"Come," Senne says, taking Zoë by the hand.
He's about to buy tickets so they can take a ride on the Ferris Wheel.
"Seriously?" she scoffs, mostly to cover up that she's loving the idea.
He shrugs, opening his arms. So unashamedly happy. His mind unable to stop replaying those few seconds where Zoë had pulled him closer without any warning, her lips finally touching his.
Sexiest thing ever. Greatest feeling ever.
"Something wrong with Ferris Wheels too?" he asks with a smirk.
She bites her lip, shaking her head no.
Zoë's never felt so many things at once. Free. Courageous. Excited. Surprised. Happy, too.
Before going after Senne, the day she decided to tell her parents she didn't want to go back to Oslo with them came to mind.
A life-changing moment. A scary one as well.
There were many cons on the list she had made but the pros were so important to her. Zoë knew that she had to stay.
She was afraid her parents would end up convincing her to go by using the "you're being selfish" card or that they'd imply that that was her way of adding drama to the situation—as if they would ever consider changing their plans for her.
They'd never stay in Antwerp if she asked them to.
And no matter what they'd say, it wasn't because they'd miss her.
She was like a piece of furniture they had to bring along because it had belonged to one of their great grandparents. It had been in the family for too long, it had history, they couldn't just give it away, couldn't get rid of.
It was easier than she had imagined, to stand up for herself and keep her decision once she talked to them, because she felt free.
On her Senne dilemma, she knew the cons by heart and thought they could never change. He had been a jerk. And he was a fuckboy. Plus, there was Amber. Amber and her fixation on him. The logical move would be to ditch him and never look back. And yet...
That feeling wouldn't go away, it had been going on for months.
It was as if this bubble materialized around her and Senne every time they were near each other—nothing, no one else existed around her when she was speaking to him—since the very first time, if she stopped to think about it.
He had said he'd be gone if she told him she didn't want anything to do with him. It was the perfect opportunity to do what she had always meant to. The right, sensible thing. It was the best solution, rejecting him should be easy... Right?
Except that when she did it, the remorse was instantaneous. Knowing that her words had caused the pain she saw in his eyes... Zoë desperately wanted to take them back. They weren't what she really felt, not in the least.
There was something between them.
She felt it in her guts.
The butterflies.
And also this anchor sinking in her fucking chest when he left thinking she didn't want him.
It was time to make a choice.
Living without choosing wasn't living. She wanted to be the protagonist of her own life. Not her parents, not her ghosts and fears, not her freaking mind trying to control her every emotion.
So she did it.
And here it was, the result of her choice.
Here she was, taking a ride on the Ferris Wheel with Senne De Smet, the guy she had just kissed passionately from everyone passing by to see.
He won't stop staring at her, as if it's hard for him to believe she's real. As usual, except everything new, now.
In need of an excuse to touch Zoë again, Senne fixes a strand of her platinum hair, kissing her cheek right after that.
She ends up caressing his face, then. It's so close to hers she can't help it; the opportunity to properly kiss him again is also irresistible, so she goes for it.
It should feel wrong, but it doesn't. Kissing him feels right. And perfect. And thrilling. Exhilarating.
No wonder all those girls had been queuing up to do so.
Did they also feel all those things she was feeling? Zoë had no idea.
She suspected they didn't. She suspected he didn't either, with the others.
Zoë had never imagined feeling like this about anyone before.
Just like he never before had wished for a kiss to last. The fondness and warmth he found within her embrace gave him a sensation he hadn't felt in years, if ever. The sensation of belonging, of coming home.
He didn't want to run from it, didn't want to be anywhere else. Here was good, finally. Here was comforting.
The Ferris Wheel suddenly stops when they're right at the top.
"Okay, did you pay someone to do this?" she asks, wincing.
Senne frowns, showing an amused smile. He waves his head no.
Zoë glares at him, evaluating his expression. After a moment she comes to accept that his answer is genuine.
