Warning: nothing.
Year: 2018
Jujutsu High
Today was December 24th.
No one had seen Satoru at school the past two weeks. This time he didn't contact Shoko or the students. You had heard from the others that he was on a complicated mission overseas.
During this time, you were in better condition. Now you could laugh without bursting into tears.
You practiced with the students, went with them to buy Christmas presents, bought a Christmas tree for the school, and argued about decorating the tree.
To put it simply, you tried to fill the void in your heart with whatever you could.
The Christmas tree was in the common room, with presents arranged under it by the fireplace. The holidays had officially begun, and the students seemed happy. On the other hand, the number of curses had decreased during Christmas, and everyone could rest.
Everyone was supposed to wear comfortable clothes tonight, get together and eat Christmas Eve dinner like a big family.
You were standing in your doorframe in a red blouse with a deer picture and white pants, staring at the closed door of Satoru's room while drowning in your thoughts.
(A/N: Y/N's outfit:)
There were thousands of thoughts in your mind that you couldn't even tell yourself out loud. Were you crazy?
"Hey Y/N, what are you waiting for? Let's go." Yuji called you. You shook your head, smiled at him; Then closed the door to your room, and after looking at his closed room for the last time, you followed Yuji.
Tonight you finally had a family that made you feel warm in your heart despite the cold outside. Nothing could be more delightful for you than hearing your loved ones laugh.
You looked at the Christmas tree and the faces of everyone sitting around the table and tried to capture this image in your mind forever.
Nobara had put a Santa hat over Maki's head, and she looked unhappy about it. Still, Nobara took pictures of Maki's funny face before she became angry.
Inumaki and Panda were throwing food in each other's mouths. But Panda sometimes put Inumaki's share in his mouth and provoked the platinum-haired boy to protest.
Shoko was wearing a green dress with the patterns of colorful Christmas socks and was looking at Panda and Inumaki's argument and laughing at them. She didn't look tired tonight.
Yaga was sitting in his usual clothes, and Nanami was wearing a simple crimson sweater for Christmas, contrary to your expectations. The two were talking about something with interest, and they laughed from time to time. Good, they were happy too.
Yuji and Megumi discussed the deliciousness of the food and voted between them. Although Megumi didn't seem to like it, Yuji's eyes sparkled with joy. They both deserved to be happy.
Yuji seemed to have chosen Ijichi as the referee, and the poor man had to get involved in their discussion. Still, he didn't seem dissatisfied, and you were glad to see him laugh too.
Nita was sitting next to the second years' teacher on the other side of the table. The two were showing each other funny videos and photos on their phones.
What were you doing at this time last year? Where were you? You didn't remember.
But you did know that if you had drowned at sea that day, you would never have had the opportunity to get to know these people today.
And suddenly, your gaze fell on the empty chair of Satoru. Even though he had broken your heart, you couldn't stop yourself from not thinking about him.
'Where was he? What was he doing now? Was he feeling lonely at Christmas? Was anyone by his side? There must be a beautiful girl by his side. Y/N, why are you thinking about him again? Let him go. Don't give a fuck, don't ruin this good moment.'
"Y/N? Are you crying?" Shoko's voice could be heard from across the table. All of a sudden, everyone turned their faces towards you. You quickly wiped the tears from your cheeks.
"I think I am getting emotional because this is the first Christmas I'm celebrating." You didn't lie, but you didn't tell the truth either.
"I wish Yuta could be with us too." Panda said and continued: "He hasn't returned to school for a long time."
"Yeah, he seems to be always on missions like Gojo Sensei. We haven't been able to meet him yet." Nobara said with curiosity.
Your heart ached with hearing his name. 'Why did I have to feel pain? Was Satoru upset wherever he was? No Y/N, don't deceive yourself!'
"I wish Gojo Sensei was here tonight. I can't believe he bought everyone a gift a month ago and gave it to Ijichi to pack." Yuji said.
Hearing his name took you to the brink of suffocation. It was as if you had run out of oxygen. You raised your head and noticed that Nanami looked at you with concern. Why did he look at you like that? Did he know something?
You smiled faintly at him and nodded to him to tell him that you were okay.
The pain in your heart didn't seem to end. Why do you still have to be in pain after two weeks? Why couldn't you be well?
You got up, said good night to everyone, and without wanting to look anyone in the eye, you quickly turned your face and walked towards your room.
Yaga frowned, watched you go, and then looked at Shoko. The two didn't exchange any words.
As soon as you reached the room, you closed the door and leaned against it, and let the tears fall from your eyes.
You were sad. You were angry. You were heartbroken. You were lonely.
You angrily went to bed, picked up the pillows on it, and threw each one aside. Then you grabbed the blanket and threw it on the ground, and kicked it with your foot.
Anger had penetrated deep into your soul. You didn't calm down so easily, which is why you started punching the wall.
