexia erased from his memory, but he also thought he wouldn’t want any other memories. He wouldn’t want any replacements, he just wanted to hold on to her in anyway possible.
Jeremy placed his face in his hands. His mind wasn’t healthy, he wasn’t healthy. He felt weak. He was always sad and felt like crying, and dying was a thought that occurred often. ‘Depression’ Jeremy knew that’s what it was, but he knew he would never admit to anyone. He was grieving, it would take time and that was all he had left.
“Long night” he heard a woman say. He looked up and saw a woman with long blonde hair and grey eyes. She wearing red lipstick and had a eyebrow and nose piercing, which he thought were too many. If not for the holes in her face, she would be very pretty. Jeremy wasn’t sure if she was talking to him so looked around. There was no one close, but he also thought she could be wearing a Bluetooth that made everyone look like they were talking to themselves.
“Me?” he mouthed and pointed to himself.
The girl giggled. She laughed like a child, but looked at least twenty one. “Yea you’re the only one here. Your looking kind of rough.”
“Oh yea, I’m sure I do.” he looked down at himself and he was still wearing the black suit from the funeral.
“What, was your flight delayed?”
Jeremy shook his head “No, I just came and bought my ticket, still got a few hours.”
“Oh I see. Where are you going?”
“Home back to Florida. I guess.” Jeremy didn’t feel like talking but he was just glad to talk to someone who he didn’t know at all for a change.
“Oh were you in town for a funeral or something?”
Jeremy smiled ever so slightly, it almost felt wrong.
“No I was actually getting away from a funeral.”
“Getting away? Someone you loved very much and you cant handle it?” she asked like she was a mind reader.
“My fiancé. Died a week before the wedding.”
The woman gasped “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it in a mean way.” she said putting her hand on his shoulder.
“It’s ok. Your right. I drover here from the funeral.” Jeremy laughed to himself. Saying it out loud he saw how crazy it sounded.
“You know just cause she is gone doesn’t mean there still isn’t someone out there for you.”
“I’m not so sure about that. Its hard to loose half of you and fins someone who will fit perfectly again.”
“They can only fit as much as you allow them to fit.”
She was right but he wasn’t sure if he wanted anyone else to fit.
“I guess.” he sighed.
“I’m sorry. I seem rude, don’t I.”
“No, not at all. Its refreshing talking to someone I don’t know.”
She smiled with perfectly straight while teeth. “Well glad I can help. So what do you do?”
Jeremy sighed once more. “Business owner in lamest terms… you?”
“Me? I guess you can say I’m a struggling artist. I do temp jobs and sell what painting I can.”
“Sounds fun. I guess as long as you enjoy it.”
“Oh yea it is fun. Let’s your mind relax. It’s kind of like reading.”
Jeremy thought she was interesting, but not as interesting as Alexia. He knew for a while his mind would always revert back to her in comparison to everyone else.
“What was her name?” she asked
“That obvious?”
“It’s natural. It’s not easy to suffer the loss of someone you love in that other way.”
“Her name was Max or Alexia actually. What was his name?” She seemed like she knew the loss of someone you love. It was kind of obvious she knew the feeling. She took interest in his loss, so he could take an interest to hers.
“Tony. Died five years ago. Wrong place, wrong time.”
“I’m sorry. You know when you lose someone it’s so hard to remember that it happens to other people the same way.”
“And when it’s not happening to you it’s hard to remember that it can. Yea I know we are all the same way.”
“Yea makes you wonder why life goes on sometimes.” Alexia would slap him for saying that. She always wanted him to embrace life no matter what it threw at you. She would be upset he was sulking this way, but he didn’t have the strength to pull out of it yet. Who knew how long it would take. “By the way I’m Jeremy. Jeremy Preston.” he said reaching out to shake her hand.
She took it. “Alex, Alex Conners. Irony is funny isn’t it.”
“Extremely.” Alex out of all the names in the world, he was sitting next to an Alex. He took his hand and ran it through his hair as he laughed, he laughed so hard tears began to fall out of his eyes, but he wasn’t crying. No he was just laughing at irony.
“I’m sorry my emotions are so out of whack. I didn’t even call her Alex. I called her Max”
“But her name was Alexia?”
“Yup. Everyone called her Alex or Alexia. But Alex is the name of the cousin I don’t like very much, so I picked Max.”
Alex laughed “Max? why Max? why not Lexa or Lexi or something?”
“Didn’t fit her. I don’t even think Alex fit her. I always thought Max or Alexia went. I even had Max put on her gravestone.” The word gravestone hit Jeremy right in the heart. For once he didn’t try to control what he said. He just spoke. It still hurt though and never would stop.
“Flight 271 to San Diego, now boarding.” the announcer said.
“Oh that’s me. I should go. It was a pleasure meeting you Jeremy Preston. Good luck.” she stood up and shook his hand once more.
“Thanks, see you around Alex Conners. Thanks for the talk.”
“No Problem. I could tell you needed it.” she winked and walked off. As she was walking away Jeremy thought he should get her number and keep contact, but he knew he’d never call. But then she was gone, out of sight.
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I thought for hours about ending this chapter differently.... for the possibility of a different ending but i decided to stay with my orginal idea and left it at this.