"Fuck! What if..." she exclaims, eyes widened, sounding a bit frightened.
"Hey, it's okay," he assures her in that way he has of making everything seem like it's not a big deal.
Usually that would piss her off, but not tonight.
A few seconds later, Senne pulls his phone out of his jacket's pocket.
"What are you doing? Do you know someone we can call about—"
"Nee. I'm taking a photo. It's not every day you get stuck in the clouds with the woman of your dreams."
"Ha-ha."
"Maybe I want to register that tonight actually happened—for posterity—in case something happens and we die here. Ah, yes, there! I also wanna capture this look of slight fear passing through your eyes." He chuckles jokingly, raising his eyebrows for a split second.
"If I start hyperventilating you'll have to deal with that," she informs him.
"Promise."
Hm, so he would be okay with her hyperventilating. Yeah, right. She doubted that.
Senne makes a gesture for her to come closer.
"Are you doing this to show someone you won a bet or something?" Zoë asks, hoping it will sound sarcastic and not like a real question.
"Seems like I'm not the only one who watched too many romance movies, huh?"
That makes her lighten up.
Did he remember every single thing she had ever said to him? Apparently, yes.
"May I?"
Zoë sighs, eye-rolling. She gets closer then, entangling her arm to his.
Someone was gesturing that the issue would be solved soon, or at least that's what Senne understood from it.
Zoë ends up using her own phone to take some snaps and her final conclusion is that Senne looks almost cuter than usual with silly filters on.
The Ferris Wheel gets back to life exactly 8 minutes and 15 pictures later.
"I love photo-booths, gonna pretend this was ours," she says in a natural tone. Senne can barely hide the joy he feels listening to her use ours while referring to the both of them.
"We can find a real photo booth one of these days," he offers.
Zoë attempts to refrain a smile. He was making plans. Plans that included her.
"Another ride?" He doesn't want this moment gone, doesn't want the night to be over.
"Seriously?" Zoë complains. "What if this thing gets us stuck up there for the whole night this time?"
Senne goes silent. He looks defeated, like he knows he won't be able to convince her—which Zoë finds to be an unexpected reaction. She was sure he would come up with several reasons why they should take another ride.
"Oké," she says, eager to see a smile light up his face. "Let's go."
100% worth it.
Such a gratifying thing, to know he's beaming simply because she agreed to take another ride.
Turns out that her fear of getting stuck in the clouds with him wasn't a fear at all.
"It's beautiful, the view," she points out calmly while resting her head on his shoulder, gazing at the night sky and the city lights below them.
"Yeah. Beautiful." Senne answers, the only difference being that he's looking at her when he says that.
He doesn't let go of her hand even after they're back on solid ground.
Zoë isn't used to hand holding as this sweet sign of affection but she has a strong feeling that from this night on this is going to change.
"It's getting late," she tells him, chewing on her bottom lip.
Senne stops walking after hearing that, so she does too. He holds her face on his hand, thumb stroking her cheek. The tip of his nose touches the side of her own, and just by knowing another kiss is about to happen, she feels breathless. His mouth is soft and warm and his kisses give her shivers all over her body. Every new kiss feels like the first because she's always unprepared for all that comes with it. Too many sensations at once.
"Come with me, please?" he murmurs, their foreheads still touching, his mouth so close to hers but not enough.
Zoë manages to shake her head slightly even though she knows that won't be her final answer.
She feels like going anywhere with him right now.
She feels like she can't be apart from him.
"Why?" he questions, trying to make eye contact.
"You're not getting what you want tonight, Seppe."
He laughs and licks his lips. "I already got so much more than I thought possible tonight, Zoë. Stop thinking about what I want. What do you want?"
"If I go, it's gonna be like we did last time. We're just going to sleep."
"Can we talk?" he asks, kissing her cheekbone.
She half smiles, nodding.
"Make out?" Another question, another kiss. This time he chooses the corner of her mouth to place it.
