"It was losing you or losing myself. And darling, I already lost enough with you...". -Elizabeth Santillán.
It's amazing how in a strange way, the whole universe pleases your requests. I mean, before getting to this city, a mysterious impulse made me wish to meet someone who could disrupt my mind in just an instant. Someone who could break all of those prejudices and paradigms established in my moral values. Guess what? My wish was granted. Someone succeeded on bringing my attention without previous warning, with a vulgar gangster boy attitude.
Ethan possessed everything I could love, but... in the same way, he had everything that could lead me to my doom. And it's precisely because of this I'm still here with him, running away from a predator who for whatever reason, has transformed me into his favorite prey.
I open my eyes to wake up after that warm desire from last night. It seems I'm alone in my bed again...However, I try not to fall into catastrophic thoughts, so I decide to get up and look for some trace of Ethan outside the room.
When I come out, I find Mozart and Freckles, who are watching a comedy tv show called "Two and a half men" on a 65" Smart TV placed in the apartment's entrance. They're so immersed in their happy world that they haven't noticed my presence.
—Good morning, guys! -I wave at them.
—Good morning, Little Fierce! -they say happily at the same time.
Little Fierce over here, Little Fierce over there. It's not a nickname I really like, but coming from them, I know it's an affection gesture, so I think I'm getting used to it.
I look around and there's not any sign of Ethan here, so I dare to ask.
—Guys, umm...have your seen your boss? I can't find him here. Did he go out? -I ask pretending innocence.
Their happy faces suddenly change, as if they were watching "American Horror Story". Their faces put on evidence the answer I was trying to avoid minutes ago.
An explosive sigh comes out of my mouth. Ethan will not expect to use me all the times he pleases and then throw me at his lapdogs.
—I'll ask one more time, and I hope not to confirm what I'm thinking.
WHERE
IS
ETHAN
COOPER? -I emphasize letter by letter in a menacing tone.
Mozart and Freckles look at each other's face, trying to find a good answer that could save them.
Freckles starts looking down, trying to hide himself to not confront me.
After a few seconds, Mozart dares to look at me, and in a babble, he answers my question.
—Uhmm...Little Fie...I mean, Kailey... -He exhales abruptly and then takes a breath- The boss is gone! -he exclaims, almost regretful.
I knew what the answer would be. This...asshole did it again! But this time he's so fucked up, and I won't fall into his vile trap again, I won't take his stupid case and I won't have anything to do with him.
If Laurent is after me, then good! At least, he's not pretending to be something he's not. He smells like a rat, he sees like a rat, he expresses himself like a rat, he looks like a rat, and he definitely IS A RAT.
Without emitting any sound, I go to the room, change my clothes and put inside my bags the few things I took out. I pick up Baguira's strap and with no doubt remaining, I head up to the door.
Mozart puts himself in front of me to stop me from opening the door.
—You can't go like this! -he roars in a serious tone- Listen to me, Kailey. I know how you're feeling, but the orders he gave us were to take care of you here, at least until the boss changes the rules. -he tries to make me understand with a calmed voice. However, it's not enough to me.
—I don't give a fuck about what your boss has ordered you to do! -I say upset- I'm a 25 years old woman demanding to be let out right now, or I'll denounce all of you for kidnapping me -I claim in a command tone.
Freckles interrupts our argument, stepping himself right next to Mozart.
—Kailey, it's not just an order from the boss, we really don't want anything bad happen to you, Laurent is seriously a dangerous guy. And to be honest, we're very fond of you, let's try to understand among ourselves, let's not make this job something hard -he alleges as he bonds his hands as a gesture of begging.
Freckles words sound very convincing, as I genuinely think they are true, I'm very fond of this weird couple too.
But... I can't keep going with this situation. I can't keep going to a skyscraper, falling in love with the heights and then fall beyond the ground.
