Once again, we won another exam, thanks to the brilliant leadership of Kiyotaka. It was great to be getting more points and moving up the rankings. I would be receiving 25,000 points a month from Ryuuen thanks to Kiyotaka, and every bit helped. Having to be social and friends with everyone meant I constantly had to spend money.
Thank god that Kiyotaka cooked meals on my nights off, or I wouldn't be able to afford to eat.
I didn't care about the class competition, not really. The allure of 100% placement didn't bother me. I was competent enough that I could get myself into whatever I wanted on my own merit, or just find a wealthy man and live my life through high social circles, fulfilling my greatest desire. It was nice to have more points but having to fight with other classes only made my job to befriend everyone and learn all their secrets that much harder.
But everything was getting so much more complex. Kiyotaka found me useful, and kept me by his side in the exams, pushing me into a position of leadership. It wasn't where I wanted to be, because there was no faster way to alienate friends than to lead a battle against them, but... I suppose I could put up with it.
He had promised to keep me out of the leadership role and had been getting Horikita and Hirata to take over. But if he really needed my help, I suppose I probably wouldn't mind.
There was no one else he trusted, after all. Only me.
It was a scary thought. Kiyotaka was such an enigma, someone I didn't understand at all. And yet, he trusted me. And I trusted him.
I don't even know why I opened up to him. Things I hadn't ever told to my closest 'friends', feelings I had never admitted out loud, to anyone ever. And yet, I had told him. All of my darkness, my hatred, everything that was wrong with me, I for some reason let it out to him.
And he didn't care. He still trusted me, even after all that.
It was... something new. Something different. Never once in my life had I opened up to anyone, let anyone know the real me. And yet here was the biggest enigma, because that was the only word I had to describe Kiyotata, I had ever met, and he didn't even care.
This feeling... what was it?
Even now, looking back, it was embarrassing to remember how I acted. Throwing myself at him, like a lovestruck teenage girl. That wasn't me. I was the one who knew the secrets of those girls. No, it was joy. Hope, a ray of light in my dark life. The first person to accept the real me. How could I ever give that up?
The apathetic, emotionless, ruthless genius who had no idea what a normal life was like. Constantly I was seeing him try things that no one else would. Weird, unusual things, much like a child. He tried five times watered down coffee, just to see what it was like.
And then there were the things he said. About never experiencing trust, about never having a friend, or being close to his parents. It wasn't completely unusual, but there was something strange about it, something unnatural...
Ah, but I couldn't understand him. It was enough that Kiyotaka trusts me.
I had opened myself up to him. It was something I never thought I'd do in my life, not truly, but I had. And now there was no choice but to stand by his side, not that I'd ever choose anywhere else to be.
Kiyotaka offered me power, influence, but most of all...
He offered me genuine, indiscriminate friendship. Something I had never once had in my life. It was amazing, the warmth of another human who cared. Something I had missed for as long as I could. He filled a gap inside of me that I had forced myself to ignore, until I no longer remembered how a person should feel.
And for that, I would support him as much as I could.
I felt in some way that I did the same for him.
Someone who self-professed to never know what a close human relation was, and I could be there for him. It was the least I could do, to show him what it was like to have someone who cared, and I was more than happy to do so.
Two damaged people, helping each other heal.
Then there was Horikita.
My nemesis, my enemy, the biggest threat to the sole purpose of my life.
Kiyotaka had promised he would help me expel her. And yet, he seemed to not be making any attempt to do so.
But, in this particular case, I didn't mind.
Some interesting rumours had begun to fly around our class. Tensions were rising, seemingly out of nowhere. People had begun to notice the strange change in behaviour of two well-known figures in the class.
Horikita and Hirata seemed to have a problem with each other.
Surprisingly, no one knew what had happened, or why they were out for blood. All I knew was that they had been quietly talking to people, building networks, and testing the waters on how our classmates would stand, if it came to a conflict.
It was incredible.
I had known it would be hard to expel Horikita. She's a model student, and for her to ever make a mistake that would result in her expulsion would be very unlikely. I knew that even Kiyotaka would struggle to get rid of her, although not for a moment did I doubt that he could.
But if he was simply biding his time, waiting for his opportunity, and in the meantime playing this game, then I was more than happy to play along.
He hadn't told me anything about this, at least not yet. But I was sure it was him. I could sense his hand behind everything going on between them, antagonising the two against each other, in a way that other people couldn't even fathom. In a way that even I, with all my secrets as leverage, would struggle with.
He had potentially turned two of the best students in our class against each other and done so without anyone realising.
It was beautiful, amazing. So subtle, and yet we could watch from the sidelines as our class collapsed into anarchy.
It could even be part of his plan to expel Horikita. I had absolutely no idea.
Usually not knowing would terrify me.
But if it was Kiyotaka I strangely didn't mind.
Because I trusted him.
I believed that he would come through, that he would fulfil his promise and get rid of Horikita. And then, when there were no more dangers, it would be just the two of us, together, ruling this school.
Yes, Kiyotaka knew me better than anyone. He knew my secrets, my lies, my true self. He should have been my greatest enemy, someone I hated more than anyone, more than Kasumi.
And yet, there was no one I trusted more. No one I would rather fight for, fight with, stand by their side, his side.
It was unthinkable, that in four months I would change who I was so drastically. To go from fighting alone, to seeking out the company of my partner.
Yes... partner. That's what we were. Partners.
The old me would have scoffed, been betrayed, disgusted that I would give up such secrets. And yet, I couldn't find it in me to care.
One exception. That's all it was. I would never, could never, trust anyone else, no one. I would forever be bound by my curse, my desire, to know the secrets of everyone. I didn't care that I was damaged like that, because that's all I've ever wanted.
But I could make an exception for Kiyotaka.
It was terrifying. I couldn't even tell if he was honest or lying, with his never-changing face he gave nothing away. He could think I was absolute dirt and was just saying what I wanted to hear, and yet... I didn't care.
Ahhh... what a mess this all is. I'm so pathetic, to be acting like this.
I guess, in the end all that matters is that I'm by his side. The safest place in the world, and the most powerful position to hold. To have the favour of the devil incarnate and fight alongside him.
What more could I ever want?
Authors Notes:
So, there we have it. Kushida SS, because i thought it was important to address what she went through. I would have liked to do a Horikita or Hirata chapter, but it's getting excessive at this point, and I'd rather save those for future events.
I did my best to avoid mentioning the words love or attraction, because right now (no promises for the future) that's not what she feels. Ayanokouji is providing her with something she's never truly experienced before, and so her relationship to him is more infatuation, curiosity and a desire for more of the same. There might (read: definitely) be some romatic feelings mixed in, but in her conscious mind its the allure of something new that draws her to him right now.
So, that's the end of Arc 4. Holy shit, what a journey. It's been months since i started writing, and I'm still enjoying it just as much as I was back then. One third of the story is complete now, two thirds to go.
This fic reached 100k reads yesterday, which is an insane number. Thanks to all the people who congratulated me for it, it's something i never expected, nay dreamed on when I began writing this stupid idea i had in my head. Yes, i still cringe at the name sometimes, but it's my fic and I love it. I'm never going to stop writing it, at least until i reach the proper ending, and I hope there's always people who are here to enjoy it. It's a pleasure to share my work and ideas with all of you, and hopefully this can continue for many months.
As always, hope you enjoyed!