"Cuddle?" A peck on her lips.
"Ugh. You're impossible," she grumbles, wrapping her arms around his neck.
♡
They couldn't stop kissing as the elevator went up and not even while he unlocked his apartment's door.
After he opened it, the only thing that changed was the side of the door they were leaning against to keep on making out.
Each kiss making their breathing grow heavier, their bodies glued to one another's. Zoë can't remember at what point she's lost her coat, probably after he untied her hair. He's still running his fingers through it, his other hand firmly holding the nape of her neck.
It's getting out of control. Their kisses, the heat. At the same time she wants to see where it can go, she's also scared of it.
"Could you get me some water?" she rasps, her mouth still on his.
She watches Senne open his eyes to look right into hers. A playful smile appearing on his lips. He nods slowly.
He picks her coat up before going. There it is. Lying on the floor.
Zoë heads to the living room, inhaling, exhaling, trying it out to see if she can still do it, if she can act normal again. Seems like it's possible. Good.
He's back very quickly though, and feeling his eyes on her figure while she drinks that glass of water makes her nervous.
Maybe if you tried to talk about serious stuff instead of paying attention to his gaze, Zoë. Maybe then you'd stop this madness.
Senne's sitting on the same armchair she sat holding his guitar just a week ago.
"Is this bottled water?" Zoë questions.
"What?"
"It's just... my roommate—Milan—well, he never listens to me when I talk about recycling or when I tell him to stop drinking bottled water. And now that he has a crush on this dude that cares about the environment he's pretending to give a shit. I'm betting it's only temporary. It reminds me of someone..."
"I really care about the climate, if that's what you mean."
She starts pacing the room while babbling. "Yeah... What annoys me is that nobody seems to understand how this is a crucial time for us to take action! It's literally now or never. We either change our habits drastically or we're gonna be accomplices, not much better than those who sat down and watched the whole world be destroyed. If only people could realize—"
Too close for him to resist grabbing her by the waist and pulling her onto his lap.
Senne kisses her senseless. Zoë kisses him back with the same intensity. Climate change worries and nervousness about his stare disappearing from her brain for the time being.
After a while, she tries to compose herself by standing up and sitting on the couch.
There's a sheepish look on her face, all of a sudden.
Senne smirks.
Of course he had to fall for this control-freak girl.
He wishes she could believe more in her own instincts so she would be free of so much over analyzing and overthinking. More than anything, he wishes Zoë could feel safe with him, that he could show her she can trust him.
The North Pole thing was her way of controlling herself more than anyone else, he was beginning to realize.
Turns out that she's anything but cold. Her warmth had been burning him all night, his whole body is on the verge of catching fire. He kinda doesn't know how to deal with that.
"Why me?" she asks, unsure if this is part of her plan to talk about serious stuff to stop-their-madness or if it's her curiosity speaking. It's something she's wondered about for a long time, at least.
"What do you mean?"
"What made you so interested in me? Don't say it was me saying no."
"It wasn't that." He pauses, his smile a bit shy. Yeah, she could make Senne De Smet look shy. By making him talk about his feelings towards her.
"Well?" Zoë offers, hoping he will continue.
"At first... the way you ended me on that schoolyard. The way you speak. Your fierceness and stubbornness, I guess. Every time we talked, I wanted more."
"More lectures?" she teases.
"More talks. More of you," he shrugs, a crooked smile making his words even more captivating. "I just knew I had to get to know you."
"Ah..." she says, raising her brows.
"I'm serious."
Zoë grins, dimple showing up. "You were very annoying, to say the least." She adds, side eyeing him.
"Yeah, I realize that. So were you, though. Yeah, you!" he reiterates when she places a hand over her chest feigning shock and saying: "Me?"
"The North Pole thing," she adds, making a voice, mocking him.
"Yeah, yeah. Exactly."
A few seconds go by without either of them saying anything.