—I understand you, guys. I wouldn't like you to get hurt either, but I'm asking you to let me out of here. I promise to take a plane right now and go to my old home. Laurent won't find me there. Trust me, please! -I beg, almost sobbing.
Both of them look at each other.
Freckles nods his head as an approval sign.
—Give us a minute...
Mozart pulls a cell phone out of his pants. He marks a number and after a few rings, it seems like someone is answering his call.
—We have a proposal! -Mozart says in a serious tone, he gives me a confusing look and proceeds to retire from the living room.
Subtitles are not necessary to know that he's speaking to his boss, so I don't know why I'm still waiting here. It's obvious Ethan won't allow me to get out of this place.
Freckles seems to be more on my side, so I could take these few moments to convince him from letting me out before Mozart comes back. However, the loyalty to his boss is unbreakable...
I was thinking about a plan to run away, but then Mozart comes out of one of the rooms to talk to me.
—You may leave -he says coldly.
—What? Can I really leave? -I ask surprised.
—Yes! I already spoke to the boss, you must go to the airport today, but only with one condition -he asseverates with seriousness- the boss will take you there...
I don't want to have anything to do with Ethan Cooper anymore. However, it seems I don't have any choice. I'd really love to say farewell to Aaron, he has been my unconditional support during my short stay in this city, but knowing that he must still be mad with me, I choose not.
This is all happening so fast that I haven't had enough time to analyze anything at all.
I will travel, take a few days to reflect and then go back to put Laurent behind the bars. Yes! That's what I'm going to do...
—Thank you, guys! -I embrace the dynamic duo.
—Take care, Little Fierce! -they say at the same time.
I head up to the hotel's exit, and upon there was Ethan in front of me with his Panamera Porsche. He gives me a confusing smile and then opens the co-pilot's door. He makes me a gesture to get in.
Without saying anything to him, I sit down along with my dog.
The trip has been quiet. Not even a "hi" is heard from him, and I just keep looking at the window, pretending to be in a bus where Ethan Cooper doesn't exist.
I'm new here, I don't know too much about the roads we have to take to the airport, but nothing seems familiar in this road. I try to find hints that could tell me where we are actually going to, but I'm pretty sure this is not the way to the airport.
I try not to ask about it. My pride is still intact, so I'll wait until we get there to not overthink the situation.
After a few hours, I get to see our real destination. We're going through the Brooklyn's bridge, if I'm not mistaken...
What the fuck?! Where is this guy taking me to?
—This is not the way to the airport. What are you playing at? -I ask in an ironical tone.
—I'm playing the game of saying goodbye in the right way -he answers as he gives me a friendly smile.
Saying goodbye in the right way? In his bed, I presume...
I think that's the only way to say good bye that this man expects from any woman.
—I won't sleep with you again! I'm not interested in saying good bye to you! -I asseverate, very upset.
Ethan turns his eyes as he releases a long snort. He stops the car and stays still, looking at the ceiling, as if he was looking for the right words to answer me.
—Tell me, Kailey. Why are you so bitter today? -he asks sarcastically.
—Bitter? I'm okay! I just want to stay away from this place, from you, from Laurent and all of his thugs... -I reassure, with such coldness.
—That's the typical answer of a spoiled little girl. -he answers while mocking me- Stop being so emotional, Kailey. Learn to listen to your reason and make choices around it, not what you're hormonally feeling -he expresses with a defying look.
What's wrong with this guy? He releases his sexual urges with me, throws me away, and now I'm the one who's immature? This is an outrage!...
—Fine! I'll learn to be more rational the day you stop thinking about your manliness and learn that women are not just sexual toys -I exclaim in a complaining tone.
Ethan releases a giggle that just boils my blood in rage.
I don't know what you're doing by talking to him.
—Is that the real reason of your bitterness? -he asks as he laughs- Do you think I've been using you to have sex all this time? Kailey, please...we're not some teenagers. I didn't force you to be with me, and I don't need you to please my urges, there are too many women for that -he claims, very confident of himself- I'm just not the prince charming you expect to swear eternal love to you every time you wake up.
