Mew sat there for hours without doing anything but sobbing hysterically. He got up and fell on the bed. He hardly had energy to clean his cuts and at that point he didn't care anymore. He didn't know when he fell asleep. Incessant knocking at the door woke him up. He tried to ignore whoever was at the door. Must be Sarawat. He would leave after a while.
His phone rang and he cut the call without checking the caller id. He switched off his phone. He had got lots of messages and calls from students in college. He had read some of the texts. They were cruel and rude. He was being called names. He wanted to tell them what was the truth but he didn't have energy to do so. And at the moment he believed half of the post.
The knocking at the door hadn't stopped even now. He got up from the bed and opened the door. He hadn't expected to see Gulf standing there. Mew was debating whether to shut the door or ask Gulf why was he here. But Gulf didn't give him time to ask anything, he barged inside and stopped short looking at the mess in the living room.
Mew suddenly remembered the condition of his hand and pulled down his sleeves. He closed the door and went after Gulf.
"Gulf, why are you here? "
"You don't want me to be here? "
"I didn't mean that. I'm sorry about the post. It mentioned your name and it must be a hassle. I'm sorry about that. I'll-"
"Why are you apologizing? Did you write that post? "
"No."
"Then I don't think you've anything to apologize for."
"Still because of me you are centre of gossip."
"I don't give damn about that. People have gossiped about me a lot. It doesn't faze me anymore."
"Are you okay? "
"I think I should be asking you that."
"I'm fine. "
"You don't seem fine to me."
"Don't worry, I'll be okay. It will pass."
"You look like you have been crying for hours."
"No. I was just sleeping."
"You are worrying me."
"I'm sorry-"
"Can you stop apologizing for a minute? "
"Okay."
"Hop in shower and I'll make something for you to eat."
"You don't have to. I'll be fine so you can go now."
"Mew, do as I'm saying."
"Okay."
Mew did as Gulf said. He had no energy to oppose him. He was dumbfounded to see him here. He didn't understand why Gulf was here. Was he worried about him? No, after all Mew had done to him, how could Gulf worry about him. Mew showered quickly and bandaged his wounds. He didn't want Gulf to know about them. It would definitely make him go away. They looked disgusting on his skin.
Mew came out of his room and saw Gulf cooking his favorite dish. It smelled heavenly. He felt hungry for the first time since he came back home. He took seat and quickly started eating. He stuffed his mouth like he couldn't get enough of it.
"Mew, slow down. You'll choke on the food. Eat slowly."
"It's delicious."
"I know but no need to choke on it."
After Mew and Gulf finished eating, Gulf starting washing the utensils.
"You don't have to, Gulf. I'll do that later. You have done enough."
"It's fine."
"No, I don't think you need to do all this for me anymore. I mean we aren't in relationship anymore and we aren't friends either. I know you're forcing yourself to do this because you pity me but you don't have to. I know you are too kind to ignore someone in pain."
"I don't pity you, Mew and I'm not forcing myself to do anything."
"Then why are you doing this? "
"Because I want to."
"That I don't understand."
"You have always been quite slow."
"Huh? "
"I love you, Mew. Feelings don't go away in blink of an eye. You hurt me too much and I hate you for that but I still can't just sit and watch you suffer."
"You love me? You shouldn't. You deserve so much better. I'm definitely wrong for you."
"Sarawat told me about Taemin."
"What? How dare he? Look Gulf, you don't have to pity me. I definitely don't deserve that. Whatever happened with Taemin didn't have anything to do with you and yet I hurt you because of that. That's inexcusable."
"It is. "
"Then why? "
"I can't imagine what it must have been like to lose someone like that. And I'm not saying I am okay with what you did but to an extent I can understand."
"You shouldn't have to understand such messed up thing."
"Do you really believe you are messed up? "
"Yes. And I destroyed our relationship because of that."
"Mew, first time you rejected me it wasn't cruel. I could get where you were coming from. Now I know everything, I can understand you wanted to put some distance between us. Fake dating thing was a stupid idea and I hated that you rejected me again because you believed others over me.
But I also remember that you were there for me when I needed you the most. I know you beat up Mark because of what he did. You didn't have to but still you did. You threatened him to never come anywhere near me. You fought with anyone who would bully me in college. You never did it in front of me but Sarawat told me everything."
"They needed to be taught a lesson. How could they bully you like that?"
