: Edited December 20th 2022; I added the song for atmosphere, though don't worry. It is optional.
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Kyle and Stan continued to converse with Bea, the two best friends stumbling over their words due to the brunette's beauty. The feeling of envy bubbled in your stomach, the sight of the four boys head over heels for Beatrice left a sour taste in your mouth. You made sure to leave the scene hastily, not wanting to watch any more of the lovesick males.
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Gym had approached and you sat isolated on the school bleachers. The team captains had forgotten to pick you once again. But hey, at least you were finally getting used to it.
It didn't make it hurt any less though.
You scribbled in a spare notebook. You had shown no sign of attentiveness towards the lined paper however, your eyes were focused on the court. Bea was one of the team captains, not only was she very attractive but also athletic, the only downside of hers was her lack of intelligence. How did you know this? Well, you were supposed to tutor her at one point.
Last year her grades were at a major decline. Rather than study she would hang out with her friends instead and they would play hookie. That point in her life left a small dent in her popularity streak, but people soon forgot about it.
The thing was, she never showed up to any of your tutoring sessions.
The thought made you press down your pencil harder against the notebook.
Am I really that unnoticeable? Really?!
These thoughts kept you up at night, oh how you wanted to just escape to the gate right now. But unfortunately that wasn't an option, gym was about to end and you had to be dismissed early for your violin lessons. Violin wasn't as peaceful as the garden, but the whiny sound of the stringed instrument made you pour your soul into the music you played.
You stared at the notebook, the scratch paper defiled from the enerverating of the pencil. You had ruined yet another page with your sad thoughts.
What a waste..
You ripped out the paper from the spine of the notebook, littering the bleachers with yet another crumpled paper. Just as the bottom of the crumpled sphere hit the metal of the bleacher seats, a loud thud disturbed the silence next to you. Kenny had been hit by a dodgeball and was pinned against the wall behind you. His face was extremely disfigured, but you could still make out his blue eyes among his cluttered face. The blue eyes that burned into your soul, the memory surfaced for the fiftieth time today.
"Oh my god, they killed Kenny!"
"You bastards!"
You rolled your eyes at the two, they always say that but never remember. It pissed you off frankly, no one seemed to notice him die every single day.
You sympathized with the feeling of being forgotten, the disregard for your mere presence always made you miserable. But being killed over and over again, no one none the wiser? You counted that to be infinitely worse.
The whole class went back to playing dodgeball as if nothing ever happened, Kenny's body had slid down to the floor finally halting at a leaning position against the wall.
"(Y/n) (L/n) to the front office"
She said my name with a confused tone, damn.... I've been called up there for years, but she always forgets I exist.
What a stupid woman.
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The cramped room overflowed with students, they all crowded together with their cellos, flutes, oboes, as they were all playing in unison. The clock's arms ticked further and further to the end of the rehearsal. The walls shook from the loud undertone of the cellos a the players continued to perform the symphony with minor mistakes. You were among this bunch as you played your violin along with the group.
After a few more minutes of playing you were cut off by the yell of the conductor, the end of the rehearsal had approached and everyone abruptly put their instruments in their cases.
The stringed instruments let out small notes as the threads brushed against the closed boxes. You were about to depart the classroom along with the other players. That is, until your conductor pulled you over.
Why does this keep happening?!
You inwardly groaned, first your professor and now the conductor? What the hell!
"(Y/n),I was just informed that our lead violinist, Katie, has had an accident.."
You nodded, confusion was sewn into your features.
Why is she telling me this?
"So I need to find a replacement"
Wait.. Does she mean-
"And since your playing has improved tremendously over the year.."
She is! She means me!
"I would like you to have the honor of being the lead violinist for our performance of symphony no. 3"
Your face was a beam of light, the week was finally getting better! You would be up in front for everyone to see.. they might finally notice you!
You refused to stop grinning the whole walk back home. You didn't want that moment of happiness to fade, you wanted to savor it a bit more.
You passed by a floristry, and you made a mental note to by Katie some flowers later. Even though your conductor hadn't informed you about her specific conditions, you still felt a little pity griping at your heart.
The gate is growing.
Swinging open the door of the small house, you walked in. You couldn't wait to tell your mom the good news! Shuffling could be heard from the kitchen.
Your mom was probably preparing dinner.
You skipped into the kitchen
"Hey mom! What are you making?"