"How about you?" he finds the courage to ask, hardly believing he can get an actual answer.
"What about me?" she grimaces, pretending she doesn't know what he means.
"Why me?"
Zoë takes a deep breath before answering. "I've lost my mind," she finally says.
He laughs.
"I just... couldn't help it," she admits, her hands in the air as if to say, "What could I do?"
Surrendering.
He's fine with that answer.
He goes to sit by her side on the couch.
"It's because I'm irresistible," he teases softly in a sing song voice, his mouth almost touching her cheek. "And a cliché," he jokes.
She can feel his smile grow against her lips once he kisses her.
"Don't be so conceited. You know what I mean."
Taking back control, Zoë. Great! She assures herself.
"Yeah, I think I do. I felt the same."
After some time, Zoë agrees to go to his room. The couch had suddenly become too small for the two of them. Plus, was that fireplace that made the living room so hot? The bed would be safer. Larger. They could take breaks from each other. Not that she wanted a break, but she could use one. Or several.
"See? Much more comfortable," he says, kissing her neck.
"Uh, huh."
"How do you feel about taking our clothes off?"
She frowns. "I told you before: we're just going to sleep."
"I'm aware, that's not—"
"So I'm gonna keep our clothes on for now, oké?"
"For now?"
"Shut up."
Senne stands up.
"What? What's wrong?" Zoë interjects sitting on the bed, fearful of his answer. Was he eager to get out of there once she told him they'd keep their clothes on?
Please don't let him be this insensitive, this rude.
She still feared, deep down, that that was all he wanted. To have sex with her and nothing more. The heart sinking feeling had come back. An old memory knocking on this locked door of her brain. One that whispered, "Zoë, he's not really staying for you and your bright personality, you idiot. Nobody is. What were you thinking?"
"You know what? I just remembered you didn't catch my shirt. I threw it at you. For you."
She exhales, this huge weight lifting off her chest. He's joking, being playful.
"Pfff, I would never."
"The whole striptease act on my part? All dedicated to you."
"Ohmygod, no," she giggles, hiding her face on a pillow.
"I'm serious. You know what? I'm gonna perform to you. Now."
Zoë lets out a groan that is muffled by the pillow while in reality she feels totally into it.
If she could admit to herself and herself only, she had wanted that—to be with him at the Freefest.
It was too infuriating to watch that strip act knowing a lot of girls (and probably some guys too) were thirsting over him. It was more than annoying to watch that girl Gill slap his ass.
In the end, he was kind of right. In a way, she wanted to keep him to herself.
She hugs the pillow and sits in lotus position to watch his strip act. Just the two of them. It seems so much better than before already.
"Okay... let's see how many cents you'll be able to get from me. You'll have to do better than what I saw earlier, though. Be warned," she chuckles, staring at him expectantly.
He puts on some music and begins to move. This was for the only person he really wanted paying attention to him in that room full of people from earlier.
First, he puts on the shirt Amber caught—he's told Zoë she had given it back to him, probably as a way of starting up a conversation. Then he takes it off and throws the shirt at her.
Again.
Zoë catches it this time; she smiles.
Both of them are fully grinning now.
Senne lifts the hem of his beat boy t-shirt teasingly, taking it off as slowly as possible. Zoë finally has an excuse to take a good look at his abs. Bad idea. Safer to look somewhere else. Okay, nowhere is safe to look at. Maybe the wall behind him? But she doesn't want to miss any—
That's when he unfastens his belt.
And the way he unzips his pants makes her doubt for a minute that she will be strong enough to resist him.
He sees she's blushing. Zoë Loockx is blushing at the sight of his boxers.
And that is so fucking adorable to him.
And hot.
She bites her lower lip, and a second later she's biting the skin on the side of her thumb. Senne will still find out that she always does that when she's nervous.