—Then, what the hell do you want from me? Why don't you look for Crystal? -I ask exacerbated and confused.
Ethan looks at me, as if he was trying to say one thousand words, but a gesture that is translated as "It's not worth saying it" ends up avoiding my questions.
—Nothing! -he exclaims dryly.
—Nothing? -I answer- You know what, Ethan? Don't intend to show up in someone's life, use her and then act as if nothing happened! -I stand up for my argument and then try to get out of the car.
—Tssk -he clicks his teeth- In that case, don't intend to appear in someone's life, move his past and try to change it... -he roars.
Alright! He's not wrong about me being the new girl who thinks real life is like those soap operas where the bad boy changes for a fool like me.
In fact, why do I keep putting up with this?
Just get out of the car, Kailey!
When I put a foot outside, Ethan takes me by my arm to stop me.
—Don't you want to know what I want about you? -he asks while looking into my eyes.
—Not anymore, I actually don't care -I say, trying to release myself from his hands.
—I want you to be mine! -he exclaims out loud, with a dominant tone.
Ah, please... this is the part where he says a bunch of vulgarities.
I thought he would say an argument that would really stop me, but no! His selfishness is over boarding my limits. And so, in rough arm movement, I got to be free of him.
—Wait! Let me finish -he complains, very annoyed- Kailey, don't think you know everything about me, I don't want you just in sexual terms. I want you to be MINE FOREVER, in body, thoughts and soul. I want EVERYTHING from you, the good and the bad. I want to make you mine when you can't even stand yourself. I want to listen to you and make out of your voice my favorite symphony. I want to feel every particle of your skin reacting to my tact, that's what I want...You to be ONLY MINE -he emphasizes as he looks into my eyes.
His eyes and words make a short circuit in my nervous and endocrine system. The way he says "mine" persuades me, fascinates me, burns me.
It seems that his eyes are not lying about it, and even though I'm dying as crazy to jump to his arms and kiss him, I must show him that I'm not as emotional as he thinks, so I pretend not to fall for it without getting the answer to all my questions.
—If that's what you want, then why do you run away from me in every intimate encounter? -I ask while hiding the true effects that those words caused on me.
—Kailey...I don't want you to be involved in my world. I don't want to take your dreams from you, I don't want you to live in captivity for the risk you could be taking with someone like me, and it's because of this that... -he makes a brief pause as he deeply inhales, and then exhales all his air. He looks into my eyes again and then says to me- I don't want to lose you!
It cannot be!
That last sentence just took the breath out of me. I never imagined that Ethan could be so interested in me. I never thought about getting involved in an attraction as dangerous as this one. I mean, this man doesn't have the slightest idea that he has me at his mercy. Or perhaps he really does?
What if this is some kind of absurd bullshit?
I'm afraid of keep getting burned with fire. I'm scared of falling in love irrevocably with a demon that just keeps whispering in my ear: "Going down to hell is not as bad as they make it look like". But, above all, I fear to lose the chance of discovering if all of this was love...or a simple desire of the flesh.
I carefully visualize Ethan's beautiful amber eyes, and despite my fears, I decide to risk myself and be clear about what I feel.
—I don't want to lose you either! -I answer with a trembling look.
A sparkle reflects in Ethan's warm eyes. His fresh breath so close to mine makes me vibrate in one thousand ways. His hands caress my cheeks and after putting my hair aside from my face, he gives me a passionate kiss.
Ethan's lips are full of heat, and that's why they only need mine to burn in the fires of hell in just an instant.
His tongue opens path inside of my mouth to make me completely of his own. In slow motion, he runs my lower lip until he separates from it. In a soft bite, he stops the tremendous kiss to keep detailing me.
I have no doubt that Ethan indeed knows how to make a woman crazy just by kissing her, and above all the danger, make her burn in desire by just looking at her.