Your mother looked a little more disheveled then usual, her hair was brushed poorly, whisps of unkept and greasy tresses poked out like tree branches. Her eyes looked red, the area surrounding the irises all irritated and puffy. She was mumbling curses under her breath
"That motherfucker broke up with me.. just like allll the others." she stretched out the 'all', making her cracking voice sound hysterical.
"And they all say it's because their not ready to take care of a child, you..."
She laughed as if she just revealed an answer to an unknown question.
"They always say it straight to my face and only now, I've noticed that you're the problem!"
Her voice grew with more and more hatred the longer she spoke. Suddenly you could feel a small sting close to your eye. Your reflection could be seen in the corner of your vision, the disgusting metal blade inches away from blinding you.
Mom... Tried to hurt me.. I knew she was struggling with her dating life but I didn't know she'd blame me.. Am I really to blame?
I am arent I?
You backed away from the unstable adult, the stinging was getting worse.
Just how deep did that knife go?
That was the least of your worries however,your priority was to get away from the armed female. Running to your room and locking the door,you touched the cut. That only made the stinging burst into painful flames. Walking over to your small tilted mirror you inspected the incision. It was fairly deep, but it didn't look like it cut any muscle or arteries. You opened a red box hidden under your bed and shuffled through all the useless pills and cough drops. Grabbing some Neosporin and a bandaid,you rubbed the cold substance against your cheek,you waited for a few seconds before sticking the bandaid on.
You chuckled bitterly at your misfortune,calling yourself stupid for thinking the week would get better.
You sat down on the carpeted floor. You could still hear the shuffling and hate filled shrieks of your mother.
But it all disappeared when you closed your eyes. Sauntering against the pastel clouds, you made your way to the gate. Cracks were forming at the base and some flowers were wilting,passing through the gate the atmosphere felt tense and dark. The bird's chirping had decreased a noticeable amount,the bright blue sky had a bit of a rusty look,like someone mixed the clouds with black paint. Sitting down against the tall blades of grass your eyes turned glassy,the bustle of the winged animals had muted leaving you with your own thoughts. Your loneliness.
The sad isolated nobody who had just happened to get picked for lead violinist.
A freak who stared at others frequently,instead of minding her own business.
A forgotten waste of space that the world doesn't need.
The thoughts flooded your surroundings,drowning you with each negative buzz. Each passing second the garden turned more and more ruinous,black paint tainted your surroundings. The flowers were no longer thriving,the top of the plants struggled to even stay on their own stem. You took deep breaths trying to calm yourself down, but an image of Bea appeared in front of you.
I'll never be as loved as her
I may never be loved at all
You gripped bunches of your hair, pulling on them violently..
I hate this..I hate this..I hate this..I hate this house,this world!
You tugged more on your hair,ripping some strands of your (h/c) locks off of your skull.
And...and I hate...
...Me.
Everything was drowning in darkness,until beautiful blue eyes were inches away from yours.
His eyes..
Kenny was right in front of you,hugging you like you would suddenly disappear.
Why do I pity myself so much that I romanticize a classmate hugging me? Do I have a crush on Kenny or something.
You chuckled bitterly
That's sad..I'm in love with a person who doesn't even notice me. How wonderful!
The supposed illusion tightened the hug.
But if it's fake,then why is he so warm?..
The embrace felt so genuine,just like his eyes. You wished it was real..you really needed a hug right now. Desperate for some kind of care you finally hugged back,crying into the fake's shoulders..
You opened your eyes.
You were back in your cramped room.
The blank walls made you nauseous,everything you looked at made you nauseous. Fake Kenny was now gone,your arms were wrapped around nothing now. They were reaching for someone that genuinely loved you,but would always come up with the same result.
Nothing.
Repositioning your arms to wrap around your knees,you tucked your head into the space between your chest and thighs and let the tears fall.
You half-heartedly yelled into your knees as that was all you could do. Scream in hopes that someone would hear your agony.
They never did
They never will.
You wanted to leave this life so badly,as the torment of neglect kept blocking your path too true happiness. Lifting your head you thought of the bridge that Heidi had thrown her phone off of.
Now that you thought of it,the water under that bridge looked so calming. Floating freely around the cold stream was a nice thought,as it would be the last thing you would feel.
Nodding to yourself you made up your mind.
This Friday,October second,I'll jump off of the Freemont Bridge after school and say goodbye to this cruel life..
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A/n Second chapter down! Hope you guys liked this chapter!
: Edited || August 15; Reworded some sentences, fixed some punctuation, and added spaces ☺️ :
♡〜~~~Enjoy Reading~~~〜♡