He's not used to this. Normally he wouldn't feel that this is a vulnerable position, but being in his underwear while Zoë looks at him that way... He figures he'll probably need a cold shower. That's it. He didn't want for her to run away from him so he had to do it himself. He blurts out that the act is over and that he will be back after a shower.
It makes her laugh all by herself. She can't stop grinning. Her cheeks are going to start hurting at any minute now. From smiling too much!
Zoë can hardly fathom it.
"You better come back from the bathroom already dressed, otherwise I will be on my way home on the spot," she shouts.
Senne reappears by his bedroom door. He's brushing his teeth, a towel around his waist. Shit. Probably wearing nothing but that towel.
Zoë, focus.
He goes to his closet and picks up a pair of pants and boxers, showing them to her.
She feels understood. And grateful. And so, so into him.
Thinks it's safe to do what she does next. When he comes back from the bathroom (already dressed) there she is, wearing nothing but his shirt (and her underwear, of course).
"Fuck, I think another shower wouldn't be a bad idea," he jests. Kinda.
She rolls her eyes. "Stop. Who wore it better?"
"You, definitely."
She laughs, pulling him to bed.
He smells of soap and of Senne—she knows his scent now—and all she wants is to dive her nose into the crook of his neck and sleep there later. "Can I use your bathroom now?"
"Sure. In case you want it, your toothbrush is in the sink's cabi—"
"My toothbrush?" she blinks, confused.
"Yeah, I mean, the one you used last week."
She has no answer to that. If he could feel how her heart started racing after that, maybe he'd understand...
He sees most of it in her eyes. The way they go soft and shiny.
He watches her walk to his bathroom in his shirt.
Senne shakes his head. This is crazy. That this night is really happening.
All the girls he had seen naked couldn't live up to that vision. Because this girl means so much to him. He can barely grasp how it's possible.
"All good?" he asks, once she gets back to bed.
"All good."
They're lying in bed looking at each other. He touches her face. Her hair.
"Is this real?" he asks, bringing the thought that kept reappearing in his mind through the whole night to life.
"I think so. Are you?"
He just kisses her.
Feeling her skin against his and her grip on his shoulders, feeling in her body language the urge she has for his kisses, just like he has for hers.
It's overwhelming, to feel complete.
He knows how to be soft and she loves how his kisses feel so light sometimes, as if there were feathers tickling her lips.
Then again, she also loves to feel his tongue exploring her mouth, and the impact this intense kissing marathon has on her; her lips all puffy and tingly, she figures they must look like his, deep red too.
She stops herself from biting it too much, his bottom lip, but it's a difficult challenge.
Who is this Zoë, she wonders, so hungry for this boy she can't get enough of. She could have never guessed it would feel like this, to be with him.
Those hands of his... Zoë still felt them in her body even when they weren't there anymore.
So she lets his hand go from her waist to her hips for a moment. Then brings it back to her waist.
"I don't want to have sex until I'm, like, married," she informs him.
He laughs.
"I'm serious."
"Okay."
Senne doesn't truly believe it, but he gets the message.
It won't happen tonight.
This is going to be the second time they sleep together—the second time they share a bed, that is. He's never slept with someone else twice before, and it's weird how intimate this feels, even though they never had sex.
"What's your favorite movie?"
"What?" she replies, kissing his jaw.
"I need to distract myself a bit."
"Shhh," she kisses him, pulling his lower lip between her teeth gently—hoping it doesn't count as biting.
"You're not helping."
She stops. "We could watch something, if you want," Zoë suggests.
"I won't be able to concentrate. I just want to keep kissing you and kissing you and kissing you."
"Ditto."
"But I'm gonna need some space every once in a while."
"Fair enough."
Senne smiles. Zoë smiles back. Their dimples keeping each other's company.
So that's what they keep doing until they fall asleep.
Talking, kissing.
Sometimes they take breaks and look at each other for a long time.
Without saying a word, their eyes can still say so much.
How happy they are to be there, in each other's arms.
* Originally published by me on 10/09/2019 on ao3