My breathing begins to race and it shows. In a sly smile, he reassures his dominance over me.
—Do you know the thing that I love the most about kissing you? -he asks seductively.
The shortness of air stops me from going beyond two words, or maybe none at all. So I decide to answer him by just shaking my head.
I'm sorry, my neurons always go to a trip when he kisses me!
—That! -he points at my chest, emphasizing the abrupt breathing- That is what makes me want to kiss you at every place and instant. You are the most stubborn woman I know, you've been trying to avoid your true feelings about me, so we know that up here -he puts his index finger on my forehead- it's not right to fall in love with someone like me. But...here...-he runs his finger down my neck, clavicle, until he reaches my chest and pushes it with his hand -Here...we both know there's not any valid reason. It was your body and spirit the ones that yelled at me in a thousand languages since the first time...that you are mine! -he shows a possessive and secure look.
A magnetic current makes my skin bristle, caused by Ethan's words and actions. Even when I don't want to admit it, he has become the owner of every inch of it without any consent...And yes! The skin is owned by the one who bristles it, and he did it without any previous warning.
Alert! Alert! Don't fall for him again! -My inner voice repeats me over and over again- But how the fuck can I not fall for him?
I shake my thoughts and corner him even further. I want him to know that I won't be his "doll" anymore.
—I want to be someone's who is ready to leave his past behind, and can forge a new life by my side, where weapons, and blood spilled are not allowed. And you will never renounce to that -I add in a sorrow.
Ethan looks down for a few seconds. He makes this little confusion gesture, and focuses his look back into mine.
—Kailey, in this life, it's very easy to get in, but difficult to get out. The only way out is death, letting myself be killed, or end up cutting all the snakes' heads that are waiting to attack me.
—But we can run away from here. Leave and start from scratch somewhere else where no one knows you, or judge you -In insist him.
—I've been thinking about it, but...For now, I need to settle my debts and protect you. I'll try to negotiate with Laurent tomorrow, in the best way possible. Is that okay with you? –
A little thread of hope ends up with me trusting Ethan again. I wish this was real and we could really erase everything bad that has happened.
The fearful Kailey says to me: "Don't risk yourself", but...the foolish Kailey, the one believing that love can go through anything, says to me "Trust him...go for it".
—Tell me, princess... Do we go back to the hotel, and try to fix this situation together? Or do you still want to leave? -he asks while taking me out of my thoughts.
I quickly remember where we are, and the fact of him taking me so far away without any reason just disturbs me.
—Why are we in Brooklyn? -I ask confused.
—I just wanted to be far away from everyone and everything for a moment. Besides, the time I took driving was the same I took to decide whether I should let you free, or having you by my side once again. -he confessed- But...If you still want to go, even when I've shown my feelings for you, then I'll just set you free.
After a few seconds of silence, I think about the trouble I was getting into when I continued with this Russian roulette. Then, I decide to answer to his question.
—I want to stay by your side! -I exclaimed a bit fearful- But...If you throw me after using me again, I swear I will kill you! -I give him a menacing look.
I hope that everything he said was not a lie!
And that was precisely one of my biggest fears. To fall in love, like a fool, with someone who just sees on me the fountain where he can cease his thirst. My fear was to see false promises of love, when there's only a flesh desire.
—Never again! - he claims very wisely, showing his perfect, sly smile.
And that last answer, was the one that completely signed my sentence. As it was exactly that day when I had the chance to get away from this dangerous madness. And yet, even when I knew all the consequences that were coming with it, I decided to, not only come back to the hotel, but to be of his own forever...
...
☆☆☆☆☆☆Hello chicuel@s!
From the next chapter everything will change :(
I don't want to spoil it but this is going to get really ugly ...
Without telling you more, I say goodbye, remember to leave your precious little mark ✪
Thank you very much for reading me, I adore you enormously ...
Karen M
IG: @ Karen.mecia
Translator: Samuel Barilla Colmenares