Oh, your hands hurt, but no physical pain could match the pain of your heart. You sat with tears in your eyes and leaned against the wall, and hugged your knees.
You ached for his touch. You longed for his embrace.
You wanted to feel that one kiss, to feel him holding you, to feel his lips against yours, to know his heart beats in time with yours.
You wanted to feel every inch of his body pressed tight against yours, and you would still say, pull me closer...
You wanted to be wrapped in his arms, skin against skin. You wanted to fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.
You craved for his voice, hair, smell, hands, arms, and lips.
You wanted him to infinity, but you couldn't have him.
There was a part of you that was desperate to know if your absence had done any damage to him, that there is a possibility he, too, had experienced long restless nights due to thinking of you. That his heart was broken in the same parts as yours. You wanted to know you were not the only one hurting from this.
Darling, your first love isn't the first person you gave your heart to; it's the first one who breaks it.
You knew that you were in love with Satoru Gojo. What an Unfortunate Love...
You fell asleep with wet eyes.
-----------
Somewhere far away from you.
Satoru was sitting in front of a bar table at a noisy disco, with his back to those who had come to celebrate Christmas by dancing.
(A/N2: Satoru's outfit, ignore the necklace: )
He had his head down and was tapping his cocktail glass.
'What were you doing now? Were you happy at Christmas or were you still sad because of him?'
From the bottom of his heart, he wished that you could be happy. You deserved to be happy, but people like him forced grief on you.
Satoru took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He was too selfish to let you go from his mind.
"Hey, lonely foreigner, why should a handsome guy like you be alone on Christmas day?" A black-haired girl with attractive eyes sat down next to Satoru and put her head on the bar table. She stared at the white-haired man in front of her.
Satoru slowly opened his eyes and turned his head toward the sound source.
(A/N3: The-black haired girl: )
The black-haired girl was surprised to see the color of the man's eyes, but she didn't compliment his eyes and just smiled at him.
"You look very tired. I'm not into communing. I only can give you a suggestion, let's forget everything and everyone today. Let's live these next few hours only for ourselves, without thought, without responsibility, without additional burden on our shoulders."
She smiled at him again, put her hand under her chin, and leaned against the bar table.
Satoru thought of you. You were the only one whose smile brought heaven to earth.
But you were not there. You would never love him. You would never forgive him, and he could no longer hold your smiles for himself. What did it mean to be in heaven when you were not there? Without you, he was ready to fall into hell.
The girl started talking, but Satoru wasn't listening to her. He was looking at her face.
This girl did not look like you at all. When she was smiling, but little wrinkles didn't show up at the corners of her eyes. He couldn't see her teeth when she laughed. She wasn't shy while talking and didn't look away. She didn't glance at Satoru out of the corner of her eyes with a smile. She didn't have tiny hairs on her forehead. She didn't tuck her hair behind her ear while talking.
Satoru looked at the girl's hands. You always had the habit of keeping your nails short. And when you were stressed, you used to stick your nails in the flesh of your hand. It is good that your nails were not long, you couldn't hurt yourself.
This girl didn't seem to have any scars anywhere on her body, but each of your scars had a story of its own. Scars that were so deep that you couldn't heal them. Wounds that penetrated deep into your soul. You were beautiful with your imperfections.
"... well, as you can see, it's very crowded here .... am I talking too fast?" The girl paused.
Satoru shook his head like a scarecrow. The girl smiled again.
"I don't want to bore you." The girl said and got closer to him.
Satoru thought about you again. You never got close to people easily. You were afraid of hurting people, so you stayed away. You didn't let everyone approach you. So when he reached you, you blushed with embarrassment, and he was happy that he was finally able to break your walls.
A smile settled on Satoru's lips while thinking of you.
Seeing Satoru's smile, the black-haired girl put her hand on his thigh and began kissing his earlobes and neck.
Satoru closed his eyes and pathetically tried to imagine that this girl was you. She didn't smell like you. He put his hand on the girl's waist, but no, not even touching her felt like you. Her body didn't react to his hands like yours. There was no calmness in the arms of a stranger.
"Let's go somewhere quiet." The girl whispered in Satoru's ear, took his hand, and dragged him with herself.
Satoru didn't object. You were the only one he wanted to be a better person for, and now you were hating him.
The girl opened the men's bathroom. No one was inside. She pushed Satoru into one of the cabins, then hurried to his lips and closed the door behind her with her foot.
As soon as the girl's lips came in contact with his lips, he felt a pain in his heart, and with this pain, he woke up from the longest dream of his life.
Satoru distanced himself from the girl and looked at her with round eyes. The first thought that came to his mind was that she was a curse user, but no cursed energy emitted from her.
The girl, who didn't understand Satoru's behavioral change, went closer again, this time directing her hand under his shirt. Satoru's heart sank again in pain, and he felt he couldn't breathe.