"You broke your friendship with Lhong and Eva."
"Yes, after everything they did I couldn't even look at them. I had known them for all my life. It was hard to accept that I meant absolutely nothing to either of them."
"You cut your ties with Eva's company?"
"Yes, when Dad knew what had happened he was so angry. He hated to think someone he trusted would do this to me. He always treated Lhong and Eva like family."
"It must have hurt like hell."
"Yeah, even when Lhong and I broke up, he was such a good friend to me. He would always help me and be there for me. He said we should be best friends being boyfriends didn't suit us. I was so relieved. I hated to think I would lose him. I invested in lots of his father's projects. I knew most of them wouldn't benefit us immensely but it made me happy to make him happy."
"Who initiated the break up? "
"Lhong. He said he liked someone else."
"He was cheating on you? "
"No, he just fell out of love. That's all or I don't know what to think anymore."
"Mew, you aren't a bad person. You just have been surrounded by worst of them. Don't hate yourself for what happened with Taemin or me."
"How can I not? "
"Taemin sounds like an amazing brother from what I have heard from Sarawat. I'm sure he doesn't want you to keep hating yourself."
"But you should. I hurt you terribly."
"That you did. So you should make it up to me."
"Of course. How can I do that? "
"Take care of me, make me happy, tolerate my tantrums, take me out for meals, take me shopping, buy beautiful things for me, cook for me, have fun with me, enjoy life by my side, love me and never leave me no matter what."
Mew stared at Gulf and wondered what did he ever do to deserve someone like Gulf. He was too good for him. Such kind and warm soul. He didn't even realize he was crying.
"You have cried enough. Both of us have. Let's be happy now."
"Will I be able to make you happy? "
"You'll have to try hard."
"I will. I'm so happy, Gulf. I still can't believe this. I can't believe you'll give me second chance after everything but I'll make sure you don't regret it. I'll make you the happiest man. I'll be everything you'll ever need."
"So? "
"Are we official now? "
"No."
"W-why? "
"I need a proper proposal. I'm quite high maintenance, you know."
"I don't mind. I'll give you the best proposal."
Mew hugged him tightly and Gulf did his best to ignore the red stain on Mew's sleeve. He wanted to scream at him for harming himself but knew it wasn't the best time for that. Mew wasn't emotionally stable right now. He could tell by the way he kept laughing and crying randomly. He was clinging onto Gulf like he was afraid he would vanish in thin air.
Their conversation went exactly the way he had thought it would. Gulf really loved Mew and wanted to save the boy he loved so dearly. But Mew needed more than just love. He needed professional help. Self harming wasn't a joke. It was serious issue and needed to be handled properly. He knows just asking Mew to stop won't work. It wasn't that easy.
The look in Mew's eyes was so different from what he had seen. He looked almost dazed. Like he was in his head going through another set of emotions. He stared at Gulf like he was his last hope. He kept mumbling about how much he loves him. But Gulf wasn't sure if it was actually love. Mew was at the edge and he was desperately clinging at whatever would safe him. He remembered the conversation he had with Sarawat before coming here.
"Mew has been slowly deteriorating after his brother's death. He has habit of cutting his wrist, burning his skin with ciggarette, getting in toxic relationships. I have been so worried about him but Mew is really good at hiding it all. In public, he handles everything so maturely and calmly, it seems like he's doing fine.
His father suggested going for counselling after Taemin's death and Mew went for it. After some time he said he felt fine so he stopped going. We all thought he was doing okay.
Then he started dating people who would keep hurting him. It was such a mess to watch,Gulf.
When he started fake dating you, it seemed so out of blue to me. I got worried when I got those pics of you and Tar. I was worried it would spiral out of control. I couldn't watch him fall apart so I thought it would be better if it ended soon. I'm sorry for that.
I'm worried about him so much, Gulf. He wouldn't tell me anything no matter how much I ask him. It is such a selfish thing to ask but please save him. He really loves you. I know he had hurt you and was cruel to you but I don't know what to say anymore. I just can't watch him destroy himself like this. I have asked him to talk to someone about what's going in his head but he always brushes it away. Maybe with you he would open up. I'm not asking you to love him. Maybe just as a friend."
Gulf couldn't be just a friend to Mew. He loves him too much. He would save him no matter what it takes. Mew was still there and Gulf would pull him out of the darkness he had trapped himself into. It won't be easy but when has love ever been easy.