Baby Tracker 👶
12 weeks old 🗓️
Just like that Mia is three months old.
We are heading towards the end of April and life is......pretty dull.
But in the best way I could ever imagine.
Jack and I are in a routine dictated by Jacks games and training schedule.
I see lots of his family and I've even made friends here by joining mother and baby groups.
But the nicest by far is Chloe, the girlfriend of Jack's friend Sam.
We just clicked the first time we met and it's nice to have a friend local.
I'm sitting with Chloe in the lounge when Jack suddenly bounds in from training.
"Look wot I've got!!!" He's waving a piece of paper around, dancing like a kid showing their parents something they've done at school. His excitement is endearing.
I take the paper from him.
"Fuck off!" I screech looking at it in disbelief, it must be fake. "that's not real!"
"It is! I swear it is Chels, I told ya before we're like that we are" he holds up his twisted together fingers.
I read the letter.
A hand written letter, to Jack, from prince William!
Praising him on his conduct during a game last month where an opposition fan ran onto the pitch and thumped Jack in the head.
Jack is so pleased with himself.
The team are on a winning streak and they are so close to securing a place in the playoffs to play for promotion into the premier league.
I know it's huge for Jack, I sit with him when he's constantly checking tables and results and I'm starting to understand things like why and how other teams results matter to their standing.
This letter has obviously been the icing on the cake for him.
"We should go out, properly out, a proper night out, Jack I've never even been out actually properly getting drunk with you in this country!"
Chloe interrupts "that new club is opening Saturday, Jacky you could get everyone on the guest list!"
Jack screws his face up "but I'm playin' Sunday....I can't go out Saturday night"
"You've changed Jacky!" Laughs Chloe
"Nah, we're so fuckin' close, I can't risk cocking it up!"
One thing I've learnt since getting to know Jack better and meeting his friends is that Jack has always been a party boy. It's literally only been the effect of having Mia and the responsibility of being captain of a team so close to getting back into the premier league that he's calmed down.
"Sunday night then, you'll be off Monday, you deserve it Jack, we need it!"
Jack grins at me then looks at Chloe "you an' Sam will come still?"
"I'm sure we can cope with working with the hangovers on Monday!"
"Right then, I'll ask your mum to have Mia overnight then?" I confirm.
***
Sunday night and Aston Villa won their game and Jack is delighted with their position in the league table.
Jack has hired the entire VIP bar of the new club, we see surrounded by Jacks friends and teammates and friends of friends.
There's lots of back slapping and hugs and calls of "good to see ya out again Jacky!" From his friends, well his male friends anyway. The females I notice all stand as close to him as possible, constantly trying to touch him, his arms, his hands, his hair, when they hug him or kiss him in greeting it always lingers those few seconds too long.
It annoys me that Jack doesn't move away or stop it.
As if he can read my thoughts he appears behind me, he presses his body into my back, his hip in the curve of my lower back.
His arms clasp each other tightly under my breasts.
His chin rests on my shoulder.
His lips find my ear and he gently nibbles my earlobe.
"Hey beautiful" he breathes before spinning me into him and kissing me, deeply, slowly. His hands mould my body to him and it feels like we are only people in the room.
When he pulls back his eyes are black with desire.
He doesn't do this with the other girls I tell myself.
"Comin' to dance?" He asks.
I hesitate, "oh go on then" I grin.
I'm on the dancefloor, Jack is grinding into me, Chloe appears, holding a small tray of shots out to us.
The music is thumping, this close to the speakers I can't hear a word she says but eagerly take a shot, Jack grabs me, he has a shot in his hand too I see his mouth move "three.....two......one....."
Together we down the liquid, it burns my throat and tastes vile. Ive no idea what that was, but it hits my head immediately, I sway and thank god Jack is there to catch me.
I melt into his embrace giggling.
Several of Jacks friends appear and he looks at me apologetically as he is dragged off with them.
I continue to dance with Chloe and some of her friends.