"I can't do this." He quickly pulled the girl to the other side with his hand, opened the cabin's door, and barely made it to the rows of sinks.
He didn't know how, but he was sure you were sad at this moment. He could feel your sadness in his heart. It was as if you were a part of him.
'Why you were sad? Who had hurt you? Were you sad because of him?'
"Hey, are you experiencing a panic attack? I'm going to call someone for help," and the black-haired girl hurried out of the bathroom.
Satoru put his hand on his heart, and a faint smile appeared on his lips.
If he could feel your pain, then there was still hope. This meant you had kept him in your heart, and that was enough for him. He had to come back as soon as possible and force you to listen to him. This time he had to tell you everything. This time he wasn't going to repeat the same mistake. No. He had to put an end to these pains.
Satoru put his hand on his heart, took several deep breaths, and then stood up straight. He walked out of the bathroom and then made his way out of the disco.
This pain was the best Christmas gift Satoru could get from you.
-----------
Jujutsu High
Knock. Knock. Knock
The sound of knocks on the door woke you up. You had fallen asleep on the floor.
Knock. Knock. Knock
You got up and stretched your body. Your whole body was sore.
Knock. Knock. Knock
You pushed your hair behind your ears and moved slowly towards the door.
Knock. Knock. Knock
"Hey, I'm coming, wait a minute." You reached the door and opened it.
Nobara was standing in front of you with happy eyes, but when she saw you, her smile disappeared.
"Are you okay, Y/N?" she then turned her attention to the clutter inside.
You rubbed your eyes tiredly. "Don't worry, Nobara, I was looking for something. Also I have been practicing a lot these last few weeks. I'm tired. Did you want something from me?"
"Hah? Let's go and open Christmas presents." She jumped up and down with happiness.
"Do we have to open them now?" You asked in surprise.
"Of course, I don't know how I waited until now. Let's go. Everyone is opening their gifts." Nobara gestured for you to follow her.
You sighed, closed the door behind you, and walked towards the common room with Nobara.
He wasn't there. Even though you didn't know how you would feel if you saw him, you wished he was sitting there right now.
Yuji got up when he saw you and handed you a cup of coffee. "Coffee from the special recipe of Yuji Itadori."
"What did you put in it, Yuji? Are you sure Y/N won't be poisoned by drinking it?" Nobara put her hands on her waist.
"Why would I poison Y/N? She is the kindest person here. If I wanted to poison someone, it will be you!" Yuji stuck out his tongue at Nobara.
"Whaaaaaat did you say?" Nobara was getting angry.
"Thank you Yuji, it smells very good," and after greeting the others, you sat by the tree for the present opening ceremony.
You tried to get a personalized gift for everyone you thought would make them happy. You were willing to spend all your money to see your loved ones smile.
Your gift list included:
Yaga: A collection of English fruit teas.
Shoko: A Dominus Estate Christian Moueix wine.
Nanami: A tie from Louis Vuitton.
Panda: Blue wristbands with cute panda pictures on them.
Inumaki: A scarf he could cover his mouth with.
Maki: New clothes for training.
Nobara: Her favorite perfume from Dior.
Megumi: Harry Potter Book Collection.
Yuji: a Rolex watch that you were hoping he would wear on dates.
Satoru: Nothing.
Now everybody had opened their presents and were thanking each other.
You also had opened your gifts and gathered all your clothes, cosmetics and books next to you. But you were still staring at the gift that Satoru had bought for you.
You sighed and opened the gift box, and your eyes widened when you saw the gift, and a smile appeared on your lips.
Inside the box was the Spearpoint Lace Knife made by William Henry that you mentioned one day while talking to Satoru about your favorite things while watching the students' training.
You knew this knife was in the hands of collectors, and you didn't know how Satoru had got it. He must have spent a lot of time and money finding it.
As you looked at the knife, you noticed a card inside the box.
For my favorite badass
P.s: Don't cut me with it :)
This is our first Christmas together.
You put your hand on his writing.
Your heart trembled. He was both cure and pain for you.
َA/N 4: The Spearpoint Lace Knife made by William Henry
According to Google: This is a luxury pocket knife made by William Henry, selling at a spicy price of $25,000. The handle of the high-end item is hand-engraved with inlaid 24 karat gold. The beautifully decorated blade is hand-forged 'Boomerang' Damascus steel and easily released with the one-hand button lock. As for the lace design took the manufacturers 100's of hours of microscopic hand-engraving for it to be finished.
Without any doubt, the Spearpoint Lace has a remarkable design that gives the owner a full-size secure grip and a versatile blade.
A/N 5: I know these chapters were full of emotional stuff, but remember to bring holy water next week and the week after that and ... because you have to wash your eyes.
A/N 6:I'm in love with Olivia Rodrigo's songs.
A/N 7: Your votes and comments are greatly appreciated.