Half an hour or so passes and I realise I don't really know the girls I'm dancing with now, Chloe has disappeared. I look around but can't see Jack.
The effect of the earlier shot is wearing off now. I head back up to the VIP bar to look for him, or someone that I know.
I spot Jack before I reach the stairs. In a dark corner, he's sitting on a bar stool, a blonde girl leaning against his thigh, talking intently into his ear. I'm glued to the spot watching them, her hand is on his other thigh. He has a hand on her waist. He's listening just as intently as she's talking.
I notice Ginny walking towards me smiling, he stops when he sees my face and follows my gaze.
"Ah" he says reaching me.
I tilt my head. Funny how that mere sound confirms my suspicion.
"Stacey?" I ask him.
He nods.
Jack's laughing now, talking into her ear, his arm drapped around her shoulders.
I'm right here. I'm fucking right here and he's draping himself over his ex.
I can't move, I want to, but my feet have literally rooted to the spot. I can't take my eyes off of them. Their body language is open and familiar, both smiling, laughing. The creases around Jacks eyes proving he's genuinely happy to be there, not just going through the motions of being polite.
Maybe it's the drink, maybe I've drunk so much I'm seeing it for more than it is.
I turn to Ginny "John, is that appropriate?" I ask.
He gives me a shrug, "well, it's just Jacky ain't it? He touches everyone"
I try to remind myself how he was pressing himself against me just a couple of hours ago, how he kissed me infront of everyone, how he grinded into me on the dancefloor....... He's not doing any of that now.
But he does look happy, at ease, and they've been on and off for years. Lost their virginity together, grew together.
Had sex in the bed I'm currently sharing with him......
I think of the saggy old bed I slept in at his parents house Christmas Eve.
I watch her lean up to kiss his cheek, she's stroking the stubble of the beard he's starting to let grow.
He's laughing and not stopping her.
His hand is still on her fucking waist.
I walk past Ginny and make my way to the ladies.
In the cubicle I take a deep breath.
I tell myself to calm down.
He was just talking, he was just talking. I repeat like a mantra over and over. But my heart isn't convinced and a twist of jealousy wraps around it, squeezing it painfully. I slowly exhale a sob, refusing to cry.
I compose myself and leave the cubicle. I check my reflection in the mirror, giving my curls a little ruffle.
I leave the toilets. As the heady loud music and heat hits me, I look towards the corner and feel my stomach drop.
They've gone.
I take a deep breath and step forward, setting off purposefully towards the VIP bar.
But someone grabs my wrist.
Arms snake around my waist, a body presses to me.
A mouth on the skin of my neck, lips sliding up my throat to my ear.
I lean into it.
Eyes closed as the mouth nibbles my earlobe, gently pushing my hair aside.
"Lookin' for someone?" He whispers.
I turn into him.
"Were you actually waiting for me outside the ladies like a perv?"
He grins "yeah" the fucking smirk again.
"Were ya actually upset that ya saw me talkin' to me ex?"
"She's only your ex because you got me pregnant"
He pulls me as close to him as he can. "Nah, she's me ex because I met ya, because you changed everything, I'm sure me and you would've have got together again at some point even if ya hadn't been pregnant"
I don't believe that for a second. I remember how hard it was to get hold of him to tell him I was pregnant.
"You looked pretty cosy"
"I'm sorry. Ginny said I looked like I was bein' a cunt"
I stare at him. It shouldn't take his friend pointing his behaviour out to him.
"You were obviously fine with it at the time Jack"
He sighs. "She was tellin' me her sista is pregnant, she was askin' about Mia, honest Chels, there's nuffin' there an' I'm sorry if it looked like anythin' else"
I look at him, he's drunk.
But he's happy and he's with me now, he's nibbling my ear again.
His hands are roaming over my body.
It's me he's going home with.
But there's definitely a feeling in the back of my head, trying to break out. The feeling that if I wasn't here, it might not be me on his mind.......it might not be my bed he went home to.